We take another dive into discussing common barriers to communication and relationship security with writer Lola Phoenix, who has been navigating this for theirself and others online and IRL for years.

2:00 a lot of common questions

5:00 power dynamics

8:00 on being protective of the community 

10:00 what are your biggest challenges with non-monogamy?

14:00 disagreement doesn’t have to be scary

17:00 forgive yourself for being afraid of abandonment

22:00 attention helps us to survive

25:00 I will grow my own life regardless of you

27:00 what is an anchor? A personal reason for doing 

32:00 is being primary the most fun?

36:00 we are primed for monogamy

39:00 personal preference is not the rule

42:00 jealousy regarding sleepovers/sex

46:00 i don’t need to hear the details for you to have fun

50:00 red flags vs irrational

53:00 women have to look for threats regularly

56:00 book suggestions

59:00 object impermanance

1:03:00 how to ask for partner support

1:08:00 on hiring a sex worker

36:00 people are encouraged to be monogamous

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No matter what your current relationship structure-of-choice is, conflict and communication around trust and jealousy can be challenging. I asked one of my favorite therapists Yana Tallon-Hicks to offer advice from her new book, Hot and Un-bothered.

2:00 meet your guest

6:00 parenting is “the kid project”

9:00 non/monogamy isn’t so different regarding conflict

13:00 is my jealousy rooted in reality, or my past?

16:00 on feeling tricked

20:00 “explicit permission”

23:00 lie-inviting behavior

27:00 “name it to tame it”

31:00 authentic, honest responses w/o punishment

34:00 making yourself busy is a flight response

36:00 professional jealousy

39:00 if they are violent, GTFO

42:00 how to awkwardly flirt

45:00 trust is experience built over time

50:00 book recommendations

56:00 talk about sex when you’re not naked

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Find our guest at YanaTallonHicks.com

Timestamps:

What do we mean when we say something “hurts so good”? Let’s talk about pain and pleasure with author Leigh Cowart, who wrote a book by the same name and to explore and document their own journey with thrill seeking and sensations.

1:00 consensual pain

3:00 ballet can be abusive

6:00 emotional and physical pain

11:00 autism and sensation-needs

15:00 allodynia + hyperesthesia

18:00 CBTorture and bliss

23:00 why does a beating feel so good sometimes?

27:00 on touching our own emotional wounds

30:00 Mollena Williams-Haas resource

32:00 tip on screening a partner

35:00 maketimeforthetalk.com

38:00 subs gotta communicate their boundaries too

45:00 almost died from an eating disorder

48:00 too much exercise can also be self-harm

51:00 reaper peppers + pain juice

55:00 masochism

59:00 listen to what your body is telling you

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LK Bertram teaches us about madams, clients, birth control and more as it relates to sex work in colonized North America. Learn how history often repeats itself if we don’t learn from the ghosts of our past. 

2:00 it started with mugshots 

5:00 ghosts are a big part of the culture 

8:00 bawdy houses and police violence 

11:00 benevolent forces behind social change

15:00 porn is one of the first things people drew 

18:00 Oregon statutes and prostitution

21:00 anonymity can help

25:00 frontline health workers and syphilis 

29:00 ghosts are radical

32:00 Portland Confidential

35:00 sex workers marry rich men sometimes

38:00 pay me in stocks and jewels maybe

42:00 censorship

46:00 honkey and whored

51:00 stinky breath clients are timeless

54:00 where to get an abortion in the 1800’s

58:00 deep emotional connections and archives

1:02:00 retirement plans for old whores

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Clinical sexologist, African-centered social worker and self-liberation teacher speaks to us about her theories, frameworks and ideas, meet Dr. Zelaika Hepworth-Clarke.

1:00 meet your guest, co-liberator 

4:00 sleep is healing in a few ways

7:00 the critical study of self - autoethnography

9:00 undoing sexual violence with multi-perspectives

13:00 phallocentrism

17:00 the lure of the vagina is powerful

20:00 osunality undermines white supremacy

23:00 The Invention of Women 

26:00 gender and sex is different 

29:00 call me Mo-their 

31:00 Kim Tallbear

35:00 Joy is dangerous to colonialism

39:00 vulvas look different 

42:00 his arrogance is not your responsibility 

45:00 race play in sex discussion

49:00 mentors and heroes

55:00 the world is conspiring to bless you

57:00 Afro-presentism

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Carta Monir is a trans girl pornmaker who explains why a lot of her material is forbidden on some of the most popular and watched platforms, as we talk about identity and work in an ever-changing industry and world. 

1:00 meet your guest

3:00 what violates OnlyFans? 

7:00 reddit and r/traps

10:00 on FOSTA/SESTA

12:00 on peer support and mentors

15:00 different incarnations of a person

22:00 what is your fave content to make?

25:00 new websites upcoming!

28:00 advice for running a successful biz

30:00 production can be tough

34:00 does it ever make you wanna quit?

38:00 plz fight for trans ppl if you can

40:00 how do you stay safer from creeps?

43:00 don’t share your location IRL

49:00 unsolicited dick pics are unaesthetic too 

53:00 porn is inspo but not an outline 

59:00 sex tips

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How might weed relate to sex and arousal? Let’s learn history, tips, and pleasure practices from the Cannasexual, Ashley Manta.

2:00 from DARE kid to cannabis teacher

5:00 publishing a book during COVID sucks

6:00 why say “cannabis” instead of “marijuana”?

9:00 reasons that people use cannabis for sex

12:00 on tolerance breaks

16:00 “cannabis is not boner pills”

21:00 ADHD and anxiety

24:00 resources for cannabis doctors

28:00 CBD vs THC

32:00 what is a placebo?

37:00 anxiety makes sense sometimes

40:00 as a trauma survivor:

44:00 what about this weed study?

49:00 cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome (CHS)

55:00 what are terpenes?

58:00 keeping her tits all to herself

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A former pastor speaks to her experiences in the church, and how it shaped her current online pornmaking and coaching businesses she’s growing today. Meet Nikole Mitchell and learn about her very public coming-outs.

2:00 women were not allowed to lead

5:00 coming out during the pandemic

8:00 no shame in divorce here

11:00 the gateway selfie and website

15:00 creating spaces of sexuality and/or spirituality 

18:00 no churchy photo shoots yet

21:00 shame can be passed down w/o church

25:00 i dont want to pass my shame to my kids

28:00 sexual energy IRL or online

31:00 dirty, awkward, clumsy, rushed

34:00 on interacting with pregnant clients

36:00 on the vilification of Christians 

38:00 Orange County is effed, but lovely 

42:00 her previous sex life

45:00 purity-poster-child

50:00 purity balls are cringe 

52:00 how the purity movement traumatized people

55:00 other Californians and culture shame about sex

1:03:00 I also love lattes

1:05:00 orgasm shame

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How to talk about safety and hygiene? Masturbation? Learn from an expert in communication and teaching for kids and youth, Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers.

1:00 they train physicians, clergy, coaches and more, about sexual health

4:00 Swedes are sex-positive!

9:00 impacts of purity culture can look like sexual abuse

13:00 her article went viral, and opposition?

17:00 heredity influences our shapes and bodies

20:00 stages of sexual development are normal

23:00 what do you wish your parents had done differently?

27:00 just tell your kid that you love them regardless of how they look

31:00 it’s normal for kids to not want to hear from their parents on sex

34:00 why my kid can’t sleep in my bed sometimes

36:00 book recommendations

38:00 my parents comment on my body, help!

43:00 on kids and genital self-touching

47:00 how to explain that families are different 

50:00 book recommendations again

55:00 listener responses on parenting

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Find our guest at drtinashameless.com