“What do I have to believe to make this occur?”
In this episode, Nick speaks with Jason Wojciechowski, who has endured a lot to get where he is today. He became injured after a motorcycle accident in his 20s. He suffered from a dislocated hip bad enough to cut off blood to the bones and cracked some of his vertebrates.
His doctor told him that with his hip being this damaged, he’s going to need a fusion, which may lead to multiple hip replacements due to his age. & if he was lucky enough not to need the hip replacement, he’d suffer from arthritis and have to take medications for the rest of his life.
This accident led to one of the biggest lessons in Jason’s life. He learned to never listen to anyone tell you what you can or cannot do.
Jason was persistent and did his own thing to help control his mind and tell his body what to do. These lessons taught Jason that he not only has control over his body but can accomplish anything he puts his mind to. And you can, too.
About Jason Wojciechowski
Jason is the CEO of Lifeonaire. Lifeonaire’s mission (going on 15 years now) is to help people create lives and businesses they love, so it feels like this would be a great match for your show.
Jason speaks all over the country sharing and empowering others, and hosts our own Lifeonaire Show podcast which has had guests like Mike Michalowicz (Profit First), Bob Burg (Go-Giver), Frank McKinney, Mindy Jensen and Scott Trench (BiggerPockets) and many others on.
Interested in starting your own podcast or need help with one you already have? Send Nick an email or schedule a time to discuss your podcast today!
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00:00:08:08 – 00:00:24:00
Hello and welcome to The Mindset and Self-mastery Show. I’m your host, Nick McGowan. And on this show, my guests and I unpack the stories that shape us, the lives that we lead on our path to self-mastery. So let’s not wait any longer.
00:00:24:05 – 00:00:27:17
00:00:32:02 – 00:00:34:05
Hey. Well, Joe, welcome to the show, man. How you doing.
00:00:34:12 – 00:00:35:22
Dear? NICK Glad to be here, man.
00:00:36:07 – 00:00:45:03
I’m glad that you’re here. I was saying to you I had a couple your buddies on before, and one of them in particular wanted me to rub in your face. He was on before you were.
00:00:45:10 – 00:00:50:15
Let’s use that term, buddy loosely, man. I know you’re talking about the jokers.
00:00:50:23 – 00:00:57:10
Fair enough. Yeah, exactly. We don’t need to say anything about that person. And when you’re listening, you know who you are.
00:00:58:09 – 00:00:58:21
00:01:00:04 – 00:01:12:07
Well, I know we were going back and forth, or at least I was going back and forth with your project manager or assistant who’s great. We were just trying to figure out the best time to be able to set this thing up. So really, you should have been first.
00:01:12:14 – 00:01:14:20
Okay, I’m going to use that, man. I’ll take that. I’ll take.
00:01:14:20 – 00:01:27:05
That. Yeah, you should. And I’ll do the same thing when I talk to him, too. So, hey, I don’t want to steal your thunder, man. I appreciate that you’re here. Why don’t you tell us what you do and. And tell us one thing that most people don’t know about you. It’s maybe a little odd or bizarre.
00:01:27:13 – 00:01:48:10
Yeah, man. So I. I am the CEO of a company called Life Hair, and we are we’re a life and business coach, an organization, and we do events and we have students and all these other kinds of things. And that’s a crazy story, how we actually ever ended up being there, because I was trained as a scientist. And one thing that I’d say most people don’t know about me, well, there’s two here.
00:01:48:10 – 00:02:11:05
And you can you can tell me which one of these is more shocking. One is, I’m apparently a glutton for punishment, because when I was in school, I was in college. I stretch my my comfort zone. I took a hip hop hip hop dance class. And I was not only the only male in that class, but I was also the only male that was probably about 15 to 20 years older than every other female in there.
00:02:11:10 – 00:02:28:18
And so I was the creepy old guy that is that was a scarring memory for myself and probably every female in that class as well. And and the other thing that that not a lot of people know, aside from a handful of people, is that I was in a is a pretty bad motorcycle accident in 2000 sorry 1999.
00:02:29:06 – 00:02:39:14
And I was told there’s a really, really big chance I was never going to walk again. And that was that was a crazy, scary moment for me, too. But actually, I don’t I don’t really talk about it much because it feels like like a lifetime ago, actually, now.
00:02:39:23 – 00:02:56:00
Sure. Yeah, I bet. Man. I got into a car accident about ten years ago, maybe 12 years ago, something like that. But I think there’s a certain point where you had something tragic like that that had happened that kind of shifted your life and you’re like, Oh, my God, so much life has happened since then, dude.
00:02:56:06 – 00:02:59:10
It totally does. It totally does.
00:02:59:17 – 00:03:03:21
What a wild thing. So what happened? What was the situation with the accident.
00:03:04:07 – 00:03:29:21
Man? So I was I was I was on a back country, rode my motorcycle and an SUV on coming in the other lane, cut their corner short and ran me off the road and I dislocated my hip, had a couple cracked vertebrae. And I remember so I was in the hospital for a week and I go into the I go into the doctor and he tells me that, you know, it’s a really severe dislocation.
00:03:29:21 – 00:03:58:17
And there’s something something called avascular necrosis or avian, which basically means like the blood supply to your joint was cut off. And therefore, the bone that is that is, you know, supplied by that blood flow will eventually die. And he’s like, so our options are. He said, you know, you know, you might be all right for a little while here, but, you know, pretty soon there’s a really good chance you’re going to need a hip fusion because your young guy, hip replacement isn’t really designed for you because they don’t last that long.
