The Pitch

Animorphs seems right on the edge of coming back as some kind of YA novel reboot, so we figured we'd get in on the ground floor by talking about this Pokémon clone. Let's dig real deep into the franchise that launched a thousand transformation fetishes. And if that's your thing, boy, have we got a buffet for you.

Heathcliff is a pale substitute for Garfield, so it's hard to know where to go with discussion about a terrible kart racer from the Wii shovelware era. That's why we veer pretty quickly into one of the darkest YouTube holes we've ever found.

This one is on loan from the Night Trap collection, an FMV adventure game that desperately wants the word "mind pirate" to become a thing. Let's watch as community theater rejects with bad Russian accents slowly grow more and more out of control, as hurtful stereotypes about people with intellectual disabilities slip in around the edges.

It's a boilerplate, mostly competent third person shooter that's obviously of its time, with lots of really neat arcade-style reward loops thrown in for good measure. But the real star here is the surreal, over the top trappings that could only come from the mind of the hubristic branding tycoon that is 50 Cent. Yes, this game has been beaten to death. But there's just so much here to talk about.

Discussion of an exuberant advergame from Japan gives way to all of the horrifying biological niches Pepsi and other colas might fill, creating a new, upsetting, and most of all REFRESHING way of life. All hail the new blood.

It's always a good time when we discuss religious games. Except for the feedback we get, that is. Captain Bible casts the forces of good as a traditional superpower, and the forces of The Liar as ultra-cool spider robots who make some very salient points. Join us as we play this flashcard game about arguing in bad faith.

Star Fox Adventures represents a confluence of several factors, any of which on their own would have made it fertile ground for the show. Rare? Check. Bastard entry in a beloved series? Check. Over-sexed anthro characters? Check. But we had no idea how bad it would get. Come with us on a journey to Dinosaur Planet, and into the depths of the depravity of the Star Fox fandom.

This is probably someone's favorite game. It's wacky and weird, and comes from a 32-bit era that people still look back upon fondly. But however much it reminds you of God Hand, it will never be God Hand.

There's a class of game that's regarded well simply because there's little else like it. Rising Zan is one of those. But repeat after us: novelty is not enough!

Join Gary and Kole as they frolic through Bearland, moralizing about how to be closer to God and not swear so damn much. Also: The disturbing origins of corn syrup, and the grizzly applications of combines in the bloody fields of Illinois.