The Unburdened Leader

We might want change now—but change is almost always met with resistance.

And resistance to change is, at its core, protective.

Yet, this well-intentioned approach can end up hurting instead of helping especially when the desire to protect is at the expense of the well-being of others.

When we look at the industries that focus around our image, it gets even messier.

I am late to the fashion, make-up, skincare party—and I have loved playing around with style and products that make me feel good. It has been fun to support some incredible companies caring more about just the bottom line and support causes that serve the greater good.

Still, the messaging around beauty and health can be disorienting… and sometimes downright demoralizing to the point where we confuse the truth on our worth and value.

This is where leaders transform their care into activism in order to cultivate spaces that are brave and safe for all.

This is work.

This is THE work.

So what does cultivating spaces that are brave and safe actually look like? How do we dismantle our own internalized bias or oppression to create spaces where people truly feel welcome and included in the work at hand? And how does this all relate to the work of building a business or managing a team or leading a movement?

That’s what we’re going to be exploring in today’s episode.

My guest today has been called a beauty activist. She is someone who models what it looks like to do the inner work that allows her to keep showing up and disrupting homeostasis for the greater good.

Nikia Phoenix is a content creator, storyteller, and occasional commercial actress with a passion for social change and conscious living. She is also the founder of Black Girl Beautiful, a loving and safe space that celebrates Black women. After diving deeper into wellness and self care, Nikia recently became a Reiki master and meditation practitioner.

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Community over competition is indeed a well-worn hashtag. The cynical can dismiss it. Those beat up by year after year of injustice understandably call BS.

But in practice, leading with the lens of community over competition is subversive and culture-shifting.

Community over competition requires deep life-long work to unburden the load we carry of scarcity and comparison.

In a highly connected, dopamine infused world, where billions of dollars are spent to cultivate Not Enoughness, we buy, vote, and believe, leading with community over competition is an antidote to the noise.

But leading this way comes at a cost.

It comes at the cost of the quick and easy.

It is not efficient (at least it feels that way in the short term).

It is super uncomfortable and forces you to face the parts of you that are not Instagram friendly.

And... I know you are here for this. (I know I am!)

You are here for showing up online and in-person in a way that does not feel out of alignment.

You are craving depth and are willing to give up the quick wins that just appease the surface image and metrics that fizzle quickly.

You know this is a way to lead that brings you home to your truth and cultivates a boundaried generosity that is contagious and necessary right now.

I am really excited to share with you this nuanced conversation with founder of the community over competition movement, Natalie Franke.

Natalie Franke is a writer (her new book is coming out soon and you do not want to miss it), speaker, entrepreneur, and community builder on a mission to empower small business owners to rise together doing what they love. Natalie leads the Rising Tide Society and has mobilized over 75,000 creatives in the spirit of community over competition around the world.

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Our workplaces need more laughter.

Our homes need more laughter.

The world needs more laughter.

And I don’t know about you, but I too need more laughter.

There have been times of late when the smallest thing sets my family into a laugh-fest - usually triggered by something we were watching on TV or something one of us said that just tickled the proverbial funny bone.

This communal laughter always feels like a welcomed exhale when I didn't even know I was holding my breath. Every time, I feel lighter and clearer after I wipe the tears of joy away from my face.

Growing up, I got the message that humor and comedy were for those who were not serious. I was always equal parts annoyed and envious of the class-clowns and those that seemed at ease using humor as they lead. I wanted to focus on work but I also appreciated their ability to lighten the mood and not take themselves too seriously while building a sense of connection.

Comedy and humor can be a powerful catalyst for communicating. It brings people together and it is often memorable by making an impact through teaching and entertaining.

Today’s Unburdened Leader guest has the gift of teaching powerful business truths and insights through her gift for comedy.

Rachael Kay Albers is a digital strategist and business comedian. As the founder and creative director of RKA ink, a branding, web design, and digital marketing studio based outside Chicago, Rachael helps thought leaders and visionary entrepreneurs all over the world stand out online without selling their souls or playing the manipulation game.

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Avoiding controversy for the sake of comfort is not an option for you as you lead, do life, and rumble with all the big and little decisions before you.

Sure, you do not want to contribute to the noise.

You are not looking for a fight (or, like me, you try not to get scrappy just to offload some stress), or to be right just for the sake of being right.

No. You value the big picture. You value the mission. You value the greater impact.

These days, people try to shock us just so they can manipulate our feelings. They use hyperbole to exercise power over us. The polarizations we are living with internally and in our culture lead to many having serious controversy fatigue.

Unburdened leaders get the nuance of standing up. They also understand the sacrifices.  They would rather step up for what is true than play it safe.

We all need to do a better job of respecting this kind of leadership by supporting those who are willing to and able to take the heat when the status quo threatens the integrity of important work and fosters dehumanization.