00:03:58:17 – 00:04:18:08
But even if we don’t fuze it, you will absolutely need a hip replacement. And the problem with that is because, you know, they’re not designed for long term. You’re you’re probably going have to go through two or three of those in your lifetime. And he’s like, and if that doesn’t happen, if you’re like, you know, the one in a million, you will be you’re going to have severe, severe arthritis set in it in the next couple of years.
00:04:18:16 – 00:04:36:21
And you’re going to be on medications the rest of your life for this, which now there’s long term effects of those medications and you could have a host of other issues. Dude, I was you know, this was 99. So I was, you know, as I was I was born. So you’ll see, I was 20. Yeah, early late twenties.
00:04:38:02 – 00:04:56:14
And to hear that, you know, when you’re when you’re an active person, you’re, you’re an athlete and you run around you all stuff like dude, it’s like soul crushing. I remember many nights spent just sobbing like this can’t happen the way and and I just I just said, no, I’m going to be I’m not going be the 1 million.
00:04:56:14 – 00:05:23:21
I’ll be the one I’m not gonna have any issues like. And I refused to kind of accept that diagnosis and, and, you know, with God’s blessing to this point, I haven’t had any issues. Do you know, it was a long road back. We can talk about that. But like, you know, it’s it was that was just I mean, it that’s when it hit me for the first time in my life to like, never let anybody tell you, like, what you can do or what your body is going to do or, you know, like, I don’t care if they’re an expert, man.
00:05:23:21 – 00:05:34:19
I don’t I don’t care what their credentials are like. Don’t do that, you know, because and you see people that do that right, like they let somebody else tell them what it’s going to be like and they actually follow it. They believe it. It’s devastating.
00:05:35:11 – 00:05:57:07
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Especially you hear different stories at different times about somebody that beat cancer and they just didn’t believe what the doctors are saying. And doctors are like, you’ve got X amount of time. They’re like, Why change this? Change that told them the fuck off and just continued on with life. Now for most people, they’re like, Well, we’ve been told that we need to do this thing.
00:05:57:18 – 00:06:10:03
We’ve been told this. It’s almost like how we’ve been conditioned. You go to the doctors, you believe them, and there are other people that are like, I’m never going to go to the doctor. It’s like, I can see your limb is about to fall off. You need to go talk to an adult, right?
00:06:10:03 – 00:06:11:09
00:06:11:09 – 00:06:27:01
Yeah, yeah, please, please for your fucking self. But for you to not have that, that shows a lot of mental fortitude. Now, were you that type when you were younger at that age to go like ego driven or were you actually listening and coachable?
00:06:27:03 – 00:06:46:15
You know, that’s hard to answer. I’m not I remember the the fear of having my entire life changed, I think is is what I don’t know if we listen I don’t know if it was denial. Like, I don’t know if it was like because I’m not I’m not like an inner rebel. I’m not like I don’t have a problem with, like, authority in my in my life in general or anything like that.
00:06:46:15 – 00:07:08:18
But like, I just was like, you know, screw that. No way. And so I and I don’t I mean, I was an athlete as a kid, but I wouldn’t I would never say I was, like, necessarily mentally tough. Like, I I’ve always been attracted to kind of like extreme sports, for instance. And maybe that maybe there’s some sort of relationship there between like flirting with, with, with injury and danger.
00:07:09:19 – 00:07:15:17
And I’m not sure what’s there like. I don’t know why that’s there. I, I just found I always seem to be attracted to things that I could kill myself at for some reason.
00:07:16:17 – 00:07:20:18
Death wish. You know, that could be the opposite of the scale. You know?
00:07:20:18 – 00:07:46:08
I know. I don’t. I don’t know what that. Yeah, I don’t know what that’s from. But like I do remember, like I’ve always, I’ve always had a, a relationship like mentally with with persistence. Like that’s one thing that I that I’ve always been, I’d say, gifted with really, because I don’t know where it came from. But like and so maybe like that challenge was something that for me was like, hey, you know, I’m going to just give everything to this.
00:07:46:08 – 00:08:01:09
But then, you know, the other side of that that I struggled with was like, Well, what if I’m wrong? Like, what if I put in all this effort and I still get that? That’s scary to write, like, because you don’t want to fail after putting up so much effort. But I remember like so I was still on crutches and I would, I would.
00:08:01:17 – 00:08:23:17
There’s a lake where I lived and I would I would hobble out on the end of the dock and I would let myself fall and I couldn’t walk. So I’d fall in the water. And with one arm and two legs, I’d kind of just like, like flip flop fish around, like, for, for like, you know, it’s at first it was like for like ten feet before I was like exhausted in pain, but like, literally, man, like every day I would go back and do that.
00:08:23:17 – 00:08:42:04
And every day it was like two feet further or five feet further. And so, like, I don’t know, I just developed this like, like this screw you attitude to my body, really. I’m like, No, you’re going to do it. I’m going to tell you to do. I don’t care if it hurts. I don’t care like if you’re going to you’re going to heal.
00:08:43:17 – 00:09:08:00
And it took a while. But man, but like that after gosh and I remember in the doctor’s still like when I went back for a checkup when I was already making progress, he’s like, Well, you know, I’m just telling you, don’t get your hopes up because, like, you know, that, yeah, you’re you’re doing really well right now. But like, I’m telling you, I want to and I’m not saying this to be negative, but I’m just want prepare you, you know, it’s it’s going to be hip fusion and hip replacement or like debilitating arthritis.
00:09:08:00 – 00:09:12:10
And I and I do not know how this guy got his license, actually, like because like, you don’t tell that to somebody.
00:09:13:03 – 00:09:14:08
00:09:14:18 – 00:09:17:12
Yeah, dude. Yeah. Like, you don’t say that to somebody and.
