Adverts: lifeblood of the nation, engine of the economy, coal of the mind. What could be more splendid then than a podcast episode which already contains adverts also being about adverts? Thank you to Andrew from Leeds for feeding this suggestion into the bean machine for a listening experience which flicks a cold, hard finger-swear at the skip-forwards-by-30-seconds button.

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It’s drive time on Bean FM and this week the lukewarm hits are in the key of “pasta” thanks to Matt of Bremen! We’ve got all the latest celebrity gossip, updates from Bonjamin’s traffic drone, weather from The Onion Child, something about sport presumably and unlimited adverts!! Call 0800-RIGATONI now with your crazy pasta story and you could win a sieve moulded from the face of Chris Tarrant!!!With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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The beans doff their caps (FUNGUS PUN!) to Adam of Bremington Spa for providing this weeks topic: mushrooms. What (or who???) are mushrooms? And why? And how come none of the other podcasts are getting to grips with them? Fear? Lobbyists? No matter. Just sit back, chuck some beans together with some mushrooms in a pot, set the hob to lukewarm and let’s see what bubbles up.

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Looking for a clear explanation of the syncopated contrapuntal elaboration of static half-diminished harmony tritone substitution turnaround? Then look no further as Cameron of Milton Keynes has the beans talk about jazz this week and, unless some sort of technical catastrophe has taken place resulting in a comprehensive explanation and discussion of music’s crown prince genre being replaced some quantity of bollocks, the beans have got you covered groove-style.

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STREAMING TICKETS FOR OUR LONDON PODCAST FESTIVAL LIVE SHOWS:
Friday 13th Sept 2024, 7pm: https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/30561/30562
Saturday 14th Sept 2024, 7pm: https://shop.kingsplace.co.uk/30530/30531

With thanks to our editor Laura Grimshaw.

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Play this episode directly in front of a mirror and no reflection of it shall ye see because this episode, the first of season fourteen, is all about vampires thanks to Stan of Manchester. Little is known of the elusive Stan of Manchester other than he always travels with 50 boxes of Transylvanian soil. Make of that what you will.

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September).

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No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday July and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of hard won workers' rights)

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This week the beans are scraping away the topsoil of knowledge and softly brushing away the woodlice of friendship to reveal a hoard of lukewarm banter for your pleasure. This is all thanks to Pat from Ely who buried archaeology into the bean machine in the distant past naively assuming it would never be disturbed and would be allowed to rest in peace in perpetuity. Hard cheese, Pat!

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"Why is that Wikipedia doesn’t bother having any pages about aquatic craft these days?”, you might ask if you’d had your head stuck in a honey badger’s front porch for the last 3 years. The answer, of course, is that people come to Three Bean Salad for comprehensive data batches on this subject as well as the very hottest of takes. Previous “searches” by listeners have included submarines, the Titanic and cruise ships. This week Rowan completes the set by asking the beans to unravel the mysteries of the final category of water going vehicles: boats.

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Rebecca from (The?) Wirral selects haircuts as this week’s topic for the beans. Presumably this was a cynical attempt to silence Henry for an episode - an attempt which, of course, failed. Rebecca has been referred to the Bean Standards Select Committee and is suspended without pay pending their findings.

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