Untethering Shame

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Kyira, I feel like I’m always running at 100%, sometimes even 110%, just to keep everything together. I tell myself I’m fine, but then one small thing tips me over and I completely crash. Why does this keep happening, and how do I break the cycle without feeling like I’m failing?”

If you’ve ever lived on the edge of burnout, calling it “normal,” you know how exhausting and defeating that cycle can feel. We’re taught that giving our all means giving everything, all the time—but what if the truth is that sustainability actually lives at 80%, not 100?

Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why our idea of “100% capacity” is rooted in hustle culture and survival
• The crash-and-burn cycle and why it’s not a personal failure
• What it means to treat 80% as the new 100%
• Practical shifts that help you design a sustainable system for your life
• How to separate your worth from your output

If you’ve ever felt like “fine until I’m not fine” is your baseline, this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit here⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the shame cycle — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start grounding your life in values, not shame.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore personalized coaching or programs that support your next step.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Rest isn’t laziness—it’s what makes your life sustainable.

#AskMeAnything #BurnoutRecovery #ShameResilience #SustainableLiving #AdversityRising

In this episode of Untethering Shame, I sit down with Mikkel Leslie — coach, author, and advocate for living a life that truly feels like yours — to explore the intersection of shame, anxiety, and the “ideal self.”

“We’ve spent our whole lives being told who we should be. At some point, we stop asking what actually feels right for us.”

Mikkel shares her story of leaving behind a successful but misaligned career in engineering and tech to rediscover her authentic self — a journey that included burnout, anxiety, and a reckoning with the stories she was taught about worth, stability, and success. Together, we unpack how early conditioning shapes our choices, how anxiety keeps us performing and conforming, and what it really means to reconnect with the emotional and physical cues that tell us who we are.

Inside this episode, we talk about:

• The “conveyor belt” of expectation and how it leads us away from who we really are
• What happens when your achievements don’t feel fulfilling — and why money or success can’t fix internal disconnection
• The shame spiral that keeps us stuck in roles that look “right” but feel wrong
• How anxiety disconnects us from our emotions and body — and how to rebuild that relationship
• The role of self-compassion as a tool for clarity, not just comfort
• Learning to breathe, pause, and create space to ask, “What do I actually want?”
• The tension between paying the bills and pursuing your truth — and how to find both balance and bravery in transition
• Letting go of the fear of judgment when redefining success on your own terms

If you’ve ever felt like you were living someone else’s version of your life, this episode is for you.

1. You can’t think your way to your ideal self. You have to feel your way there.
2. Pause before you pivot. The answers come in the stillness, not the scramble.
3. Self-compassion isn’t indulgence — it’s clarity.
4. Anxiety disconnects us from our intuition. Healing starts when we reconnect body, mind, and emotion.
5. You’re not behind — you’re just ready to live differently.

More about Mikkel:

Mikkel Leslie is a champion, author, and coach for those ready to live their own lives. She has coached hundreds of individuals awakening them to their potential. Before coaching, Mikkel went through her own journey of self-exploration, moving from what she was supposed to do, to what she is passionate about. Her journey started with engineering, tech, and sales and has led her to inspiring others to stand up for their own lives. You will find her at the beach in Southern California with her husband and pet plants.

Connect with Mikkel:

• Instagram

Ready to take the next step?

• Join the ⁠Boundaries & Brave Email Challenge⁠
• ⁠Submit a Question⁠ for the Podcast
• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

🧭 Key Takeaways

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“My parents act like they have a right to unlimited access to my kids, even though they barely respect me as their parent. How do I deal with their guilt trips without cutting them off completely?”

This is one of the toughest dynamics adult children face: navigating the expectations parents bring into the grandparent role. When access to your kids gets demanded instead of earned, it can create huge tension and guilt.

Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why grandparent access isn’t an automatic right
• How guilt trips erode trust instead of building connection
• Why respecting you as the parent is the foundation of being included as a grandparent
• Practical ways to set boundaries around your kids without severing ties completely

If you’ve ever felt torn between protecting your children and avoiding conflict with your parents, this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit here⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start grounding your life in values, not shame.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore personalized coaching or programs that support your next step.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Being a grandparent is a privilege, not a right — and it begins with respecting your child as the parent.

#AskMeAnything #FamilyBoundaries #ParentingAndShame #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

In this episode of Untethering Shame, Kyira sits down with photographer, painter, and grief educator Shannon McFarland to explore the intersection of shame and creativity.

Many of us grow up believing creativity is something we either have or don’t—a gift reserved for the “artistic.” Shannon challenges that belief, inviting us to see creativity as a practice of presence, process, and self-expression rather than performance or perfection. Together, she and Kyira unpack how early criticism, evaluation, and comparison can silence our creative voices, and how reclaiming that voice is one of the most powerful ways to reconnect with ourselves.

From stories about art class trauma and commissioned work to lessons from teaching painting in nursing facilities, Shannon reminds us that creativity isn’t about talent—it’s about curiosity, safety, and willingness to take risks. The conversation also touches on parenting, self-compassion, and how to model creative freedom for the next generation.

If you’ve ever said “I’m not creative,” or stopped yourself from making something because it wouldn’t be “good enough,” this episode will help you see that creativity lives in the way you dress, solve problems, make dinner, and respond to life itself.

Key Takeaways:

• Creativity is a practice, not a product. It’s something we nurture through curiosity, mistakes, and repetition—not something we’re born with or without.
• Evaluation kills exploration. When creativity becomes about grades, praise, or performance, it shuts down our willingness to take risks.
• Shame often begins early. A single comment from a teacher, parent, or peer can silence creativity for decades; awareness helps us break that cycle.
• Safety is the foundation for self-expression. People can only create freely when they feel emotionally safe, seen, and unjudged.
• Art as connection. Rather than evaluating what a person makes, focus on what it means and what emotions or memories it evokes.
• Creativity lives everywhere. From cooking and organizing to problem-solving and parenting, we express creativity daily—even if we don’t call it that.
• Let go of external standards. The value of your art—or any act of creation—doesn’t depend on whether others “get it.”
• Model what you want to nurture. Children (and adults) learn creativity by watching us take risks, make mistakes, and create for joy, not validation.
• Repurpose and celebrate. Host small art shows, reuse creative work, or make gifts—rituals that honor the process while keeping it playful.
• Creativity is an act of radical self-connection. It invites us to reenter our own lives, find meaning in imperfection, and reconnect with wonder.

More about Shannon:

I'm a quirky, awkward, and kinda endearing person who cares a whole lot. I'm really interested in difficult, uncomfortable things and being present while those are being worked through, whether it's my stuff or someone else's. People know me as a photographer, painter, grief educator, and art teacher.

Connect with Shannon:

• Website
• Instagram
• Substack

Ready to take the next step?

• Join the ⁠Boundaries & Brave Email Challenge⁠
• ⁠Submit a Question⁠ for the Podcast
• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Why do I feel like the villain every time I set a boundary with my mom? I’ll say no to something simple, and suddenly I’m the worst child in the world. How do I not get crushed by the guilt?”

If you’ve ever tried to set a boundary with a parent — only to be met with anger, guilt trips, or silence — you know how brutal it can feel. Boundaries are meant to protect relationships, but when parents push back, it can leave you drowning in shame.

Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why boundaries are not rejection but an act of love
• The difference between your guilt and their discomfort
• How “boundary backlash” shows up in families
• Practical ways to hold the line without over-explaining or apologizing

If you’ve ever felt like setting a boundary makes you the “bad guy,” this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit here⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start grounding your life in values, not shame.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore personalized coaching or programs that support your next step.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Boundaries are not rejection — they’re the doorway to healthier connection.

#AskMeAnything #FamilyBoundaries #ShameResilience #AdultChildren #AdversityRising

In this episode of Untethering Shame, Kyira sits down with coach Renae for a candid and powerful conversation about control, perfectionism, food, body image, and the cycles we often get stuck in when trying to “fix” ourselves.