00:09:17:14 – 00:09:19:02
00:09:19:18 – 00:09:41:10
Man. Yeah, it’s you. You’re playing with people’s lives like you really are. Like, it’s not you’re not just there for medicine and this is for anybody. Like, I think any of us who have a position of potential influence have to look at like, are we are we voting for people? Are we cheering for them? Are we are we trying to help them, you know, in a positive way?
00:09:41:10 – 00:09:57:16
Or we are we, you know, maybe even accidentally pull him down a little bit in this guy. Maybe? I want to I want to forgive him that he didn’t know better. But at the same time, I was like, you know, you know, for you, dude. And like, that was that was a pivotal moment for me because it really did it did make a difference to me mentally like that.
00:09:57:16 – 00:10:00:17
I’m not going to let anybody say, you know what I can’t can’t do.
00:10:00:23 – 00:10:19:13
Yeah, it’s interesting because it’s not just a a childhood situation, you know, where somebody says something and then that stays with you for the rest of your life. Could be in your twenties, thirties, or even later where somebody like a doctor says something and people will go, Oh, well, you got to take it as gospel, because that’s what we’ve been taught to do, and that’s not the case.
00:10:19:13 – 00:10:34:09
Now, I think of different times and I joke with people like in different meetings where somebody a couple of minutes late and like totally Goodman I think if it like a doctor’s office, if one person’s late, the next person’s late, the next ten people are late, and by the end of it they have to cancel appointments, which is how it goes.
00:10:34:09 – 00:10:57:17
So then I think of those people being in a tough spot, just like with all the COVID stuff where they’re completely overwhelmed and being like, All right, check this box, move these people out, they’re dying. Just get them out of here and they’re just trying to check off boxes where they don’t even think about those sort of things because they’re just saying it based on patterns that they’ve created and that they know they’re already 20 minutes late for the next appointment.
00:10:58:05 – 00:11:17:00
So with them just flippantly saying something and you’re like, What? What do you mean? They’re like, Oh, are you just going to die in like couple of hours? Yeah, exactly. Like, what the fuck do you mean? I’m like, Well, you need to get out of that chair because I got another person coming in because we’re completely late. So I appreciate that your heart goes toward I want to forgive that person, but I think there’s a larger problem at hand there.
00:11:17:00 – 00:11:17:15
00:11:18:08 – 00:11:48:10
Yeah. Oh, there is, man. And you know, and I think it just goes so frequently underappreciated as to as to what people like, you know, and this is I think it’s prevalent probably not just in the scenarios in the environment that we’re talking about here, but even, you know, you you have a a spouse, a coworker, a boss, a brother, a sister, anybody has the influence that that has the potential to kind of like get in there and sting or make an impact.
00:11:48:10 – 00:12:14:12
Like, I think we just kind of like look at ourselves and I just I just actually had this discussion with my wife the other day, like how there is somebody that I, I probably was a little too assumptive in the way I in the way I like ask them something. And it turned out I was wrong. And I’m like and I was, I probably got I probably was okay, but I knew it was it was a little bit more assuming than it should have been, which could have been it could have done some damage, you know.
00:12:15:19 – 00:12:27:19
Yeah. So, so when you thought back through that, I’m sure there was a moment where you’re like, Come on, man, don’t do that. But I’m sure you had some grace with yourself. But what did that conversation look like? I didn’t finish that out.
00:12:28:07 – 00:12:45:08
Well, it’s like so there was a there’s a there’s a there’s kind of like like a little bit of family drama. And I had assumed that this person was their reaction to me was based on this family drama when in fact, it had nothing to do with it. It was totally like friends because we were going to do something together.
00:12:45:13 – 00:12:59:20
I said, Hey, is it because of this? And they’re like, Oh, actually no. I didn’t even think about this because we have these friends coming to town because we’re going to catch up for something important and like, Oh, I didn’t even realize I had I had friends coming in town. They’re here the whole time. And my, my first thought was like, oh my gosh, that’s not at all what I was thinking.
00:13:00:02 – 00:13:18:16
Like, it wasn’t. I just jumped to conclusions, you know, and and I think, you know, we just got to be careful for that cause it’s so easy to happen because, you know, you talk about patterns a lot, right? And this I think sometimes it’s dangerous to look at the pattern, you know, instead of the like the particulars. Right?
00:13:18:16 – 00:13:33:17
Like it’s and it’s it’s easy to do. And I know we do this like, because it saves us mental energy and time and we make broad strokes and generalizations. But like, it just seemed to be really kind of a a moment that I realize I need to be, you know, paying closer attention to us.
00:13:34:03 – 00:14:00:00
Yeah, it’s interesting. I think of a I think it’s like people finishing other people’s sentences. You know, I it’s just kind of a thing that has happened, I think, more in the past couple of years than it’s ever been. I’ve actually noticed that even on TV shows where they’ll do it and they’ll just finish out other people’s sentences because one, people just want it to be over, like we want the next thing to happen and we’re not actively listening or intently listening.
00:14:00:00 – 00:14:14:09
We’re just trying to talk about the next thing. So I find it is an interesting thing where people kind of look at that and they don’t really see what they’re doing as much where if you talk to somebody that just sits back and listens, you’re like, Wow, that person was great. Like, Yeah, they just listen to you.
00:14:15:16 – 00:14:38:02
That attitude, you’re right. I mean, now that you say it like it’s so and I think maybe it’s because like I feel like life for a lot of people has appeared to become faster, more congested, more, more hectic. And it’s like, hey, get to the point or, hey, I’m, I, I know what you’re to say, so let me just finish a sentence for you and save me the time and, you know, go on to the next thing.
