The Wireless Podcast

It's the brand new series of the Wireless Podcast, kicking off with a horsey tale that plumbs new depths of mystery and adventure. Benjamin's bride heads to finishing school, and seems a changed filly upon her return. Can the day be saved before a Balkan misdemeanour catches up with our rather wet hero?

Title: The Invaders of the Brackfield Plumbing Company

Main Character: Benjamin

Strange Secret: Can choose to be invisible

Featured Location: Cheltenham Ladies College

Sponsored by: False Beer

Bald bride-to-be-to-be Catherine is cast out by plush-furnishing fancier and follicle-filching patriarch Mr Burston; dashing suitor Phil Ormskirk and personal caddy Throttleneck attempt to reconcile love for Catherine and respect for her father; and the mysterious, swarthy stranger Raoul takes to the skies in this, our eighteenth thrilling tale, of piracy, indentured police officers and chatty hardwood.

Title: Phil Walks Down the Street

Main Character: Catherine

Strange Secret: Her Mother Was a Giant Squid

Climactic Final Location: A Newsagent in Birmingham

Sponsored by: Cigarettes

Fatherless young Gerald just wants to be boring with the pretty Prunella, but a Peruvian plot by child-catching Barty and Jeremiah puts all his plans in danger. From an Oxford furniture shop, via the hold of an ocean liner, to the lost city of Machu Picchu, will anyone save our globe-trotting heroes from a certain closet-villain, who takes the notion of the author as God dangerously literally?

Title: The Back of the Wardrobe

Main Character: Gerald

Strange Secret: He steals lepers’ loafers

Climactic Final Location: Machu Picchu

Sponsored by: Honky-tonk Karaoke

Nobel Prize winner-training teacher Geraldo Jimenez must defend St Cuthbert’s School from Grimsby Council’s plans to bulldoze it; town planner Jethro Jelroy and wife grapple with problems of the heart and the hound; while the Jelroy’s son and star pupil Concertine flees into the woods, and a certain soul legend has Grimsby on the mind, in the Wireless Podcast!

Title: My Spaniel, Rachel

Main Character: Geraldo

Strange Secret: He has the heart of a robot

Climactic Final Location: The frozen goods aisle in Tesco in Grimsby

Sponsored by: Mr Tickle Soft Toys

Bumbling, big-hearted policeman George receives a tip-off from the unfortunate Mr Ethelred about nefarious goings on in the box-packing factory; gruff, aspiring crimelord Albert Burninger and adolescent accomplice Jonathan discusses the finer points of mixing cocoa; while Sebastian Hough (or is it Hough?) makes an unlikely guinea pig in our eleventh episode, stuffed to the ribs with superfluous tracheotomies, dead dogs and Bevry!

Title: ‘The Clockwork Kiwi Fruit

Main Character: George

Strange Secret: He loves to knit

Climactic Final Location: A Fishmarket in Grimsby

Sponsored by: Chopsticks

Rhinorrhea-plagued Alejandro Borges De Nada spends the episode encamped in the cab of his truck while lover Piedad wants him to be more honest about the deeds he performs for Mr Pollock; loathsome liquor-leavener Thom Thompson and wife Denise train up threatening beer-exporters; and Education Secretary Sir Humphrey Winkledink suggests improvements for The Bible 2.0, in our tenth, alcohol-suffused podcast!

Title: ‘The Smell of the Brewery’

Main Character: Alejandro

Strange Secret: He Walks Backwards

Climactic Final Location: The Sahara Desert

Sponsored by: Beer

Groom-to-be Adam can’t see past fiancé Genevieve’s Italian ice cream dalliances; Sarah commands Martin to carry out even more extreme engastration than her sister’s Turducken; and Benny the Boy Detective attempts to halt the animal thievery in our ninth rollicking podcast!

Title: ‘The Zookeeper’s Son’

Main Character: Adam

Strange Secret: He’s Allergic to the Colour Blue

Climactic Final Location: The Mars Factory in Slough

Sponsored by: Animal Shampoo

Louvre security guard Wilbur has his sights set on curatorship and the hand of the ravissante Cecily, but first, Monsieur Beaujolais needs him to investigate a curious case of materialising art. A shadowy but efficient Dutch Master; a particularly persistent canard; and fourth dimensional exploits in the name of civil engineering all make an impression, while the audience’s childish response to French affirmatives threaten to disrupt the play’s mise-en-Seine.

Title: The River That Ran Fast

Main Character: Wilbur

Strange Secret: He is Dead

Climactic Final Location: A Café in Paris

Sponsored by: Time Travelling Biscuits

Struggling ex-pat actor Timothy goes undercover to prepare for his next role as a mobster, but San Francisco’s Irish kingpins have secret plans of their own. Only his morbid wife Miriam and a string of Hollywood stars will be able to help, as our hero finds himself stuck between a hard place and The Rock.

Title: Bicycling In Ireland

Main Character: Timothy

Strange Secret: He collects monkeys

Climactic Final Location: Alcatraz

Sponsored by: Cuddly toys

Chronically inept spy Thomas investigates the secretion of unknown weaponry into music cases at the request of Mr Venables; criminal mastermind Rupert sends hydrophilic angoraphile Phyllis to meet a cockney; and the audience’s pre-recording obsession with the number of swimming pools in Senegal (answers here) leads to some inscrutable moments.

Title: I’m Sorry Guv’nor

Main Character: Thomas

Strange Secret: He glows in the dark

Climactic Final Location: A music shop in Senegal

Sponsored by: Shoe soles