Untethering Shame

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“I feel like I show up in my relationship — I share, I ask, I try to connect — but my partner often doesn’t really see me or respond the way I hope. Over time, I’m left wondering if it’s me. Should I just accept that this is how they are, or how do I stop feeling invisible and start grounding myself in my own worth?”

We explore what it means to feel unseen in relationships — and how to find your center again when connection feels one-sided. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• How shame and attachment patterns fuel the feeling of invisibility
• The difference between being unseen and being unworthy
• What radical acceptance looks like when you can’t change another person
• How to stay grounded in your value even when someone doesn’t mirror it back

If you’ve ever felt like you’re disappearing in your relationship, this episode will help you remember that visibility begins with self-connection.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit your question⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

💬 If this episode spoke to you, drop a comment and share your biggest takeaway or reflection — I’d love to hear what came up for you.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to begin reconnecting with your sense of self-worth.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore coaching or program options that meet you where you are.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💭 Being unseen doesn’t mean you’re unworthy — it’s an invitation to start seeing yourself more clearly.

#AskMeAnything #Relationships #FeelingUnseen #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

In this episode of Untethering Shame, Kyira sits down with psychologist Amanda Quinby, PhD, to explore one of the most shame-charged arenas of modern life: online dating. From crafting the “perfect” profile to surviving ghosting, Amanda breaks down how dating apps become a minefield of comparison, self-doubt, and performance — and how to move toward fit and authenticity instead of chasing approval.

Together, they unpack the difference between dating to be chosen versus dating for alignment, and how slowing down, listening to your body, and treating your feelings as data can turn online dating into a powerful mirror for healing rather than a constant referendum on your worth.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why online dating feels so brutal

  How apps amplify shame through constant choice, comparison, and perfectionist language (“perfect profile,” “best first message,” “most attractive photos”).

• Shame, rejection, and the “job application” feeling

  The pressure of presenting yourself as “pickable,” and how every swipe or silence can feel like proof that you’re not enough, attractive enough, or interesting enough.

• Performance dating vs. fit dating

  The difference between contorting yourself to be chosen and staying grounded in who you are — and why “we never fight” early on is often a red flag for performance, not compatibility.

• Body image, photos, and the urge to hide

  How shame around appearance shows up in profile pictures, filters, and the instinct to conceal parts of yourself — and how that reinforces old stories about being “too much” or “not enough.”

• Ghosting, uncertainty, and the stories we tell ourselves

  Why our brains hate not knowing, how we fill in the gaps with self-blame, and gentler ways to sit with uncertainty without turning every unanswered text into a character indictment.

• Scarcity, settling, and eroding your own needs

  How loneliness and timelines (“I should have found someone by now”) can push us to ignore red flags, override our bodies, and stay in misaligned connections “because at least it’s someone.”

• Feelings as data, not verdicts

  Amanda’s invitation to slow down, notice how you feel in and after interactions, and ask: “Is this shame talking, or is this my system telling me this isn’t a good fit?”

• Online dating as an opportunity for growth

  How the process will inevitably bring your “stuff” to the surface — and how, with support and self-compassion, it can become a powerful space for practicing self-trust, boundaries, and authenticity.

More about Amanda:

Dr. Amanda Lynne Quinby is a clinical psychologist working in private practice in Bloomington, IN.  Amanda works with adult professionals struggling with life transitions, such as going through a divorce, making a career transition, or relocating, and is passionate about incorporating the topics of self-compassion, vulnerability, and self-care into her work.  Personally, she is an avid reader, partner, ballroom dancer, music lover, and dog mom.

Connect with Amanda:

• Website

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this week’s AMA, Kyira answers a listener question about nighttime rumination — that racing mind that won’t quiet down no matter how tired you are.

Kyira unpacks why anxious thoughts spike at night, how shame and avoidance make it worse, and what it actually takes to create safety in your nervous system so rest feels possible. This episode explores practical tools for containment, self-compassion, and redefining rest — not as perfection, but as permission.