That’s why I’m thrilled to introduce you to today’s guest, Blythe Hill.

Blythe is the CEO and Founder of the Dressember Foundation, an anti-trafficking nonprofit organization. Through their annual campaign, thousands of people across the world commit to wearing dresses or ties for the month of December as a way to raise awareness and funding for anti-trafficking work. Since 2013, Dressember advocates have raised $10MM USD and resourced dozens of anti-trafficking programs across the US and the world.

Please note: This episode we discuss matters around sexual abuse. Take good care of you and know your well-being is more important than pushing through this episode.

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Grief is inevitable as it's simply the other side of love.

The more you love, the more grief you feel. It’s inevitable when you’re all in on life and the relationships within it. This is the cost of a life full of love and meaning.

Daring to care means that grief and loss is inevitable.

If we let it, grief can be a powerful teacher. But first? It deconstructs. It disrupts the best laid plans. And, it brings us to our knees both emotionally and physically.

But truly feeling grief and letting it express itself is how we learn to lead well.

Consenting to grief requires inner trust that you’re going to be okay. And this, my friends, is a powerful form of Self-Leadership. It requires a lot of work and support but it’s essential to continuing to live and lead a brave life.

My guest today knows many forms of grief well and he has dared to be all in with feeling through his losses—and the losses of others who have touched his life—while continuing to step up in all the spaces he leads.

Dean Nelson, PhD is the Founder and Director of the Journalism Program at Point Loma Nazarene University, Founder and Host of Annual Writer's Symposium By The Sea, author of Talk To Me: How to Ask Better Questions, Get Better Answers, and Interview Anyone Like A Proand of God Hides in Plain Sight: How to See the Sacred in a Chaotic World.

Dean is also my Sunday School teacher and a leader who cultivates one of the most sacred spaces in my life where I practice getting out of my own internal echo chamber so I can live with more grace, compassion, and courage.

Listen to the full episode to hear:

• How Dean viewed his work while navigating recent and deeply personal losses
• The ways grief can show up in our physical bodies
• Dean’s conscious choice to empathize—not harden—in the face of a tragic story he was the first on the scene to cover
• How deep grief impacted how Dean leads in his work as a journalist, journalism professor and university department head

Learn more about Dean Nelson PhD:

• Follow Dean on Twitter
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Learn more about Rebecca:

• rebeccaching.com
• Work With Rebecca
• Sign up for the Weekly Rumble Email

One of the toughest and most important choices for a leader is to look within and do the deep work to heal the echoes of trauma. By looking and healing our past, they lighten the load of their burdens so they can lead themselves—and others—better.

On the contrary, right now, we are watching in real time the dangers of leaders who are not in touch with their humanity and lead with pain, bullying, and fear. We are breathing in so much toxicity right now and it is taking a toll on all of us.

And even still, I’m struck by how those leaders who have done the work to heal the echoes of their trauma are navigating 2020. I am noticing fatigue, for sure. But I am seeing something else...

The resilience and tenderness I am seeing in these leaders is inspiring me: they are navigating these echoes imperfectly but with an ownership and confidence grounded in their inherent worthiness and value—less encumbered by seeking value and safety externally.

However, the echoes of trauma from domestic and intimate partner violence are particularly insidious—creeping into day-to-day decisions in ways that are often hard to detect but show up in ways that impact confidence and clarity.

My guest today, Former Congresswoman Katie Hill, is a powerhouse in work and life and she is also a survivor of domestic violence. She wasn't yet 30 when she embarked on her run for Congress. By 31, she had become not only a Member of Congress - and one of the youngest women to ever serve in the House of Representatives - but also a member of Congressional Leadership.

Former Congresswoman Hill resigned from her position less than a year after entering Congress, following political sabotage by her abusive ex-husband in a scandal that began a national conversation around questions of bisexuality, domestic abuse, cyber exploitation, workplace power dynamics, and what happens when regular people who live regular lives run for office.

Former Congresswoman Hill is also the author of She Will Rise: Becoming a Warrior in the Battle for True Equality and the founder of Her Time, a political action committee supporting women in politics who are shaping their communities, and the country, for the better.

Please note: This episode will be discussing domestic violence and suicidal ideation. Take care as you listen and pause if you need to. If you or someone you know is struggling with domestic violence and/or thoughts of suicide, please contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at www.thehotline.org or call 800.799.7233 or contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800.273.8255.

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The belief that hope will kill you is a common reason that many people reject the practice of hope in the first place. Most would rather keep the bar low and expect the worst.

Protecting yourself with this level of cynicism leads to living a negative, small and joyless life.

And we are not here for that.

Embracing hope might look dangerous and reckless on the surface, yet, in truth, it is a deeply aligned practice grounded in values, courage, and consistency. This kind of hope supports showing up when there is not evidence things will get better or be better.

