The Struggles Podcast

In this episode, Sean and James talk about the concept of not having enough time (this comes up pretty often for all of us!) and how we have to say no to things because there just isn't enough time in the day. 

They give some personal examples of the things they've been saying no to and tell us how they overcome the fear of saying no (you can do it, too!), which is associated with different things they may or may not want to do.

• Doing a few small things every day may seem not much, but it is the only way you can grow consistently.
• It is easy to get distracted with so many different things to do that you don't know where to start. Start with what you want to do, not what others want you to do.
• Stay out of autopilot and check in because you have that power, and you have to, for your well-being. You have that obligation to say no to things and not be afraid of FOMO or self-guilt.

James on the need to make time for the things you really want to do

"It is very interesting to think about how you only make time for the things you really want to do in life. But sometimes, the things you really want to do get pushed away, and there's never time to put that in. But you need to make the time. You have to make the time for whatever you want to do. Even for chores. I think this happens a lot, right? There's a lot of chores that you have to take care of, but you just never have time to do it. And it's not that there isn't enough time. You're just choosing to deprioritize it. To lower it and use that almost as an excuse saying, I don't have enough time to do it."

Sean on evaluating priorities

"That's something worth thinking about. Am I conscious of my priorities? Because yeah, there are so many things tugging at us every day. What isn't important? Is my family less important than my hobbies, or work, or vice versa? No, absolutely not. But there are only a few things that I can do."

Sean on exploring the things you say no to

"It would be really interesting (to explore what we're saying no to). And I say that because the advice you always hear is your important life decisions aren't what you say yes to, it's what you say no to, supposedly. And I think what isn't followed up with that advice is the consequences of saying no; the mental or the social consequences sometimes of saying no. I don't think it's explored enough because that's what actually holds people back from saying no.”

This week, we talked a little bit about golf and related it back to our day-to-day struggles at work and in life.

We also discuss the concept of a five-day workweek, and lessons from life to take small steps towards bigger goals.

• To get back on track after feeling burnt out, tackle smaller tasks first and move your way up.
• Procrastination is not laziness. It's a coping mechanism. 

James' take on mental capacity

"It's like using a battery to 0% every single time and then charging it to 120% hoping to get more output when really it just dies. Maybe that's a way that we think about our mental capacity. We can never go to 0%, and we shouldn't be charging over a hundred percent."

Sean on tackling smaller things when doing big projects

"I've always had this pie in the sky kind of idea to either go big or go home. Going back to what we just described of tackling smaller things, I've never thought of where it's like, just focus on something you're passionate about. Focus on something that like really works. I think that was a problem I had."

This week, James and Sean talked about being PM versus AM-shifted, being on autopilot in your routine, and having to check in occasionally and reevaluate how routine can actually be a double-edged sword.

• If you're trying to maximize your productivity, you should plan your day to your circadian rhythm.
• Constantly reevaluate and think about why you're doing what you're doing, see if it makes sense, and make adjustments along the way.

• Snow Crash by Neal Stephenson
• Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card

This episode is about living in the present and focusing your energy on what you can control.

First, Sean and James talk about the new addition to Sean's family, a daughter, and the struggles he face now that he is a parent again. They talk a little bit about James and how he's prioritizing his life around his new job. Lastly, they spoke of being present and how to be less polarizing.

• Familiarity can bring up more anxiety because you know what to expect.
• Save your attention for things that you can do something about.

James on how to prioritize

"You have to learn to say no to a lot more things. And everything you agree to do should be a yes."

What Sean thinks about letting things you can't control get to you

"Anything in life, taken to the extreme unless you do something about it, can become a waste of energy and attention. Find something else to attach yourself to and focus on things within your control."

Sean on focusing our energy on what we can do

"I realized we all have our own limitations. We all have our own interests. There are certain issues that I care about, but I'm not going to go stop everything I'm doing and fight for this thing right now. And I don't feel shameful about that. 

I think there are certain things that I am equipped to do to help change the world and make it a better place. We all have our own skill sets and roles, and the key is recognizing that and focusing your energy on what you can do to make the world a better place."

