In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“I always find myself being the ‘fixer’ in every relationship — friendships, family, work. I don’t know how to stop without feeling like I’m abandoning people.”

We explore the deeper emotional wiring behind fixer behavior — and why it’s often less about control and more about safety and self-worth. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why fixer tendencies often develop as a way to feel needed or valued
• How over-functioning keeps both you and others stuck
• What it looks like to support someone without carrying their emotional weight
• Tools to break the cycle without being consumed by guilt or shame

If you’ve ever felt like it’s your job to keep everything and everyone together — this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to begin shifting out of fixer mode and into self-trust.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore the support that best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you trust yourself — and them — enough to stop carrying what was never yours.

#AskMeAnything #FixerMentality #Boundaries #ShameResilience #LettingGo #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

_________________

In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Cassandra Johnson discuss the importance of acknowledging and healing the inner child as a part of trauma recovery. They explore the concept of using fantasy and imagination as a tool for healing, and how creating a physical space that reflects childhood interests and comforts can provide a sense of safety and control. They emphasize the need for radical acceptance and validation of past experiences, and the importance of reparenting oneself in order to heal and break patterns. They also address the shame and stigma that can be associated with trauma and the fear of being seen as weak or different. In this conversation, Kyira and Cassandra discuss the importance of creating spaces that reflect our inner child and promote healing. They explore the shame and vulnerability that can arise when sharing these spaces with others, and the fear of judgment. Cassandra emphasizes the need to find the right people to trust and the importance of setting boundaries. They also discuss the power of tapping into our childlike creativity and imagination, and how it can bring joy and healing. Cassandra offers practical advice on how to start this healing journey, including connecting with our inner child and creating a safe space in our homes.

Takeaways

• Acknowledging and healing the inner child is an important part of trauma recovery.
• Creating a physical space that reflects childhood interests and comforts can provide a sense of safety and control.
• Radical acceptance and validation of past experiences are necessary for healing and breaking patterns.
• Shame and stigma surrounding trauma can prevent individuals from seeking help and sharing their stories. Creating spaces that reflect our inner child can promote healing and bring joy.

• Tapping into our childlike creativity and imagination can help us connect with our inner child and promote healing.
• Setting boundaries and creating safe spaces in our homes can support our healing journey.

Meet Cassandra:

There was once a little girl who would escape to a fantasy land to cope with her abuse. This little girl became an adult and began to heal her inner child. During this healing journey, it became evident how common it is for children of trauma to use escapism as a form of healing. From this realization, Cassandra Flora Designs was born.

Connect:

• ⁠Instagram⁠
• Email: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠," and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.

• Book a ⁠free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple Podcasts⁠ and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode. 
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠ 

Keywords

inner child, trauma recovery, fantasy, imagination, healing, radical acceptance, validation, reparenting, shame, stigma, healing, vulnerability, creating spaces, trust, boundaries, childlike creativity

Have you ever felt guilty for throwing out food you forgot about, buying clothes you never wore, or needing to replace something you thought should have lasted longer? You’re not alone.

In this episode, Kyira shares her own story of holding onto worn-out underwear (yes, really) and explores why so many of us feel shame about “wasting” money. Together, we’ll look at how these feelings come from scarcity beliefs, how they keep us stuck in avoidance and self-criticism, and how to start practicing radical acceptance when life doesn’t go as planned.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why shame shows up around spending and waste
• The connection between scarcity stories and self-worth
• How avoidance only fuels more shame
• Simple strategies to reframe your thinking and respond with compassion
• A reminder that you are allowed to be human and that you don’t have to do everything perfectly to be enough

Reflection prompts:

✨ What’s one area of your life where you feel guilt about waste?

✨ What story does that guilt tell you about who you are?

✨ How might you meet yourself with compassion instead of criticism?

More on Money

Check out the episode on Shame & Money with Kyley Caldwell here.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building daily practices that shift you out of guilt and back into self-trust.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore program options and find the support that fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Call to action:

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need this reminder. And don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review—it helps this work reach more people who are ready to untether from shame.

