Untethering Shame

Summer Re-Release Series

We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

Episode: Shame & Ambition with Andrea Barr

In this conversation, Kyira and certified coach Andrea Barr explore what it means to pursue ambition on your own terms. They unpack the pressures of perfectionism, premature identity foreclosure, and external expectations—and how shame weaves through each of these barriers. Together, they offer a powerful reframe of ambition as a slow burn rooted in curiosity, intention, and personal fulfillment—not performance or permission. This episode is an invitation to come home to your values and make bold, aligned decisions, even in the face of fear.

Key Takeaways

• Redefine ambition as an internal drive grounded in values—not just career outcomes.
• Recognize how shame, fear of failure, and fear of judgment can block authentic pursuit.
• Let go of the pressure to “choose one path” early and forever.
• Share your goals and ambitions to build accountability, not approval-seeking.
• Embrace exploration, change, and intentional decision-making.
• Prioritize fulfillment, balance, and your evolving desires.

About Andrea:

Andrea Barr is an ICF Certified Coach who helps parents figure out their work-life rhythms to create more quality time with their families while continuing to grow personally and professionally. She’s the host of the All Figured Out podcast and offers 1:1 coaching and community-based events online and in Vancouver, Canada.

Connect with Andrea:

• ⁠Instagram⁠
• ⁠Website⁠
• Check out Ep. 57 "⁠Coping with shame and guilt as a parent with Kyira Wackett⁠"

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this solo episode, I’m diving into a tool that has changed my life and the lives of so many of my clients: cognitive reframing — the practice of shifting how we think about our experiences to reduce shame, anxiety, and emotional overwhelm.

We explore how even subtle mindset shifts can dramatically change how we engage with difficult moments, and why reframing isn’t about toxic positivity — it’s about reclaiming our power.

Inside this episode, you’ll learn:

• What cognitive reframing actually is and where it comes from
• How shame distorts our thoughts and keeps us stuck
• Real-life examples of reframing anxious or shame-based thoughts
• Five practical steps to help you start reframing right now

If you've ever caught yourself spiraling over a comment, dreading a task before it begins, or feeling like you can’t change your inner narrative — this episode is for you.

🧠 Want more support?

• Download the free workbook, Reframing the Narrative: A Self-Coaching Tool for Rewriting Shame-Fueled Thoughts to practice shifting your perspective with compassion and intention.
• Join the AR Insider List for weekly tools and resources on untethering from shame and building a life rooted in self-trust.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to explore 1:1 coaching and program options that meet you where you are.

🎧 Subscribe + Share

Make sure you’re subscribed on Spotify or Apple Podcasts, and leave a review if this episode spoke to you.

Know someone who struggles with negative thought spirals? Share this episode with them — your story might be just what they need to hear.

💬 You are not your thoughts. You are the narrator — and you get to choose how the story unfolds.

#CognitiveReframing #UntetheringShame #ShameResilience #ReframeYourThoughts #AdversityRising

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Whenever someone compliments me, I instantly deflect or downplay it. How do I learn to actually believe good things about myself?”

We explore how shame, fear of visibility, and old survival strategies make it hard to accept even the kindest words — and how to begin building a new relationship with self-worth. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why compliments feel threatening when we don’t trust our own worth
• The connection between downplaying praise and self-protection
• How to receive a compliment without deflecting or apologizing
• Gentle practices to help you believe good things about yourself — without shame

If you’ve ever felt squirmy, uncomfortable, or exposed when someone says something nice about you — this one’s for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” and start shifting the narrative that says you don’t deserve good things.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore personalized support through coaching and programs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 You are allowed to be seen. You are allowed to be celebrated. You don’t have to shrink to be safe.

#AskMeAnything #ReceivingCompliments #ShameResilience #SelfWorth #Visibility #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

Episode: Shame & Binge Eating with Kyira Wackett
In this solo episode, Kyira shares her own story and lived experience with binge eating, breaking down the myths, stigma, and shame that so often accompany it. Rather than centering food itself, this conversation unpacks the emotional drivers beneath disordered eating behaviors—especially the role of shame, secrecy, and self-punishment. Kyira walks through how she learned to bring curiosity and compassion to the table, transforming the narrative from one of control and chaos to one of understanding and care.

Whether you struggle with binge eating or have internalized messages about food and body that leave you feeling disconnected or ashamed, this episode is a grounding and validating listen.

Key Takeaways

• Binge eating is often a response to emotional overwhelm, not a failure of willpower.

• Shame thrives in secrecy—naming our patterns is the first step toward change.

• Curiosity and compassion are powerful tools in breaking cycles of self-punishment.

• Healing from disordered eating is not about control, but about reconnection.

• You are not alone—and your worth is not defined by what or how you eat.

  
  

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠⁠," and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.

