The Therapy Gents

Send us Fan Mail

In today's episode Michael and Andy break down the 2nd half of the Courage to Be Disliked. They focus primarily on an Adlerian concept of the "Separation of Tasks" and the value that comes from accepting the reality of other people disliking you. True freedom in interpersonal relationships comes from accepting this reality.

Send us Fan Mail

Today Michael and Andy discuss the book "The Courage to be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga. This classic book of modern philosophy has been highly influential in the lives of many and today they break down why.

Send us Fan Mail

In today's episode Michael and Andy break down the complexities that arise with mixed faith marriages and share several tips!

1. Differentiating between beliefs and values / focus on what has not changed 
2. “Negotiating the Tenders” / compromise 
3. Be patient and take it slow
4. Give space for each other to mourn - talk about what that looks like from both sides 
5. Remember the why of your marriage -what are you fighting for?
6. Learn to genuinely respect each other for your belief / decision to leave
7. Learn each others boundaries and limitations / get comfortable expressing yours 
8. Find ways to demonstrate support for each other & empathize with each other 

Send us Fan Mail

In today's show Michael and Andy share their favorite metaphors they use with clients in therapy. Brace yourself- these metaphors may contain cheese. 

Send us Fan Mail

In today's episode Michael and Andy tackle several topics & questions in mental health and give quick responses to each of them!

Send us Fan Mail

Voltaire - “Better is the enemy of my best.”

Friedrich Nietzsche - “He who has a WHY to live for can bear almost any HOW.” 

Common Types of resolutions: 

-The Holy Trinity of Mental Health - Exercise, Nutrition, and Sleep

-To quit something

-Financial Goals

-Family Time

-Travel

-Learning or Personal Development

-Organize and Declutter 

University of Scranton’s Journal of Clinical Psychology is often referenced and shows about 46% of individuals will maintain a New Year’s resolution beyond the 6 month mark. 

Stages of Change Model: 1. Precontemplation, 2. Contemplation, 3. Preparation (Determination), 4. Action, 5. Maintenance, 6. Relapse.

OODA Loop by Colonel John Boyd, Air Force: Observe, Orient, Decide, Act

The Four Questions:

1. Why does this change matter?
2. Why is this change important?
3. Why does it matter that the change is important?
4. Why is it important that the change matters?

Send us Fan Mail

Six Types of Boundaries: Physical, Sexual, Intellectual, Emotional, Material, and Time.

Some Codependent Red Flags: Saying yes to everything (overextending yourself), neglecting yourself and your needs, avoidance, rescuing others from the problems they created for themselves, excuse making for others, if something happens to someone else you feel like it’s happening to you, taking care of people’s toxic behaviors, one-sided relationship

Counterdependency: Difficulty being vulnerable, can’t / won’t ask for help, fearful of being close to people, push people away, loneliness, do it all by yourself

Responses to Setting Boundaries with Difficult People: Pushback, testing limits, rationalizing and questioning, defensiveness, silent treatment, guilt, anger, manipulation, and possibly personal attacks

The Language of Boundaries: “I need…..”, “I want…..”, “I expect……” 

Use short clear statements for what your boundaries are going to be. Avoid vague, loose, undefined language, ie. “maybe….”, “as long as it’s not too often….”, “it’s not that big a deal, but….”. Remember, you will likely need to set the new boundary multiple times. 

Self Care Boundaries: What do you do to take care of yourself and how do you honor that time?

Boundaries Sound like:

• With your parents: “I’m dating someone new. When you meet them, don’t ask them when and if we’re getting married.”   “Before you stop by to visit, I’d like you to call.”
• With your partner: “I know you’re close to your dad (mom), but don’t discuss our sex life with him/her.”  “It isn’t ok for you to keep things from me and discuss them with someone else.”
• With your money and materials: “I will loan you money, but I expect the full amount back by Friday.”  “I can’t loan you my car this weekend.” 
• This is my favorite: “We don’t agree on politics. We should stop discussing politics at family gatherings.”

Send us Fan Mail

Title: Adult Friendship Navigation

Book: The Science of Stuck by Britt Frank, LSCSW
Chapter: 6 The Sticky World of Friendships and Dating

Questions about friendship:

1. What constitutes an adult friendship?
2. What roles do you want friends to play?
3. What toxic friendship myths have crept into your belief system?

“Friendships can be fraught with difficulty because the roles we want our friends to play conflict with who they actually are.” 

How to map out your social circle and what is needed.

1. Mentors
2. Mentees
3. Deep and Shallow Friends, in multiple areas, ie. family, school, work, church, neighborhood, the parents of your kids’ friends, gym, ect.

The Six Myths of Adult Friendships

1. Good friends give advice.
2. Adult friendships are easy and natural.
3. You need a best friend.
4. You have to invest a lot of time or you’re a bad friend.
5. You have to have real-life friends. Social media does not count.
6. Friends are forever. 

Send us Fan Mail

Key aspects of a good therapeutic relationship: Trust and Confidentiality, Empathy, Respect, Validation, Boundaries, Genuineness and Authenticity, Flexibility, Unconditional Positive Regard (Carl Rogers), Able to identify Transference and Countertransference, Congruency, Clarity and Understanding, ect.

Key focuses of therapy: Goal or Solution Focused, Encouragement, Psycho-educational, Skill Building, Reduction of symptoms, Improved Communication, Improved Coping Skills, Building Self-Confidence, Identify and Reframe Negative Thought patterns, Trauma Recovery, Addiction Recovery, Anxiety Reduction, Alleviate Depression, and many more. 

Quotes.... because I like them so much.
Carl Jung - 

• “The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction both are transformed.”
• “One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.” 

Carl Rogers - 

• “The basic purpose of a therapeutic relationship is to provide a climate in which the client may move from a state of incongruence toward greater levels of congruence.”
• “When a person realizes he has been deeply heard, his eyes moisten. I think in some real sense he is weeping for joy. It is as though he were saying, ‘Thank God, somebody heard me. Someone knows what it’s like to be me.’”

Sigmond Freud - 

• “Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.”

Send us Fan Mail

Homer’s epic ‘The Odyssey’ is full of amazing metaphors and symbolism for life today. 

Odysseus and the Sirens: 

1. Gains knowledge from the sorceress Circe.
2. Protects his men from temptations. 
3. Desire for more knowledge, tied to mast, underscores the need for self-discipline.
4. The need for restraint.
5. Gains knowledge of his own weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

Types of Sirens in our day:

1. Social Media and the Internet (I just need a little more information).
2. Pornography and sex as a non-committal commodity. 
3. Drugs, alcohol, pills, ect.
4. The streaming of every show possible.
5. Codependent behaviors and people pleasing (cause if everyone likes me, everything will be just fine, and I can fix the most broken of toxic relationships).
6. Instant gratification, or the possibility thereof.
7. Procrastination and Perfectionism 
8. Workaholic

Key takeaways:

1. Become aware of the temptations and the distractions around you that could cause a fall.
2. The potential consequences of being too curious. Especially curious without forethought.
3. Heed the advice and guidance from those who know more than you.
4. Don’t let your pride, or hubris, ruin your life for a quick bit of pleasure.
5. With the right leadership and crew (or support system) big risks can be taken safely.