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Hey Kyira, I could really use some perspective on something that’s been weighing on me. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m always disappointing my partner because I’m hardly ever in the mood for sex.

It’s not that I don’t care about them or that I’m not attracted to them — I do. But it feels like no matter how much I try to psych myself up or convince myself it’ll be fine, I just can’t get there. By the time the day is over, I’m totally drained, and the idea of being intimate feels overwhelming instead of connecting.

I’m usually a pretty energetic person, so it’s confusing to feel this shut down in this one area. And every time I say no, I end up carrying so much guilt and this nagging thought that I’m failing somehow. How do I even start to understand what’s going on here and stop feeling like I’m letting them down all the time?”

We explore why desire can feel so elusive — even in relationships filled with love — and how shame and exhaustion can make it harder to connect. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why your desire isn’t always a reflection of your love or commitment
• The hidden role of stress, overstimulation, and nervous system shutdown
• How pressure and guilt can quietly erode sexual connection
• Ways to redefine intimacy without betraying your own needs

If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying the weight of sexual expectations you can’t meet, this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building daily practices that shift you out of guilt and back into self-trust.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore program options and find the support that fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Your worth isn’t measured by your desire. You are allowed to honor your needs without apology.

#AskMeAnything #SexualDesire #ShameResilience #RelationshipHealth #SelfCompassion #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

___________________

In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Abby Payne explore the themes of self-worth, people pleasing, and the journey towards self-acceptance. They discuss the importance of recognizing one's own needs and emotions, the impact of societal expectations, and the roots of people pleasing behavior often stemming from childhood experiences. The dialogue emphasizes the need for balance in life, the distinction between kindness and people pleasing, and the significance of unconditional love in fostering a healthy sense of self. In this conversation, Abby Payne, RN, discusses the profound effects of chronic stress on the body and the importance of reconnecting with oneself to build emotional safety and self-trust. She emphasizes the need for nervous system regulation techniques and the journey of self-acceptance, highlighting that vulnerability is a key aspect of personal growth. The dialogue explores how to navigate the pressures of people-pleasing and the significance of self-compassion in overcoming these challenges.

We covered:

• Aligning with our natural gifts leads to purpose
• Balance and emotional health are interconnected
• People pleasing behaviors often develop in childhood, particularly from conditional love
• True kindness differs from people pleasing
• Self-worth exists independently of productivity
• Emotional well-being requires both personal and shared responsibility
• Chronic stress impacts both physical and mental health
• Building internal security and self-trust requires consistent practice
• Managing emotions requires trigger awareness and nervous system regulation
• Self-acceptance and vulnerability are strengths that foster growth

More about Abby:

“I am a former ICU nurse turned Self-Care Coach specializing in People-Pleasing. I am a recovering people-pleaser who did a deep dive into the roots of people pleasing as I hit extreme burnout during COVID from my lack of ability to ask for help or speak my truth. What I learned re-routed my career to become a Board Certified Nurse Coach and inspired me to help others break free from people pleasing and find authenticity. I do 1:1 coaching and have an 8-week group program called Break the People Pleasing Pattern!”

Connect with Abby:

• ⁠Website⁠
• ⁠Facebook⁠
• ⁠Instagram⁠

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Chapters:

• 00:00 - Introduction and Body Check-In
• 03:06 - Exploring Purpose and Acceptance
• 06:01 - Understanding Balance in Life
• 08:57 - Defining People Pleasing
• 12:02 - The Roots of People Pleasing
• 15:04 - Conditional vs. Unconditional Love
• 18:07 - The Role of Parent Pleasing
• 21:00 - Navigating Emotions and Responsibilities
• 24:08 - The Impact of Social Expectations
• 27:01 - The Journey to Self-Discovery
• 28:46 - The Impact of Chronic Stress on the Body
• 32:31 - Reconnecting with the Self
• 36:18 - Nervous System Regulation Techniques
• 39:19 - Building Self-Trust and Safety
• 44:38 - The Journey of Self-Acceptance
• 51:43 - Finding Safety in Vulnerability

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Hi Kyira, my partner and I keep getting stuck in the same arguments over and over. It’s usually about small things — like how plans get communicated or whether someone followed through on something they said they’d do — but somehow it escalates every time into this big fight about feeling disrespected or not cared for.

