The Otis Advisory

Human Waste:  If you’re anywhere near the blast radius of Medicare for All when it goes off in the New America, you’ll want to know what you’re REALLY getting in this new box of recycled Kleenex.  When your doctor adds a few thousand more special friends from south of the equator, things get kinda crowded in the OR!  Let’s say you show up with a broken neck and pupils the size of dinner plates.  Nurse Guaiphenesin says, “We’ll see you in about 4 months Cowboy! Just hold your head real still over there in the corner and don’t let any of those extra pieces fall out. When the Doc is back from his extra job he’ll take a look and see what’s what. So get woke or get put to sleep padna! Just stop by Universal Foolishness for an updated psych eval from your Uncle Otis while these criminal proceedings continue. I’ll see you on the other side of the razor wire at the peace march.

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The punishment phase following the presidential election has now started.  Donkey Ladies everywhere, especially those with pre-existing conditions, have announced the end of sex as we know it.  Men are now officially cut off as punishment for helping Orange Man win the White House.  And to rub it in, some corn-fed girls are even cutting off their own hair, hoping that their diminished appearance might help deteriorate their relationships to help them become more irritating.  Hell it might work.  Donkey Ladies are hoping that men will somehow notice all this is happening and finally be remorseful.  But since men are slow to catch on, there’s no word yet on how the protest is going.  Remember all this is happening just because Kamala didn’t win - even with the endorsement of DJ Toilet Brush, men still wouldn’t vote for her!  Donkey ladies don’t understand why and hope that this added misery will be enough to teach men a lesson.  But that never goes well since men don’t really pay much attention.  Maybe you’ve noticed.  But here’s the thing: You’re still going to get that Chinchilla coat for Christmas whether you think you want it or not. That’s because what men really want is just for you to be happy.  So cut off your hair and vote for Giggles if you like, but at the end of the day when the lights are low, let’s not talk about voting.  Just do that thing you do with your one good eye and just let it all go. Now hold on ladies, just calm down, there’s enough Otis to go around.  I’ll see you at the peace march.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash hands

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SIT TO P
If you don’t sit to pee, you can’t play basketball with the girls! Now you would think that’s obvious, but there are still some who are just finding this out.  I’d go with what came in your shorts.  That’s your pre-existing condition right there!  And it won’t go away just because you decide to lace up a sports bra and get after it!  You’re not Mister Potato Head!  You don’t get to switch out your extra parts that you keep in a little trapdoor there in your behind. Swapping out spare parts is just for potatoes, not people!  People parts already line up pretty well - Tab “A” into Slot “B” and all that!  Why mess with what’s working?  But if you still get confused and don’t remember, it’s OK to check – or just ask a policeman.  When your spirit animal is an oyster, you do crazy things!  That’s when marketing gets called in to hang some hoop earrings on the whole thing, and get everybody dressed for court.  Oh, the larceny!   Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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SOCIALIZED DEMOCRATS
To help explain how Socialized Democrats are busy saving our democracy, we brought in OPPO the Research Loving Clown to look at what’s in the new Donkey-Party platform. Aww, what’s the matter Oppo?  Why so sad?  Well, it looks like the Socialized Democrats secret plan the whole time is this: Give you the razor for free but then keeps selling you the blades - forever!  Let’s the dough rise twice, so, you never get through paying? It’s like being at war with yourself.  Anybody ever talk to Roy Rogers about all this?  No?  Remember, when news stinks you’ll smell it first right here on the Otis Advisory.  And if you’re asking, my pronouns are 38 caliber, 45 caliber and 50 caliber, that one’s plural!   I’ll see you at the peace March.  Hear podcast ~ wash hands!