💡 Key Takeaways

• Your brain isn’t broken — it’s trying to process what it didn’t have space for earlier.
• Containment (writing things down) calms your system more than suppression.
• Rituals create predictability that signals safety to your body.
• Respond to anxious thoughts with reassurance, not judgment.
• Rest is more than sleep — it’s any moment your body feels allowed to slow down.

🗣️ Submit Your Question

Have a question you’d like Kyira to explore in a future AMA episode? Submit it at adversityrising.com/podcast.

In this episode, Kyira welcomes back Bronwyn Schweigerdt, licensed marriage and family therapist and self-described “anger expert,” for part two of their powerful discussion on emotional repression and radical self-integration.

Together, they unpack what happens when we silence our emotions — and what it takes to finally listen to them. Bronwyn guides Kyira through an integration exercise that becomes an intimate exploration of abandonment, worthiness, and self-acceptance.

Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• The difference between emotional suppression and repression — and how they shape our lives
• How childhood conditioning teaches us to disconnect from anger and truth
• The role of shame and abandonment in adult triggers and relationships
• A step-by-step process for integrating your younger self and reclaiming emotional safety
• How healing yourself creates generational change

If you’ve ever felt like you know your story but still can’t move past it, this episode will help you find language, compassion, and tools to bridge that gap — without abandoning yourself in the process.

🪞 Connect with Bronwyn Schweigerdt

Website: www.bronwynschweigerdt.com

Podcast: Angry at the Right Things

Instagram: @bronwynschweigerdt

💬 If this episode spoke to you, share your reflections — I’d love to hear what came up for you.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠”
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple Podcasts⁠
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 You are not your content. Your worth exists offline too.

#ShameResilience #EmotionalHealing #AdversityRising #UntetheringShame

In this week’s AMA, Kyira responds to a listener navigating the guilt and shame of loving a parent from afar after a serious health diagnosis. Despite knowing his dad doesn’t expect him to drop everything, he feels like a “bad son” for not being there in person.

Kyira explores the tension between love, distance, and limits — and how shame often confuses grief with failure. This episode offers gentle reframes and grounding tools for redefining what it means to show up when you can’t be physically present.

💡 Key Takeaways

• Presence isn’t defined by proximity — love can exist across distance.
• Guilt often hides grief; naming it helps release self-blame.
• Shame tries to turn limits into proof of failure.
• Self-compassion and boundaries make sustainable care possible.
• Connection is measured in intention, not in miles.

🗣️ Submit Your Question

Have a question you’d like Kyira to explore in a future AMA episode? Submit it at adversityrising.com/podcast.

Kyira reconnects with Sabrina Trobak, registered counselor, clinical supervisor, and author of Not Good Enough, to explore what happens when healing isn’t linear. Together, they unpack the moments that feel like setbacks—when shame whispers, “I should know better”—and reframe them as invitations to deepen awareness and meet ourselves with compassion. They discuss core beliefs like “not good enough” and the ways we distract through busyness, anger, or perfectionism. Sabrina offers tools—emotions lists, curiosity over judgment, and boundaries—to help listeners move from self-criticism toward understanding and remember that healing unfolds layer by layer, not all at once.

Key Takeaways

• Healing isn’t linear—it’s layered. Progress includes revisiting old wounds. Each return offers new insight rather than evidence of failure.
• Core beliefs drive reactivity. Many of our frustrations, anxieties, and people-pleasing tendencies stem from internalized beliefs like I’m not good enough. Awareness is the first step to softening their grip.
• Judgment fuels shame; curiosity dissolves it. The shift from “Why did I do that?” to “What made me do that?” opens the door to compassion and lasting change.
• Boundaries come later in healing. Setting and maintaining boundaries requires self-trust and belief in your own worth—it’s not a starting point but an evolution of inner work.
• Emotional avoidance keeps us stuck. Busyness, anger, and even perfectionism often mask discomfort and vulnerability. Slowing down to feel is the real work.
• Relapse or regression is not failure. When familiar coping mechanisms resurface, it’s a cue—not a condemnation. These moments signal areas that need attention, not judgment.
• Awareness tools can ground healing. Using an emotions list, journaling, or listing triggers and connected core beliefs can help map what’s happening beneath the surface.
• Loneliness begins within. Feeling lonely isn’t about who’s around us—it’s about our relationship with ourselves. The more content we become internally, the less we seek external validation.
• The goal isn’t perfection—it’s peace. The more we accept that healing is lifelong, the less pressure we feel to “arrive.” Contentment exists in the middle, not at the end.
• Curiosity is the antidote to shame. Meeting your behaviors and emotions with openness rather than judgment transforms self-criticism into empowerment.