It's been a while since the last episode, but Sean and James are back to talk about life struggles.

James is pretty busy with his new job, and in this episode, he shared the struggles he is experiencing in his new sales role, trying to find the right work/life balance, including finding the best time to record new episodes with Sean. The good news is he is learning new skills and improving!

Sean then talked more about the book, Radical Acceptance. He shared a few techniques for forgiving ourselves for past mistakes so we can move on with our lives, which he applied in real life. And he felt fantastic afterward. You should try it, too!

• Sales provides immediate feedback that will help you improve your skills and performance.
• Correcting a mistake and moving on is difficult if you don't forgive yourself.

James on the importance of clear communication in sales

"I always thought sales was influence and persuasion. But I actually think it's simpler than that. It is just clear communication. And it's not that you're trying to influence or persuade someone. I mean, partially you are, but it's more about being very direct and honest about what you have, what your intentions are, and what the outcome could be."

Sean on forgiving yourself and moving on

"It's really important to forgive yourself and be aware of it because otherwise, it's really difficult to correct a mistake, apologize, and move on. And this idea of practicing forgiveness obviously has to start with you."

It's a pretty exciting week for James, who has finally started his new paid apprenticeship. He feels excited and nervous, and there's fear, but he's looking forward to it!

Sean talks about his own fears, those he spent time sitting with, and how he realized that fear is not really bad and that extreme fear can actually promote growth.

Finally, they talked about how emotions play in responding and reacting to situations.

• Do not let the what-ifs and the fears stop you from trying different things. If you do, you'll never know.
• The only way to be good at something is by being bad at it first.
• Most of us are so risk averse that we're mostly afraid to take very calculated, low-risk decisions.
• There are times when you're gonna make mistakes and it's okay. It's not the end of the world.
• You always will have this agency to choose how you react to your emotions.

On failures and successes

[00:12:28] Sean: We see failures as setbacks, but they're not bad at all. They're actually the way forward.

[00:12:39] James: I think all success is underlined and paved through failure. No one has a success story without failing at some point.

James on emotions and reactions

[00:15:14] There are no good or bad emotions. They are just emotions. We have negative reactions to emotions. We have positive reactions to emotions. 

On reacting/responding to situations

[00:17:01] Sean: If you see something happening, if you feel something, if you experience something, just recognizing that you have agency, that you have the ability to respond, the ability to make some choices and decisions. Again, it doesn't mean you have to act.

[00:24:56] James: There are some days where you can react well and other days where you won't be able to react as well as you want, but you just keep going, and you kind of learn from that. You never expect yourself to be perfect in how you behave and perfect in how you react.

In this episode, Sean and James talked a bit more about the book, Radical Acceptance: Awakening the Love that Heals Fear and Shame by Tara Brach.

Sean is finding ways to apply what he has learned in real life and shares why he thinks life struggles aren't necessarily a bad thing.

James says it is easier to accept life struggles when we know that challenges will be present daily. 

They also talked about normalizing feeling negative emotions, why desire is very natural, and why reading a book doesn't mean you have to apply that knowledge immediately to your life. 

• Shifting your mindset will help you accept life struggles easier.
• The sooner we realize that we will never stop having fears or feeling frustrated or depressed, the better. Any other negative emotion is natural, so we need to normalize them.
• The key to reading and learning is finding what works for you at that stage in your life.

Sean on life struggles

[00:02:00] Life is a struggle because things are changing every single day. Nothing is static. Everything is dynamic, everything is constantly shifting, and every day is a new day, a new challenge. And that is a beautiful thing. 

James on accepting life's challenges

[00:05:25] No matter how simple the responsibility, it can be tough if you add up a thousand responsibilities. But yeah, challenges are going to be here every single day. And if we can wake up knowing there's going to be a challenge today, it almost makes it easier to get up because you know it'll be there.

Sean on having underlying fears

[00:11:17] You think these things; you have these fears. It's all natural. Don't judge yourself for having these thoughts. You can judge the fear itself, but don't judge yourself. 

James is going back to the corporate world into a completely new industry and new position. Pretty exciting! We'll hear why he is joining the sales team and what led him into the energy industry.