00:14:38:02 – 00:14:50:03
Like you’re saying. Totally true, man. Yeah, we’re not we’re not listening just to kind of listen and and be surprised and just be there with that person. We’re because we already made our conclusion. We already thought of the answer. We already know what you’re going to say. You know, totally true.
00:14:50:22 – 00:15:01:19
One person had told me at one point, he’s like, I’m just a real fast listener. I just listen to your stuff real quick and I’m done. I was like, Oh, that’s that’s incredibly rude, but appreciate the honesty.
00:15:01:22 – 00:15:02:21
00:15:02:21 – 00:15:23:04
Okay, yeah. It’s like, all right, fair enough. So. Well, let’s let’s tap over to the life and our stuff because I think this ties in a lot to that where I know you and our buddy that we are talking about have lots and lots and lots of conversation and have to listen to be able to understand what’s going on, to be able to help the people that you’re working with.
00:15:23:04 – 00:15:29:02
So one, can you give us a bit of context of what life in air is? And then to kind of what you guys get into?
00:15:30:01 – 00:15:55:16
So it’s a life in air. So I actually started as a student in life here in 2009. I did not found it. The city, the founder of Steve Cook. I came on as a student and then started speaking. So I started coaching for them and speaking, then running the company alongside Steve and like. So the whole message of life in here is basically, hey, like let’s figure out, you know, everybody wants to be a millionaire, right?
00:15:55:16 – 00:16:15:15
Everybody just there’s this seductive allure of the word millionaire that is just so attractive to so many people. And what life here says is like, Hey, really what you want is a life you think the money’s going to buy you. So why don’t we do that? Like, why don’t we bypass the money thing now? Not saying not saying you, you’re not going to make the money.
00:16:15:15 – 00:16:31:22
But let’s focus on life first, then let’s have the money conversation, then we’ll have the business conversation. So, like, everything we do is like, hey, let’s help you figure out exactly what you want your life to look like in every area in a tangible way. Not a not a foo foo necessarily way or like a hey, we’re going to, you know what I mean?
00:16:31:22 – 00:17:10:02
Like a pie in the sky approach, but like a real tangible way with a plan and then we’ll have a discussion about how to create a business to serve that life. And I would say I believe what we teach is absolutely applicable to everybody. But I will also say that most of the people that that resonate with us are small business owners and entrepreneurs, you know, real estate investors, people that people that want to have some freedom in their life, that a W-2, a traditional W-2 at least can’t fully give you in most cases, not all, but but many cases people want to kind of hold that card in their hand and and kind of
00:17:10:02 – 00:17:26:18
pave their own path rather than, you know, somebody else’s somebody else’s kind of, you know, someone else dictating what their what their schedule is going to be like and when they work and things like that. So that’s kind of that’s kind of like what the whole thing is about. And, you know, we have coaching events, things like that, that, that all kind of play together.
00:17:27:15 – 00:17:47:16
That’s interesting, especially to be able to go, All right, you want to live this millionaire lifestyle, so let’s build the lifestyle just like how people talk about you can think about these things, almost like you can say words of affirmation, but if you’re not feeling the feeling behind it, then you’re not actually pulling that to you and you have no idea what the fuck you want.
00:17:48:01 – 00:17:55:07
So if you’re able to create that, that’s huge. So what does that look like to be able to work with people that are trying to figure out that next jump?
00:17:56:08 – 00:18:19:02
Dude, it first of all, it’s amazingly like rewarding. Like you can probably imagine, you know, you help people with a podcast and so seeing seen the glimmer of hope in someone’s eye for the first time that like for them to figure out like what they want is awesome dude and I it’s so rewarding. The biggest thing I’d say is like when people come in, oftentimes it’s one of two things.
00:18:19:02 – 00:18:53:02
One is they they really don’t know what they want. Like, and I know that sounds ridiculous. And you’re like, Oh, well, I knew, I know what I want my life to look like. But when you start asking people like specifics, it becomes very apparent that they haven’t spent a whole lot of time figuring that out. And a lot of times we’re seeing people that just basically, you know, either they fell into their position, like at work or they went down an easy path that they had maybe connections with, or there’s a family business or they have, you know, other people that that do the same thing or, or, hey, they have a they have a
00:18:53:03 – 00:19:14:04
two storey White House with a with a picket fence and two SUVs a do that or like it’s just so much and I don’t want to say it’s like I mean, I’m not really conspiracy theorist, but like I think there’s just a lot of natural it’s human nature to kind of look to others for some sort of like some sort of model like this is kind of what success is.
00:19:14:04 – 00:19:31:10
And so we I think a lot people just do that blindly without necessarily giving it a whole lot of thought as to what they want it to look like. And so when you can show them that and they they start. And actually when you got to I got to tell you, man, you gotta be careful when you do this because you don’t want to influence somebody unintentionally and do the same thing like, you know.
00:19:31:14 – 00:19:46:04
So when I share what my life looks like, I have to be very careful because I don’t I don’t want to I don’t want to look at me and be like, get an idea if you want, but don’t don’t try to live my life, you know, because you’ve got your your life. And so it’s just really cool for people to make that discovery.
00:19:46:04 – 00:19:50:04
I think sometimes for the first time ever, literally like so it’s it’s really cool.
00:19:50:18 – 00:20:01:16
That’s awesome, man. I don’t want you to get into the secret sauce of what you do, but for the audience, what sort of things would you walk people through? Can you kind of give us a high level for those people that are thinking about making that job?
