The Otis Advisory

Just in time for fall, Florida’s boss cat has surgically deposited a rolling assortment of extra-grateful migrating people, formerly Illegal Aliens, to an over-priced vineyard some 900 miles due north - as the bar flies.  The local bed wetters of Sanctuary Vineyard were eager to please until it was time for soldiers to scoop up the whole batch and send them to "camp" to be cared for properly - and in the dark.  Here's the whole story. Get Happy.  Get Otis.

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Introducing BetoFrancis' new Flushless Toilet.  “Look how much water we’ll save,” cried Beto. “We’re running out because Republicans are using it all."  Beto's Flushless Toilet comes with 1 flush per week (if you’ve turned in your guns.)  Don't miss this story.  Get Happy.  Get Otis. 

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Your Royal Pain Megan, you know, Harry’s girl, just couldn’t wait to get back to the house after the funeral to start going through the Queen’s jewelry drawer.  This probably won’t end well even with Oprah and Elton helping to scratch that itch.  When opportunity knocks, try not to complain about the noise!  Get Happy.  Get Otis.

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People stink.  Some worse than others.  And what you say or do can make it worse.  Put out enough BS and you’ll stink up the place.  So it’s up to you, you little stinker, to do something about it.  It’s not rocket surgery!  HEAR this Pre-Election Advisory from Think Tank Island.  

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How can you tell if your dog is a Republican?  When a republican dog hears CLIMB IT he just things that means it’s OK to get up on the couch.  His idea of a drag show is what he gives you on the carpet after a particularly tasty T-bone.  In the time before filtered water, just about all dogs were republicans - showed up for work, chased a few cats, got some food pellets, licked somebody’s hand and then dozed off - knowing that they’re no threat to democracy and nobody had to borrow any money from China today just to take care of them.   Get Happy. Get Otis. Wash Hands

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Inflation makes you do crazy things like only toasting your bread on one side because you can’t afford to do the whole thing.  It’s starting to look like Paradise Lost, again, Home Edition.  Get Happy.  Get Otis.  Wash Hands.

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Gang Green is coming for your heat and air.  Sandy O and the Ladies of the Squat will finally have control of your government-approved home thermostat. What temp is it set on?  Well that depends on you, ya’ pig.  If you behave and turn in your guns, you might qualify for a cozy 78 degrees next summer.  Get Otis. Wash Hands!  www.universalfoolishness.com

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Everybody wants to transition to something.  Anything will do, just please change me now to something else.  America is transitioning too.  We're not going bankrupt, were just transitioning to a poor place.  Hear Podcast.  Wash Hands.  https://universalfoolishness.com/

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The Cowboy Code, which I learned as a young Otis (i.e. social drinker) reminds us  that if it’s not yours don’t take it.  If it’s not true don’t say it.  If it’s not right don’t do it.  The Cowboy Code might help you too Hunter, and the horse you rode up on.  Hear Otis.  Wash hands. https://www.universalfoolishness.com

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Maybe you still have a toy drawer full of green plastic army men.   Some are standing up, some kneeling down or lying flat, or even looking like they’re throwing something.   They only come in green!  They don’t make green plastic army men in black or brown or pink.  You just get green, that’s it.  If you want diversity, you’re s*** out of luck.  That's because they’re all army men just there to kill bad guys.  That’s what you thought when you dumped your shoe box of army men out on the living room rug.  You didn’t know then that you’re supposed to have 20% black, 20% brown and who knows what percent pink.  You weren’t woke up enough yet to think about that. Your green plastic army men just killed bad guys.   Otis explains in this news cartoon from Think Tank Island. https:// www.universalfoolishness.com

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