The Otis Advisory

Many people ask me, “Uncle Otis, will TicTok blow up my pager if I vote orange?”  Well maybe, but think about it this way.  The fluffy stuff in between the feathers is called the down.  That’s what you want to be right there.  Be the down, not the feathers.  Because in the New America you don’t want to try too hard.  Soft and shapeless is best for your reputation.  Be open to anything – but don’t commit.  Be the greeniest weenie in the office, and do anything for free shipping – anything!  Remember there’s great significance to the passage of time - now go do your documentary.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

With the denutification of America, men have become subprime in today’s marketplace of ideas.  Men are simple organisms always having to work around Madonna, or somebody, trying to rescue them from thinking wrong and growing all that fur.  But nobody asks what men want?  There’s a lot of confusion about that.  “Men should be more like mozzarella cheese,” said Kamala, “soft, light and not attempt too much.”  The correct people worry that watching cat videos and shopping for edible electric cars may not be enough to control this brotherhood of the skull.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Everybody knows a taco salad is just pretend.  Sure it might say salad on the sign, but you know what’s really going on. Taco salad is as phony as it gets. But what if a taco salad ran for President? “Hi, I’m Kamala, maybe you’ve heard about me on TV!” Every carefully constructed mouthful of these answers is perfectly sized for the little guy and well chewed before publishing.  But Joe and Josephine Lunchbox are way smarter than they think.  So, when someone you don’t know and haven’t personally washed hands you a mail-in-ballot, do the right thing and pass on the taco salad.   Hear Podcast - Wash Hands

Luxury, prosperity and endless boogie – that’s what Orange Man has for you this election season.   Man of Orange says, “Elect me and you’ll have a job.  But not to be outdone, Kamala says, “Hold on there – why work?  Hell I’ll spot you a house if you are one of our 12 million new alien arrivals from down south.”  How does Orange compete with a free house?  The secret is in Kamala’s new simplified tax form for anybody left working.  Just 2 lines to fill out:  Line 1, how much did you make?  Line 2, send it in!   There’s your free house right there while HEAP PLENTY WAMPUM comes out of your account.  Are you getting notes of pear, apricot and warm leather yet?  No?  Something else then?  Bull corn maybe?  Otis explains.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Kamala was surprised to learn from the staff that she used to work at McDonalds. “Just go with it,” said one operative. “The great unwashed will love you more if you just giggle and say, “I’m the one that made the fried pies!  This is how we fool the wife of the people.  But why stop with the McDonald’s gag?  Tell ‘em about when you were a tight end for the Rams, or that intern thing at Beer Camp, or your summer with the Cajan Navy.  Any of it’s better than talking about trying to pay the rent, or the price of huevos, or how to spell Lynard Skynyrd, which nobody can do.  Otis explains.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands.

Kamala's new economic plan doesn't do a thing about paying $10 bucks for a cold Isis at the 7-11.  As the Queen of Woke reads her prepared list of bumper sticker lines to the paid crowd, you have to wonder, what it is really about Happy Talk that makes it fell like the shiny razorblade in your election day apple - the false positive there to fill in the holes in the argument.  Otis and the salty scholars of the Discount Think Tank  assess the damage.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Donkey Party people will tell you:  After a hard day of riding and roping, you and your therapy squirrel are going to want some joy up in here!  And even though Beyonce didn’t show up, they've still have more Hopey/Changy joy for you than anybody else down the dial!  So come get it.  If your spirit animal is an oyster, Donkey operatives are ready to pop the trunk in the mall parking lot and lay out all the joy you want.  Bring 10 mail in ballots with you and you’ll get some bonus joy.  But watch out, all that Joy can stick to you.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Paying is for losers!  Order anything you like from the Komrade Menu at Kamala's Corner and the check goes to the next guy in line, and from there to the guy behind him, and so on.  It’s a sweet deal.  If you've got the itch for a plate of Left Wings, just hand the check to the next guy and we'll keep this Komrade Chicken train rolling.  Low-hanging apples are better than the ones you have to climb for.  Think of it like the gooey cheese in the donkey mousetrap.  Come on in, have some more cheese, it’s all free.  Better hope your trap works fast as in cheese, then darkness. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Now that break dancing and skateboarding are Olympic sports, you have to wonder, what’s next?  There are reports that the next Olympic games will be even more inclusive with more woke favorites like Olympic Graffiti competition and saying LIKE the most times in a sentence. “It’s how we live today,” said one Olympic official just back from getting her roots done.  So then, why didn’t we get Roller Derby at the Olympics?  Skipped right over that.   If you remember Cannibal and the Headhunters, one of the great bands from the time before filtered water, you'll know their hit record, Land of a Thousand Dances that predicted all of this along with noting that a giant of a man would appear, permanently dressed in orange, who would lead the way out of the internet and back into the light.  It’s not Keyser Sose either.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

The retiring President’s co-morbidity, Kamala, has sent out her new Donkey code word of the day to all media sheep.  Directions on the side of the box say, "You are all directed to work in the word “weird” along with your regular complaints about the Orange Man."  It seems that Oppo the Research Loving Clown turned in an expensive report about how going with code word WEIRD would be a good way to not have to explain any of the other stuff, like the economy, crime and the open border.  Just say “They’re WEIRD” and get up and leave.  In a related story, Kamala once thought that “close the border” meant making it so we can’t get out!  Wait, you’ve got it backwards.  Lock ‘em in and raise taxes is not what close the border means!  It’s the other way around.  Hear Podcast - Wash Hands