00:20:02:03 – 00:20:23:21
Yeah, so so a couple of things I think that are really start like let’s say you’re just starting off in this process. One exercise we have people do that that’s really, really cool is, you know. Right. Write two versions of your eulogy, right? One version right. Now, if they could if this person could not lie about you and they would say the full, complete truth.
00:20:23:21 – 00:20:37:13
And because yet listen, man, we’ve always been that we’ve we’ve been to those services. We’re like, who are they talking about like this is not like that person was a jerk, like they were an A-hole. So what would they say about you right now and then what do you want them to say about what do you what do you want them to say about you?
00:20:37:13 – 00:20:57:20
Like, ideally. And so when you compare those two versions, you start to recognize the gaps in your life that you find most important. And then from there, you’re going to pull that and tease that apart to see like, well, how does this look like in terms of my day to day activities, what I really invest in, what kind of person do I have to become for this to become a fruition?
00:20:58:02 – 00:21:24:04
You know, what kinds of things in my life have to change as far as like my character, my experiences, where I place my my value, and that starts to unravel the thread of like, okay, well, now that we have this, let’s start to break this down even further and look at like everything from relationships of family and friends, your health, your, your business life, your time, your charitable life, if that’s important to you, like your spiritual life, that’s important to you.
00:21:24:09 – 00:21:41:20
Like every component that can be broken down, it’s essentially like a reverse engineering approach to to really getting down to the weeds as the ultimate step of to like, hey, okay, I’ve identified all these things, and now, now how do I actually make it come true? Like, what do I actually have to do action wise to make this a reality?
00:21:42:03 – 00:21:43:20
And what do I have to believe to make it occur to.
00:21:43:20 – 00:22:02:22
Right, yeah. Yeah, that’s that’s huge. I know that there’s probably more people than they would admit that they’ve started something like that. They’ve thought about some of those things, but they’re kind of just okay. Like, you know, life kind of sucks, but it’s terrible. Like, it could be worse. Like, so go.
00:22:03:11 – 00:22:26:08
Do it. You, you. You said a mouthful right there, bro. And I was I was just reacting to it like that is so complacency and comfort are the two enemies that we see a lot. And and those are the people like, let’s say let’s say you had a you had a scale of of how happy your life from 1 to 10 like one, two, three is.
00:22:26:08 – 00:22:41:13
Like life sucks. I’m dying here. I’m getting the life sucked out of me every day. Those people have those people have some sort of motivation to change because they’re in pain. And so there is a little bit of motivation there. And then you have people that are really, really happy and like maybe not that much has to be done.
00:22:41:13 – 00:23:03:21
And those people have a different problem, which is, you know, like it’s easy to kind of get lazy and lose appreciation and gratitude. And so it’s easy to kind of like backslide. But the people like right in the middle, like it’s like like it’s a four or five or six year, like, yeah, it’s all right. It’s okay. Those people, dude, it’s, it’s hard to reach those sometimes because what you just said, like, they are, they’re comfortable.
00:23:03:22 – 00:23:22:15
They’re like, it’s okay, it’s good enough, right? And that’s that’s that. I feel like those people, man, I wish I had the secret to motivating them. But what I see with those people is a lot of times they it’s just it’s basically more of regret than anything else where they’re like, you know, I could have been, I should have been.
00:23:23:00 – 00:23:33:15
And they have all these dreams that they just let die on the vine because they’re kind of they’re too comfortable. There’s no there’s no fire. You know, there’s there’s nothing to to kind of ignite them to, like, take that next step.
00:23:34:07 – 00:23:54:18
Yeah. Yeah. It’s like, how do you lovingly tip the scale a bit without, like, entering a tragedy in their life or giving them a couple hundred K or something like that? Like how, how do you change that? And it’s honestly, it’s probably all on them. Like, yeah, I think about those moments at times where it’s the pivotal moment.
00:23:54:18 – 00:24:17:07
We’ve all had it at some point, even on a small scale, where you’re like, Fuck it, I’m done this thing, I’m done with and you step out of your own energy and you go, I’m done with this. I don’t want it anymore because you list off the negative things that you’ve then anchored to it. But if you’re just kind of sitting there fat and happy, it’s so difficult to get those people out of it.
00:24:17:07 – 00:24:35:07
So what sort of advice? If you and I were standing there and we could see somebody that we’re friends with that are in one of those spaces, we’re like, well, we can’t kill one of their family members, shouldn’t at least, and I’m not going to give them a couple of hundred K I don’t want to. So what do we do to kind of help them along that path, man?
00:24:35:07 – 00:24:56:06
And so, first of all, you’re I love what you’re saying here because it’s really you’re hitting on the on on the crux. The problem here. One thing I think that could be beneficial is for people to kind of and you know, and I’ve done this in the past to some people and it seems to be effective is like take people through the exercise or have them do it on their own.
00:24:56:06 – 00:25:18:02
Like what is life going to look like in another year, another three or five years or ten years if you stay on this path, you know, because maybe you’ve, you know, you maybe you’ve gained, you know, £15 over the past two or three years. And you’re like, okay, well, I’m a little pudgy, but who cares? Okay, well, let’s let’s add that forward to for another ten years.
00:25:18:02 – 00:25:33:12
So let’s triple that. So you just gained another £45. Are you okay with that? Or let’s say like right now you’re kind of working more than you want to and not making the money you want. Okay, well, how is that going to work for you in another five or ten years, or do you really still want to struggle?
