The Strong Within Affirmation Podcast

Thoughtful Thursdays-#313 November 9th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Find Heaven Within

"The main object of religion is not to get a man into heaven, but to get heaven into him." — Thomas Hardy

When I lived in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin…a suburb of Milwaukee… My next-door neighbor Mike become a great mentor in my life. And as life would have it, he became my landlord later as they were selling the house I was renting at the time. Mike’s studio apartment that was connected to the back of his house had just opened for rent and so I moved in.

Mike and I spent many days talking, and I learned so much from him. And during the spring and summer months we would sit on the front porch as he called our place heaven. He taught me that heaven wasn’t a far-off place, but was a decision to be a part of. He taught me that as humans we can focus on heaven or hell in our mind. We literally can create our own dwelling by what we focus upon. And so I spent many days in heaven talking about the deeper ideas in life with him.

From my religious experience, I had been taught that heaven was a place of reward, a place that only the best souls could inhabit…and I lived in fear of life and God as I spent my existence trying to earn my way into this far off place. And I’m not wanting to contradict anyone’s religion, but heaven is something that doesn’t have to be waited upon. Religion is used to help us understand God, and I’ve found that the journey of knowing God, of knowing ourselves, and truly understanding that we are One… will be a life long journey.

Over my life time some of the greatest stories I’ve heard always involved the search for immeasurable treasure. The mountains of gold, the cities of gold, the streets of gold… and in the greatest stories there was always a constant…while the heroes searched thousands if not millions of miles, and some even searched for their entire life…they always found the treasure in the same spot…within themselves.

And I think we get heaven confused as a place. I think we get heaven confused as a destination that once we make it then we can stop being who we were as we are magically transformed into pure souls…and I don’t buy into that theory. I spent years punishing myself for not being good enough, I contemplated the gates of hell in my depressions and thoughts of suicide…and the one thing that kept me on the plane of this physical world…besides the fear of death…was a hope that there was always something beautiful within me. Even in my darkest hells while on this earth…I still had a glimmer of hope. I still had that piece of heaven within shining through…grabbing my attention. That voice inside that kept telling me there was more…that I was more…that this moment of pain, struggle, and uncertainty in my life was temporary.

I learned to stop seeking heaven, and to be within heaven. I learned to know heaven, and to remind myself that all the darkness I feel within is only a choice to live in fear. For hell is a choice to focus on the sadness and darkness that’s temporary. It’s a place of closing your eyes to the beautiful life that is here right now. And I won’t lie, it’s a difficult place to remember…as the world, and ourselves, seem to forget that heaven isn’t a far off place…but it’s always inside of us ready to be remembered and lived within.

I’m not a prophet, and I’m not a savior…but I do have one gift I would like to give you…whether you’re involved in organized religion, or on your own spiritual journey, or whether you are agnostic or atheist…heaven is within you. Every choice is a decision to live within the beauty of this moment…or it’s a choice to focus on the darkness, the loneliness, and separate yourself from the beauty you have within and outside of you at any moment.

Just like the saying, “when you stand for nothing you will fall for everything.” Heaven is the same…it can’t be earned, begged, or fought for…it can only be stood for in everything that we are. So let us not fall to the darkness of our fears, but let us stand and face the light of choosing to find heaven within ourselves at every moment. Let us choose to live a better life because we have decided so.

Today’s Personal Commitment:
How will you choose to be in heaven today? Heaven…is a choice. So take notice of all the times you focus on the things that go wrong, how life is unfair, and all the things that can drag you down…and then see how you can pivot from those thoughts and find a better perspective. We can choose to keep our eyes on the ground afraid of what we might step in…or we can keep our eyes to the sky seeing all the magnificent beauty that is in every moment. Choose to pivot from hell today, and choose to be in heaven…in every moment.

I Find Heaven Within

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Wisdom Wednesdays-#312 November 8th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Do The Small Acts With All My Heart

Swami Sivananda said, “Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.”

And I agree, as I think that’s the secret to life. As most great knowledge is something so simple it’s profound. I spent a good portion of my younger life being depressed. I was seeking for my purpose, I was hoping that God would show me a sign of what my purpose was to be. And when I wasn’t answered… I felt that I must have no purpose then. So I lived with that lie, for many years. And that lie, kept me from being the person I was meant to be.

But I knew a truth at a young age that I couldn’t necessarily believe as people kept telling me that a purpose was something bigger. I believed my purpose was doing the small things well. Letting people know they mattered by noticing them and saying hello to them, by opening doors for people as an act of kindness letting them know I wanted to ease their day a little bit, or maybe just saying a nice compliment here and there to brighten someone’s day. I knew my purpose was being good at the small things in life. But while I knew that, I kept listening to what others were telling me… that a purpose has to be something of great scale.

Children see the biggest picture as they simplify things with their innocence.  And as we grow up, we feel that we have to be #1 on the field holding up the championship trophy to be winners. We feel we have to be the CEO, the big boss, or someone in high power to make a difference in a company or in the world. We feel we have to be the smartest person in the room wowing people with our immense knowledge. And all those things can be great, but they may not add up to you feeling satisfied in pursuing your great purpose.