• Book a ⁠⁠free 25-minute discovery call⁠⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠⁠Spotify⁠⁠ or ⁠⁠Apple Podcasts⁠⁠ and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode. 
• ⁠⁠YouTube⁠⁠
• ⁠⁠Website⁠⁠ 

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“I always find myself being the ‘fixer’ in every relationship — friendships, family, work. I don’t know how to stop without feeling like I’m abandoning people.”

We explore the deeper emotional wiring behind fixer behavior — and why it’s often less about control and more about safety and self-worth. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why fixer tendencies often develop as a way to feel needed or valued
• How over-functioning keeps both you and others stuck
• What it looks like to support someone without carrying their emotional weight
• Tools to break the cycle without being consumed by guilt or shame

If you’ve ever felt like it’s your job to keep everything and everyone together — this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to begin shifting out of fixer mode and into self-trust.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore the support that best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠, and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Letting go doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you trust yourself — and them — enough to stop carrying what was never yours.

#AskMeAnything #FixerMentality #Boundaries #ShameResilience #LettingGo #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

_________________

In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Cassandra Johnson discuss the importance of acknowledging and healing the inner child as a part of trauma recovery. They explore the concept of using fantasy and imagination as a tool for healing, and how creating a physical space that reflects childhood interests and comforts can provide a sense of safety and control. They emphasize the need for radical acceptance and validation of past experiences, and the importance of reparenting oneself in order to heal and break patterns. They also address the shame and stigma that can be associated with trauma and the fear of being seen as weak or different. In this conversation, Kyira and Cassandra discuss the importance of creating spaces that reflect our inner child and promote healing. They explore the shame and vulnerability that can arise when sharing these spaces with others, and the fear of judgment. Cassandra emphasizes the need to find the right people to trust and the importance of setting boundaries. They also discuss the power of tapping into our childlike creativity and imagination, and how it can bring joy and healing. Cassandra offers practical advice on how to start this healing journey, including connecting with our inner child and creating a safe space in our homes.

Takeaways

• Acknowledging and healing the inner child is an important part of trauma recovery.
• Creating a physical space that reflects childhood interests and comforts can provide a sense of safety and control.
• Radical acceptance and validation of past experiences are necessary for healing and breaking patterns.
• Shame and stigma surrounding trauma can prevent individuals from seeking help and sharing their stories. Creating spaces that reflect our inner child can promote healing and bring joy.

• Tapping into our childlike creativity and imagination can help us connect with our inner child and promote healing.
• Setting boundaries and creating safe spaces in our homes can support our healing journey.

Meet Cassandra:

There was once a little girl who would escape to a fantasy land to cope with her abuse. This little girl became an adult and began to heal her inner child. During this healing journey, it became evident how common it is for children of trauma to use escapism as a form of healing. From this realization, Cassandra Flora Designs was born.

Connect:

• ⁠Instagram⁠
• Email: ⁠[email protected]⁠

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠," and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.

• Book a ⁠free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple Podcasts⁠ and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode. 
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠ 

Keywords

inner child, trauma recovery, fantasy, imagination, healing, radical acceptance, validation, reparenting, shame, stigma, healing, vulnerability, creating spaces, trust, boundaries, childlike creativity

Have you ever felt guilty for throwing out food you forgot about, buying clothes you never wore, or needing to replace something you thought should have lasted longer? You’re not alone.

In this episode, Kyira shares her own story of holding onto worn-out underwear (yes, really) and explores why so many of us feel shame about “wasting” money. Together, we’ll look at how these feelings come from scarcity beliefs, how they keep us stuck in avoidance and self-criticism, and how to start practicing radical acceptance when life doesn’t go as planned.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

• Why shame shows up around spending and waste
• The connection between scarcity stories and self-worth
• How avoidance only fuels more shame
• Simple strategies to reframe your thinking and respond with compassion
• A reminder that you are allowed to be human and that you don’t have to do everything perfectly to be enough

Reflection prompts:

✨ What’s one area of your life where you feel guilt about waste?

✨ What story does that guilt tell you about who you are?

✨ How might you meet yourself with compassion instead of criticism?

More on Money

Check out the episode on Shame & Money with Kyley Caldwell here.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building daily practices that shift you out of guilt and back into self-trust.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore program options and find the support that fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Call to action:

If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might need this reminder. And don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and leave a review—it helps this work reach more people who are ready to untether from shame.

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Hey Kyira, I could really use some perspective on something that’s been weighing on me. Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m always disappointing my partner because I’m hardly ever in the mood for sex.

It’s not that I don’t care about them or that I’m not attracted to them — I do. But it feels like no matter how much I try to psych myself up or convince myself it’ll be fine, I just can’t get there. By the time the day is over, I’m totally drained, and the idea of being intimate feels overwhelming instead of connecting.

