The Therapy Gents

Send us Fan Mail

In today's episode Michael and Andy discuss the value of mental health diagnosis and what to watch out for in the day of social media and mental health TikTok.

Send us Fan Mail

In this episode Michael Medley offers some guidance and keys to help improve your marriage and relationships. There are some clear patterns that show up in intimate relationships, being able to recognize these patterns in yourself and your marriage can lead to the change and hope you've been looking for. 

Michael outlines some differences between mature and immature behaviors that show up in relationships and have the potential to amplify them, or destroy them. Then we will explore 5 ways to build trust, and 5 rules to keep an argument on the healthy side of things. The episode closes with a simple thought on why we need boundaries in a marriage. Spoiler, the boundary is to help me know how to react in relation to someone else's behaviors. 

Send us Fan Mail

In this episode Michael Medley, LPC give a brief book review of The 7 LOVE Agreements by Douglas Weiss. These agreements will help to improve your relationship and increase intimacy. The 7 LOVE Agreements include: 1. Faithfulness, 2. Patience, 3. Forgiveness, 4. Service, 5. Respect, 6. Kindness, and 7. Celebration. This episode gives a few examples for each agreement to help you better understand how you might be able to apply them to your marriage or relationship. 

We hope you enjoy this episode and please share it with those you love. 

If you have any questions please send us a message or email us at [email protected]. 

Send us Fan Mail

In today's episode Michael and Andy break down several ways you can vet therapists to find the best fit for you! They cover the value of the free 15 minute consult most therapists offer, what questions to ask a potential therapist, red flags to look out for and the value of recognizing when a therapist is no longer the best fit for you.

Send us Fan Mail

In today's episode Michael and Andy discuss how valuable self care routines can be- but how they can also turn into something more like avoidance.

Send us Fan Mail

In today's show Michael and Andy unpack the difference between guilt and shame and more importantly- how to address your shame when you do experience it.

Send us Fan Mail

In today's episode Michael & Andy break down emotional regulation and how to improve it in 5 steps!

Send us Fan Mail

In today's episode Michael and Andy break down EMDR therapy- what it is, why it's so effective, and some common misconceptions about it. Enjoy!

Send us Fan Mail

What is assertiveness and how do I develop it in a healthy manner?

Assertiveness is the ability to say what you need, want, feel, or think in a positive, direct manner without being too aggressive or passive. Assertiveness allows healthy boundaries to be expressed and held. It also allows you to take others' feelings, thoughts, and position into account while holding your own feelings, thoughts, and positions as equal. 

How can my body language increase or decrease my assertiveness? TedTalk by Amy Cuddy = 2 minutes of a “high power pose” showed that testosterone increased 20% and cortisol decreased  25%. In the “low power pose” showed testosterone decreased 10% and cortisol increased 15%. 

The subtle difference between “Is this a bad time to talk?” and “Is this a good time to talk?”

How to be assertive asking for something you want? ie. a raise, a vacation, something new

Does a part of me avoid being assertive? Why?

Big 5 Aspect Scale Personality Test 

• Agreeableness: Compassion and Politeness
• Conscientiousness: Industriousness and Orderliness
• Extraversion: Enthusiasm and Assertiveness
• Neuroticism: Withdrawal and Volatility
• Openness: Intellect and Aesthetics

TOOLS:

Role Playing 

Meditation and Grounding Exercises

CBT Thought Reframing Techniques 

Positive Affirmations

Boundaries 

Broken Record ie “No, I can’t.” 

Some Benefits: improve self-compassion, reduce anxiety, enhance interpersonal relationships, increase accountability, and healthy boundaries.

Assertive = Clear, direct, and respectful.

Passive = Avoids conflict, sacrifices own needs.

Aggressive = Disrespectful, forceful, or hostile.

Truth Exercise from ‘Fight Right’ by the Gottmans

Send us Fan Mail

Technical/Psychological Definition:
Codependency is a dysfunctional relationship pattern in which individuals develop an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on another person, often to the detriment of their own well-being. It is commonly associated with relationships where one person enables another's addiction, poor mental health, or irresponsibility, and it often stems from early attachment issues, trauma, or dysfunctional family dynamics.

Layman’s Definition:
Codependency is when someone puts other people's needs ahead of their own so much that they lose themselves. They might feel responsible for fixing others' problems, struggle to say no, and have a hard time knowing what they truly want or need.

Where it begins: Childhood experiences and family dynamics (e.g., emotionally unavailable or unpredictable caregivers, growing up in an environment of addiction, neglect, or enmeshment)

Cultural and societal factors that reinforce self-sacrifice and people-pleasing

Indicators (Set Boundaries, Find Peace)

When Emotionally Flooded: We will respond with Fight, Flight, Freeze reactions when boundaries are challenged. Being flooded or emotionally overwhelmed can keep the cycles going. 

• It is important to recognize and manage emotional flooding to regain clarity.

Skills & Tools for Change

• Learning self-awareness and self-compassion
• Practicing assertive communication
• Mindfulness and emotional regulation techniques
• Building self-worth independent of external validation

 Establishing Healthy Boundaries

• Identifying personal limits and needs
• How to say “no” without guilt
• Recognizing manipulative tactics and holding firm boundaries
• Developing interdependence instead of codependence (What is INTERDEPENDENCE?)

Interdependence fosters secure attachment, mutual respect, and personal growth within relationships. It allows people to have mutually benefitting relationships without losing who they are individually.