Today we talk about how a lack of personal safety as little boys taught us how to be drunk, angry, impotent men. It’s about bullying and Bukowski and desperation and an inability to show love for ourselves and accept love from others. Usual shit. 

Show notes:

John's book Theatre Kids: A True Tale of Off-Off Broadway.

Swamp Dogg's record.

In this episode:

01:24 - Keep on trying

06:06 - Curtains up, Beard ASMR, Daily Carry Bros

08:57 - Military & Theatre

15:20 - Meeting via Maxim, the Black Table

21:20 - Bonding over 'party fouls'

23:16 - The Email and the party

26:21 - The language of toxic masculinity

30:19 - Calling from the wreckage, John's advice to A.J.

36:46 - The little old lady

40:26 - Confronting fear in early sobriety

47:51 - Jane Fonda's Toxic Masculinity Observation

51:12 - Shakespeare on Masculinity, Back to Buk'

55:48 - Kid Stardust on the Porter House

1:00:22 - Trying to feel safe and loved

1:03:33 - Live from the boxing gym, losing fights, mano a wall

1:07:14 - Anger as an indicator

1:09:43 - Revenge fantasies

1:11:56 - How to become a villain

1:18:56 - Schoolyard: 1 Bukoski: 0, Swamp does CCR

We pause to introduce a new segment, and talk shop about some big plans in the works for the new year. The Small Bow universe is growing in exciting ways, with help from some new friends. Also, a little Q&A about how things are going so far in Season 2, what's next for the podcast, and some industry gossip.

Want to help guide things? Take two minutes to tell us what else you’d like to see from The Small Bow in our listener survey here. 

Things we mentioned:

Hear A.J. interviewed on PJ’s podcast Search Engine here.

Listen to the Death Sex and Money episode we’re talking about.

Check out Garrett's newsletter Healings.

Did we…already mention the survey? There’s a survey.

In this episode:

0:38 Intro

0:57 SOTS?

2:06 Growth Plans

3:06 Survey, App plans

11:12 What are people Googling?

14:00 Doing less, check engine light, Death Sex & Money

17:34 How the Slate Ask A.J. column is going

20:26 A.J.'s app plans

23:59 An entry point for early recovery

29:40 Ads creator economy, high bar

32:25 Partnering with people who want to work with us

36:32 Around the world, around the world

The acclaimed and wonderful author of Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma helps us sift through the ugliness of monstrous behavior and the guilty feelings associated with being a fan of the art made by vile people. Is it okay to still watch those movies and listen to those songs? Claire Dederer tells A.J. what to do, plus a lot of great advice on writing memoir, and navigating the world of publishing.

Links:

Claire’s book Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma, and Claire’s essay in the Paris Review.

Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com.

Thanks to Robo9418 for your recording of people cheering for a banana.

In this episode:

0:38 Intro

3:49 Origins of the book, feeling conflicted about Polanski

7:17 The gift of distaster and monstrous perspective

9:23 Feeling shameful in early recovery

13:23 AJ's experience with judgment, shame

16:27 How recovery changed Claire's work, Responsibility

22:07 Two things for A.J. that came from the book

25:37 Ubiquity of biography online, public cancellations, notoriety

32:29 No longer identifying with who you were

43:47 What do you tell your kids about your own monstrousness?

54:40 Different types of monsters

57:27 Charles Bukowski, Gena Rowlands, and other forms

1:03:44 Whether you are your work, Derrida

1:07:21 Are writing retreats helpful?

1:09:45 Claire v. A.J.'s therapist

1:13:46 Balancing sober content, Dopey, TSB's philosophy

1:18:57 Where A.J. feels shaky with blurred lines, how he approaches the newsletter

1:23:23 False Ending

1:26:57 The half-life of Monsters, avoiding getting typecast as a subject matter expert

1:35:52 Outro

Today we talk with writer Kerry Madden-Lunsford about how Al-Anon has helped her deal with the pain of having a child who’s treatment-resistant and now living on the streets of Los Angeles.

Find more stories and conversations at thesmallbow.com.

Kerry’s book Werewolf Hamlet

Kerry’s Substack

"Easy Crier" by Al Oldender

Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com.

In this Episode

0:38 Intro

4:51 Flannery's Childhood, Kerry's Parenting Philosophies

5:59 The Christmas Letter

8:04 Flannery Today

10:29 Being in Denial, then Noticing Signs

14:08 The most codependent family ever vs Al Anon

17:17 Diagnosis, Jail, Christmas

19:42 Self-Pity vs Al Anon

22:35 Werewolf Hamlet

25:28 Travel Town Museum, Torment

28:08 Realizing your child is unhoused

30:50 Looking For Flannery

32:50 Justin Szlasa

35:43 What Should You Do?

