Transformational Leadership: From the Insight Out

Learning how to overcome the negative effects of comparison is imperative to aligning with your identity and thriving as your authentic self. In this episode, gain practical tools to help you conquer comparison and find joy in being you! 

Transformation Tip: You were born an original. Don’t die a copy. 

Tools to break comparison: 

• Rather than compare, seek connection 
  • Share experiences
  • Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable
  • Find authentic relationships
• Accept your limitations as a gift
  • They will keep you humble and grounded
  • Don’t look at your limitations as a disability 
• Monitor your empowerment 
  • When you are functioning in your true identity/authentic self you will feel aligned and things will fall into place for you
• Compare yourself to yourself 
  • Internal validation 
• Cultivate your inside environment 
  • If there is something in your life that speaks to you and makes you feel good - write it down and revisit them when you’re feeling external pressure of comparison
  • This will remind you who you really are and the greatness within
• Stand your ground
  • Remind yourself that other people’s reactions have nothing to do with you. Don’t listen to their opinions. 
  • As you start to break the mold culture has put you into, people will notice and might have a negative reaction to that and try to put you back in your “place”
  • Stand your ground!

Transformation Application: Each day find something to celebrate in someone else and tell them! 

Coaching Resources:

http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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Comparison is a tool -  it can be healthy or destructive. The key is being able to identify when comparison is helping versus hurting our identity. In this episode, learn how to identify the patterns of negative comparison in your life. 

Transformation Tip:  “Comparison is the thief of joy.” - Teddy Roosevelt 

Comparison is a tool - it can be healthy or destructive.

When it comes to negative comparison, don’t take the bait!

How do you know if the comparison is helping (upward) or hurting (downward)?

• If you can be inspired and motivated to be better (upward)
• If you’re comparing achievements (downward)
• If it leaves you feeling inferior (downward)

Comparison leads to performance orientation. When comparison makes us feel inferior, we then feel like we need to prove our worth through performance. 

Our self-expectations can develop into a super image of what we think we need to be, but we will ALWAYS fall short of that image because there will always be someone we think is better than ourselves.

Transformation Application:  This week catch yourself when you start comparing. Ask yourself whether this comparison is causing you to think upwards or downward.

Coaching Resources:

http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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Shame keeps us from seeing the greatness within ourselves. In order to find freedom from our shame, we must learn to be vulnerable, courageous, and forgiving. In this episode, we’ll give you practical tools to help you deal with the shame in your life. 

Transformation Tip: Courage starts with showing up and letting ourselves be seen” - Brené Brown

Shame keeps you from seeing the greatness within yourself 

Shame causes you to believe you are not capable 

Shame keeps you from connecting with people and building healthy relationships 

Tools for dealing with shame:

• Vulnerability and transparency 
  • Be open and honest
  • Failure is an event, not a person (they do not define you)
  • Take small steps toward transparency 
• Courage 
  • Shame fears exposure 
  • Face it with courage 
  • F.E.A.R. - False evidence appearing real 
• Start moving in the area of forgiveness 
  • Forgive others 
  • Forgive yourself!

Transformation application: Start trying to identify the roots of the shame in your life and start applying the tools mentioned in this episode. 

Coaching Resources:

http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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In a world where our appearance to others is everything, it feels increasingly more difficult to be authentic. However, an inability to be vulnerable and authentic keeps us from being able to have meaningful and healthy relationships in our lives. This episode will help you identify and address the biggest enemy obstructing you from thriving in your true identity: shame. 

Transformation Tip: “Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.” Brené Brown

People often keep things private or hidden because of shame. They only want others to see the best sides of themselves.

Guilt, shame, and fear all go hand in hand. Feeling insecure makes you feel like you need to protect yourself. This can sabotage your relationships by keeping you from being fully authentic and vulnerable with others.

Shame = something is wrong with me. It causes us to be self-focused (how do I prove myself?)

Shame causes you to blame out of fear of exposure 

Shame leaves you lonely. Shame is all about ‘me me me’. It often results in isolation. 

Transformation Application: Identify one area in your life where there might be shame that needs to be addressed. 

Coaching Resources:

http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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For our first ‘Transformation Talk’ of the season, Doug Osness, a public speaker, trainer, author, and life coach known as “The Big Why Guy” joins the show to discuss finding your 'why' and living from purpose. Doug has developed a unique tool designed to reveal your clear and compelling life purpose statement in 3 words or less. 

What's your big why?

Everyone was born with a purpose. It’s already within you. Many people just don’t know what it is, how to figure it out, or how to live from it. 

Your ‘why’ often grows or is just buried under your greatest pain. You have to be willing to confront that pain to see what lies beneath it. 

Connect with Doug Osness:

bigwhyguy.net

Secondtierconsulting.com

Coaching Resources:

http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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Learning to flourish in your identity doesn’t happen overnight - it takes time and patience. This episode will help you develop the self-awareness you need to begin addressing areas that have contributed to unhealthy identity and give you tools to implement healthy practices. 

Transformation Tip: Be who you is, because if you ain’t who you is, then you is who you ain’t. 

Even if you didn’t have love and nurture in your life growing up, you can make a conscious decision to give love and nurture to others. Don’t let your past define you.

Your identity doesn’t form overnight. It takes time and patience. Be gracious to yourself.

• Create a culture of unconditional acceptance and belonging  
  • Not needing to earn acceptance 
  • value the person; not what they do 

• There’s a difference between discipline and punishment 
  • Discipline is to make people better; not make people feel bad about themselves 

• Receive comfort and care 
  • We need a sense of security and protection
  • Love is the greatest form of security

• Trust has to be formed with consistency and integrity 

Transformation Application: Reflect on the 10 tips for a flourishing identity that we have shared over the past 2 episodes. Pick one that you feel like you have had in your life and give thanks for that. Then pick one tip that you feel like you’ve been missing in your life and grieve it, then make up your mind to choose to act in the opposite direction and sow what you would like to reap. 

