Things start surprisingly deep when Lern talks about listening to Rafe’s appearance on The HoneyDew, where he discussed difficult experiences from childhood and finding comedy in darker moments. He explains the idea of turning life’s lowlights into highlights, everybody agrees that nobody escapes childhood completely unscathed, and for one fleeting moment this sounds like a mature conversation between emotionally intelligent adults.
Turns out King Scott likes his coffee like he likes his women... According to former Starbucks professionals, black-coffee drinkers might enjoy torturing themselves, caramel macchiato fans barely want coffee at all, vanilla-latte people play it safe, Frappuccino drinkers are basically ordering milkshakes, matcha people might be doing it for the aesthetic, and macchiato drinkers know exactly what they want—and apparently want the barista to know that they know.
McDonald’s fries enter the conversation. So does the Wendy’s Frosty, Taco Bell’s spicy potato soft taco, the Frisco Melt, Lion’s Choice, Dairy Queen onion rings, Rally’s fries, Del Taco, Freddy’s and more. Nobody reaches a universal consensus because democracy has failed once again.
Things somehow become less appetizing when the crew discovers a Walgreens three-in-one product described as a douche, enema and water-bottle combination system. There are some household products where “multipurpose” is a selling point. This may not be one of them.
The show then gets into a study suggesting men have a complicated relationship with dieting, including the idea that some men may respond better to “goals” and “challenges” than the word “diet.” Rafe offers his own theory after seeing wildly confident dudes criticize women online while looking, in his words, like a thumb melting into a suit. Poetry remains alive in St. Louis.
And because the current calendar apparently isn't irritating enough, Moon brings up a viral proposal to replace our 12 months with five beautiful 73-day monstrosities: Jebruary, Maple, Jaugust, Soctober and Nissember. Is a 73-day Jaugust horrifying? Absolutely. Are we intrigued by Soctober? Unfortunately, yes.
Then Tupac conspiracy content leads into a survey asking whether Americans believe they could successfully fake their own deaths. Younger adults are more confident. Older adults have apparently lived long enough to understand that the IRS, prescription refills and bill collectors are undefeated.
Du Quoin, Illinois is having a rough week, and this one hits close to home.
Massive downtown fire in Du Quoin. Multiple businesses were destroyed, including Home Lumber Company, BJ's Garden Inn and other properties along the downtown business district. Making an already difficult situation even worse, the fire happened during the Du Quoin State Fair, one of the biggest economic weeks of the year for the small Southern Illinois community.
From there, September 3rd's collection of completely necessary national holidays introduces National Welsh Rarebit Day, which briefly causes confusion over whether anyone is eating a rabbit. They're not. It's cheese. That discovery leads directly to Worcestershire sauce, pork-steak marinades and the shocking revelation that Rafe doesn't own a grill.
After talking with Tim Virgin, she introduces a potential reality-dating concept called Rock Hard Island. The premise involves eligible bachelors from St. Louis rock radio, women applying to date them and enough trash-TV energy to immediately attract hypothetical sponsors. There isn't actually an island involved, but that's apparently a minor logistical concern. Even more alarming: sales is interested.
Then Lern takes over for Crap on Celebrities with a packed entertainment rundown. There's a documentary about late Rush drummer Neil Peart featuring Geddy Lee, Alex Lifeson and fellow drummers including Stewart Copeland, Chad Smith and Danny Carey. Rush is also headed back to St. Louis, giving Moon another chance to see a band he thought he'd never get to experience after Peart's death.
The crew runs through villains ranging from Cruella de Vil and Scar to Patrick Bateman, Magneto, John Doe and Dr. Evil, proving once again that this daily comedy show can turn almost any entertainment list into an argument.
Finally, Moon breaks down which music genres are supposedly most popular in different states based on search trends, with pop leading the country, metal putting up an impressive fight and Sleep Token emerging as a heavily searched metal act.
We ask one of the great questions of our time: why is everybody bringing their dog to the airport now? After seeing dogs everywhere at LAX—and hearing two cats meow their way through an entire flight—the crew falls directly into a pet-themed rabbit hole that somehow gets stranger from there.
The crew admits to giving pets updates before leaving the house, whispering compliments to one dog so the other one doesn’t hear, telling cats “I love you,” debating which pet is secretly the favorite, asking dogs what they want to watch on TV, and generally treating animals like tiny roommates who contribute absolutely nothing financially.
That sends the crew back to 1993’s The Three Musketeers, Tim Curry as Cardinal Richelieu, Charlie Sheen, Kiefer Sutherland, Chris O’Donnell, Oliver Platt, and the gloriously over-the-top “All for Love” combination of Bryan Adams, Rod Stewart, and Sting. This funny podcast briefly becomes a 1990s movie-and-music appreciation society nobody asked to join.
Finally, a listener asks a dangerous question for people who have spent years working in radio: what song have you heard so many times that you never need to hear it again?
In other words, another perfectly normal episode of daily comedy from The Rizzuto Show.
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