I lived in the lie that a purpose had to be something so big that people would know me. That I would be recognized for my efforts. And I think I believed that…because if other people saw that in me, then it must be true. That the validation through others would be the validation in me—that I had made it. And while I still did the small things…I did them with sadness, and I forgot that there was great purpose in those small things. I was endlessly searching for a way to feel worthy…when I had forgotten I didn’t have to do anything to gain that worth.

I know we all have a great purpose, and your purpose will not be mine, but when I remembered that it was my purpose to do the small things well…my life changed. I stopped sulking and feeling sorry for myself because I felt I wasn’t worthy…and I began connecting with people. I began helping people to feel good about themselves and their day…and I began changing the little corner of my world by changing the way I loved myself. So whatever your purpose is, I know you will do great things…but do the small things greatly and you will reach those great things… that are waiting patiently for you.

Today’s Personal Commitment:
What’s your purpose? Have you sat down and thought about what your purpose is lately? I know as we get older it’s easier to forget about that question because it can be a painful one to ask. We might feel we are not in alignment with it, or can’t reach it because we are too busy doing the “have to’s” of life and so we tell ourselves it would be too hard to achieve our purpose now.

Do some soul searching and answer what your purposes are… I think we have more than one purpose in our lives. And when you figure it out, ask yourself how you can do the small things greatly in your purpose today. And how can you be purposeful not just in today, but tomorrow, and next week, and next year. I know it can be easy to focus on your purpose for one day…but how can you continually be reminded to live in your purpose…always.

 I Do The Small Acts With All My Heart

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Tag Me Tuesdays-# 311 November 7th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Pursue My Bliss

JOSEPH CAMPBELL was a mythologist and writer known for coining the term “follow you bliss.” In an interview that was done by Bill Moyers for a PBS documentary, which was turned into a book called The Power of Myth…Bill asked Joseph Campbell a question:

“Do you ever have the sense of… being helped by hidden hands?”

Joseph replied, “It is miraculous. I even have a superstition that has grown on me as a result of invisible hands coming all the time – namely, that if you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. When you can see that, you begin to meet people who are in your field of bliss, and they open doors to you. I say, follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”

I was having a conversation with a friend of mine about how this has become a catch term for millennials now a days, that they want to follow their bliss, that they will take jobs with more hours, with less pay, or do things that help them to feel their purpose… but I think a good portion of people can get this term wrong. That following your bliss means that it will come to you.

Joseph didn’t say wait for your bliss. He said FOLLOW your bliss. And it isn’t a blind following, it isn’t a following of I hope something will work out. Yes, there won’t be a direct path…but it is a harder path. It is the willingness to do whatever it takes to go towards your bliss. It is the willingness to be active if necessary, it is the willingness to be patient actively waiting however long it will take when most would get too impatient and give up, and it is the willingness to go into battle with no gear if need be… committed fully to your path.

And so the path of following your bliss, while it will be a purposeful path, it probably will be the hardest path you’ll take. Maybe not because you will have to work the hardest or that it will take years…but that the path will be counterintuitive to what the world will tell you. As people will say don’t go into that profession you’ll never make any money, don’t pursue that goal many have tried before and have failed every time. People may try to persuade you away from your goal, and to take their path, as they are afraid of traveling their path alone…or maybe your path is a difficult one because the signs or warning signals aren’t readily apparent. As most times it’s a feeling or a sense of intuition…and it can be hard to discern that voice versus the voice of fear inside.

So I say be willing to be tested, be willing to do the work in figuring out who you are, be willing to pursue your dreams and goals as you follow your bliss…but be willing to put in the effort, the toil, the courage to fail over and over again if need be, be willing to be laughed at and ridiculed for going the other way, and be willing to do whatever it takes…even if it means leaving it all behind to pursue and follow what emblazes your soul…be willing to follow your bliss…but be willing to do what is necessary to reach that destination. For it will be a hard path, but not in how you expect…as the answer may already be in your grasp… as it’s the willingness to do whatever it takes to make it yours. And some are not ready to take themselves to those depths, and some won’t believe they deserve it…but it’s my hope that you will be willing to do it, and to know you are worthy to not only follow your bliss but to live it every day.

Today’s Personal Commitment:
What is your bliss, and what does it mean to PURSUE it? Sometimes we don’t feel fulfilled in our lives because we aren’t pursuing our bliss, and sometimes our lives are not fulfilled…by our definition of bliss changing. I was watching Field of Dreams and Kevin Costner is playing catch with a character at the end of the movie…and the character asks Kevin if this is Heaven… and he says, “it’s Iowa.” Later in the scene Kevin asks the other man...”is there a heaven?” And the character says, “oh yeah, it’s the place dreams come true.” Kevin looks back at his wife and daughter on the porch playing and says with a slight grin on his face…”Well, maybe this is heaven.”