On the other hand, Sean had a small win with golf and got back on track with some housework. A little reminder that whatever you do, you're being productive. 

• Sales is everywhere, no matter what you do.
• We should periodically redefine what a win means for us. 

James on learning sales skills

[00:02:20] It would be really interesting to learn this kind of skill very firsthand by going back into the corporate, going back into the 9-5 setting, and understanding that this skill can be applied in every aspect of my life. 

James on starting over from the bottom

[00:03:11] I kind of like that in some way. You're starting something new and you can't jump into higher-level things right away without knowing what it is that you're working on. Starting at the bottom just gives you easy goals to hit and having small wins every single day.

Sean on the reality that nothing is permanent

[00:17:17] The permanence or impermanence of things is something that I think the human mind struggles to understand. 

Both hosts share new learnings and surprises after a week of time with their parents and family!

Listen to James discuss the three steps to starting and finishing a new project. Keep your ears open as Sean shares about the new member of his and Mink's family. You heard it right! With a second baby on the way, Sean shares his insights on having meaningful conversations with friends, family, and colleagues.

• Starting something new means doing it and prioritizing it right from the start of your day. By breaking things down into smaller pieces, you can make the project easier to manage.
• Not because you’ve been together a long-time means your friends, family, and colleagues can read what you’re thinking. It’s always about initiating meaningful, and deep conversations.

James’ Three Steps to Starting a New Project

James [00:03:36]: The three steps I started using about a month ago were: one just to start it, two, to prioritize it, and three, to complete it. And what I mean by the first step is when I say, “I'm going to do it tomorrow”, I take five minutes, right? Then just to start it, whatever it is. I think having that first step of just starting it, even if it's just for five minutes, allows me to get over, and start. And then the next day I can jump right into it. And then the second thing is I make sure that it's the first thing that I do. For me, I try doing it like right in the morning. So either as soon as I get up or as soon as I finish my morning routine, it's the first thing that I do. Then the third thing is that I just make sure I finish it.

Tips from a Parent on Treating their Adult Children

Sean [00:25:24]: I think the more you communicate, the better you have an understanding of who they are. And the more you'll be able to disassociate from them being kids. I think that's the one thing my parents have done is that, I communicate with them a lot. I call them a lot, and they talk to me like an adult. They talk to me like a friend, not like their son, basically.

Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance

No matter what you do and where you are in life, you’ll always encounter struggles.

How do you learn to embrace all of these realities? This week, it’s all about the paradox of acceptance and change. James and Sean discuss chapter two of Tara Brach's Radical Acceptance. What has golf got to do with it? Listen to the full episode to find out!  

• Radical Acceptance is about knowing and understanding the things you’re okay with in the different dimensions of your life—including your current realities and weaknesses.
• It’s not easy to accept all of these dimensions. There are different elements in our lives that require our acceptance. To do this, break it down into smaller pieces and decide which ones you’re okay with and which ones you’re willing to change.

Accept yourself is necessary to move forward

James [00:04:48]: And it was only after this process of being okay with myself as I am now that I realize that you can build on top of that. Before, I was never okay with this. I was never okay with who I've become. I hated myself. I had very low self-worth of myself. And it was only when I started to value how far I've come and what I've become, then something in my head clicked. It was like, “Oh, this is okay. I can go forward from here”. And it's all about being able to move forward.

What radical acceptance is and is not

Sean [00:12:35]: Radical acceptance is not resignation. Radical acceptance does not mean defining ourselves by our limitations. It is not an excuse for withdrawal, and radical acceptance is not self-indulgence. Radical acceptance does not make us passive.

Beating procrastination means breaking down the challenge into smaller pieces

Sean [00:25:23]: And so the strategy was always to recognize and have awareness. That's an emotional response to procrastination, and we really want to try to tackle it. Then you have to break it down into a bite-sized chunk until it’s a bite-sized piece. Meaning, like what is one step, or what is that first bite that I can actually just put into my mouth and fit into my mouth and just take that bite? And that's how you break procrastination. 

Tara Brach’s Radical Acceptance