I know on some level these things aren’t worth all the energy we spend on them, but in the moment, it feels impossible to let it go. I get so caught up in trying to prove my point or ‘win’ the argument, even though what I really want is for us to feel like we’re on the same team again. Why does this keep happening, and how can I learn to step out of this cycle?”

We explore why conflict can feel so high-stakes, even over small things, and how shame and old wounds can turn everyday disagreements into battles for belonging. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why your brain and body react so strongly to perceived disconnection
• How the urge to “win” arguments often masks deeper needs for safety and respect
• Ways to name what’s happening without getting stuck in blame
• Practical steps to pause the cycle and return to shared values

If you’ve ever felt like you’re arguing about one thing on the surface but something much deeper underneath, this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start practicing daily shifts that build self-trust and connection.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore different program options and find the support that’s right for you.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 You don’t have to win every argument to be worthy of love. Sometimes the bravest thing is to pause and remember you’re on the same team.

#AskMeAnything #Relationships #ConflictCycles #ShameResilience #HealthyCommunication #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

_______

In this conversation, Kyira and Stacey discuss the topic of narcissism. They explore the definition of narcissism and how it is often misunderstood. They also discuss the development of narcissism and its relationship to trauma. Stacey explains that narcissism is a spectrum and that everyone has the capacity for narcissistic traits at times. They also talk about the challenges of working with individuals with narcissistic personality disorder in therapy and the importance of focusing on patterns and self-awareness in healing from narcissistic relationships. In this conversation, Stacey and Kyira discuss the importance of setting boundaries and taking care of oneself in relationships with narcissistic individuals. They explore the concept of being an empath and how it can lead to projecting one's own trauma and anxiety onto others. They emphasize the need to differentiate between one's own feelings and the reality of the situation. Stacey highlights the importance of creating boundaries to protect one's own energy and emotions. They also discuss the challenges of setting boundaries and the fear of abandonment that can arise. Stacey provides insights on healing from narcissistic wounding and suggests starting with understanding one's attachment blueprint and conditioning. She also mentions her book, 'Heart Wide Open,' as a resource for self-recovery from narcissistic wounding.

More about Stacey:

Stacey is a seasoned psychotherapist trained in EMDR with niched expertise in narcissism. Stacey centers her work around what she calls the “Shame/Vulnerability Vortex”. Her mission is to help empaths and sensitive people become empowered because the world needs them.

Connect with Stacey:

• ⁠Facebook⁠
• ⁠Website⁠
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• “⁠Heart Wide Open⁠” Book

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website

Ever snapped at someone you love or shut down completely, only to wonder later, “Why did I react like that?”

In this episode, Kyira unpacks what it really means to be triggered, why these intense reactions happen, and how you can learn to recognize and respond to them with more compassion.

Using insights from Internal Family Systems (IFS), Kyira guides you through five common signs you’re triggered and offers practical steps to help you pause, reconnect with your body, and soothe the protective parts of you that are working so hard to keep you safe—even when you don’t feel in danger.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What a “trigger” actually is and why it feels so overwhelming
• How your protective parts shape your reactions
• 5 common signs you’re in a triggered state
• Simple strategies to ground yourself in the moment
• How to start healing shame and building self-trust through radical acceptance

Reflection prompts:

✨ What situations or interactions tend to trigger you?

✨ Which parts of you jump in to protect you—and what are they afraid of?

✨ What might change if you responded to those parts with curiosity and compassion?

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start practicing daily shifts that build self-trust and connection.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore different program options and find the support that’s right for you.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

In this episode, I respond to a question from Mark, who writes:

“Hi Kyira, my name’s Mark, and I’m in my early 40s. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with how people see me — whether they respect me, whether I’m coming across as competent or put together. On the outside, I think most people would describe me as confident, but inside I’m constantly worrying that I’m not enough or that I’m going to be exposed somehow.