More about Sabrina:

I am a registered counsellor and is the author of Not Good Enough: Understanding your Core Belief and Anxiety. I am also a clinical supervisor and public speaker with a masters in counseling psychology. Prior to becoming a counsellor, I was a teacher, vice principal and school counselor for over 20 years. I have extensive training in resolving past trauma and the impact trauma has on a person including anxiety and core belief.

Connect with Sabrina:

• Website
• Facebook
• Instagram
• LinkedIn
• Not Good Enough: Understanding your Core Belief and Anxiety

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this week’s AMA, Kyira answers a listener who’s realized their planning often comes at the cost of being present. Many of us over-plan not because we love control, but because control feels safe — it helps us avoid the shame of things going wrong.

Kyira breaks down how to shift from planning as protection to planning as preparation, using simple mindset and body-based tools to help you stop over-orchestrating and start living the moments you work so hard to create.

💡 Key Takeaways

• Planning is often a nervous system strategy for safety, not just a skill.
• Set a “done” point to help transition from preparing to participating.
• Presence is a muscle built through small rituals and conscious permission.
• Discomfort is part of connection — not a sign you failed to plan enough.
• Joy and meaning live in participation, not perfection.

🗣️ Submit Your Question

Have a question you’d like Kyira to explore in a future AMA episode? Submit it at adversityrising.com/podcast.

In this heartfelt and eye-opening conversation, Kyira sits down with Michelle Waymire, a queer, anti-capitalist financial advisor and founder of Young + Scrappy, to explore the deep intersection of shame and money.

Together, they unpack the beliefs and stories we carry about money—stories often formed in childhood—that shape our self-worth, safety, and sense of control. Michelle shares her own early experiences with privilege and how they informed her journey toward more compassionate, values-based financial work.

From the myth of being “bad with money” to the toxic narratives of hustle culture and financial perfectionism, Kyira and Michelle reframe what it means to be in relationship with money. They invite listeners to approach finances not as a measure of worth but as an evolving, deeply personal practice of self-trust, curiosity, and care.

The episode dives into practical and emotional layers alike: how to detach shame from financial mistakes, how to talk about money with children without passing on our anxieties, and how to begin shifting from scarcity and control to neutrality and self-compassion.

Whether you’re working to pay down debt, trying to feel safer in your financial decisions, or just tired of feeling like you’re doing it “wrong,” this conversation will help you see money in a radically new light.

✨ Key Takeaways:

• Money stories start early. Our beliefs about worth, safety, and belonging often take root in childhood, long before we ever earn a paycheck.
• Shame thrives in silence. Talking openly about money—and the emotions tied to it—is the first step toward dismantling self-judgment.
• Neutrality creates freedom. Numbers themselves aren’t good or bad; it’s the stories and emotions we attach to them that fuel shame.
• Our relationship with money is iterative. Like any other form of growth, it evolves with time, experience, and compassion for our past selves.
• Values matter more than perfection. Spending and saving aligned with what truly matters to you leads to financial peace, not rigid control.
• Parenting and money mirror each other. How we model curiosity, autonomy, and boundaries around money teaches our children self-trust—not fear.
• There’s no such thing as being “bad with money.” Every financial journey holds both mistakes and wins; noticing the wins helps rewrite your story.
• Shame disconnects; curiosity reconnects. Moving from “I’m bad with money” to “I’m learning about money” opens the door to growth.
• Financial wellness is emotional wellness. Healing money shame means healing the parts of us that believe we’re not enough.
• Progress over perfection. The goal isn’t to fix your finances overnight—it’s to build a kinder, more resilient relationship with them over time.

More about Michelle:

Michelle is a queer, anti-capitalist financial advisor and coach and the founder of two financial services companies: Young & Scrappy and Glimmer Financial. They are passionate about supporting marginalized groups in building a better relationship with their money, so that they can live joyful and abundant lives.

