In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Hi Kyira, I’m about six months into sobriety, and while I’m proud of myself, I’m also really struggling. I’ve lost a lot of friends because they don’t understand my decision, and some family members have made shaming comments like ‘You’re no fun anymore’ or ‘You think you’re better than everyone.’ It feels like I’m grieving an entire part of my life and community, and I’m so lonely sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it. How can I cope with this grief and the judgment from others while trying to stay committed to my recovery?”

We explore the hidden grief that comes with sobriety — the loss of friendships, familiar rituals, and even the identity you held in those spaces. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why loneliness and grief are a normal part of recovery
• How other people’s judgment often reflects their own discomfort
• What it means to honor the losses without shaming yourself for missing them
• Practical ways to protect your sobriety while building new sources of connection

If you’re navigating sobriety and feel torn between pride in your progress and the pain of losing relationships, this one is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” and start making those daily shifts to break the shame cycle that keeps you stuck in old patterns.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore program options and find the support that fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 You don’t have to trade your health for acceptance. You deserve relationships that honor your healing.

#AskMeAnything #SobrietyGrief #RecoveryJourney #ShameResilience #HealingAndConnection #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

_____________

In this episode of the Untethering Shame podcast, Kyira and Sabrina Trobek delve into the intricate relationship between core beliefs, shame, and anxiety. They explore how core beliefs shape our self-perception and influence our behaviors, often leading to feelings of inadequacy. Sabrina explains the development of these beliefs, emphasizing the impact of childhood experiences and cultural norms. The conversation highlights the significance of setting boundaries, taking responsibility for our emotions, and navigating relationships that reinforce our core beliefs. Sabrina shares her four pillars of change and emphasizes the need for self-compassion and gradual growth in the journey towards emotional resilience.

We covered:

• Core beliefs can either empower or undermine our self-worth.
• Shame and anxiety are deeply interconnected with core beliefs.
• Changing core beliefs is a long-term process that requires effort.
• Cultural influences play a significant role in shaping our self-perception.
• Recognizing and challenging negative thoughts is crucial for growth.
• Anxiety often stems from a lack of belief in our own capabilities.
• We can build resilience by addressing our fears and worries.
• Understanding the origins of our beliefs can help in their transformation.
• It's important to create a supportive environment for ourselves and others.
• Self-acceptance is a key component in overcoming feelings of inadequacy. Anxiety is often rooted in our beliefs about our ability to handle situations.
• Avoiding triggers can reinforce anxiety rather than alleviate it.
• Creating a strategy to manage anxiety can boost confidence.
• Understanding the origins of our core beliefs is crucial for change.
• Awareness is the first step in changing behavior and beliefs.
• Self-worth is tied to our ability to set healthy boundaries.
• Taking responsibility for our feelings empowers us to make changes.
• Relationships can reinforce negative core beliefs, requiring careful navigation.
• It's important to differentiate between our emotions and our reactions.
• Gradual change is more sustainable than drastic shifts.

More about Sabrina:

I am a registered counsellor and is the author of Not Good Enough: Understanding your Core Belief and Anxiety. I am also a clinical supervisor and public speaker with a masters in counseling psychology. Prior to becoming a counsellor, I was a teacher, vice principal and school counselor for over 20 years. I have extensive training in resolving past trauma and the impact trauma has on a person including anxiety and core belief.

Connect with Sabrina:

• ⁠Website⁠
• ⁠Facebook⁠
• ⁠Instagram⁠
• ⁠LinkedIn⁠
• ⁠Not Good Enough: Understanding your Core Belief and Anxiety⁠

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Chapters:

• 00:00 - Understanding Core Beliefs and Shame
• 06:02 - The Development of Core Beliefs
• 11:48 - Cultural Influences on Self-Worth
• 18:00 - Challenging Anxiety and Core Beliefs
• 23:51 - Connecting Anxiety to Core Beliefs
• 25:57 - Understanding Anxiety and Core Beliefs
• 27:29 - The Importance of Awareness in Therapy
• 29:24 - The Four Pillars of Change
• 30:48 - Navigating Boundaries and Self-Worth
• 34:33 - Taking Responsibility and Avoiding Blame
• 39:44 - Relationships and Core Beliefs
• 46:57 - Resources for Further Growth

What if letting go of a goal wasn’t a sign of weakness—but of growth? In this solo episode, Kyira challenges the shame narratives around quitting, shifting focus, and unfinished business. Whether you’ve outgrown a dream, changed your mind, or realized a goal was never truly yours, this conversation invites you to meet yourself with radical acceptance and release the pressure to prove your worth through completion.

In this episode, Kyira dives into:

• Why we stay in misaligned goals out of fear, not fulfillment

• The role of shame in performance, productivity, and “seeing things through”

• How to tell if a goal no longer fits—and what to do about it

• Why walking away can be the most self-honoring decision

• Using radical acceptance to reclaim your voice and realign with your values

Reflection prompts:

• Am I staying in this because I want to—or because I’m afraid to leave?