So following your bliss may not be leaving everything behind, it may be remembering what is important to you again and re-energizing your pursuits in being more present in your life to what you already have…but again it may be making commitments that you gave up on long ago for fear of not succeeding. There is heaven in this world…and we decide whether we will pursue it, or we decide to stay in limbo complaining that we never had a chance to pursue what made us feel alive. I hope you remain active in following your bliss.

Write down what your bliss is. Write down how you can begin pursuing it again, and then begin working on pursuing your bliss…right now.

I Pursue My Bliss

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Mindful Mondays-# 310 November 6th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Keep A Soft Heart In A Hardened World

After relationships ended I felt angry. And I think I felt that way, because it was the easiest way for me to feel justified, to feel like I was right, and to protect myself if anyone tried to come back. It was a way to remember that I wouldn’t ever allow this person into my life again in that capacity. I felt that if I looked at the relationship in a good manner then I might be blinded to go back into it.

But being angry kept me from moving on, and it kept me from healing. They say that the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference…but I don’t want to be so far from love that I’m indifferent to people I cared about. I think it is callous and makes us hard hearted. The world is already hard enough on us we don’t need to add more fuel to that fire. I think we can find a middle ground to keep a soft heart and be satisfied with the way things are…and be happy about how the things in our past turned out.

I think there’s this myth that we believe we have to hold onto an emotion to remember it. Maybe it’s even an emotion of revenge as we hope for people to feel the pain we went thru. And again while we think it will punish the other person, and maybe it will, but…it ultimately punishes us as it keeps us locked in that emotion. Anger begets more anger, hatred begets more hatred.

So instead of us holding onto anger, what if we were to hold onto love. Not love just for the other person, but love for ourselves. Because when we love ourselves we do what is right for ourselves. We ask questions of ourselves to see what is best for ourselves. And by doing what is best for ourselves, we then do what is best for others as well. So instead of holding onto anger to keep people locked out, what if you were to ask yourself…is this anger helping me? And what do I really need and want in my life?

Beneath the anger is something deeper, and that usually is some sort of anxiety or fear. The fear of being hurt again, the fear of being tricked, the fear of not being loved as we desire, the fear that everyone is the same, and maybe the fear of not being good enough. We live in this world that talks about fairy tales, and so we tell stories about fake relationships and perfection…instead of finding the truths we want to live. Because it’s not that we want to live happily ever after…it’s that we want to know that we truly connected with people authentically. It’s that we want to know we loved fully and gave all ourselves to allow people to know the real us…not the fairy tales that are of movies and books.

Because when you think about it, most people don’t know who we are. We are too afraid of being rejected, we are too afraid of being laughed at, and we are too afraid that our fears might be true…and when we live this way…we create our lives to mimic this fear. We make it our truths. And it’s not that I said it was an absolute truth… but it’s that you make it your reality.

So what if you were to create a different reality…what if you were to shed your anger and blossom it into love for yourself. What if you were crack your hardened heart and be willing to take a chance of having a lovingly and softer heart again. You don’t have to hold onto anger to protect yourself…you can hold onto love first…as you ask the question of what do I really need in my life…and how will I take loving steps towards that? How will I truly listen to my needs first and not my wants, how will I stay soft in a hardened world? Because being soft doesn’t mean you will be molded by the world…it means you will mold yourself how you want to be in this world. The hardened hearts are the ones not in control as the hardened world has molded…their hardened heart. Set yourself free from your anger, crack your hardened heart open…you are the only prison warden keeping a more beautiful heart locked up.

Today’s Personal Commitment:
What anger are you holding onto? What resentments do you still allow to linger in your life? It’s a difficult river to forge on releasing our anger and finding better emotions that help us move forward. But it’s a worthwhile pursuit. Write down the events that have been holding you back. Write down the things that have hardened your heart, and after you do this ask yourself, “how would I rather process this event, instead of focusing on my anger or fear?” The fairy tales in our mind, the stories we tell about perfection, keep us from living a real life. So hat stories have you been telling, that have been keeping you trapped from living a more fulfilling, loving, and happier life?

I Keep A Soft Heart In A Hardened World

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Smiling Sundays - #309 November 5th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Am The Solution

What makes you happy? It’s a simple question…but a question that doesn’t get answered that much anymore. We get lost in the routine of our lives paying the bills we have to, taking care of the people we have to, doing the things we don’t necessarily want to, and trying to keep it altogether saving the people in our little corner of the world.

And when I ask that question, people scan over it without much thought and move onto something else easily…as I have done many times in my life. So I’m going to ask you that question again, and I want you to ruminate over it…What makes you happy?

….

So what did you answer? We look elsewhere for things to be the answer, that new product, that new relationship, that new job, or maybe we even look at past events that make us happy…and while that can be something that we find joy in…it’s really about getting to the deepness of what happiness is. People will say happiness is an emotion, but I believe it to be a state of being. It’s something that we can choose to express in any moment of our lives once we learn we are in control of our levels of happiness.

