In this milestone 100th episode of The Real Women Real Business Podcast, Shauna Lynn Simon tackles one of the most common and costly patterns she sees in women entrepreneurs - people pleasing. What often starts as being helpful or accommodating quietly turns into burnout, resentment, and a business built around everyone else’s urgency.
 Shauna Lynn breaks down how people pleasing shows up in real business decisions, from bending policies to rescuing clients and saying yes to timelines that are not yours to carry. She explains why people pleasing is not kindness, how it creates scope creep and emotional exhaustion, and why boundaries are not rigid walls but the container that makes great work possible.
 Listeners will learn how to spot the internal cues that signal a resentful yes, how to pause instead of reacting, and how to replace automatic compliance with clear, confident alternatives. Shauna Lynn also shares her practical “yes opportunities” framework to help business owners say no without shutting the door or sacrificing professionalism.
 If you are ready to protect your energy, your time, and the quality of your work, this episode will change how you think about boundaries. Share it with the woman in business who needs permission to stop overgiving.
 Timestamps:
(00:01) - (05:45) - Why people pleasing shows up so strongly for women entrepreneurs
(05:46) - (12:31) - The real cost of saying yes too fast in business and life
(12:32) - (20:05) - Boundaries as the foundation of a burnout proof business
(20:06) - (27:06) - The yes opportunities framework for saying no without guilt
(27:07) - (35:28) - Scripts, pause phrases, and practical tools to stop overgiving
(35:29) - (39:16) - Releasing resentment, rebuilding passion, and leading as a CEO
 Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast
• Read ExpertEditor Article: https://experteditor.com.au/blog/s-bt-boomers-who-insist-they-did-everything-right-often-raised-children-who-dont-know-how-to-identify-their-own-emotions/
• Ep 95: Why Positive Thinking Isn’t Enough and What Actually Creates Breakthroughs with Rusty Osborne: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb-podcast-episodes/create-breakthroughs
• FREE Boundaries Bundle: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/yes

In this episode of The Real Women Real Business Podcast, Shauna Lynn Simon pulls back the curtain on the subtle ways women entrepreneurs leak profit without realizing it. Drawing from a recent month in her own business, Shauna Lynn shares how catching a series of small, “reasonable” decisions helped her retain an extra $4,000 - not from one big win, but from holding her value in everyday moments.

 This episode explores what Shauna Lynn calls the “nice tax” and the micro-moments where it shows up, from quick calls that are not so quick to preemptive discounts, scope creep, extensions, and underpricing based on comfort rather than value. She walks listeners through the mindset shifts and CEO standards that helped her replace people-pleasing with calm, confident boundaries, without sacrificing kindness or client experience.

 Listeners will gain practical language, real examples, and a new lens for spotting profit leaks as they happen, plus a powerful reframe on being both generous and well paid.
 If you have ever overdelivered, undercharged, or second-guessed your pricing, this episode will change how you think about money conversations. Share it with a woman in business who needs permission to protect her profit.

Timestamps:
(00:01) - (04:15) - How small “being nice” moments quietly cost women entrepreneurs thousands
(04:16) - (09:30) - The nice tax explained and why profit leaks often go unnoticed
(09:31) - (16:10) - The most common micro-moments where women overdeliver and undercharge
(16:11) - (23:10) - Real examples of scope creep, quick calls, extensions, and pricing from comfort
(23:11) - (32:30) - CEO standards for protecting profit and how to be kind and paid

 Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast
• Ep 66: Speak Like a Leader: Communication Skills That Move the Needle With Dr. Laura Sicola: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb-podcast-episodes/speak-like-a-leader
• Ep 8: Empowering Success: LuAnn Nigara's Journey from Podcaster to Business Visionary: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb-podcast-episodes/empowering-success-with-luann-nigara
• Voxer Walkie Talkie App: https://www.voxer.com/download
• Sherwin-Williams: https://www.sherwin-williams.com/

In this episode of The Real Women Real Business Podcast, Shauna Lynn Simon sits down with paid advertising strategist Britt Holmes for a grounded, no-hype conversation about what actually makes ads work. With nearly 14 years of experience managing millions in ad spend, Britt shares how she moved from corporate marketing to helping women-led and service-based businesses grow with clarity, ethics, and measurable results.

