The Sportive

If you came here expecting anything less than 2 hours of rants, you have come to the wrong place. But for those who love misery and want company, listen to us whine about:

- Country music

- The Zucker demotion and the Wild in general

- Giving up hope that Rick Spielman knows what he’s doing

- Same with Terry Ryan

- A passionate game of TeamStupid vs TeamApathetic re: the Pohlads

- Why the Wolves will suck

- Why being a Minnesota sports fan is so damn miserable

- Mangria

On the bright side, we do compliment Liza Minnelli and offer some uncanny Borat impressions, so it’s not all bad. (Yeah it is.)

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We're one man short this week, but Clarence, Jon, and Stu got together to talk about the following: 

• How depressing the Vikings are
• How depressing the Twins are
• How depressing it is that Terry Ryan doesn't understand what things cost
• How depressing the outdoor hockey situation is
• How depressed should we be about the Wild?

It's not all bad, though. We do talk about Val's in St. Cloud, and encourage all listeners to send strange mail to Mike Rand.

Please, click below and have a listen.

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The guys invite #GrandDrunkRailroad mastermind and Perkins Speedball inventor Parker Hageman on to give an event recap, followed by:

• A recap of Vikings/Bears (long sighs)
• Our 2014 Vikes QB watch (#Tank4Teddy/#Blow4Brett)
• The Jerry Kill situaish (...)
• A reluctant Wild preview (zzzzz)
• The future of the Twins (Parker and Brandon were 30 wins apart on their 2014 predictions)

Plus our typical jackassery. And finally, because we can't resist sabotoging any potential threat of mainstream accessibility, we unveil a new and much improved podcast name. Think you can handle The Sports Fist? Click play to find out. [Six straight minutes of sound effects]

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Most of this episode is devoted to grousing over an expected yet still annoying Vikings loss. We hate on Ponder and the LBs, try our best to find some bright spots, pick out our QBs for next season and preview the upcoming Bears game.

Plus we talk Evil Rand, the Pickle Factory, Twins, Gophers and the time Disco Danny Ford taught a young Stu how to swear. We're also proud to report we exceeded our quota of jug yanking, finger-pointing and shots-firing. No surprise there.

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Hoooooo boy, not sure where to start. The Strib’s Michael Rand sat in as we toed the line between serious & juvenile like never before. First we list Minnesota towns that sound like sex acts, then preview the Gopher football season. Ponder’s future, then twerk captains. A potential Sano call-up, then more sex acts. High school football, then dairy princesses. Soccer, spies, and so on. As for the result, we guarantee at least a half-dozen belly laughs or your money back.

(And though it was mentioned numerous times on the podcast, we should put in writing that Rand had nothing to do with any of the lewd jokes. Those were pretty much all Clarence. Glorious, disgusting, smartly anonymous Clarence.)

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First the fellas give sponsor @CD12Josh advice on parenting, wedding, youth sports and how to suggest a threesome, then move on to less serious topics such as Miguel Sano, firing shots at Zgoda, stretch jeans, more Ponder bitching and manthrax. Don’t even ask.

And there was this, from Clarence: “Just give me some goddamn ketchup, you stupid asshole.”

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This week’s guest is documentary filmmaker Hunter Weeks. Yes, for the first time in Sportive history we chatted with someone who actually contributes to society in a positive manner. Hunter discusses his past and upcoming projects, and in between we meet our BS quota by talking about chafing, the long tail, forums for the geriatric-obsessed (a real thing), and lots of fantasy football. This one’s short on nonsense and long on insights, and no one is more surprised than us.

We’d love some rube support for Hunter’s latest doc, so if you’re in the giving mood please visit the Kickstarter for his most recent film. It’s a whole lot better than funding our podcast, the funds of which will just be stolen by Clarence to build more barricades around his compound in Whereverthefuck, Minnesota.

Say no to Clarence. Say yes to Hunter.

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The full squad is in appearance to welcome media superstar and Minnetonka Man Aaron Gleeman for his second appearance. We spent most of our time on the Vikings season preview which included predictions, AP and Clarence's traditional 20-minute rant about Ponder.

Beyond that, a short list of tangents: gambling suggestions, Corduroy Papasan, swingers, Gallagher, Shakespeare, our weekly #firingshots segment, missing kidneys and boner pills. So much talk about boner pills. (Probably too much.)

Anyway, a damn fun episode on all accounts. Click play ONLY if you enjoy happiness, laughter and good times. 

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The fearful foursome return w/ a guestless breakdown of the hottest of hot sports takes. We tackle Ryan Braun, steroids, Challen, Anthony Weiner, a spot-on Rush Limbaugh impression, a brief Gardy rant, firing shots at Zgoda and, oh why the hell not, some jai-alai.

Everything you've come to expect from The Sportive -- the tangents, dropped calls, lack of preparation, indecipherable references, a cappella singing, twitter shoutouts -- makes an appearance. We are BACK, friends, and back with a vengeance whimper.

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