You see, the things in your life aren’t the answer… they are only a part of the equation. We think happiness comes from the things we have, instead of understanding it comes from the way we process the things we have. A relationship, an event, or a thing isn’t the source of your happiness. It’s something that can accentuate your happiness. And when you truly understand this concept you can find peace in any situation instead of always be looking for that next big thing to fulfill yourself…or to look into past events to find things that comfort you in your times of need.

You are the solution, you are the answer, you are what you need…and when you stop looking for other people, for other things, or other events to make you happy…you will then stop feeling empty. You will stop searching for meaning in everything…and you will THEN see meaning in everything. It’s like the old saying of there’s a difference between knowing and application. We all know how to be happy…but actually being happy is another thing altogether. And that’s because while we think we know…we really don’t know. We keep searching for happiness outside of ourselves…instead of cultivating the happiness within ourselves.

Some will say it’s semantics that we shouldn’t be happy we should be joyful, or fulfilled. So I don’t want to get caught in a word battle…but it’s about understanding that your fulfillment is derived from you first, that it’s always been inside of you…then the external things will be the joy that we create in our lives. I like to use the word happy as it’s a middle ground of existence and fulfillment. Happiness is a choice, joy is the choice to expand upon what’s already within you. So whatever you want to call it, know that it’s within you…not created outside of you.

I found when I stopped looking so hard, I saw what was within me…I became my own solution…and then I not only attracted different outcomes, but I allowed the amazing awesome person I always was inside… to come out.

Today’s Personal Commitment:
Get a sheet of paper out and write down all the things that make you happy. After you do this, mark an “I” or “O” next to each happiness thing you listed… “I” for inside and “O” for outside. At the top of the page write down how many O’s and how many I’s you had. This is about understanding where you are consciously deriving your happiness from. I can’t tell you how to be happy, but it is my hope that you find more reasons to be more connected to your state of being…to be more connected to knowing the natural happiness within you.

I Am The Solution

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Synergy Saturdays-#308 November 4th The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Feel With My Eyes, I See With My Ears, And I Listen With My Heart

Would you ever walk backwards in your life, like literally walk backwards out in public? It sounds silly and maybe it might be done more for laughs than anything else…but I got to asking the question, what if we did things backwards? Would we have a new and surprised perspective on the things or problems in front of us?

When thinking about this question I typed “doing things backwards” into Google to see what came up…and I came to a Forbes article written by Akiko Busch. She discussed that her and a friend walked the same path by a creek and pond every day. And every day, this eagle would pass them seeming to take the same way almost as if greeting them on their walk.

Akiko began looking for the eagle’s nest out of curiosity on their walks and never could find it. So, she and her friend tried something different. They walked backwards on their walk seeing the trees from a different perspective and low and behold they found the nest. In her article she says that “Folklore suggests that 100 steps backward are as good as 1,000 steps forward.” (I’ll post a link to this article in my notes on my site).

And this makes total sense because we get so accustomed to doing things a certain way that we don’t see what’s in front of us anymore. We see what we are expecting to see, so we don’t have to work as hard to process things.

And that got me thinking…what if we were to use our senses differently today. As humans we make assumptions that how we feel is just how we feel, that there’s nothing we can do about our emotions as they are the kings and queens in our decisions about how we process things. But the mind will make sense of the situation and THEN the emotions will come from how we think about something. You process an event first thru the mind, and it seems like an emotion will happen instantaneously…but your emotions are the aftermath to how your mind has processed what has happened.

So upon the notion that things may work differently than we previously thought, what if we were to process situations differently? What if we were to stop looking so hard with our eyes, and work more to feel with them? To give the power of the heart to the eyes.

What if were to stop just hearing with our ears, but to truly see what’s going on? They say that there’s a difference between listening and truly hearing. And that’s where the power of the eyes can be given to the ears to see what’s going on.  I was reading a study about how blind people are so aware. We think it’s because they had to become hyper sensitive with their ears as a mode of survival. And while that’s partly true, as you learn to use the only methods you have at your disposal. But scientists have shown, that the part of the brain that’s linked with seeing is actually reassigned by giving the hearing region of the brain more surface area to process information better. And when you think about that, it truly is an amazing tool we have in our bodies. That our brain can physically change and adapt, and we can become better from our so-called deficiencies.

And what if you were to stop letting emotions control you, and give the power of your ears to your heart? To give patience to the emotions within, not just feel out the situation with no thought, but to listen and understand your emotions differently…to not go into reaction mode…but to really perceive and process the emotions and event fully.

Life is passing us by so quickly…and I believe it’s because we are processing things faster without thinking about them. We are zooming thru life trying to coordinate information as quickly as possible so we can move onto the next thing…and thus we are missing out on the moments in life. So what if you were to do things backwards today? What if you were to take your time and invert how might you process the things in your life? It might just be life changing for you.