Together, they explore why so many high-achieving women find themselves trapped in all-or-nothing thinking—whether with dieting, work, relationships, or overcommitting—and how shame and self-doubt fuel these cycles. Renae shares her own experiences with food and body image, the dangers of living for external validation, and how real change begins when we learn to tolerate discomfort, let go of impossible ideals, and ask the question: Do I even want to keep doing this?

The conversation covers the messy middle between shame and growth, the cultural messages that reinforce perfection, and the freedom that comes when we step out of survival mode and start creating lives aligned with our actual values.

Listeners will walk away with both validation and practical tools to reframe their relationship with food, success, and self-worth—reminders that being “perfectly imperfect” is not only enough, it’s where real peace lives.

Key Takeaways:

• All-or-nothing thinking keeps us stuck in shame cycles—lasting change requires embracing imperfection.
• Food, dieting, alcohol, and overwork often serve as coping tools for deeper issues of worth and belonging.
• Social media snapshots and cultural messages fuel the myth of the “ideal self,” but the real self will always ebb and flow.
• External validation feels good in the short term, but true security comes from cultivating internal self-worth.
• Asking “Do I actually want to keep doing this?” is a powerful first step to breaking autopilot patterns.
• High achievers often over-function to cover shame; learning to sit with discomfort opens the door to healthier choices.
• Intention matters: the same behavior (e.g., working out, eating a salad) can either be shame-driven or value-driven.
• Letting others be responsible for themselves is not selfish—it’s an act of respect and emotional maturity.
• Recovery and growth exist on a spectrum; some days will feel “on point,” and others messy, but both are valid.
• Ultimately, freedom comes from learning to approach life with curiosity and compassion instead of control and fear.

More about Renae:

Renae Saager is a sharp, straight-talking mindset coach who helps high-achieving women stop secretly bingeing, obsessing over food, and pretending everything’s “fine” when it’s clearly not. After years of living a double life with food—binging, restricting, hiding, and punishing herself—Renae broke free. Today, she coaches women to do the same: no diets, no shame, no starting over every Monday.

Connect with Renae:

• Website
• Podcast
• 1-Sheet
• Instagram

Ready to take the next step?

• Join the Boundaries & Brave Email Challenge
• Submit a Question for the Podcast
• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.

• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Every time I go out with my parents, they expect me to pay — like it’s just assumed now because I ‘make more money.’ I’m drowning in bills myself. How do I set boundaries without looking ungrateful?”

Money is one of the biggest sources of tension in adult parent–child relationships. When parents expect their adult kids to pick up the tab — or worse, cover their expenses — it can feel like love is being measured in dollars. But the truth is: you don’t owe your parents financial support, and your worth as a child isn’t defined by whether you pay.

Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why financial expectations from parents can feel so heavy
• How guilt and “you owe me” narratives get tied to money
• Why love and money should never be confused
• Practical ways to set financial boundaries without collapsing into guilt

If you’ve ever wondered whether saying “no” makes you ungrateful, this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit here⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start grounding your life in values, not shame.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore personalized coaching or programs that support your next step.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Boundaries around money aren’t selfish — they’re necessary for healthy relationships.

#AskMeAnything #FamilyBoundaries #MoneyAndShame #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

Join the ⁠Boundaried & Brave Email Series⁠

Summary

In this powerful conversation, Kyira sits down with longtime friend and colleague Renee Nelson to explore what it truly means to choose yourself, even when it’s hard. From walking away from a stable career and calling off an engagement to redefining what fulfillment looks like at different life stages, Renee shares the courage and self-trust it takes to let go of “fine” in order to thrive. Together, Kyira and Renee reflect on ambivalence, comparison, people-pleasing, and the shame that keeps so many of us from saying no.