00:25:33:19 – 00:25:56:23
Are you still really going to be okay with that? Or do you think, you know, physically or mentally, emotionally you get burnt out, like what’s going to happen to the relationships in your life because you know that you’re you’re neglecting now and you already have friction. What’s that going to be like in another five or ten years? Like and so sometimes I think the fear of not changing is enough to kind of kickstart somebody and give them a little bit of, you know, a kick in the pants to to move forward.
00:25:58:06 – 00:26:13:21
Not always, but like I think that’s a that’s a that’s a that can be scary for a lot of people like, you know, when they really think about if they’re on if they continue on the path they’re on right now, what’s the result going to be in each of these different areas of life? And like that? That can be sobering sometimes.
00:26:14:11 – 00:26:33:11
Yeah. Oh, yeah. And that’s that’s easy for us as humans to not go near that. That’s like, oh, well, there’s a fucking haunted house over there. I’m not going to go in there. Okay, great. And that things just kind of in our mind somewhere. And I appreciate that there are people like yourself and like the life in their coaches that are able to actually help people.
00:26:33:11 – 00:26:45:04
Because honestly, at the core of it, I’m sure we agree it’s accountability. I think you’ve got to be able to talk through things and and have accountability. So what does that look like from your perspective and working with people through that stage and some of the accountability?
00:26:46:07 – 00:27:04:01
So I think accountability is a huge part of it. And having people to think about, well, first of all, everybody likes accountability until they get it. And so you got to you got to really be okay with it. And and from from the standpoint of receiving that accountability, but also giving it because nobody wants to feel like a jerk.
00:27:04:01 – 00:27:27:15
But but like, if you’re if you really care about somebody, you’re not going to you’re not going to let them get away with it. You know, this is where I think the people you surround yourself with are so important, like because we all have probably had those friends who are like, let’s say you’re trying to lose some weight and your buddies are like, Come on, man, let’s just go get a get a slice of pizza and we’ll get a few beers like, you know, you don’t hang out with us anymore, man.
00:27:27:15 – 00:27:49:00
Let’s go to let’s go ahead of the bar and just, you know, go on a bender, like and I can understand that from the from the perspective of maybe your friends feel like you’re you’ve withdrawn from them or you’re going to outgrow them, whatever. But that your true friends and the ones that can help you are the ones who can be like if they’re the ones who want to see a beer in your hand and slap it out of your hand because you told them you didn’t want to drink.
00:27:49:15 – 00:28:06:07
And so those are but that’s but you got to be okay with that from both perspectives and you got to like really also have that person’s best interests at heart. Like you really got to like want them to succeed. And more than anything and like, you know, certainly not more than they want to succeed, but like you’ve got to match them where they are.
00:28:07:00 – 00:28:34:05
And that’s so important, man, because you don’t you don’t want accountability from somebody who’s rooting against your who just wants to be a jerk or like whatever. And so so that’s that’s really important to do that. And, and the other thing, I think that’s really important is like, is related to accountability is to to find other people that are like that are doing the things that you say you want to do and who are happy to see you make progress as well, which is kind of a little bit like what we just mentioned is accountability.
00:28:35:02 – 00:28:50:09
And it just it gets back, I think, to the power of like community and being around the right folks, you know, and like this is so funny because like, you know, I think a lot of us probably remember our parents telling us when we’re kids, like, don’t hang out with Johnny like you know, like he’s he’s he’s gonna get you in trouble or what.
00:28:50:09 – 00:29:06:13
And they were kind of right. Like, actually, like, as much as I hate to admit it, like, you know, your parents can see things that you can’t when you’re when you’re young and we lose that governing like over the shoulder perspective, like when we’re adults and maybe we could benefit from it a little bit like, you know, who are you hanging out with?
00:29:06:13 – 00:29:10:05
You know what are they keeping you accountable? Are they helping you reach the the things you want to do?
00:29:10:21 – 00:29:37:01
Yeah. Well, that starts with us. US as individuals. Like sometimes you got to parent yourself. I, I had this conversation recently, so we’re recording this in October. You’re episode probably going to be out in February, March or something like that. But this month I started or stopped drinking and I haven’t had a month of not drinking since probably high school, maybe even like middle school, I guess.
00:29:37:01 – 00:30:01:19
Terrible that might sound. But being able to actually do that. But it took me parenting myself over the course of a couple of months and seeing the patterns of shit and the conversations that I have with enough people about this stuff where I was like, Wait a minute, I’m seeing myself being able to do this and I’m kind of a geek and I know that I am probably a geeky outlier with this, but I get fucking nerdy excited where I’m like, Yeah, this is one of those moments, this is one of those things.
00:30:02:23 – 00:30:15:17
And it’s only because I’ve been in those spots where I’ve pushed that shit off who have been like, Enough, fuck it, I’ll let future me deal with that. And then future me six months, two years later goes past me. Why can’t you just fix your fucking problems?
00:30:15:17 – 00:30:17:04
Why didn’t you address it back then?
00:30:17:11 – 00:30:35:15
Yeah, exactly. Come on now. We have been so much further ahead or, you know, whatever, so I’ve had enough of that bullshit where the parent in me is like, you remember these fucking times? Well, it’s not that off, but that’s not one of those things where you can’t just pull that out of you. That takes years and years to be able to do that.
00:30:35:23 – 00:30:54:10
But I think good conversationalists, the ones that are able to do that with people and get them to that point where they can feel that trust. Now, I’m sure you’re probably in that spot too. So I’m thinking about the audience that is either going through that or they know somebody. Like when the shit comes up, there’s always like, you know, Timmy or Johnny or whoever that pops in their head.
00:30:54:10 – 00:31:10:11
They’re like, Man, I got to talk to this guy. How would you suggest that they lovingly have a conversation with somebody that’s kind of in that fear space or that really casual spot and wouldn’t accept the accountability because they don’t have enough fear or negativity tied to it yet.