This episode challenges the common belief that ads are a quick fix. Britt breaks down what needs to be in place before spending a dollar, why boosting posts is costing business owners more than they realize, and how sustainable growth comes from strategy, not shortcuts. She offers a refreshing perspective on starting small, stacking wins, and choosing platforms that align with real buyer intent rather than vanity metrics.

Listeners will walk away with a clearer understanding of when ads make sense, how to avoid expensive mistakes, and why integrity matters more than trends in digital marketing.

If paid ads have felt confusing, intimidating, or disappointing, this conversation will shift how you think about growth. Share this episode with the woman in your life who has been thinking about running ads but is unsure where to start.

Timestamps:

• (00:02) - (07:15): Meet Britt Holmes and why paid ads are often misunderstood
• (07:16) - (08:59): What must be in place before investing in paid advertising
• (09:00) - (21:53): Messaging, offers, and setting realistic expectations for ads
• (21:54) - (29:43): Building sustainable momentum and choosing the right platform
• (29:44) - 41:15): Ad budgets, DIY pitfalls, and long-term growth strategy
• (41:16) - (45:15): What actually makes ads work and the biggest mistake to avoid

Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast

Connect with Britt Holmes:

• Learn more about Britt: https://www.meritmedia.com
• Instagram (Britt Holmes): https://www.instagram.com/brittholmeslive/
• Instagram (Merit Media): https://www.instagram.com/meritmediainc/
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/britt-holmes-merit-media

About Britt Holmes:
Britt Holmes is the founder of Merit Media Inc and a paid advertising strategist who helps service-based businesses implement ethical, high-performing ad strategies with clarity, simplicity, and measurable results. With over a decade of experience managing ad campaigns and bringing big-brand strategy to small budgets, Britt emphasizes strong targeting, conversion-focused creative, and real business outcomes rather than vanity metrics.Listen on your favorite platform! Click any icon below to find our podcast wherever you love to tune in.

In this episode of The Real Women Real Business Podcast, Shauna Lynn Simon sits down with paid advertising strategist Britt Holmes for a grounded, no-hype conversation about what actually makes ads work. With nearly 14 years of experience managing millions in ad spend, Britt shares how she moved from corporate marketing to helping women-led and service-based businesses grow with clarity, ethics, and measurable results.
 This episode challenges the common belief that ads are a quick fix. Britt breaks down what needs to be in place before spending a dollar, why boosting posts is costing business owners more than they realize, and how sustainable growth comes from strategy, not shortcuts. She offers a refreshing perspective on starting small, stacking wins, and choosing platforms that align with real buyer intent rather than vanity metrics.
 Listeners will walk away with a clearer understanding of when ads make sense, how to avoid expensive mistakes, and why integrity matters more than trends in digital marketing.
If paid ads have felt confusing, intimidating, or disappointing, this conversation will shift how you think about growth. Share this episode with the woman in your life who has been thinking about running ads but is unsure where to start.
 —- 🔔 Subscribe to The Real Women Real Business Podcast on your favorite platform to join Shauna Lynn every week for empowering discussions and practical advice on navigating the entrepreneurial journey with health and wellness in mind. 🎥 YouTube: @ShaunaLynnSimonCoaching
🎧 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast...
🎧 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/4lY9nJS...
🌐 Or search “Real Women Real Business Podcast” on any podcast platform
📱 Follow Shauna Lynn for more empowering content:
👉 Instagram: @shaunalynnsimon
👉 Facebook:   / shaunalynncoaching  
👉 LinkedIn:   / shaunalynnsimon  
👉 Website: AboutshaunalynnBusiness Coach for Overwhelmed Female Entrepreneurs | Shauna Lynn Simon
💬 Be honest - what’s the biggest mistake you’ve made or almost made with paid ads? Let us know below.
📢 Send this episode to a fellow entrepreneur who needs a reality check before running ads.
 —- 📌 *Timestamps:*
(00:02) - (07:15): Meet Britt Holmes and why paid ads are often misunderstood
(07:16) - (08:59): What must be in place before investing in paid advertising
(09:00) - (21:53): Messaging, offers, and setting realistic expectations for ads
(21:54) - (29:43): Building sustainable momentum and choosing the right platform
(29:44) - 41:15): Ad budgets, DIY pitfalls, and long-term growth strategy
(41:16) - (45:15): What actually makes ads work and the biggest mistake to avoid
 Britt Holmes
Learn more about Britt: MeritmediaMerit Media | paid ads management
👉 Instagram: @brittholmeslive
👉 Instagram: @meritmediainc
👉 LinkedIn: Linkedinlinkedin.com/in/britt-holmes-merit-media
 Britt Holmes is the founder of Merit Media Inc and a paid advertising strategist who helps service-based businesses implement ethical, high-performing ad strategies with clarity, simplicity, and measurable results. With over a decade of experience managing ad campaigns and bringing big-brand strategy to small budgets, Britt emphasizes strong targeting, conversion-focused creative, and real business outcomes rather than vanity metrics.
 Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast

In this episode, Shauna Lynn sits down with powerhouse publicist KJ Blattenbauer, founder of Hearsay PR, to challenge everything women entrepreneurs think they know about being seen. Drawing on nearly three decades in PR, KJ shares how she went from shaping stories behind the scenes to helping overlooked experts step into authority in a way that actually fits real life.
Listeners will hear how publicity differs from social media noise, why credibility compounds faster than followers, and how clarity - not intensity - is the real driver of sustainable visibility.

KJ reframes PR as an act of service, showing how lived experience, consistent messaging, and simple storytelling can open doors to aligned opportunities without selling your soul online. She also breaks down the most common visibility mistakes women make and offers practical ways to become your own best publicist, starting now.

If you’re an accidental CEO who wants to be known for your work without doing all the things, this conversation will shift how you think about visibility, confidence, and growth. Listen in, and share it with the woman who needs permission to be seen
 
Timestamps:

• (00:02) - (06:45): KJ Blattenbauer explains why publicity is about being findable for your expertise, not chasing fame or viral moments.
• (06:46) - (15:30): KJ shares how women entrepreneurs underestimate their stories and what actually makes something newsworthy.
• (15:31) - (27:10): KJ breaks down the difference between PR and social media and why credibility compounds faster than followers.
• (27:11) - (39:20): KJ outlines the most common visibility mistakes women founders make and how clarity beats hustle every time.
• (39:21) - (52:10): KJ offers a simple, sustainable framework to build authority without burnout or constant content creation.

Resources:

• Get KJ's FREE Visibility Workbook: www.hearsaypr.com/freebie
• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast
• Read How To Be a Media Darling by KJ Blattenbauer: https://amzn.to/3YrXiHf (affiliate link)
• Read Pitchworthy: The No-Fluff Playbook to Publicity That Pays Off by KJ Blattenbauer: https://amzn.to/3LyljJO (affiliate link)
• Ep 41 - Crafting Brand Messages That Convert With Deb Mitchell: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb-podcast-episodes/crafting-brand-messages
• Ep 74 - Get Flooded with Clients Without Ever Asking for a Referral with Stacey Brown Randall:https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb-podcast-episodes/get-more-clients
• Ep 87 - Stop Chasing Followers and Start Building a Community that Converts with Emily Rosales: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb-podcast-episodes/build-a-community

Connect with KJ Blattenbauer:

• Learn more about KJ: https://www.hearsaypr.com/
• Instagram (Hearsay PR): https://www.instagram.com/hearsaypr
• Instagram (KJ): https://www.instagram.com/kjblattenbauer
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kjblattenbauer
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kjblattenbauer/

About KJ Blattenbauer:

KJ Blattenbauer is a powerhouse publicist who turns overlooked experts into headline news. With nearly 30 years of experience, she’s the go-to pro when you’re ready to stop being ignored and start owning the spotlight. Known for her bold yet approachable style, KJ delivers clear, actionable strategies that have been featured everywhere from Forbes to Architectural Digest. She’s also the author of the DIY PR book, How to Be a Media Darling, and Pitchworthy, a modern guide to building lasting visibility and authority.

In this episode, Shauna Lynn reframes the January pressure and replaces hustle-driven goal-setting with a grounded, sustainable CEO approach. She walks listeners through a mindset shift that moves them from feeling behind to feeling firmly in control, without adding more to an already full plate.

Rather than chasing big resolutions, Shauna Lynn shares how micro habits, paired with thoughtful weekly planning, create real momentum over time. Through personal examples and real-world CEO routines, she illustrates how progress is built in the margins of everyday life, especially when things feel messy or unpredictable. Listeners will hear how prioritization, intention, and flexibility can coexist, and why grace is not a weakness in leadership, but a strategy.

This episode offers a refreshing perspective for women who want growth that actually fits their lives. It’s an invitation to lead with clarity, consistency, and self-trust - one day at a time.
If this resonates, share it with a fellow business owner who needs permission to slow down and still move forward.
 Timestamps:

• (00:02) - (03:12): Shauna Lynn Simon reframes the January “reset” pressure and reminds listeners they’re not behind - they’re right on time.
• (03:13) - (10:05): Shauna Lynn breaks down why big resolutions fade fast, and why micro habits are the real CEO move for sustainable momentum.
• (10:06) - (18:40): Shauna Lynn walks through her daily CEO check-in and how choosing one needle-mover priority keeps the day from turning into reactive chaos.
• (18:41) - (28:15): Shauna Lynn shares her 5-minute inbox review and her end-of-day wins ritual, using progress-focused reflection to stay grounded and consistent.
• (28:16) - (44:50): Shauna Lynn gives a real-time weekly planning walkthrough - aligning profit + energy, protecting CEO time, building buffer space, and using “task triage” when life blows up.

Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast
• Check out the next webinar: aboutshaunalynn.com/webinar
• The Gap and The Gain by Dan Sullivan: https://amzn.to/3E1Wfa7

In this powerful conversation, Shauna Lynn Simon sits down with mindset coach and author Rusty Osborne to explore a counterintuitive truth many high-achieving entrepreneurs miss: the very thoughts you try to silence may be pointing to your next breakthrough. Rusty shares his own journey from building a business that looked successful on the outside to confronting the unseen mental blocks that quietly stalled his growth, and how that reckoning reshaped the way he now helps others lead with clarity and confidence.

Listeners will gain a fresh lens on overwhelm, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome, learning why positive thinking alone often falls short and how working with negative self-talk can create real momentum. Through practical insights rooted in neuroscience, mindset work, and lived experience, this episode reveals how trust in yourself is built, how freedom expands when you stop resisting discomfort, and why sustainable success starts beneath the surface.

If you’re heading into a new season of leadership and want fewer mental roadblocks and more ease, this episode offers a grounded, actionable perspective worth sitting with - and sharing with someone who needs it.
Timestamps:

• (00:02) - (07:15): Rusty Osborne explains why negative self-talk isn’t something to eliminate, but a signal pointing directly to hidden mental blocks.
• (07:16) - (18:42): Shauna Lynn Simon and Rusty Osborne unpack the limits of “think positive” culture and why it often keeps entrepreneurs stuck in overwhelm.
• (18:43) - (32:10): Rusty Osborne shares his personal business collapse and the mindset shift that helped him rebuild with clarity, alignment, and ease.
• (32:11) - (47:55): A deep dive into imposter syndrome, money beliefs, and why fear of success quietly sabotages capable, high-performing women.
• (47:56) - (01:05:20): Rusty Osborne breaks down how subconscious rewiring builds self-trust, expands freedom, and creates sustainable leadership going into 2026.

Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast

Rusty Osborne:

• Learn more about Rusty: https://rustyosborne.com/
• Follow Rusty on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/thecoachrusty
• Follow Rusty on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thecoachrusty
• Subscribe to Rusty on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheCoachRusty
• Listeners of The Real Women Real Business Podcast get Rusty's book, The Power of Negative Thinking, plus bonuses for free at https://www.thepowerofnegativethinkingbook.com/shaunalynn (or purchase on Amazon here https://amzn.to/491ZL19)

About Rusty Osborne:
Rusty Osborne is the go-to mindset coach for entrepreneurs who need to get out of their own way. He’s helped hundreds of business owners use their negative self-talk to ditch overwhelm and break through their biggest mental blocks. His book The Power of Negative Thinking is out now on Amazon!

In this episode, Shauna Lynn guides listeners through a compassionate yet strategic process for closing out the year like a true CEO. Drawing from her own challenging season, marked by personal loss, stalled timelines, and hard-earned breakthroughs, she models the mindset shift that transforms setbacks into meaningful data rather than self-criticism. Shauna Lynn outlines a four-part framework to strengthen confidence, clear mental clutter, and create the space needed to build a business that feels aligned rather than overwhelming. Listeners will hear her philosophy on celebrating imperfect progress, identifying repeating patterns, releasing what no longer fits, and crafting a vision anchored in how they want to feel next year.

This episode offers a blend of honesty, humor, and highly actionable reflection prompts that listeners can apply immediately to a more grounded, intentional start to 2026.
Tune in for a thoughtful reset - and share with an entrepreneur who’s ready to step into the new year with clarity and purpose.
 Timestamps:

• (00:01) - (03:45) - Why ending your year like a CEO changes everything
• (03:46) - (09:22) - The hidden cost of skipping year-end reflection
• (09:23) - (17:10) - How Shauna Lynn reframes mistakes and leads her team
• (17:11) - (27:40) - A challenging year, personal growth, and the power of honest assessment
• (27:41) - (39:55) - The four-part CEO reflection framework to build your next-level year

 Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast
• Learn about the Real Women Mastery Program - https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb
• Episode #45, Letting Go of What No Longer Serves You: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb-podcast-episodes/letting-go

In this episode, Shauna Lynn Simon sits down with branding expert and designer RuthAnn Rafiq to explore why so many established coaches and service providers hit a revenue ceiling not because of visibility, but because their brand no longer reflects the level of expertise they’ve grown into. RuthAnn shares how mismatched branding can quietly erode confidence, limit conversions and keep entrepreneurs playing small even when demand is high.

Listeners will hear RuthAnn’s refreshing philosophy on premium positioning, including why mindset shifts must happen before the visuals change, how authenticity and values shape true authority and the subtle signals that separate brands attracting tire kickers from those bringing in high-intent, ready-to-invest clients. She also breaks down the organic marketing opportunities most entrepreneurs are missing and explains how a strategic rebrand can transform not only revenue, but the way a founder shows up in their business.

By the end, listeners will feel inspired to evaluate their own online presence with honesty, clarity and purpose and take aligned action toward the business they want to lead.
This is an episode worth sharing with any entrepreneur ready for their next evolution.
 Timestamps:

• (00:02) - (08:41): RuthAnn Rafiq shares why established entrepreneurs hit a revenue ceiling even when visibility isn’t the issue.
• (08:42) - (18:19): The emotional and mindset shifts required to step into a more premium brand identity.
• (18:20) - (29:57): What actually signals expertise online and how branding influences authority and conversion.
• (29:58) - (44:36): RuthAnn and Shauna Lynn unpack the connection between rebranding, pricing and money mindset growth.
• (44:37) - (58:10): RuthAnn gets personal about scaling back her business to honor her values and offers practical advice for sustainable growth.

 Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast
• Book Your Money Momentum Session: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/moneycall

 RuthAnn Rafiq:

• Learn more about RuthAnn: https://www.rartspace.com/about
• Follow RuthAnn on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/r_artspace/?hl=en
• Follow RuthAnn on Pinterest: https://ca.pinterest.com/r_artspace/
• Get Your 3 Site Success Audits: https://www.rartspace.com/audit

 About RuthAnn Rafiq:

RuthAnn Rafiq is the owner and lead designer behind R Artspace, a branding studio helping coaches and service providers feel premium in their high-quality offer with a sophisticated brand and custom Squarespace website to help establish you as the sought-after expert in a crowded industry and help you more ease-fully scale to 6 and 7 figures. On a personal note, RuthAnn is a wife, mama to 3 little ones, is homeschooling, and lives in Kansas City.

In this episode, Shauna Lynn sits down with life and personal development coach Primavera Barron for a raw, honest look at why so many women feel stuck, burnt out, or disconnected from their current identity. Primavera shares her transformative journey from losing herself in a decade-long marriage to rebuilding her sense of self through neuro-linguistic programming and energy work, and how this sparked her mission to help other women stop abandoning themselves.
Listeners will hear why procrastination, people-pleasing, and overwhelm are often symptoms of a deeper identity mismatch, and how simple but challenging questions can shift long-standing patterns. Primavera offers a fresh, science-backed perspective on changing the inner narrative, reframing limiting beliefs, and taking action that actually aligns with who you are today, not who you used to be.
This episode invites listeners into the discomfort that leads to clarity, confidence, and meaningful change. Tune in for a conversation that may just help you see yourself in a new way, and share it with someone who needs the reminder that growth is always possible.

Timestamps:

• (00:02) - (12:10): Shauna Lynn introduces Primavera Barron and sets the stage for a conversation about burnout, identity, and why so many women feel stuck in their own lives.
• (12:11) - (27:40): Primavera breaks down the disconnect between who women were when they started their business and who they are now, and how this outdated identity quietly fuels procrastination and overwhelm.
• (27:41) - (43:05): Hear Primavera’s personal turning point after her divorce, the patterns she noticed in her massage clients, and what made her pursue neuro-linguistic programming as the missing piece.
• (43:06) - (57:50): A deep dive into NLP, shamanic energy work, and the surprising ways women self-sabotage through people-pleasing, avoidance, and emotional overidentification.
• (57:51) - (1:12:30): Primavera shares actionable ways listeners can question their internal narrative, interrupt limiting beliefs, and begin shifting into their true identity with courage and clarity.

Resources:

• Book Your FREE Coaching Assessment Call with Shauna Lynn: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/coachme
• Learn more about the show: AboutShaunaLynn.com/podcast
• Episode #82, How to Turn Procrastination Into a Powerful Tool for Business Growth: https://www.aboutshaunalynn.com/rwrb-podcast-episodes/tools-for-business-growth

Primavera Barron:

• Learn more about Primavera: https://subscribepage.io/Primavera_Barron_Coaching
• Follow Primavera on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/primaverabarron/?hl=en
• Get your 2 free journal workbooks: https://stan.store/primaverabarron

About Primavera Barron:
Primavera Barron helps women who feel stuck, lost, or on the verge of burnout come back to themselves and rebuild a life that finally fits. She does it through raw, truth-first coaching and deep emotional reset. She’s known for her unfiltered style and has helped women walk out of silence, self-abandonment, and pretending, into the most honest version of who they are.