Through stories of career pivots, relationship decisions, and the evolving balance between ambition and family life, they highlight the importance of support systems, the fear of irrelevance, and the deep work of trusting that—even in uncertainty—we will be okay. This episode is both deeply personal and widely relatable, offering listeners permission to reevaluate what they’re holding onto, where they may be settling, and how to begin choosing themselves without apology.

Key Takeaways:

• Choosing yourself isn’t selfish — it’s essential for showing up fully in relationships, careers, and life.
• Ambivalence is more dangerous than conflict. Settling for “fine” keeps us stuck in lives that don’t light us up.
• Support systems matter. Having people who encourage your growth makes it easier to face fear and uncertainty.
• Saying no is powerful. It’s not your responsibility to manage other people’s disappointment when you choose differently.
• Fulfillment changes with life seasons. What lit you up 10 years ago may not align with who you are today.
• Comparison steals context. Social media and societal expectations make it easy to feel behind, but your journey is uniquely yours.
• Hard choices often bring the most growth. Walking away from jobs, relationships, or identities that no longer fit creates space for thriving.
• It’s not life or death. Most decisions feel bigger than they are—reminding yourself that you will be okay can help cut through shame and fear.
• Authenticity builds resilience. By choosing ourselves, we create the conditions for deeper connection and more sustainable success.

More about Renee:

Renee Nelson is a travel enthusiast, adventure seeker, studio hopper (gyms) and new to the start up world, after being at a fortune 500 company for her first 7.5 years out of college. She prides herself on trying to find the positives in everything and absolutely adores people.

Connect with Renee:

• LinkedIn
• Instagram

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“My dad keeps saying I ‘never come see him’ but he’s never once offered to drive to me. I’ve got two kids, a job, and no extra money for travel. Am I really the selfish one here?”

If you’ve ever been guilted into visiting a parent — even when your life is stretched thin — you’re not alone. We unpack the expectation that adult children should always be the ones to make visits happen, and why that’s not fair or sustainable.

Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why “you never visit me” guilt trips hurt more than they help
• The imbalance adult children face when parents expect one-sided effort
• How guilt erodes connection instead of creating it
• Practical ways to respond that honor both your reality and your relationship

If you’ve ever felt selfish or ungrateful for saying “no” to a visit, this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit here⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start grounding your life in values, not shame.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore personalized coaching or programs that support your next step.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Visits should be about joy and mutual effort — not guilt or obligation.

#AskMeAnything #FamilyBoundaries #ShameResilience #AdultChildren #AdversityRising

In Part 2 of Kyira’s conversation with Change Consultant Carl King, the focus shifts from breaking free of rigid religious systems to the long and often messy process of rebuilding life afterward. Carl reflects on the terror and liberation of walking away, the ongoing pull of shame and self-sabotage, and the importance of learning to sit with discomfort instead of rushing toward quick fixes. Together, Kyira and Carl explore themes of identity, ambiguity, and curiosity as tools for healing and growth, reminding listeners that change is less about having the “right” answer and more about experimenting with new ways of being.

Key Takeaways

• Freedom is mixed. Leaving controlling systems brings both terror and empowerment — it’s never clean or simple.
• Insight and action are different. Sometimes the most powerful move is holding space in ambiguity instead of rushing to “fix” things.
• Boundaries build self-worth. Saying “no” creates respect and helps reveal who genuinely values you.
• Trust takes rebuilding. Healing requires learning to see individuals as distinct, not assuming everyone will harm or control.
• Creativity fosters resilience. Outlets like writing, music, or simple “chord changes” open space for curiosity and healing.
• It’s all an experiment. Approaching life with patience, curiosity, and compassion reduces shame and keeps growth possible.

More about Carl:

Carl King is a Change Consultant, empowering organizations and individuals with methods for lasting change. Drawing from his rich tapestry of experiences, Carl brings a unique blend of empathy and insight to his coaching practice. His own journey taught him the power of embracing change, and he's dedicated his life to helping others navigate their own transformations skillfully.

Connect with Carl:

• Website
• Instagram/Socials: @carleking and @mychordchange

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website