The Physician Whisperer

Send us Fan Mail

In this episode, I explore the concept of Human Giver Syndrome, a term coined by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA, in their groundbreaking book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. This deeply ingrained societal expectation pressures women—especially women physicians—to be endlessly selfless, cheerful, and giving, often at the expense of their own well-being.

Many of us have experienced pushback for being “too negative” or “not a teamplayer” when we’ve tried to meet our own needs. Today we unpack three specific ways Human Giver Syndrome shows up in the lives of women physicians: the silencing of your voice, the invisible labor of emotional support, and the relentless drive to be “perfectly” selfless. Finally, we envision what life could look like if you broke free from these expectations.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• What Human Giver Syndrome is, as defined by Emily and Amelia Nagoski in Burnout.
• How this toxic expectation impacts women physicians and contributes to burnout.
• Three ways it shows up in your life—and how to recognize the patterns.
• Your plan for breaking free of Human Giver Syndrome; there’s hope!

Resources Mentioned:

• Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming Their Lives
  If you’re ready to break free from burnout and reclaim your life, check out Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming Their Lives. This transformative coaching program is tailored specifically for women physicians, helping you rewrite the narrative of self-sacrifice and step into a life of fulfillment and joy.
  👉 Learn more here: Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming Their Lives
• Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA
  This must-read book introduces the concept of Human Giver Syndrome and provides science-backed tools to complete the stress cycle and combat burnout.

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

Connection is something most of us are lacking. Which is weird, because most of us are surrounded by people daily.

But it’s not just people that give you connection. It’s being able to show up, be yourself, ask for help, be vulnerable, and support others that creates connection.

We need a balance of give and take. Period. And most of us aren’t getting that, but we need that. If you are lacking this in your life, struggling as a women physician, and wanting more connection, Unbound is for you.

Join us in Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

How do we take care of ourselves when we have BIG feelings, when we are used to taking care of everyone else.

I’m not talking politics today, though I acknowledge that I, and many of you, have some big emotions right now, which are not limited to disappointment, but too numerous to mention.

If you struggle with hard times, like most humans do, this is one to lean into. I’m sharing how to hold on to hope, acknowledge the feelings, and take care of yourself through the feelings.

This is big work my friends. But it’s important. We will always hit major challenges; the question is who do we want to be, how do we want to be in these moments?

I’m also thrilled to announce the start of a new group coaching program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

Feeling a bit fiery today, but I want you to sit with this one.

I am done believing that I should look, work or speak a certain way, based on internalized norms passed down from generations of patriarchy in medicine. I don’t want to practice that way, I don’t want to speak that way, and I don’t want to receive my care that way. 

But in order for us to change the dynamic, WE are going to need to show up differently, and ASK for things we’ve not asked for.

I’m also thrilled to announce the start of a new group coaching program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

What happens when you clean up other people’s messes?

They don’t get to solve the problem (and learn)

They don’t get to experience the consequences (and learn)

You feel exhausted, and internalize that you SHOULD be the one who fixes ALL the problems.

In today’s episode, I’m going to walk through what this can look like, and invite you to think about these challenges differently. You are such a good problem solver. And there are some problems that truly only you can solve. But it’s easy to believe that you are the only path to a solution, and that is not tenable.

I’m also thrilled to announce the start of a new group coaching program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

Ok, who else here likes to feel in control? Likes it too much, I mean. As in, tries to take control of every situation and then wonders why she feels so stressed, tight and yell-y.

Today I’m talking about the idea that you can have complete control or complete freedom, but not both. Although this too is an illusion because we can’t actually control much of what we try to control. We can have rules and structure and try to manipulate people and situations, but we don’t actually succeed. We just mostly alienate people and give ourselves a headache.

Let’s talk about moving ourselves along the spectrum towards more freedom, flexibility, relaxation, and what that brings to the table.

I’m also thrilled to announce the start of a new group coaching program, Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives. This group, exclusive to women physicians (MD, DO or MBBS), starts December 1, 2024, and it’s your opportunity to move ideas that we talk about on this podcast into your life. Out of your head, into your life. Together. 

The doors are open now for registration AND, shout out to my friend, the amazing Dr Rachel Rubin, who asked me to add a buddy option. As in, bring along another woman physician and get special savings. Such a great idea!

Link to Register for Unbound: Women Physicians Reclaiming their Lives

https://www.healthierforgood.com/offers/azBmHaNZ

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

Trauma responses are very real, and very challenging for us as humans.

Especially if you are judging yourself for experiencing them.

