Episode 238: The Hidden Cost of Triangulation

Triangulation happens when we manage tension with one person by recruiting a third. It brings short-term relief, but it often leaves the original relationship unresolved or worse. The hosts explain why physicians are especially prone to it, how to tell a helpful "bridge" from an unhelpful "alliance," and how to step out of a triangle by asking, "Have I said this to the person I'm saying it about?"

This episode explores the two forms of self-sabotage that physicians and professionals often encounter: before taking a risk and after experiencing success. Learn how to recognize these patterns and strategies to overcome them to unlock your full potential.

Takeaways:

Resources:

This episode explores how setbacks impact our brain chemistry and motivation, drawing on Dr. Tracy Marks' insights. Learn practical strategies to recover from setbacks, reframe failure, and build resilience with small, intentional actions.

In this episode, the we sit down with Dr. Maryanne Wilbur — GYN oncologist, public health strategist, author, and CEO of Health Equity Consulting Inc. — to talk about physician burnout, moral injury, and what it would actually take to fix US healthcare.

Topics covered:

Links & Resources:

 MaryAnn Wilbur, MD, MPH, MHS

LinkedIn 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/maryann-wilbur-md-mph-mhs-5ab008230/ 

Weekly Well Check

In today's episode, we cover the regrets hospice caregivers hear most often — not about what people did, but what they didn't do — and discuss how to catch the small, reasonable-seeming postponements that quietly turn into a lifetime of "someday." We walk through where physicians specifically tend to defer (friendships, kids, our own health and joy), share personal stories of regret and how we've made peace with them, and offer two simple practices to start using today so we're not the ones saying "I wish I had" thirty years from now.

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In this episode, we dig into why the reputation we've spent a career building often feels like the thing boundaries would destroy, and why it's actually the thing boundaries protect. Reputation is something we build daily, not a fixed asset locked in at graduation. Today we are going to work through the excuses and fears that keep us from setting boundaries, including the discomfort of realizing we've been judging colleagues who already have them.

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Episode: Defectiveness, Shame & Approval-Seeking

In the finale of our schema therapy series, we unpack the two schemas behind physician imposter syndrome — the fear that we're one mistake from being exposed, and the need for everyone's approval to feel okay. We talk about how these patterns form, how medicine reinforces them, the difference between shame and clean accountability, and four steps toward healing.

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In this episode, we continue our series on early maladaptive schemas in physicians, this time exploring emotional inhibition and emotional deprivation, the schemas behind the "I'm fine" doctor who looks composed but feels numb, lonely, or disconnected underneath.

In this episode:

Next episode: Defectiveness, shame, and approval-seeking, the schemas behind physician imposter syndrome.

Resources:

Physician Wellness Retreat Sign up here!

Why is it that the most compassionate, reliable doctors are so often the ones quietly disappearing on the inside? In this episode, we continue our series on early maladaptive schemas in medicine, digging into two patterns that show up constantly in physician culture: self-sacrifice ("other people's needs matter more than mine") and subjugation ("I don't have permission to say no").

Together, these two schemas create "the perfect doctor trap" — the physician everyone can count on, who stays late, skips meals, absorbs everyone else's stress, and rarely asks what they actually need. In this episode, we trace where these patterns come from, why medicine rewards them so effectively, and what it actually looks like to start healing them — without becoming selfish, cold, or a "bad doctor" in the process.

This one might make you a little uncomfortable. In a good way.

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In this episode, we explore the unrelenting standards schema and why it is so common in physicians. We discuss the difference between healthy excellence and fear-driven perfectionism, how this schema develops, how medical training reinforces it, and why it can lead to chronic overwork, harsh self-talk, guilt, shame, and burnout. We also offer practical tools for noticing the schema voice, identifying the fear underneath the pressure, defining “enough” ahead of time, and practicing a healthier adult response.

Key ideas:

Reflection question:

Where are you calling it excellence when it may actually be fear?

Resources:

Schema Therapy by Jeffrey Young
https://www.amazon.com/Schema-Therapy-Jeffrey-E-Young/dp/1462535924

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