Today’s Personal Commitment:
Do something backwards today. Maybe it’s walking backwards on a path you usually take to see things differently. To really pay attention to how you step instead of being in auto pilot. Maybe it could be the starting point of a problem. Instead of starting at the beginning point of the problem…what if you were to figure out what the solution would be and work your way backwards to the starting point of the problem? You might just figure out how to solve the problem faster or even eradicate it altogether. Be purposeful today in choosing something to work backwards from and see the difference it makes. Anything that’s new will feel awkward, so I recommend doing it more than once. Practice it once a week for the next month or two and see if it’s something you would like to implement regularly into your life.

I feel with my eyes, I see with my ears, and I listen with my heart

https://www.forbes.com/sites/nextavenue/2013/07/01/the-surprising-benefits-of-working-backward/2/#1df3222c3f3b

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Fantastic Fridays-#307 November 3rd The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Don’t Have To Be All Knowing Since I Am All Loving

One of my favorite poets D.H. Lawrence wrote a short piece called All-Knowing, and it goes like this:

“All that we know is nothing, we are merely crammed waste-paper baskets
unless we are in touch with that which laughs at all our knowing.”

I remember in English class how the teacher would talk about what a work meant, and I would be in disbelief as I didn’t see that anywhere in the work…so maybe I could get the true meaning wrong…but as a fellow poet I know that great works aren’t in telling people what they need to think, but in allowing them to come to their own beautiful conclusions.

And I took this piece to mean, that we won’t know everything and that God, or whatever you want to call your higher power, laughs at our arrogance in thinking we know it all. And it isn’t a mocking laugh, but more of a chuckle with a child at the ridiculousness of how we can put too much pressure on thinking we are the answer…that we can be everything to everyone.

I know one of my greatest fears is being seen as stupid, being seen as not good enough, being laughed at for not knowing something, and the anxiety of trying to make people like me because of what I know. It’s an insecurity and unrealistic expectation that I have to be everything to everyone. And I believe, It stemmed from a matter of basing my worth on what other people thought of me and what other people could get from me.

It's why I talk fast. I built this weird notion up that if I took too long to answer something…then people would think I wouldn’t know the answer, and they would judge me for being stupid. I remember being in class and being upset when someone would finish a test before me, as if I was treating the pathway to knowledge as a race or a destination rather than the continual journey. I saw professors as unwise, if they took too long to answer a student’s question. It never occurred to me that being deep in thought was a good thing. I thought that every answer had to have some definitive solution…that there couldn’t be a middle ground or an uncertainty…and I thought that being smart meant having all the answers and having the answers immediately.

And that I believe, is how society has come to function. I see so many posts about a politician being ridiculed for not knowing everything on a subject matter or not knowing everything about everything. We expect them to be all knowing experts, to be perfect speakers, and to have all the answers off hand. Now I know it sounds silly saying this, but if you aren’t seen as polished then you’re seen as stupid.

What I didn’t see with my professors, who were more contemplative, was that they were open to all different possibilities. They really were considering the questions with a deeper thought and truly listening to the student’s minds…rather than just trying to spew off facts. And getting more aware of emotional intelligence I now see it is a better way of connecting with the world and people.

I’ve been known to have a short temper with those closest to me. That I might be sarcastic or snippy if they ask me a question that I think they should know already…but that’s a silly thought in my mind because how we come to real connection is from communicating. We think people should be mind readers. That they should know how we are feeling at all times. It’s the curse of knowledge…we know it in our mind so we think it should be obvious for others. And so over the years I allowed my annoyances to bring anger out towards people questioning me. But the anger was really a mask for fear, it was the fear of not being seen as good enough, or smart enough, or maybe even a good partner for my romantic counter parts. And so it was easier to get angry and react, rather than have a conversation with people. Where maybe it was ok to say I don’t know the answer, maybe even ask them questions on what they are searching for, or maybe even if our answers aren’t the same it’s ok that our opinions can be different.

I remember an ex and myself were discussing religion and she said something that was very hurtful towards me. She called me ignorant. Which I saw as totally disrespectful. So when I get angry my voice raises as the fear is speaking more than the rationality. What she was trying to say was that I was ignorant in her Christian ways because I wasn’t as versed in the Bible as she was…and I wasn’t. But I’m more versed in the spiritual world…I base my knowledge on what I feel and getting to know God personally on a different level. I have based my ideas off other spiritual speakers and work to hear my intuition rather than base it off a book. The whole point of this conversation wasn’t who was right or wrong, but I could have handled it differently. I told her how I felt after the argument, that the word ignorant hurt my feelings and she apologized too.

So maybe my anger was warranted, as we came to a good conclusion because I expressed my hurt immediately…but I hope that I learned from this and would respond not with a raised voice, but a question instead. Maybe a question of, “is it kind to call someone ignorant, or a question of why do you think I’m ignorant?” I immediately got defensive and then no real communication was going to happen on both sides. The breakdown in communication happened by how she said what she said…that I was ignorant…not that my thoughts on this matter were ignorant. And all I heard was that “I” was ignorant. And that’s what hurt the most, not that thoughts weren’t right or in alignment with hers. So we discussed things after our argument and I told her that I didn’t like being called ignorant, especially by people who love me, and she explained why she used the word ignorant.