Coaching Resources:

 http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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Learning to love and embrace your true self is key to having a healthy identity. This episode will equip you with practical ways to stop trying to constantly prove yourself and simply be yourself!

Transformation Tip: “Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken.” – Oscar Wilde 

The Four Questions of Identity: 

• Who am I (identity)  
• Why am I here (purpose)
• Who do I trust  (security)
• Where do I fit? (community) 

Are you trying to prove yourself or just being yourself? 

That which you sow you will reap. You can fill a deficit in your life by giving what you would like to receive yourself. 

Keys to developing a healthy identity:

• Love and nurture 
• Value worth and significance 
• Give affirmation and encouragement 
• Create an environment where it is safe to fail, grow and learn
• Learn to forgive yourself 

Transformation application: Reflect on the way you have been giving others value, worth and significance through the way you communicate. Intentionally find ways to encourage, affirm, and uplift key people in your life this week. 

Coaching Resources:

 http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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Community is the environment where our identity is formed. Our identity needs to be nurtured in places that allow us to thrive. This episode will encourage you to find the places in your life where you are both contributing and receiving value. 

Transformation Tip: If you think you’re the odd one out in the group, you’re not the only one. 

Community is the environment where your identity is formed. Your identity needs to be nurtured in places that allow you to thrive.

Trust is the glue to all relationships.

Community = common unity 

• Find people with common goals or passions 

Find a place where you are receiving value as much as you are giving it. 

• Go where you are celebrated not merely tolerated 

Sometimes you outgrow a community and that's okay! 

• If you stay too long it can cause mediocrity 

Are you getting a return on your investment? 

Building community is not about the number of people, it's about creating meaningful relationships 

• You can feel alone and be surrounded by a crowd of people. 

Transformation Application: Reflect on these two questions: 

1. Where do I feel I am adding value? 
2. Where is value being added to me? 

Coaching Resources:

 http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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Insecurities often cause us to hide our true selves and push people away. The truth is, we need each other to bring the best out of us. Learning how to address our insecurities and find internal validation is key to trusting others and finding security in our own lives. 

Transformation Tip: “You must trust and believe in people or life becomes impossible.” -– Anton Chekhov

Shame causes us to hide. Our doubt creates insecurity which causes us to shield ourselves from others.

Growing through your identity is a process. Growth takes time. 

Your starting point will dictate your finishing point. Live from a positive starting point. 

Focusing on internal validation is vital. You have to find your security from within. If you can only find validation externally, your self-worth will constantly be under the power of circumstances you cannot control. 

Insecure behaviors:

• Control 
• Defensiveness 
• Independence 

Being vulnerable and authentic will draw people to your security. 

When we don’t feel secure, we conclude that we need to do everything for ourselves and become independent/self-made. This often leads to self-centeredness and loneliness and exhaustion. 

We need each other. We need people to bring out the best in us. 

Practical self-awareness exercises:

• Understand and identify your triggers
• Look for moments when you find yourself over-reacting
• What provoked your insecure reaction?

• Walk in the opposite direction of your fears

• Make declarations and affirmations
• How you see yourself is how you treat yourself

Transformation application: Pick one of the three self-awareness exercises listed above and put it into action. 

Coaching Resources:

 http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

ID Encounter - This online Identity Encounter video course will help you discover your original design and open you to a pathway of divine love and acceptance. This inspired and engaging teaching equips you to uncover your false mindsets and allow your mind to be renewed and transformed into alignment with your uniquely created identity and purpose.  

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Mark Twain once said: The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you figure out why. Discovering your purpose may seem like a daunting quest, but it’s not necessarily as complicated as you think. This episode will give you practical tools to look within and find the “why” that connects you to your purpose. 

Transformation Tip: “The two most important days of your life are the day you are born and the day you figure out why.” - Mark Twain

Who am I? Why am I here? What value do I add? What is my purpose? 

Purpose and destiny are two different things. Destiny is where you will end up, but your purpose is how and why you will get there. Your purpose stays with you - it is a part of your design. 

Your sense of purpose has a motivation behind it. Your purpose is your why.

People are looking for a defining moment, but your identity does not consist of one defining moment. 

Your purpose is already in you!

Practical tips for  finding your purpose: 

• Ask other people 
  • We often have blind spots when it comes to our strengths/talents
  • Ask a few trusted people to tell you  5 of your strengths and 1 weakness 
  • See if there is a pattern in what is shared with you 
• Take assessments 
  • Strengths Finder, Enneagram, Myers Briggs 
  • Try and take multiple 
• Examine your history 
  • Look for patterns in your life where you feel like you were thriving and making good contributions
  • Write them down!
  • Was there a season in your life when something came so easily to you that you felt like you were faking it? That’s probably a good indication of something you were designed for. 
• What major obstacles and challenges have you had to overcome in your life?
  • The challenges in your life create empathy and compassion 
  • These experiences change and grow you 
  • You are uniquely positioned to help others who go through similar circumstances
• What lifelong dreams and aspirations do you carry?
  • Reduce the dream down to its core essence (desire versus object of your desire)
• Passion and purpose go together 
• What spiritual clues have you picked up?

Transformation Application: Pick three occasions in your life where you were passionate, excited, and fulfilled by what you were doing. Analyze each of those moments - what about these situations brought you that passion? This will give you clues to your purpose. 

Coaching Resources:

Decoding Your Destiny Course: https://destinyu.thinkific.com/

 http://www.stevechuaintl.com

http://www.petecoaching.com/

https://www.insightoutcorp.com/

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