Truly, some of the most hopeful leaders I know have been through some of the darkest experiences. They have a capacity for the whole human experience. They are often seen as uncool or too positive. But really, they are the grittiest people I know.

Their hope does not bypass the messiness of heartache, disappointment, betrayal but instead they repel cynicism in these moments and embrace it all.

My recent interview with Chef Joel Gamaron made me appreciate how his cooking scrappy principles also apply to leadership and hope. When we work with what we have, even the things we want to discard, we can make something amazing.

Those who dare to hope KNOW pain is a part of the gig. Those who choose hope just keep taking the actionable steps towards what they believe is possible—even when the future is still unknown.

A hope that allows for loss and disappointment is a scrappy hope. And a scrappy hope allows for all the highs and lows of humanity, including feelings of futility, doubt, and fear, while also allowing us to keep moving forward.

My guest today embodies this kind of scrappy hope with all of its shadows. He has faced deep loss and grief personally and now reports on the stories of loss and tragedy while keeping cynicism at bay.

Ramon Galindo is a bilingual reporter and producer with NBC San Diego with more than a decade of experience in television journalism. From politics, to criminal justice, to the economy, Ramon strives to tell stories from a unique perspective. His work aims to hold government and powerful institutions accountable, while being a voice for the unheard.

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Instead of making an enemy of your anxiety, you can make a friend out of your anxiety.

This approach to the challenges of living with anxiety—in both your life and business as a leader—helps to turn the fear that comes with anxiety into your superpower.

But if you’re to make friends with your anxiety, you need to understand the story behind its fear and concerns. Anxiety has a mission to protect and it often does so in ways that are crushing, robbing you of your presence and the place where you show up in your truth.

Making friends with your anxiety—and finding the story beneath it—isn’t done by pushing through or thinking your way out of it. That just turns up the dial.

Instead, when you build a relationship with the parts of you that hold your anxiety—instead of trying to kill it or crush it—your life will be different and your ability to lead will feel different.

You will lead with your anxiety instead of it leading you.

My guest today did just that. Not only did he study and befriend his anxiety but he saw it as a way to fuel his desire for life-long growth and performance. He learned that the best way to protect his presence is to cultivate practices where he took the time and space to prepare.

Chef Joel Gamoran is best known as the host for A&E’s hit series “Scraps,” and has become one of the nation’s most well-known sustainability storytellers. Joel spent over ten years as a National Chef for Sur La Table and, in 2018, Joel released his book “Cooking Scrappy,” inspiring home cooks to turn scraps into delicious meals.

Joel also makes monthly appearances on NBC’s Today Show, sharing his recipes and sustainability tips to a worldwide viewership. Through entertainment, creativity, humility, and education, Joel brings people together with a common goal of getting good food on the table while being mindful of waste.

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Over-functioning is the default setting for so many leaders.

They want to fix and rescue everything—and sometimes that looks like working harder than others. But is that truly leading?

Fueled by anxiety, a high sense of responsibility, and a lack of clear boundaries, over-functioning can hijack the best of us. What’s tricky in overcoming over-functioning is that part of your superpower is seeing the solution and knowing what needs to be done to fix it.

And while over-functioning might be a part of your day-to-day life as a leader, boundaries can be the balm to soothe your default over-functioning and need to fix-all-the-things to become the leader you’re meant to be.

My guest in this episode is Krystel Stacey. She’s a powerhouse serial entrepreneur who leads and works hard to make everything around her beautiful and filled with meaning and purpose.

Krystel is also the owner of six businesses and is dedicated to inspiring fellow leaders and entrepreneurs through her successes, and her struggles.

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One of the most challenging aspects of leadership is facing bullies.

…the bullies from our past.

...the bullies in our present.

...and the bullies between our ears.

We live in a culture that normalizes—and even elevates—bullies in the name of entertainment. Our culture encourages us to enjoy the suffering of others instead of empathizing with the personal pain of the bullied. Our culture increasingly urges us to see bullying as a sign of strength.

When in truth, the culture of bullying is fueled by shame, fear, and violence. It perpetuates a right to retribution that dehumanizes. It ruins lives and lacks accountability, compassion, and empathy.

That’s why it’s more important than ever these days to take a stand. To face the bully, the oppressor, the abuser, the betrayer and say: enough. No more. Not now. Not ever again.

Gemma Went is my guest today. She’s here to share about when she decided to push back on both the internal and external voices that said she should not pay time or energy to a recent bullying and public shaming experience.

Gemma is an Online Business Mentor + Digital Growth Strategist based in the UK and works with entrepreneurs and business owners across the globe achieve great things and smash their goals through her proprietary frameworks and systems, all based on three core principles: Mindset + Strategy + Action, which make up her MSA Approach™.

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