The Low Ceiling

SAKEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! When Pri is away, the lads doth play. Jon welcomes friend, Norwegian, and all around good person, Chris (@chrisabouttown), to the pod to chat about the 2003 historical epic The Last Samurai. We rehash simple topics like why the Japanese bombed Pearl Harbor, white saviourism, and Chris Pratt's big head.

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We reference this interview with Ken Watanabe a lot in the episode if you want to fact check all the wrong things Jon said!

Get ready to be sh*t on by an elephant! We talk about Babylon, the movie that makes Saltburn look like Triangle of Sadness. We celebrate the unsung hero of the film, Lloyd the sound guy, chat about How Cinema Feels, and examine the film's themes of nostalgia and assimilation. Jon even uses the word "synechdoche"!

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If you want to change your mind like Pri, read Robert Daniels' /Film essay on Bablyon that we reference throughout the episode.

Alternatively, read Stephanie Zacharek's scathing review of this movie in Time that Jon foolishly disagrees with and also doubles down on by forgetting the author's name.

X-Men: Apocalypse, one of the most destructive and okay superhero films ever made. This week we revisit the X-folks on break from our job in a Soviet lava factory. We expose David O. Russell's burner account, debate whether Xzibit ever had hair, and ask the evergreen question "Why movie bad when Quicksilver so quick?".

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Scottfest is back! Witness our pivot into biting satirical humour as we break down Napoleon, Ridley Scott's epic about a little sex pig who's good at war. We discuss director's cuts, the glaring omission of Admiral Ballsington and the 6th Coalition, and historians and their dumb jobs. Stay tuned for Napoleon: The Definitive Director's Cut Edition, Remix Redux: Emperor Toilet coming soon to a worse streaming service than Paramount Plus.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets would be a massively disappointing film if Disney+ hadn't made the miniseries that involved none of the principal performers. But hey! It's got weird edits and Nic Cage, so we can't complain too much. We pitch ideas for Natch Tresz 4 starring Helen Mirren and Riz Ahmed (spoiler alert: they f*ck), talk about the performer and commentator Glenn Beck (not the same guy), and keep it fresh with some cutting edge humour about P. D. Trump. Tune in next week for National Treasure: Edge of Tomorrow.

A movie that stole the Declaration of Independence and our hearts, National Treasure (Natch Tresz) is the delicious jam and jelly of Disney's mid-aughts line-up. We (somehow) talk extensively about Nickelback, Ben Franklin's J-O tools, and Nic Cage's icy sexual chemistry with every actress he's worked with. Listen in only if you've seen Zodiac 2, Constantine 5, Iron Mans 1 thru 17, and Into, Across, Through, and Behind the Spiderverse.

In a world where some people are mentally ill and some are geniuses, John Forbes Nash was…..both. A Beautiful Mind! Best Picture winner, 2001! The only film we will ever cover with that distinction. We get all cinephile and express cutting edge opinions such as "The Lord of the Rings was good" and "Russell Crowe is a good actor"! Then we compare the real John Nash to the bullsh*t in this movie and talk about the ethics of dating your teacher. Come join us down at Dog City, woof woof!

It's hard work being as trenchant and stupid as we are so we've got a shorty that we had to edit all the libel and defamation out of. Happy holidays!

**SPOILER ALERT** Everyone check your bathwater and your pipes for the hidden sociopath in your life. We do a timely review of Emerald Fennell's Very Important masterpiece, Saltburn. A work of cinema you could barely wade in at your gigantic f*ck off castle. Are the rich bad? And we check in on sociopaths, are they also still bad? We answer every question and lay it out in a tasteful, obnoxious montage so you don't miss a single thing.