• What version of me set this goal—and do they still define who I am?

• What would walking away without shame look like?

💬 Ask Me Anything: Have a question you’ve been sitting with?
Submit your question anonymously or with your name — whatever feels right for you.
👉 Learn More

👉 Submit your question

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“I recently joined a new group of friends, and while they’re kind and welcoming, I still constantly feel like I’m on the outside looking in. I second-guess what I say, overanalyze their reactions, and wonder if they really want me there. How do I stop feeling like I don’t belong?”

We explore the deep-rooted shame and self-protection strategies that can keep us stuck in outsider energy — even when we’re technically “included.” Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• The difference between being welcomed and feeling like you belong
• How our past experiences shape our fear of rejection
• What self-belonging looks like and why it must come first
• Practical tools for navigating new relationships with more trust and less self-doubt

If you’ve ever felt like the outsider in a group, even one that’s kind and accepting — this one is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website

💬 You don’t have to shrink to fit in. Belonging begins when you stop abandoning yourself.

#AskMeAnything #Belonging #NewFriendships #ShameAndConnection #SelfTrust #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

Episode Overview:

I am so grateful Simon Rinne joined me for such an important conversation on men's mental health, sharing his story and opening up a much larger conversation that needs to be had.

We covered:

• The development of Simon’s OCD and how this impacted his life 
• The impact of toxic masculinity on Simon’s development of self
• The value of imperfection and the art of wabi sabi
• The overlap between perfectionism and OCD and how it connects back to shame
• The moving target we get stuck chasing
• What is exposure response therapy (ERP) and how can it support OCD recovery
• The release alcohol provided that led Simon to develop an alcohol addiction

More About Simon:

Simon is a social worker and Founder of Mindful Men, a therapy practice that is dedicated to supporting men with mental illness and disability. Simon’s passion for mental health comes from living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Depression, Anxiety, Burnout for over 30 years. During this time, he struggled in silence; believing that boys and men can’t cry, all whilst using alcohol as a way to feel “normal”. Simon shares his story to inspire others to believe that they can turn their pain into purpose, and move from surviving to thriving.

Connect with Simon:

- Website

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a ⁠free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple Podcasts⁠ and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

In this episode, I’m answering a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“I struggle when things don’t go as planned — even little things. I get overwhelmed, anxious, and sometimes feel like the whole day is ruined. I know logically that I can’t control everything, but I still get really upset when plans shift. How can I manage this better without spiraling?”

Together, we explore why changes in plans can feel so distressing — even when they seem small — and how past experiences, nervous system responses, and internalized pressure for control all play a role. We also dig into:

• The shame spiral that follows perceived "overreactions"
• What it means to build distress tolerance
• How to reframe disruptions without gaslighting yourself
• Tools for grounding and regulation when plans fall apart

This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt undone by a simple change of plans — and is ready to meet that reaction with compassion and strategy, not shame.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website

💬 You don’t have to love the chaos — but you can learn to meet it with more compassion.

#AskMeAnything #DistressTolerance #PlansChanged #AnxietyAndControl #RadicalAcceptance #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

In part 2 of the conversation, Sandra reflects on her experience growing up in a cult and the challenges she faced in developing her sense of self. She discusses the deep sense of community and shared experiences within the cult, as well as the loneliness and struggle to connect with others outside of it. Sandra also opens up about her battle with suicidal thoughts and her reliance on alcohol as a coping mechanism. The conversation highlights the subtle erosion of self and the power dynamics within cults, as well as the importance of healing and finding one's own path. Sandra reflects on her relationship with her mother and the challenges they faced due to their different experiences in the cult. She discusses the difficulty of fully expressing her feelings about the cult with her parents and the transformation their relationship has gone through over the years. Sandra also talks about the healing process she and her mother are going through and the challenges of building trust with herself. She shares her desire to write a business plan and pursue her dreams, despite the fear of failure.

Takeaways

• Growing up in a cult provided a sense of community and shared experiences, but also led to a struggle to connect with others outside of the cult.
• Sandra battled with suicidal thoughts and turned to alcohol as a coping mechanism to numb her pain and loneliness.
• The power dynamics within the cult and the manipulation of free will by those in positions of power eroded the sense of safety and community.
• Leaving the cult was a difficult decision, but it allowed Sandra to start her healing journey and find her own path.
• The conversation highlights the importance of understanding the underlying pain and trauma that can lead to addiction and self-destructive behaviors. The challenges of navigating a relationship with a parent who still adheres to the rules and beliefs of a cult
• The importance of open and honest communication in healing and repairing relationships
• The process of building trust with oneself and overcoming self-doubt and fear of failure
• The significance of pursuing one's dreams and not letting fear hold you back

More about Sandra:

My name is Sandra Huitt and I'm a cult survivor, cycle breaker, and activist. I studied World Religion and History to check the accuracy of what I was taught as a child and I remain a passionate student in those fields as there's always more to learn. A decade of social work and pediatric counseling aligns with my belief that a rising tide lifts all boats. Vulnerability is one of my superpowers and I use it often to discuss my journey through healing to encourage others to find their path.  Traveling the world to absorb the beauty of other cultures lights me on fire and singing my heart out makes my soul happy.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a ⁠free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple Podcasts⁠ and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Chapters

• 00:00 - Introduction and Setting Intentions
• 06:10 - Exploring Sandra's First 17 Years in the Cult
• 09:09 - Questioning and Witnessing the Negative Aspects
• 13:06 - Victim-Blaming and Safety Erosion
• 20:11 - Mental Health Struggles and Coping Mechanisms
• 26:30 - Navigating Relationships with Parents in Cults
• 32:59 - Healing Through Communication
• 37:25 - Power Dynamics and Finding Your Voice
• 42:35 - Building Self-Trust and Overcoming Fear

Keywords

cult, leaving, healing, othering, fitting in, struggle, parents, anger, belonging, identity, trust, self-love, healing, demystify, self-worth

If you’ve ever been told your standards are “too high” or felt like backing off meant giving up, this episode is for you. In today’s conversation, Kyira unpacks the real issue behind perfectionism and burnout—not the ambition itself, but the context in which our standards are created. We’ll explore how shame, external validation, and scarcity shape our goals, and how radical acceptance can help you rewrite the script to live more aligned, sustainable, and whole.

In this episode, Kyira explores:

• Why high standards aren't inherently bad

• The hidden cost of overfunctioning and performance-based worth

• The difference between narrowing your focus and broadening your view

• How to identify the areas of life you're starving while feeding others

• Why tending to “low ROI” roles like rest and creativity is essential to thriving

Reflection prompts:

• Which “plants” in your life are you overwatering—and which are being neglected?

• Whose approval are your standards designed to earn?

• What would it look like to set goals rooted in your truth, not your shame?

📝 Ask Me Anything: Have a Question?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website

In this episode, I’m answering a deeply personal and powerful question from Zoe, who asks:

“Is it ever possible to experience true body love and acceptance?”

Together, we unpack the immense pressure placed on us by cultural norms, beauty standards, and internalized bias — and how those messages make peace with our bodies feel almost impossible. We explore:

• Why body “love” may not be the most realistic or helpful goal
• How shame and all-or-nothing thinking keep us trapped in cycles of guilt and comparison
• The freedom of choosing body neutrality over perfection
• And how radical acceptance can offer us a more compassionate path forward

This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt stuck between self-love and self-criticism, who’s tired of trying to earn their worth through appearance, and who’s ready to build a relationship with their body based on truth, care, and dignity.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website

💬 You don’t have to love your body to respect it. You don’t have to feel beautiful to be worthy. You get to take up space — exactly as you are.

#AskMeAnything #BodyNeutrality #RadicalAcceptance #BodyImageHealing #ShameResilience #AdversityRising #PodcastForHealing

Join Kyira Wackett and David Bedrick as they explore the intricate relationship between shame and healing. Their conversation covers mental health, emotional processing, and the concept of 'unshaming' - particularly in relation to addiction and eating disorders. They discuss how shame affects relationships, parenting, and power dynamics, while emphasizing the importance of compassion, curiosity, and authentic connections in the healing journey. The dialogue concludes by examining codependency, self-discovery, and the process of understanding personal needs in relationships.

We covered:

• Understanding and accepting shame is crucial for healing
• Emotions need understanding rather than pathologizing
• Somatic experiences and self-expression aid healing
• Parents' inner critic affects child connection
• Emotional awareness strengthens relationships
• Authenticity fosters connection while defensiveness hinders it
• Shame reinforces power dynamics and oppression
• Addiction and codependency stem from unmet emotional needs
• Personal agency and need recognition are vital
• Support should remain unconditional
• Curiosity and inner wisdom guide healing
• Self-acceptance enables authentic expression

More about David:

Author of 4 books, process worker and teacher of 'the unshaming way.' I have over 30 years of experience working psychotherapeutically with individuals and teaching individuals, healers and therapist. Shame and unshaming is my passion - guiding people into a healing paradigm that addresses all issues, from trauma to physical illness by unfolding the meaning and message in the symptoms we are mostly guided to 'get rid of.'

Connect with David:

• Website
• Instagram
• Book: “Unshaming Way”

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

Chapters:

00:00 - Personal Challenges and COVID's Impact

03:01 - Understanding Shame: A Deep Dive

08:46 - The Role of Somatic Experience in Healing

11:57 - Eating Disorders and Shame

14:59 - The Concept of Unshaming

20:49 - Shame and Addiction

26:43 - Parenting and the Inner Critic

38:45 - Building Authentic Relationships

44:46 - Shame in Power Dynamics

56:00 - Understanding Codependency

01:02:25 - The Journey of Self-Discovery

01:08:55 - The Unshaming Way and Its Impact