We see this a lot in toxic relationships. I have certainly witnessed it in the family I grew up in. With our parents constantly attacking our boundaries, my sisters and I developed a defense mechanism: a set of unhealthy attitudes and behavior we developed in order to cope.

- Within abuse, we develop toxic ways to compensate for boundaries being constantly ignored

- Our boundaries determine our shape in the world so that being disrespected will trigger a response of some sort

- Often we resort to toxic behaviors to deal with a toxic situation

Here is the Healing Academy module I mention: http://swanwaters.com/personal-boundaries-module/

Sometimes it is easier to just put down one big boundary rather than 100 little, individual ones. The biggest of all big boundaries is obviously No Contact, but I understand that isn’t always an option. Even on a smaller scale, sometimes it’s easier to just set bigger boundaries—at least when you’re dealing with toxic people.

- No Contact is the biggest boundary of all

- Be black and white with your boundaries, no wiggle room

- Boundaries depend on the people and situations

You might not feel very comfortable with doing it, but in reality, setting boundaries is about communicating what you want and don’t want. I think on average, targets (who are often empaths) tend to be fairly strong communicators. We may often go into over-justifying our boundaries more than being poor at communicating boundaries in general.

- We may be inclined to over-justify our boundaries

- Abusers are notoriously bad at respecting boundaries

- Setting and maintaining boundaries is a skillset you can learn

- Happy healthy people typically accept boundaries

- While targetted by an abuser your boundaries are constantly under attack, so perhaps you are exhausted from defending your boundaries (rather than bad at it)

If we were to believe abusers and toxic people, then enforcing boundaries is the most selfish act in the world; personal boundaries should be outlawed, and anyone who even considers enforcing them should be hanged for their crimes. But are boundaries really selfish?

- Boundaries are not just about saying no

- Boundaries create the shape of our personal world

- Boundaries communicate our wants and needs

- Boundaries will not scare people off (at least not healthy people)

- Boundaries also allow intimate connections

This podcast was originally posted on 1 January 2018, so I do talk about New Year's Resolutions... but the good news is that compassionate goal setting is something you can do all year round!

- Goal setting can be so useful in healing (and many other areas of life)

- Be compassionate about your goals

- Life happens, we get side-tracked... no biggie

- We need a level of stability to tackle some of the bigger issues in our healing

- Make space for making mistakes, or getting distracted

- Have some fun!

This episode was originally published on 25 December 2017, that's why there are a fair few Christmas references... What I am talking about though, is how we sometimes project too many thoughts and expectations on certain days and events.

- The magic of Christmas is all in your mind (more or less)

- Refocus your attention on gratitude

What if you didn't have to be a slave to your emotions? Wouldn't that be great? Well, I think that this is very much possible!

- Don't try to cover up or push emotions down

- Self-awareness can help manage our emotions

- Just because an emotion comes up, doesn't mean you have to hold on to it

- Emotional Mastery is a skill, there is a learning curve

Failure is hard! In fact, I think failure may be the thing you fail at most... In this episode, I talk about failure and how it feeds into our feelings of guilt and our self-image.

- Mistakes are not failure

- Adjusted life plans are not failure

The episode where I mention what my first ever boyfriend taught me about loneliness. This episode was first published on 3 December 2017, and talks about loneliness during the holidays.

- Loneliness is the expectation of company that isn't met

- We may miss the idea of company, more than the actual company

- Maybe we should adjust our expectations

Link:

3 Hacks to Deal with the Holidays:

https://swanwaters.com/how-to-have-happy-holidays/

In this episode, I talk about anger. It is an emotion that is often pushed away and misunderstood.

- Society seems to tell us not to be angry

- Be angry, don't be angry... it's up to you

- Feel it, but don't hold on to the anger!