00:31:11:02 – 00:31:36:13
Dude, that’s that’s a great question. And I think I think well, what I’ve seen is like, you know, I think the first thing that’s going to be your prerequisite for for any kind of meaty discussion, it has to be rapport like you have to have a relationship with this person where they have no doubt that you care about them more than their own self-interest when it comes to this issue, in that you have and and if you’re going to I think there’s two ways to play this like.
00:31:36:13 – 00:31:57:14
So if you have if you have rapport, you know, I think that that be the first step. Either you have a choice, you do you bring it up directly and in a gentle way. Or do you wait for them to express like something something to you? And then you use as an open door to to to broach that conversation?
00:31:57:23 – 00:32:31:03
And I think it’s really I think it’s really dependent on the context in the person, you know, one one thing that I found valuable is, is an actual technique to do. This is and this is you. You’ve got to be you always got to be honest with this. But like I’ve had discussions with friends about my other friends or someone close to me who’s dealt with this, and I just drop it as a story in conversation, just because then, then they they can’t help but and, you know, you don’t make it like, obvious that you’re like, you know, you’re trying to, like, plant the seed with them.
00:32:31:03 – 00:32:47:14
But like when they hear it from somebody else, it causes them to just kind of, you know, stutter in their step for a second just and all of a sudden just be like, hey, I wonder, you know, and I you got to do it. You don’t want them to think like you’re trying to like, you know, in a roundabout way talk to them.
00:32:47:14 – 00:33:05:23
But like, if you can, I think it’s easier for people to hear a story about somebody else and then they start to maybe look at themselves a little bit. And that might be the opening you need. But you guys do that very tactfully because you don’t want to you never want to be, you know, manipulative with someone. But that’s tough, man, because some people do it.
00:33:05:23 – 00:33:28:12
Listen, like my mom has had stage four lung cancer and she’s in remission now. Dude, she still smokes, like, you know what I mean? Like, how do you how do you and I and believe me, I’ve had all the conversations, right? And like, it hasn’t worked. And so, like, at the end of the day, it’s the person, like, they have to want to change.
00:33:28:12 – 00:33:43:15
Like, like, you know, when you mentioned your moment a minute ago, like if having enough like so so you got to have some you got to have some discernment with this like don’t if you if you can tell they don’t care at all, save your breath. Just, just love on them. Move along, yeah. Just just love on them.
00:33:43:15 – 00:33:51:21
Be there for them and then be and when when you know the feces hits the rotary blade device mounted on a ceiling, you will be there to help them and support them.
00:33:52:17 – 00:33:57:20
It’s a long way to be able to say that, but I appreciate that.
00:33:57:20 – 00:33:58:06
00:33:58:19 – 00:34:27:23
Yeah. Well, yeah, it definitely is on it’s on us as people. And I keep thinking of that visual of you and I standing there, seeing somebody standing at a five or six and not being at a two. We’re not being at an eight or nine and just living in that general, you know, life sucks at times, but life sucks at times because I think there are pieces of it like almost layers to it where you need to have some grace with yourself, right?
00:34:27:23 – 00:34:52:05
And just go, look, today was kind of fucking tough, but I’m all right. I’m going to sit down, I’m going to watch TV. You’re do whatever you’re going to do to veg out for a couple of minutes, have some grace, but not just totally give it up. And something I found that has been super helpful for me has been just incremental progress, like there are certain days like I learned from my dad years ago, he was like, there are some days where I feel like it’s just not my day to do things.
00:34:52:05 – 00:35:15:16
So I’ll go, Right, cool. And just let it kind of go and let the day kind of ride. There have been certain times for him like, but you can mentally change that. It’s an attitude thing to be able to figure that out. So how do I incorporate that in my life without getting crazy? Where sometimes you can start to think through, Oh my God, all this shit happened before all the shit has to happen which lands you in the.
00:35:15:16 – 00:35:32:09
So I found the incremental work to help me. But in all the conversations you have with people that are either super successful and doing great things but want more, or they’re in a really bad spot and they want to be able to fix that, how do you help them have the incremental growth and do the things on the daily to help?
00:35:33:02 – 00:35:55:05
Man I want to I want to I want to step back for 1/2 and focus on what you said, which I absolutely love, man. Like, what I heard is like having grace with yourself when things aren’t going well, but also the flip side of that coin is like when you feel like you’re on, you have the responsibility, the ethical, like, you know, you have this to hustle to, to, to make it happen.
00:35:55:10 – 00:36:12:02
Take advantage and don’t squander those days too, because you have everybody has them both. Like you’ll have some days where like, you know, like you said, you’re you’re you’re you’re it’s just, you know, it’s none of your day. And you give yourself permission and you make the best of it. And you do maybe you do something that you really enjoy to kind of maybe perhaps get you back in the zone.
00:36:12:09 – 00:36:29:18
And if not, okay, well you know, I’m just going to I’m not I beat myself up about it. Tomorrow’s a new day or even like, you know, I’m going to take a nap. And when I wake up, we’ll see how I feel. Like, you know, like try to reset that clock and then when things are going well and you feel good, I think you really that’s that’s your moment to shine.
00:36:29:18 – 00:36:52:17
And so don’t let that slide. Now, I think the shine days for most people over a long period of time are most people again are outweigh the the darker days in a short period of time that could absolutely not be true. Like so you have you know, dude, I went I went through a divorce. Yeah. Back 2011, it was the darkest time in my life.
