Why are relationships typically dependent on the possession of one another? We discuss that, and about 87 other things. It seems exact, but I didn't actually count, so let's pretend like that number is correct.

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Drunk. Sloshed. Wasted. Inebriated. Tanked. Totaled. Plastered. Bashed. Lit. That basically says it all.

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Not all nipples are created equal #salaminipples. We talk about that, liberal arts degrees, going back to school, Mary Jane's shenanigans in class, a very liberal professor, not shampooing your hair, cold showers, explaining weed to your mom, being lucky, our 4/20 celebration, the illuminati, drunk arguments with passive-aggressive parents, sucking dick as a means to attain freedom, not knowing what to say after laughing, staring at people, having to wash your hair at a friend's house, child nicknames, motherly advice to your tomboy daughter, being too drunk to hook up, timing your trip to the restroom, space porn, meeting hot singles near your area, ordering lesbian porn on cable, odd purchases at sex shops, shocking your hand to wake up, tips for boob growth from tv, being boob shy, having an extra nipple to play with, regrowing body parts, TITTY WRANGLING, the origins of our last names, terrible fart jokes, average amounts of guy-farting, feeling dumb for being angry, exaggerating about spiders & bugs, IPAs being gross, accidentally sitting on your balls, bright white ass, dyeing your pubes, talking about serious topics with your partner, & scatting.

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What's the price of dignity? Would you have a sugar daddy/momma? We talk about that, the origins of Santa Claus, being white as kids, Fancy Panch's past in jalapeño-picking, not knowing what drinks to get at a bar, good quality plastic, classy alcoholism, throwing up, being addicted to the other coke, experienced rolling, drug preferences, control, expressing emotion, Fancy Panch's love life, getting caught flirting at work, kinky sex, getting dildos delivered in the mail, furries, wearing a necklace of your defeated enemies' d*cks, dolphins & rape, stereotypical roleplaying, gay Pokemon, cholos, being stuck in shitty relationships, strawberry swirls, & Emo Nite LA.

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Where is the line between what can be attributed to the placebo effect & the supernatural? We discuss that, Jesse almost dying, ruined blunts, a literal cowgirl, tattoo ideas, good genes, wisdom teeth removal, the roots of our spice days, Jesse's poor Neon, missed opportunities in life, the art process, Jesse's crazy trip to Austin, numbing your throat for porn, a former lover/psycho, getting a 'limpia,' being cursed & ridding yourself of a demon we called upon us, using the ouija, sleep paralysis, creepy basements, an undying zombie dog, our surface knowledge of dark matter, extra-dimensional beings, an apparent connection to the other side, & other creepy things.

Have you ever accidentally smoked the ashes of a crazy lady's dead husband? We talk about that, teenage goth crushes, 13 Reasons Why, Beauty and the Beast, Paranormal Activity, Mary Jane's cheerleading adventures, shopping alone, trying underwear on, getting flashed at the water slide, the art of storytelling, being haunted by a glass ghost, Awkwafina, being so high that you can't pee, the right age to procreate, sharks eating their siblings in the womb, unusual ages to meet your significant other, eating weird things as a child, a porn art project, jello shot finger painting, approximate knowledge, Bill Clinton being a creep, IQ tests, being bad at math, senior ditch day, dildo cars, transgender porn, being ready to try new things, bro-history, the strangeness of cameras, f*cking off on the last day of work, sending and receiving dick pics, hooking up with pretend-virgins, the excitement of taboo, different trips on spice, stretch marks, economic differences between us and our parents, copying circles & developing social skills, school rankings, foreign languages, being justifiably afraid of hippos, getting your hair pulled by a monkey at the zoo, our romances as kids, hiding drugs in your p*ssy, & how to approach women as a woman. Enjoy!

Ghost Condoms! We talk about that, and my misfortune with debit cards, awkward phone interviews, fake-loving your job, Mr. E's ticket-troubles, not attending jury duty, murder trials, Pun Daddy's new car & a genius idea for cat owners, farting in court, surprise anal, wanting to correct people but deciding it's not worth the effort, GAME OF THRONES THEORIES, unexpected deaths, getting older, keeping track of life on calendars, having a f*cked up pancreas & organs exploding, window shopping online, George W. Bush turning into a somewhat likable character, The Zeitgeist, Elon Musk's Hyperloop, the effects of Alpha Brain, New Zealand's accent, David Rockefeller's timely death & the plot against humanity, the release of GPS to the public, Illuminati confirmed, being funded by Rothschild money, showing up to court in a good mood, refuting price hikes in electricity, failed abortions, our inability to process corny corn, vegans, taking comments to heart, losing touch with age, R. Kelly, ebola, snorting ecstasy & rolling at work, Burlesque & how gay it is, Ru Paul's Drag Race, a MEME, talking about with your siblings at a funeral, coming out of the closet because of Charmed, blowing ash in your own face, being pretentious, flash drives in an old car, Swifters, Iggy Azalea freestyling, fake butts & boobs, crazy inventions to clean the ocean, Texas' trash, solar flares & space junk, life in Mars, Mexico's fake space program, a plot for a great movie, frustration listening to podcasts, VHS tapes, & the progress of technology. Enjoy!

This week, we discuss fake doses of acid eye drops, strips of real acid, Jesse losing his shoes when he's fucked up, Mary Jane having the confidence to fight a guy, getting choked out, fighting with your siblings, disliking Katy Perry & Taylor Swift, being jealous of our partner's celebrity crushes, freshman fashion & being self-obsessed, creating Myspace profiles back in the day, how Jesse found Dance Gavin Dance, turning 18 online as a woman, being introduced to friend's friends, going on double dates, past perceptions of each other, types of skinny jeans, being judged for dressing emo, faking originality, tripp wear, & band shirts. 

Have you ever heard a deer scream for its life? Tune in to find out what Mary Jane thinks that sounds like. We also discuss an old classmate's troubles with the law, an awesome Puerto Rican teacher, being judged for not having kids, CRISPR, the unfortunate demise of True Blood, furthering a crocodile-hunting legacy, the rigid force of structure in a hierarchy, failure in the craft of ice cream, aging, deciding when your online cart is ready for check out, drug addiction, living next to a crazy-ass city, Mary Jane's roots & sassiness, Kanye's antics, Mr. E's nonexistent purse, how weird it is to listen to ourselves, sponsorships we've yet to acquire, rolling on molly & fainting afterwards, video games & the time we have to play, virtual reality, adults ruining our childhood with their apparent perversion, songs from the 2000s, nonstop dabbin', a new shade of red, how to get in contact with us, tennis, being scared & living alone in the forest, hitting deer while driving, possums playing dead, unavoidable death & the unknown, the prospect of having kids & conditional love, sleeping late & waking up early, and awkward goodbyes, all while Mr. E is triggered repeatedly.

PS - sorry about the delay (technical issues)

This gets dirty REAL QUICK, so brace yourselves. In this episode, I talk to Maria, Efren, and Jesse about suicidal fish, having breakfast with a loved hamster, how experience has ruined new experiences, my first kiss, the only excusable reason to get married, surprise phone sex, public sex at sex sex shops, a 5-way that could've happened, stress balls, penis & vagina aesthetics, the preferred pronoun of Jesse's dick, not wanting a scrub & Left Eye, scary sibling stories, sleep paralysis, lucid dreaming & nightmares, among several other crazy things.