Today I am talking about how trauma shows up in our lives, including in ourselves and people around us. We’ll talk about seeing trauma as “too much, too fast,” and often with too little support/resources, and the ways that can manifest in your life.

As promised, here are some resources that you can explore:

• EMDR and Brain-Spotting are 2 therapeutic modalities, commonly performed by trained Therapists that help to get to wiring in the sympathetic nervous system, and help to dampen these responses to triggers.

• Irest (https://shop.irest.org/) and Yoga Nidra (find many versions of this online) are other somatic therapies that can be helpful to address sympathetic nervous system over-activation, and help people to heal. https://shop.irest.org/

• Internal Family Systems (“parts” work) is a talk-therapy modality that explores why different parts of us “take over,” in response to events, and can be very helpful for trauma.

• Friend of the show and past guest, Dr Christy Gibson (Episode 120, June 8 2024 “Is Burnout Really Trauma”), also has a wonderful book, “The Modern Trauma Toolkit,” where she shares helpful resources and practices, including havening, which can be used for brief and rapid intervention,  including in the middle of a busy day. Here’s our episode: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1957629/episodes/15135760

Each of us can develop recurrent trauma responses related to the very real experience of caring for ailing humans with too little resources (too little back-up, support staff, equipment, rest/breaks, etc). Let go of judgment, and get the help that you need to feel healed.

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

Were you a great resident?

Me too

Were you the one that was kind, flexible, accommodating, hardworking?

Me too

Were you the one who left residency and worked and worked and worked, looking for validation, wanting to hear that you could take a break, that you could get the help and support you needed to take care of patients exactly the way that you wanted too, and not the way that your system expected you too (rapidly, with empathy, thoroughness, but RAPIDLY and meeting all your HEDIS and Press-Ganey metrics. Did I say rapidly?)???

Me too

Today I’m sharing 5 things that I wish I could have understood leaving residency. 14+ years later, I’m still learning these lessons, but so much more clear on why this is needed, and what I want for MYSELF as a human, let alone as a working physician mom.

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

Do you struggle to get your notes done?

How often have you told yourself that you “just need to be more efficient” or “just need to be better at time management?”

How’s that working for you?

Today I take a deep dive into why procrastination, with *special* attention to our notes and inboxes, is not a simple math problem. If it were, a timer would help you 100% of the time.

Instead, let’s talk about our emotional response to the work, managing our energy bank (not judging against other people’s!), and how to start to make the changes that help us get the work done NOW.

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD

Send us Fan Mail

What if you could use your medical expertise differently?

Today I sit down with Dr Amy Fogelman, Board-Certified and Harvard-trained Internist and the CEO and Founder of High Rock Experts. Dr Fogelman shares her journey through burnout and how it led her to recognise how she could use her medical expertise in more sustainable ways as a Medical Expert Witness and a business owner creating a unique practice matching medical experts with attorneys in need. 

As a bonus, we talk about common misconceptions around malpractice, and what we can do not only to reframe our thoughts about being sued, but also how we can bring our skills to provide unbiased medical expertise that helps patients and physicians both.

During our conversation, Amy references “The Expert Witness Newsletter” on substack, find it here: https://expertwitness.substack.com

More about Amy:

Amy G. Fogelman, MD is Board Certified in Internal Medicine with 20 years of experience seeing outpatients at Harvard-affiliated practices in the Boston area. She is a leading expert in primary care opioid policies and has been recognized for her clinical excellence and leadership at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH). 

She founded High Rock Experts, formerly MED LAW Consulting in 2018. High Rock’s core mission is to provide ethical and credible expert reviews and they have matched over 500 and counting medical experts to attorneys across the United States. She took this one step further to also founded High Rock Academy for newer experts or those who want to hone their skills. She offers one-on-one coaching and convenient courses using her CBA framework where she shows you how to unlock the secrets to securing high-paying expert cases. Amy is also incredibly proud to be a dance mom!

To connect with Dr Amy Fogelman, find her here:

Website: https://highrockexperts.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/amyfogelmanmd

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/amyfogelmanmd

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/amyfogelmanmd

Support the show

To learn more about my coaching practice and group offerings, head over to www.healthierforgood.com. I help Physicians and Allied Health Professional women to let go of toxic perfectionist and people-pleasing habits that leave them frustrated and exhausted. If you are ready to learn skills that help you set boundaries and prioritize yourself, without becoming a cynical a-hole, come work with me.

Want to contact me directly?
Email: [email protected]

Follow me on Instagram!
@MeganMeloMD