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Say hello to Zohran the Conqueror – the latest fanboy of the lunatic fringe.  As Mayor of New York, the Zohan only has a Beatnik-level view of what makes the world work, but he’s still planning to run this con on YOU and the rest of the coalition of the unhappy come next election day.  Zohan the Conqueror, as his mamma calls him, brings along all the usual gin-soaked stuff, like free beer and rubber money for anyone who’s lost their appetite for work.  But this Mamdami is more than that.  He’s the shiny new locomotive pulling the Hate America First Train just as it loads up to leave bankruptcy station.  Can you dig it?  “Chicks dig me because I burn tires,” said the Zohan.  And although he has never actually seen the inside of a Dress Barn, he’s sure he knows just what women are looking for.  Because in a Mamdami state-run grocery store, cotton candy is produce!  It's a miracle. Think of Zohan as artificial sweetener! The more you read about what’s in it, the less of it you want. A vote for Mr. All Hat, No Cattle is like buying the jeans with the holes already in them.  You know it is stupid, but you do it anyway. Come on now somebody pump the breaks on this mess before New York boils over for good.  And order your special Uncle Otis secret decoder ring to make sure you get all the hidden messages in this stupid bit. And the rest of them too - I’ll see you at the peace march.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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Remember when everybody was too woke to sleep?  It’s OK - that was just Woke 1.0 - a crazy time in Donkey politics and the national coalition of the unhappy.  Woke kids were everywhere, but the commie caucus was still confused over what to think and what to say!  Like, which car air freshener to go with?  The pine tree or the skunk? I’d pick the one that doesn’t smell like a burning hospital!  How about you?   Woke 1.0 was also the time Donkey people started selling their bath water on the internet.  But that one washed out pretty fast once the nausea stopped!  During Woke 1.0 we even lost the ability to tie our shoes or hand write our own name.  And that’s not all. Woke 1.0 was the time everybody started worrying about men, who were naturally stinky of course, just like always, and way too invested in meat, beer and ball.  Look, even the runt of the litter should get to go to the misogynist parlor.  But none of that works for the correct people.  That's when Wife Supremacy took over and masculinity took it in the shorts! That was Woke 1.0 - and it’s not over yet!  That’s the way we Otis - I’ll see you at the peace march.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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It was Gain of Fauci the whole time!  The little shrimp was busy working the back side just to meet girls and get a new beach house!  But now he’s been caught with his little Fauci pants down! They wanted to try him as an adult, but the consigliere screamed, “PARDON” after sleepy Joe gave the little bugger a hall pass out of the wet market.” The Fauci squeeze play may have fooled the wife of the people - for a while - and tricked low information voters into wearing two masks at one time.   It was the nightmare scenario!  You want artificial intelligence, you found it!  I’ll see you at the peace march.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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New York city’s new experimental Mayor, Zorro is already learning the hard lessons of socialism.  Finding out you can’t be both moisture-wicking and self-absorbed at the same time or you’ll just dry up!  That’s right. It’s already happening to Mayor Zorro.  His city is running out of cash!  He needs other people’s money and fast. “Where do I get more of this,” thought the young prince. That’s when marketing had to be called in to puncture the silence and find somebody else to blame.  So don’t worry Mr. Mayor, marketing will take care of your budget problem. Just smile, practice walking fast to a meeting and try to find some of those working men to pick up trash mountain stacked up on the street. Careful though, there’s probably somebody living up in there.  Oh wait, experimental mayor told the sanitation guys they could work from home like everybody else. Oh stars! That’s not gonna work. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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What would be different right now if Kamala had won?  Lower your expectations for a second and use your imagination. Try to imagine President Kamala, a free-lance thinker with no active ingredients, having control of your wallet, your thermostat, your kids, and your menu.  Kamala likes keeping fear alive and watching the denutification of America.  If the lady in the pant suit had won, you’d be speaking Iranian by now.  Gone would be the funny speeches and press conferences we get now.  As you sit there comfortably numb with your pronouns all pinned to your shirt, ask yourself how much government fraud you think we’d have found by now if Kamala was in charge? Oh the larceny!   She’s still mad because Clarence Thomas wouldn’t date her. Then there’s the big one, the open door down south. That lovely Southern border would still be open.  Why? Because Kamala knows she gets a mail-in ballot out of every new smiling face that hops the fence. While you stay home writing checks to the IRS.  Fooled again!   Hear podcast ~ Wash hands. 

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Remember the War on Women?  Is that still a thing?  Do women still go off to finishing school?  What goes on there?  Let’s say your name is still Debbie and you’re still developmentally optimistic, then you’ve probably missed the short squeeze altogether. And that’s good.  Bring Your Wife to Work Day is only once a year, so honey, when opportunity knocks, don’t complain about the noise! Get after it. You can still Wang Chung when you need to.  Even before the War on Women, you knew a Pop Tart from a Captain’s Wafer,. and that DWI doesn’t  really means Doing What I Like.  Wait, is that too many letters?  Either way, you can’t conquer the world in bad shoes.  It’s just not done!  So no more standing behind the velvet ropes for you!  Hell no. Debbie or not, you are done being a super spreader for anybody.  Look, the Taliban didn’t have enough girls in management, and look what happened to them. Hell is real. And heat rises. That’s critical Otis Theory. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

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