I’m usually a pretty energetic person, so it’s confusing to feel this shut down in this one area. And every time I say no, I end up carrying so much guilt and this nagging thought that I’m failing somehow. How do I even start to understand what’s going on here and stop feeling like I’m letting them down all the time?”

We explore why desire can feel so elusive — even in relationships filled with love — and how shame and exhaustion can make it harder to connect. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why your desire isn’t always a reflection of your love or commitment
• The hidden role of stress, overstimulation, and nervous system shutdown
• How pressure and guilt can quietly erode sexual connection
• Ways to redefine intimacy without betraying your own needs

If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying the weight of sexual expectations you can’t meet, this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building daily practices that shift you out of guilt and back into self-trust.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore program options and find the support that fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 Your worth isn’t measured by your desire. You are allowed to honor your needs without apology.

#AskMeAnything #SexualDesire #ShameResilience #RelationshipHealth #SelfCompassion #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

___________________

In this conversation, Kyira Wackett and Abby Payne explore the themes of self-worth, people pleasing, and the journey towards self-acceptance. They discuss the importance of recognizing one's own needs and emotions, the impact of societal expectations, and the roots of people pleasing behavior often stemming from childhood experiences. The dialogue emphasizes the need for balance in life, the distinction between kindness and people pleasing, and the significance of unconditional love in fostering a healthy sense of self. In this conversation, Abby Payne, RN, discusses the profound effects of chronic stress on the body and the importance of reconnecting with oneself to build emotional safety and self-trust. She emphasizes the need for nervous system regulation techniques and the journey of self-acceptance, highlighting that vulnerability is a key aspect of personal growth. The dialogue explores how to navigate the pressures of people-pleasing and the significance of self-compassion in overcoming these challenges.

We covered:

• Aligning with our natural gifts leads to purpose
• Balance and emotional health are interconnected
• People pleasing behaviors often develop in childhood, particularly from conditional love
• True kindness differs from people pleasing
• Self-worth exists independently of productivity
• Emotional well-being requires both personal and shared responsibility
• Chronic stress impacts both physical and mental health
• Building internal security and self-trust requires consistent practice
• Managing emotions requires trigger awareness and nervous system regulation
• Self-acceptance and vulnerability are strengths that foster growth

More about Abby:

“I am a former ICU nurse turned Self-Care Coach specializing in People-Pleasing. I am a recovering people-pleaser who did a deep dive into the roots of people pleasing as I hit extreme burnout during COVID from my lack of ability to ask for help or speak my truth. What I learned re-routed my career to become a Board Certified Nurse Coach and inspired me to help others break free from people pleasing and find authenticity. I do 1:1 coaching and have an 8-week group program called Break the People Pleasing Pattern!”

Connect with Abby:

• ⁠Website⁠
• ⁠Facebook⁠
• ⁠Instagram⁠

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Chapters:

• 00:00 - Introduction and Body Check-In
• 03:06 - Exploring Purpose and Acceptance
• 06:01 - Understanding Balance in Life
• 08:57 - Defining People Pleasing
• 12:02 - The Roots of People Pleasing
• 15:04 - Conditional vs. Unconditional Love
• 18:07 - The Role of Parent Pleasing
• 21:00 - Navigating Emotions and Responsibilities
• 24:08 - The Impact of Social Expectations
• 27:01 - The Journey to Self-Discovery
• 28:46 - The Impact of Chronic Stress on the Body
• 32:31 - Reconnecting with the Self
• 36:18 - Nervous System Regulation Techniques
• 39:19 - Building Self-Trust and Safety
• 44:38 - The Journey of Self-Acceptance
• 51:43 - Finding Safety in Vulnerability

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Hi Kyira, my partner and I keep getting stuck in the same arguments over and over. It’s usually about small things — like how plans get communicated or whether someone followed through on something they said they’d do — but somehow it escalates every time into this big fight about feeling disrespected or not cared for.

I know on some level these things aren’t worth all the energy we spend on them, but in the moment, it feels impossible to let it go. I get so caught up in trying to prove my point or ‘win’ the argument, even though what I really want is for us to feel like we’re on the same team again. Why does this keep happening, and how can I learn to step out of this cycle?”

We explore why conflict can feel so high-stakes, even over small things, and how shame and old wounds can turn everyday disagreements into battles for belonging. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why your brain and body react so strongly to perceived disconnection
• How the urge to “win” arguments often masks deeper needs for safety and respect
• Ways to name what’s happening without getting stuck in blame
• Practical steps to pause the cycle and return to shared values

If you’ve ever felt like you’re arguing about one thing on the surface but something much deeper underneath, this episode is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start practicing daily shifts that build self-trust and connection.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore different program options and find the support that’s right for you.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 You don’t have to win every argument to be worthy of love. Sometimes the bravest thing is to pause and remember you’re on the same team.

#AskMeAnything #Relationships #ConflictCycles #ShameResilience #HealthyCommunication #AdversityRising