The Otis Advisory

Good morning America - look what you did!  You sent Donald Trump back to the White House for another go at the controls, this time with eyes wide open and a new FBI guy.  The citizens of America had a mostly peaceful protest and are now ready to swipe-left.  So Joey, Kamala and the rest of Gang Green start packing your stuff!   You’ll be exiting through the gift shop today and now paying retail like everybody else.  Enjoy!  As for young Hunter (“more coffee Warden?”) he’ll be on his way to the big house where he can help Kamala explain the significance of the passage of time.  Congratulations Mr. President - and the first lady is about to get a whole lot better looking!  Slower listeners keep right!  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

When anyone says to you, “Let’s be Clear,” you’re hard-earned toxic masculinity tells you something different - that is, whatever is coming next is just bull crap.  It’s like showing up to the Halloween dance with a bone saw – it just sends the wrong message.  But this time around, Joe and Josephine lunch box are on to the “Let’s Be Clear” crowd for the same reason nobody’s going to pardon Hunter this trip.  And just like Hunter, “Let’s be Clear” has just stopped working altogether.  A cow with no legs is still ground beef.  Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

The lady in the pantsuit really doesn’t dig these TV interviews. She has to be dragged and dropped into the chair just to get her to the studio.  But to be fair, unless they give you the questions in advance, how are you supposed to know what answers you need to make up?  Orange man doesn’t have that problem.  With diarrhea of the mouth, he’ll tell you what he’s thinking all the time, so there’s never any confusion.  But  comfortably numb and packed in her own juice, VP giggles knows what’s good for you and can’t wait for you to pay your fair share.  "I’ll just confiscate the guns and give them to the homeless," thought Kamala. Otis explains. Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Many people ask me, “Uncle Otis, will TicTok blow up my pager if I vote orange?”  Well maybe, but think about it this way.  The fluffy stuff in between the feathers is called the down.  That’s what you want to be right there.  Be the down, not the feathers.  Because in the New America you don’t want to try too hard.  Soft and shapeless is best for your reputation.  Be open to anything – but don’t commit.  Be the greeniest weenie in the office, and do anything for free shipping – anything!  Remember there’s great significance to the passage of time - now go do your documentary.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

With the denutification of America, men have become subprime in today’s marketplace of ideas.  Men are simple organisms always having to work around Madonna, or somebody, trying to rescue them from thinking wrong and growing all that fur.  But nobody asks what men want?  There’s a lot of confusion about that.  “Men should be more like mozzarella cheese,” said Kamala, “soft, light and not attempt too much.”  The correct people worry that watching cat videos and shopping for edible electric cars may not be enough to control this brotherhood of the skull.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Everybody knows a taco salad is just pretend.  Sure it might say salad on the sign, but you know what’s really going on. Taco salad is as phony as it gets. But what if a taco salad ran for President? “Hi, I’m Kamala, maybe you’ve heard about me on TV!” Every carefully constructed mouthful of these answers is perfectly sized for the little guy and well chewed before publishing.  But Joe and Josephine Lunchbox are way smarter than they think.  So, when someone you don’t know and haven’t personally washed hands you a mail-in-ballot, do the right thing and pass on the taco salad.   Hear Podcast - Wash Hands

Luxury, prosperity and endless boogie – that’s what Orange Man has for you this election season.   Man of Orange says, “Elect me and you’ll have a job.  But not to be outdone, Kamala says, “Hold on there – why work?  Hell I’ll spot you a house if you are one of our 12 million new alien arrivals from down south.”  How does Orange compete with a free house?  The secret is in Kamala’s new simplified tax form for anybody left working.  Just 2 lines to fill out:  Line 1, how much did you make?  Line 2, send it in!   There’s your free house right there while HEAP PLENTY WAMPUM comes out of your account.  Are you getting notes of pear, apricot and warm leather yet?  No?  Something else then?  Bull corn maybe?  Otis explains.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Kamala was surprised to learn from the staff that she used to work at McDonalds. “Just go with it,” said one operative. “The great unwashed will love you more if you just giggle and say, “I’m the one that made the fried pies!  This is how we fool the wife of the people.  But why stop with the McDonald’s gag?  Tell ‘em about when you were a tight end for the Rams, or that intern thing at Beer Camp, or your summer with the Cajan Navy.  Any of it’s better than talking about trying to pay the rent, or the price of huevos, or how to spell Lynard Skynyrd, which nobody can do.  Otis explains.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands.

Kamala's new economic plan doesn't do a thing about paying $10 bucks for a cold Isis at the 7-11.  As the Queen of Woke reads her prepared list of bumper sticker lines to the paid crowd, you have to wonder, what it is really about Happy Talk that makes it fell like the shiny razorblade in your election day apple - the false positive there to fill in the holes in the argument.  Otis and the salty scholars of the Discount Think Tank  assess the damage.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands

Donkey Party people will tell you:  After a hard day of riding and roping, you and your therapy squirrel are going to want some joy up in here!  And even though Beyonce didn’t show up, they've still have more Hopey/Changy joy for you than anybody else down the dial!  So come get it.  If your spirit animal is an oyster, Donkey operatives are ready to pop the trunk in the mall parking lot and lay out all the joy you want.  Bring 10 mail in ballots with you and you’ll get some bonus joy.  But watch out, all that Joy can stick to you.  Hear Podcast ~ Wash Hands