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations, and it’s exhausting. I want to stop caring so much about what other people think, but honestly, I don’t even know who I am without that. And as a man, there’s this pressure to act like nothing bothers me, so I just bury it all and pretend I’m fine. How do I start caring less about how I’m perceived and more about how I see myself?”

We explore how shame, anxiety, and toxic masculinity can keep us stuck in performance mode — always scanning for approval and never feeling truly at peace. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why the need for validation is human, not a personal flaw
• How cultural expectations around masculinity fuel disconnection and hidden anxiety
• What it looks like to start reconnecting with your own perspective and self-trust
• Simple daily practices for shifting from external approval to internal clarity

If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing confidence while silently worrying you’re not enough — this one is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building daily practices that shift you out of shame and back into self-trust.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore programs and support that align with your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 You don’t have to keep performing to be worthy. The real freedom comes from knowing who you are when you stop trying to impress everyone else.

#AskMeAnything #PeoplePleasing #ToxicMasculinity #SelfTrust #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

________

In this episode, Jessica Parente joins us to discuss the topic of codependency and its connection to shame. Codependency is a psychological condition that intertwines a person's self-worth and identity with the needs and behaviors of others. The conversation explores the roots of codependency, its effects on our lives, and how breaking free from these patterns can help us reclaim our sense of self and reduce the burden of shame. The guests share personal experiences and insights, highlighting the importance of understanding and healing codependency. In this conversation, Kyira and Jess discuss the challenges of setting boundaries and the role of shame in maintaining them. They also explore the impact of codependency and narcissism in relationships, particularly with parents. Jess shares her personal journey of healing from codependency and offers resources for those who want to start their own healing journey. The conversation emphasizes the importance of reconnecting with the body, trusting gut feelings, and allowing oneself to feel without apology. It concludes with the reminder that healing is a personal journey and that it's okay to be wherever you are.

Takeaways

• What is co-dependency?
• Where does it come from
• Breaking free from codependent patterns can help individuals reclaim their sense of self and reduce the burden of shame.
• Healing codependency requires addressing the underlying wounds and trauma
• The intersection between co-dependency and narcissism

• Healing from codependency is a deconstruction of one's entire way of being
• Everyone's healing journey is unique, and it's important to meet yourself where you are and seek support when needed.

Keywords

codependency, shame, psychological condition, self-worth, identity, roots, effects, breaking free, healing, boundaries, codependency, narcissism, healing journey, bodywork

More About Jessica:

Jessica Parente is an ANCC-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, an ICF Accredited Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach, a Level IV Brainspotting Provider & a Best-Selling Author. Her chapter, “Lather, Rinse, Repeat… Until You Don’t” outlines her struggles with Codependency & is featured in Narcissistic Abuse Specialist Caroline Strawson’s most recent book, “The Unseen Wounds of Women.” As the founder of It Ends With You LLC, she is passionate about helping others identify their own subconscious and Codependent patterns so that they can heal, shift and step into a life that is authentic, intentional and true to themselves. As a Recovered Codependent & a Survivor of Grief, Trauma, Generational Trauma & Narcissistic Abuse, Jess pulls from her own journey to normalize client experiences and to instill hope these challenges are NOT a life sentence. 

Connect:

• ⁠Website⁠

• ⁠Facebook⁠ 
• Instagram: @generational.jess; @jessmolikewhoa (personal)
• Book

Resources:

• ⁠Co-Dependent No More; Melody Beetie⁠ 
• Find a support group through ⁠CODA⁠
• Check out the ⁠Co-Dependency No More⁠ and the ⁠Co-Dependent Millenial⁠

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.

• Book a ⁠free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode. 
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Chapters

00:00 — Understanding Codependency

17:59 — Codependency and Narcissism

25:59 — Navigating Boundaries and Shame

37:03 — The Deconstruction of Codependency

46:31 — Meeting Yourself Where You Are