42:17 Ideal Outcomes

45:17 Kerry's current approach

50:22 Angels

55:04 Outro

For the past five years, TSB’s in-house social worker, Joe Schrank, has tried to get someone other than us (and Andy Cohen) to acknowledge Recovery Month every September. Alcoholism and mental health issues affect one in ten Americans. So why does no one want to talk about it?

Find more like this at thesmallbow.com. And Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com.

In this episode:

02:56 What should Recovery Month look like?

08:18 Stigmatizing Alcoholism vs viewing it as a disease

17:19 Care and Moralization, AA value system, Recovery Mass

21:09 AA vs Recovery, the Father Joe of Cyberspace

24:05 Joe's recovery ambassador work at Georgia State

32:45 Recovery month's competition, Andy Cohen

35:32 Recovery Ambassadors

49:14 Promoting Recovery Stories

We talk to each other about the state of the podcast, and whether A.J.'s workaholic tendencies torpedoed the chance for a second season with iHeartRadio.

Also — we need more voice memos from you about your own workaholic/ambition problems. Hit [email protected] subject WORKAHOLIC, or 323-917-3846.

Swamp Dogg’s latest record here.

We talk with writer Jennifer Romolini about Philly shit, her book "Ambition Monster," her relapse into workaholism while promoting the book, and how to be satisfied with a “B minus” work day. 

Also: We’re calling on the Small Bow Family Orchestra: Do you think you might be a workaholic? What moments come to mind? Send a voice memo along to [email protected], SUBJECT: WORKAHOLIC. Or you can leave us a voicemail at +1-323-917-3846. 

Read Workaholism 101 here. Find Jenn’s book and more writing here. Listen to Jenn’s podcast with Kim France Everything is Fine. Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy here.

In this episode:

4:53 Interview Begins

6:53 Creative Burnout, Balancing Life and Writing, Jenn's Essays

10:17 Ambition & Insecurity, Trauma-Success, Acting in Charge

17:34 Changing Ambitions, Sober Heartbreak, Drinking Culture

21:33 Relapse, New Cycles, Parental denial

33:00 Getting What You Wanted, Working to Fix It

38:40 Status vs. What You Want, Consistency, Creative Blocks

42:20 How to Stay Sane When You Care, Self-Pressure

47:23 The Fuck You Voice, Burritoville

49:55 Trusting yourself? Being hypersensitive, Being patient, Parental growth

54:43 Reparenting

1:03:28 What to do if you're workaholic

Josh Radnor joins TSB pod to discuss the spiritual life he acquired while navigating the pitfalls of becoming internationally famous for his role as Ted Mosby on “How I Met Your Mother.” We also discuss the problem with gurus, the perks of solitude, free desserts, and “Brats”. 

Find Josh's newsletter here. And check out Swamp Dogg's album Black Grass here.

In this episode:

2:43 Josh's relationship to Ted Mosby, surviving fame, spiritual work, No Bad Parts

11:00 Being famous but not the main character, suggested bibliography,

18:10 Turning 50, Josh's reading list, A.J.'s recommendation

25:04 "Brats" but like Andrew McCarthy, sobriety and public life

30:55 Finding camaraderie in sobriety

37:35 Gurus, charlatans, cults

43:25 Living with a dark side, expanding your definition of self

51:42 Seeking camaraderie in sobriety

54:30 Gurus, Charlatans, Cults

58:00 Richard Rohr, pride, feeling strange, writer brain, Mary HK Choi

Mary HK Choi returns to the pod to discuss her extremely popular NY Mag essay about her adult autism diagnosis. We also discuss social anxiety, self-forgiveness in the aftermath of both our father’s deaths, and Mary’s practice of using a post-it note to remind her to “go say hello” to other people in social situations and not to isolate. 

Some of this conversation is an update to Mary's last time on the show. If you like this, check out S1 E15 "Suffer the Adult Children".

Find more of us at thesmallbow.com/podcast.

In this Episode:

00:00:00 Top of Show

The Essay

00:02:50 Mary’s essay, public response

00:06:29 Perceptions of autism, personal and professional challenges

00:15:27 What didn’t make the article, self-diagnosis and resources, https://embrace-autism.com/ 

In Relationships

00:27:07 Self-compassion, communicating needs, growing into things

00:34:18 Relationship to eating, food, autistically feeling your body

00:37:30 No Surprises Club, Julianne hello’s A.J.

Parents and Parenting

00:42:27 Addressing the past, Ozzy vs Dr. Drew

00:50:07 Father-child relationships, Hungry Girls Forever, breaking cycles

00:55:10 Unsubscribe from your 11yo, Looking back without anger, old-boy dads

00:59:12 Reevaluating memories, choosing to have a relationship, saying goodbye

01:02:59 Asking what was my part? Being in our heads, “Don’t be like me”

01:13:49 A.J. geeks

01:15:00 Closing thoughts, our next super famous guest

The inimitable Peaceful John returns for our new season for another round of soothing lessons in reparenting ourselves. Today we talk about the difference between deserving and entitlement. Do you know the difference? Neither did we.