I think we base our worth on having to know as much as we can, that we need to impress people with our answers, or that we need to be the answer for those people. But what I’ve found in my life coaching business is that I don’t really give people the answers—I help them to find the answers that are already within them. And I think that’s why I’m seen as ignorant in my knowledge on certain things… people want me to be the answer, or that if I think differently than you then I must be wrong. And it doesn’t have to be an if not this, than it must be that argument…maybe it could be both. Maybe there’s something greater than having to be right.

I will end it on this last point as this is a hairy subject that I could go many ways with. I think about science and religion. That a good portion of people are in the argument that it’s either one or the other. That science is the proving that there is no God, or that God is proving that science isn’t the answer…but what if it’s both. When I was in high school a friend of mine’s father challenged me, and I really didn’t know what he was doing at the time, but he was trying to bate a young kid into an argument that he had rigged himself to win. I was sitting in the back seat with my friend as we were discussing things about our hockey game, and his father came out of nowhere and said, “Chris, do you believe in evolution.” And I was kinda thrown off because my buddy and I were talking about hockey. So I said “sure.” He then said, “if there’s evolution than how can there be God?” Now I don’t know if he said it exactly like that, but he was basing his argument that it had to be one or the other, it couldn’t be both.

Living in the south in the Bible Belt, some people can be very literal in their religion, and if that helps them truly get closer to God than I’m all for it. And so me being raised Catholic, my friend’s father had lumped me in with everyone else that he had a problem with. We get so caught in it’s one or the other argument…that I must be right so I can prove you wrong. So I want to change the argument to a discussion…what if both can be right? What if we both could have different opinions and both be onto a path that makes us better people and connects us to the higher power we believe in?

Truth is subjective anyways. There are people who have turned truth upside down on its head by healing themselves from so called incurable diseases. When experts told them that there was no way for them to come out of their predicament. We as humans have done the unthinkable because we decide to not live in an absolute truth, but to instead be willing to question the validity of everything and be willing to be open to all possibilities…not just being right.

So let us not judge and call people ignorant, for having differing ideas. Let us not bate people into arguments so we can win them. And let us pause and truly think about what we want to say to the world, not fearing to have to know it all or have the answer immediately…but willing to be open to discovering a greater truth in every moment.

Today’s Personal Commitment:
Think about arguments that have escalated from fears you’ve had. Look back and ask why you got angry, how you could have handled it better, and what you really want to have happen next time. Sales people become better at their craft by role playing, they think about all the objections that could happen and figure out how they could answer them better. And you going through your arguments is a sort of role playing. It’s getting to the root of the problem and then visualizing better ways to respond. Again in the end it’s not about being right, but it’s about connecting better and coming to a higher understanding of the situation and the people in the situation.

The bully wants to push their agenda no matter, rather than find the best solution for all parties. Life is a continually learning process, so do you want to plant your feet stubbornly trying to be right out of fear, or do you want to come to a higher enlightenment in all encounters?

I Don’t Have To Be All Knowing Since I Am All Loving

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Thoughtful Thursdays-#306 November 2nd The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Take It One Day At A Time

I read a book years ago that someone gave to me in a particularly hard time in my life. It was my recruiting manager at a job that I was assigned to when I lived in downtown Milwaukee. The reason I bring up that seemingly irrelevant piece of information is because when we are awake, we might be the difference in someone’s life no matter how involved we are in that person’s life. And the simple act of someone giving a book to me, made a huge impact in my life at the time.

The book was How To Stop Worrying And Start Living by Dale Carnegie. I still have that book and it’s highlighted and filled with notes. I come back to that book and those highlights from time to time to just look over their knowledge. In the first chapter he talks about “living in day-tight compartments”… meaning we should only live in the space from when we wake until we sleep. Not worrying about the past or tomorrow, but taking care of today. And he asked 5 important questions that really resonated with me. They hit such a chord with me that I typed them out on my computer. I then printed out several copies to post in places I would have to stop and really notice them.

One place was on the wall right in front of the toilet when you sat down. That’s where most people do their best thinking. The interesting thing is, I would always have house guests ask me about those questions…so I like to think a visit to my bathroom was life changing for my guests but not because of the toilet paper I supplied. But those 5 questions Dale asked in his book, were about closing the iron doors on the past and living in day-tight compartments. And I’d like to share them with you as well… without having to go into my bathroom:

• Do I tend to put off living in the present in order to worry about the future, or to yearn for some “magical rose garden over the horizon”?
• Do I sometimes embitter the present by regretting things that happened in the past—that are over and done with?
• Do I get up in the morning determined to “Seize the day”—to get the utmost out of these 24 hours?
• Can I get more out of life by “living in day-tight compartments”?
• When shall I start to do this? Next week?...Tomorrow?...Today?