Connect with Michelle:

• Young & Scrappy
• Glimmer Financial

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this week’s AMA, Kyira answers a question from a listener who works in a job where they’re constantly being yelled at — not because they’ve done something wrong, but because they’re the one standing in front of people when things go wrong. Even when you know it isn’t personal, it can still feel personal. So how do you hold onto your empathy without letting shame or resentment take over?

Kyira explores the tension between logic and emotion — why your nervous system reacts as if you’re under attack, even when your brain knows better — and how to protect your dignity without losing your compassion. This episode is about reclaiming your sense of peace in the face of others’ chaos, learning to name what’s yours (and what’s not), and remembering that caring doesn’t mean carrying.

💡 Key Takeaways

• Your nervous system reacts faster than logic — even when you know it’s not about you, your body still feels the threat.
• Boundaries protect your dignity and keep you grounded in your values.
• Empathy doesn’t mean absorbing other people’s emotions or taking on their work.
• Anger isn’t a flaw — it’s a signal that your boundaries have been crossed.
• Create small rituals to reset and release what isn’t yours.

🔗 Resources & Mentions

• Join the Boundaried & Brave challenge to deepen your work around emotional boundaries and self-trust.

Have a question you’d like Kyira to explore in a future AMA episode? Submit it at adversityrising.com/podcast

A year after her first appearance, artist The Tracy Piper returns to Untethering Shame to talk about her evolution from loud advocate to deeply self-aware creator — and how being dangerous became her new form of love and resistance.

In this powerful conversation, Tracy and Kyira explore how vulnerability, rest, and authenticity threaten systems that profit from our numbness. They unpack the “dangerous” act of taking up space, setting boundaries, saying no, and believing we are worthy — even when it challenges old stories, relationships, and cultural conditioning.

Together, they invite listeners to rethink what it means to be dangerous — not as harm, but as healing — and to see how doing the work of self-love and radical acceptance can be a revolution in itself.

Key Takeaways

1. Dangerous doesn’t mean harmful — it means disruptive.

   True danger lies in being brave enough to rest, speak up, and love yourself in a world that thrives on burnout and compliance.

2. Rest is rebellion.

   Taking a nap, saying no, or slowing down can trigger shame and fear because our brains have learned these acts are “unsafe.” Learning to rest is a form of reprogramming.

3. We’re not that important — and that’s freeing.

   Letting go of the illusion that the world will fall apart if we stop allows us to reclaim balance, presence, and boundaries.

4. Radical acceptance means choosing what’s yours to carry.

   You can’t control how others respond, but you can stop reinforcing your own suffering by trying to manage everything.

5. Authenticity is dangerous to systems that depend on your silence.

   Whether it’s family dynamics, hustle culture, or gender expectations, showing up truthfully challenges the status quo.

6. Vulnerability builds community.

   The most dangerous — and healing — act is to let yourself be seen, loved, and connected, even when it feels safer to go it alone.

7. Art as activism.

   Tracy’s Dangerous tour invites audiences to explore self-love through creativity, offering visual permission to rest, reflect, and reconnect.

More About Tracy:

The Tracy Piper is a contemporary painter, muralist, and activist whose vibrant figurative work celebrates self-love, empowerment, and the radical act of authenticity. A former circus performer turned full-time artist, Tracy’s work merges bold color with emotional honesty to challenge the narratives that keep us small and silent.

Her newest exhibition, Dangerous: A Pop-Up Art Experience, explores the revolutionary power of self-acceptance and the idea that loving yourself in a world that profits from your doubt is the most dangerous act of all. Based in the Bay Area, Tracy’s art has been featured in galleries across the U.S., and she continues to use her platform to foster connection, conversation, and creative rebellion.

Connect with Tracy

• Website & Art: thetracypiper.com
• Instagram: @thetracypiper
• Dangerous Pop-Up Tour Dates: Portland (Nov 6–9), Miami (Art Basel Weekend), San Francisco (Summer 2026)
• Merch Line: Soft Rebellion sweaters and tees available at thetracypiper.com

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website