00:36:52:17 – 00:37:05:07
I literally didn’t want to get out of bed from, like, literally didn’t want to go to bed for a month. I mean, I wasn’t I wasn’t, like, suicidal, but I also wouldn’t have minded if, like, a meteor landed in my house and, like, just crushed me, you know, and I would have be okay with that.
00:37:07:07 – 00:37:30:01
And so in that short period of time, it was all dark. But, you know, you expand that perspective to to a year, to two years, you know, whatever. You start to see a better pattern. And I think one of the things to incremental growth is, is catching that and having a perspective on the little things and having a appreciative, appreciative attitude for it.
00:37:30:10 – 00:37:49:14
So like, for instance, like I was, this is not too long ago, I had my morning, I was doing my morning quiet time, which I’m a big believer in that makes a big difference for me and my life. And this is a silliest man. But I remember sitting on my couch and being like, Oh my gosh, I have a I have a couch and I’ve a carpet under my feet.
00:37:49:14 – 00:38:18:22
And I’ve I heard the air conditioning go on and I’m like, I have air conditioning. Then I heard the fridge turn on. Like, I have a refrigerator, like I can have food like that is cold and like, and it started just this incredible also kind of a little bit foreign because this isn’t normally how I view things, but like this incredible moment of like this flowering and appreciation that made me realize and it and it flipped my perspective just enough to turn what could have been like a, like an oak or a dark day into a great day.
00:38:19:08 – 00:38:40:07
And so, like, I think that is something I think I know it sounds kind of corny, like, you know, your attitude of gratitude, blah, blah, blah, like every whatever rhyme sounds like, you know, prophetic or whatever, but it really did strike me of how, how valuable that was for me. And if you can find those opportunities to catch those little things, I think it does make a difference.
00:38:40:14 – 00:39:05:20
Oh, yeah, I totally agree with that. And there’s some of the sayings that are corny because some people think of the shit as corny, but if you really think of those little magical moments where you are aware of everything around you, it’s almost like being on a different mental level, like you’ve entered the quantum realm at that point and you understand that everything I have is important in some certain way.
00:39:06:05 – 00:39:26:21
And to be grateful for that, I had a conversation with actually my, my brother, my dad the other day where I was like guys ever just like randomly yell throughout the house like, fuck yeah, just because you love life. They’re like, Yeah, all the time. And maybe that’s where I get it from. But there are weird things like that where I’m sure my neighbors are like, What the fuck is wrong with this guy?
00:39:27:06 – 00:39:45:06
But but there are moments when those moments happen. I think it’s on us to be able to. It’s our responsibility, as you mentioned earlier, to do something with it and capitalize on that. There’s this energy that’s flowing through you and you can’t be like, Oh, that’s cool, man. I hate this. And like, instantly jump into something shitty.
00:39:46:08 – 00:39:57:14
Totally true and totally true. I love that you got to express it, do something with it, show it. Like, because I think if you don’t do that, it just it just kind of sequesters itself and it goes back into its hiding hole. You know, you got you got to do something with it.
00:39:57:23 – 00:40:16:05
And it’s like a muscle at that point. If you keep telling it to go away, it’s going to go away and not come back. And maybe that’s where the five or six years have been, where they get kind of stuck in that, you know, I I’m sure you get into this where you you’ve known somebody for a while and then you have a conversation with them years later and they’re like, Man, and I’ve never told you this before.
00:40:16:10 – 00:40:34:19
You know, like we’ve been friends for like a decade. How have you not told me this thing before? So I think of that stuff that people just naturally kind of hold on to until they’re ready, but it all gets back to them to be ready to do it. Then I appreciate that you’ve been on the show. I appreciate the time.
00:40:35:13 – 00:40:50:11
We could probably just keep talking and talk and talking about this stuff. And I know this isn’t going to be our last conversation. At some point, we should probably do a conversation with the four of us, if not even more life and our people. But what sort of advice would you give the audience that are walking toward their path of self-mastery?
00:40:51:06 – 00:41:13:04
I would say be in the moment and give it time. Give it look for incremental changes to make the biggest difference for them, because that is the that’s the key. Like, you know, just ratcheting up slowly over time, like small, small, small sequential steps that by by external standards maybe be non noticeable like but but find those and then you will see the progress.
00:41:13:04 – 00:41:27:05
And then once you see the progress now you can arrest that you’re going to get you’re on the right path and you can forget of you can let go of any kind of expectation on how fast it should come or what it should look like. And it will get there. It just have confidence that it works and believe in the process.
00:41:27:05 – 00:41:27:11
00:41:28:04 – 00:41:33:15
That’s awesome. You got more. Joe, thank you so much for being on. Where can people find you and where can they connect with you.
00:41:34:06 – 00:41:55:17
Man? Head on over, I’d say either to life in our private Facebook group, let’s just call it private. So we we don’t have a spammers in there, but anybody could be in there. It’s a great place to discuss any and everything that’s related to, you know, achieve it in accomplishing the life you want or just go to life internet com to see what you know when we’re coming to your area for events and and kind of content we have on the website.
00:41:56:08 – 00:41:59:15
Awesome. Again audio, thank you so much for being on. It was a pleasure, man.
00:42:00:05 – 00:42:00:10
00:42:00:10 – 00:42:24:21
We have another great conversation on today’s episode of The Mindset and Self-mastery show. So what did you think of the show today? I’d love to hear your thoughts. Check out the Instagram or Facebook page to join the conversation. If you enjoyed the episode, please jump over to iTunes and subscribe rate and leave a five star review. It helps us be found and helps others be healed.
00:42:25:09 – 00:42:46:02
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00:42:46:17 – 00:43:03:09
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