This book literally changed my life. It was a hard time in my life where I was seriously considering suicide, but the kindness of a stranger noticing me was the first part in my change…the second part was reading these chapters and printing these questions out in the first chapter. They really helped me to stop theorizing about all the sadness in my life and to begin asking how I could live in the moment. It’s an easy thing to say “be mindful”, to not worry about the past or the future…but it’s another thing to have questions that you ask yourself everyday if you are truly living in “day-tight” compartments.

There’s only one moment we can live in…the present moment. But we get so lost in our heads with what we have to do still, what we missed out on, or getting stuck in the anxiety of tomorrow or the regrets of our pasts. However, those times aren’t real…this moment is the only one we have… so are you focusing on a magical rose garden in the future, or are you focusing on the regrets of the past that are over and done with?

Now it’s not that we can’t ever look at these things, but I’ve come to see that we don’t just think about them…we overly focus on them. We become addicted to thinking this way, and thus it leaves no room for living in the present moment. It leaves no room for us to find joy in what we do have by focusing on how we aren’t where we want to be. So, let us live in day-tight compartments. Let us see how we can get the utmost out of these 24 hours…living from when we wake until we sleep…focusing on one day at a time. Just like the old saying of how do you reach a goal? The same way you’d eat an elephant…one bite at a time, or as one of my students says…getting help...but that’s another matter altogether. So let us live one day at a time

Today’s Personal Commitment:
Write down those 5 questions and post them in multiple places in your home, your car, your work, and any other place that will make you truly focus on living in the day. Write out your answers when you first look at them, and make it a habit to read them every day for the next month and answer them in your head.

I Take It One Day At A Time

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Wisdom Wednesdays-#305 November 1st The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Am Worthy

There are two schools of thought on how to live your life… Being or Doing. Doing is the idea that if we do enough than we can be enough. And being is knowing you are enough without having to earn your place at the table. And while being is the highest form, it still isn’t complete without doing. In the bible it says that faith without action is dead and action without faith is dead.

And while we cannot buy our way into heaven, we cannot buy our way into loving ourselves as well. Your worth is already apparent…but knowing that idea and understanding it are two different things. And so we go about our lives trying to do more, to be more…and we get trapped in an endless cycle of hopelessness and confusion on why it doesn’t make us feel good to be good.

I know I thought that if I did enough for others then maybe I could feel enough for myself. And so what I did was sweep my problems under the rug saying that they didn’t matter, and that other people’s issues were more important. My mission in life is to serve, but I put everyone and everything else above me so I could feel that my life mattered, so I could feel important. And that way of living did two things:

• It gave me a reason to avoid my stuff, to not have to deal with my issues which gave me a way out of doing the hard work…
• I was telling my subconscious that I wasn’t as important as someone else.

And how can you serve at your highest energy thinking that way? How can you really be the best help for someone when you aren’t at your greatest? And for me, I spent years searching for happiness. I spent years trying to find forgiveness for my previous errors, and I spent my life hoping I could uncover a purpose that seemed eternally elusive.

I spent years trying to understand how to be happy in doing…that I forgot that it was always within me…it wasn’t locked within the endless pursuit of doing…it was waiting to be opened in the knowing I was already worthy…that it was locked in being… who I am already.

It is such a hard concept to understand because we know that we become better by challenging ourselves, by doing things that are hard, and usually they’re physical things. Even if you want to become smarter you have to study, you have to open a book and read or listen to an audio book, you don’t just snap your fingers and become smarter. And that’s why being the amazing people we already are, is so confusing. It’s the opposite of how the physical world works…it’s not in the doing…it’s in the present moment of who you are, of who you’ve always been, and who you’ll always be… it’s in the being of being still and knowing that you are already enough. And when you can fully grasp this idea you will stop chasing your tail in trying to do things to save yourself…you will start doing things because it is just a part of who you are…not a part of your salvation or retribution for your past. It will be a place that you come into knowing you are already enough…the doing is just the icing on the cake.

Today’s Personal Commitment:
I know this will sound selfish, and maybe even counter intuitive but don’t do anything for anyone else today. Ok…now I know that may be impossible in the real world as you have to take care of your kids, you have to help your spouse out, you have to do things at work to keep your boss happy…so let me preface this a little different…when you do something for someone else today… do something for yourself first.

So let’s say you’re making lunch for your kids to take to school, before you make their sandwich or even open the lunch pail for them… have yourself a snack and really be purposeful in realizing you are taking care of yourself first, so you can take care of them better and more easily.

It doesn’t even have to be physical—maybe your boss requested something and put a rush order on it for you. Before getting right to it, take a few deep breaths to help your body feel better and to unload the stress you’re feeling at the moment.

Putting yourself first doesn’t have to be some monumental task, or even to be so called selfish…it’s just about being mindful and purposeful in giving yourself what you need first, so you can be stronger in giving people what they need. So again, put yourself first before you do anything for anyone and see how much stronger you are in your help today.

