Ep. 175 (Part 2 of 3) | Longtime spiritual practitioner, gifted teacher, Tibetan Buddhist lama, and developmental psychology specialist Kimberley Lafferty integrates contemporary psychology and wisdom tradition in this lively, luminous conversation about the process of awakening, the evolution of ethics, and the extraordinary capacities that come online as we mature into later stages of development. What do developmental perspectives have to add to our understanding of human nature and to spiritual practice? Our meaning-making shifts radically as we develop, Kimberley says, and because of that our reality itself shifts. This is why communicating with people with very different points of view can fail so miserably—one person’s reality is simply not the same as the next person’s reality. We need to discern, what is their meaning-making reality in this moment? What is ours?

Throughout, Kimberley grounds the discussion in practical, real-life scenarios; she also shares intriguing research on later stage development that has found that as we mature, our senses evolve: our hearing evolves to deep attunement; our seeing evolves to witnessing, our capacity of touch evolves to embody presence. It’s exciting and inspiring to see the road ahead, to acquire new insights and tools to improve communication across cultural (and age) divides, to have the concept of bodhicitta unpacked so deftly and common misperceptions about emptiness corrected—and to witness Kimberley’s wise and zesty approach to life: “What connects us all is our luminous, aware consciousness,” she says, “and if we can lean into the messiness, I think we can find our way through.” Recorded October 3, 2024.

“If we have no traditional spiritual boundaries to teach our children, we end up raising narcissists.”

Topics & Time Stamps – Part 2

• Ethics involve intention: looking into the mind at the moment of intention (00:53)
• How to explain misuse and abuse of power in a spiritual organization? (04:18)
• What is missing for many teachers and healers is ethical training (11:11)
• How do warrior ethics make sense? Spirituality at an ethnocentric developmental stage (12:58)
• Misunderstanding emptiness: the emptiness of ethics; there is no ethics (17:20)
• A spiritual tradition can be complemented by modern understanding & practices—what do we need to update? (19:21)
• The importance of a developmental understanding and spiritual education (20:46)
• We need to teach our children that what they do matters (23:09)
• The feeling of deep belonging that comes with a lineage, belonging to a mystical family, having them at your back (25:09)
• What do developmental perspectives have to add to our understanding of human nature and to contemplative practices? (28:16)
• The connection between spiritual experiences and later stages of development: meaning-making radically shifts throughout our life span—because of that our reality itself shifts (31:52)
• What stage is presenting right now? In me. In you. In others? (33:58)
• Leveraging the strengths of each perspective and stage (37:29)

Resources & References

• Kimberley Lafferty’s website: The Confluence Experience (Education, Community, Experiences)
• 12-month living immersion in the STAGES matrix with Terri O’Fallon & Kimberley Lafferty
• The Association for Spiritual Integrity (ASI)
• Vajrayana Buddhism
• Huston Smith, The World’s Religions
• His Holiness the Dalai Lama, The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living
• Ken Wilber’s Integral Theory
• Dan Brown, Buddhist meditation teacher and author
• Abraham Maslow, Toward a Psychology of Being
• Roger Walsh, Essential Spirituality: The 7 Central Practices to Awaken Heart and Mind
• Brian Daizen Victoria, Zen at War
• The A. H. Almaas Wisdom Series (Deep Transformation podcast series)

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Kimberley Theresa Lafferty is a seasoned teacher-practitioner specializing in constructive developmental psychology and Indo-Tibetan Vajrayana. She leads multi-year, private spiritual education cohorts with the Confluence Experience, and co-leads, with Terri O’Fallon, the penultimate Minds I year-long developmental course of Stages International. She is an active Board member for the Association for Spiritual Integrity. Kimberley is also a wife and mother to a young son, living in a remote valley of the North Cascades of North America which deeply impacts her worldview and practice.

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Podcast produced by Vanessa Santos and Show Notes by Heidi Mitchell