 I Am Worthy

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide

Tag Me Tuesdays-#304 The Strong Within Daily Affirmation Podcast

I Love Who I Am

I know Halloween can be some people’s favorite holiday. They love the candy, they love seeing the kids all dressed up, or maybe they love getting dressed up themselves and going to parties. It’s kinda like some of those comic conventions, also known as comic cons, that you can go to. You know… the places that have events where celebrities will sell you their autographs, or they have panels of actors or authors who will talk about upcoming movies or events and even answer your questions you can ask, or they’ll have comic artists who will draw and sign memorabilia for you. It’s a place for the fans to really and truly interact with their favorite actors and artists. The most famous one is out in San Diego. I’ve gone to a few local ones here, and people get dressed up as their favorite characters, which is called cos-play, and go to enjoy the day while being dressed up.

I think it’s cool that other people will enjoy pretending to be something else…and maybe I’ve become too grown up as I don’t find the joy in that anymore. Maybe it’s because I’m still holding onto a stupid notion I learned in high school of trying to be cool, to not be seen as goofy, or not being able to let loose and be who I want to be no matter what I’m doing. Because in high school you’re trying to be seen as little as possible, so you aren’t a target to be heckled or chastised for being your real self.  We have this fear of being found out who we are and not being good enough.

But coming back to dressing up, I don’t think I would ever be a good actor, I get really nervous trying to act in front of people… to try and be something that I’m not. Yes, I think it’s cute seeing all the kids dressed up in their costumes on Halloween, but I don’t see myself getting dressed up to go to a party or a comic convention anymore… maybe because you have to have friends to be invited to those…but I know I can be a little too uptight at times. And this may be one of those times, as I saw someone post something on their social media feed saying they were ready to go back to their normal life after their Halloween weekend of dressing up in multiple costumes for multiple events…and someone commented, “Why??? Make believe is more fun than reality.”

I understand what the person who made the comment was saying, but I think that’s a sad statement about our lives because…reality should be fun. Yes, there will be things we don’t like to do—like paying the bills, being responsible for other people, and having to be serious at times when we just want to have fun. And I see that we try to escape our lives in as many ways as possible instead of enjoying the people we are.

Now don’t get me wrong… if you love dressing up, then do it. We all have fun things we love to do, but I want you to ask yourself if you are trying to escape your life any way that you can. The costume is not the issue…where you put your mind…might be. So, what if you were to stop trying to escape who you are and embrace the beautiful person you are? What if you were to stop daydreaming you were in another job, or that you had more money, or better relationships, or had it easy like the people you envy?

When we continually look to escape our lives, we can never fully enjoy the beautiful things that are already in our lives. Yes, we say we love the things in our lives, but if we are trying to escape our lives then we are not truly loving ourselves, AND the things in our lives…we are merely tolerating them. So, dress up if it brings immense joy in your life…but ask yourself if you are really trying to escape the boredom of your life? Because make believe isn’t more fun than reality…it’s a misleading statement because make believe actually makes our reality. What we dream about we make ours…and so if you are pretending to be something you think you can never be…then you will always be in the mode of continually escaping…instead of continually pursuing the things you truly wish for your life.

So let us not escape our lives, but let us embrace who we are. Let us see more of ourselves and stop living in a fantasy, and let us be working to create our dreams into our realities. Let us not just dress up trying to be something different for a few hours…but let us become comfortable in our skin to see more of ourselves and be able to put action to our dreams…not just pretend to be in them for only a moment. Let us turn the comment of make believe on it’s head and say…”why would I want to stay in make believe when I create a better reality?”

Today’s Personal Commitment:
Get a sheet of paper and write down:

• The things that you are trying to escape in your life.
• Write down the ways or the habits you use when trying to escape things.
• And then write down how you can use a better habit or tactic, to embrace the thing you’ve been avoiding.

For me, anytime I had a serious conversation with a romantic partner of mine that I didn’t want to have… I would always joke about it or try to make them laugh so it could be forgotten about. I figured if I kept avoiding it, then it would just go away. But all it did was magnify the problem over time. And it also was disrespectful to my partner as they saw a problem that I didn’t want to fix, or even just address by listening to them. I pretended like I listened when I knew it was easier to joke and avoid the issue altogether.

When you become aware of what you’re afraid of and avoiding, and when you see the habits you utilize when you try to avoid…then you can begin creating a different system to change the outcome. Because you never avoid anything you are trying to run from, you just try to make it invisible, which makes you run right into it every time…and It becomes the controlling thing in your life. It’s like the saying, even when you don’t make a decision you are still making a decision. And avoiding something that is hard for you to address isn’t making it go away…it’s only making it harder to fix the longer you let it bleed in your life.

I Love Who I Am

Thanks for listening.  I'm sending great energy your way as we become Strong Within together,
Personal Development Life Coach-
Chris O'Hearn

Contact info- email: [email protected]  phone:865-219-3247

Music by:
- Zest by basematic (c) copyright 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
- I Have Often Told You Stories (guitar instrumental) by Ivan Chew (c) copyright 2013 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution (3.0) license.
Location: Knoxville, Tennessee USA but available worldwide