Untethering Shame

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

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In this conversation, Kyira and Stacey discuss the topic of narcissism. They explore the definition of narcissism and how it is often misunderstood. They also discuss the development of narcissism and its relationship to trauma. Stacey explains that narcissism is a spectrum and that everyone has the capacity for narcissistic traits at times. They also talk about the challenges of working with individuals with narcissistic personality disorder in therapy and the importance of focusing on patterns and self-awareness in healing from narcissistic relationships. In this conversation, Stacey and Kyira discuss the importance of setting boundaries and taking care of oneself in relationships with narcissistic individuals. They explore the concept of being an empath and how it can lead to projecting one's own trauma and anxiety onto others. They emphasize the need to differentiate between one's own feelings and the reality of the situation. Stacey highlights the importance of creating boundaries to protect one's own energy and emotions. They also discuss the challenges of setting boundaries and the fear of abandonment that can arise. Stacey provides insights on healing from narcissistic wounding and suggests starting with understanding one's attachment blueprint and conditioning. She also mentions her book, 'Heart Wide Open,' as a resource for self-recovery from narcissistic wounding.

More about Stacey:

Stacey is a seasoned psychotherapist trained in EMDR with niched expertise in narcissism. Stacey centers her work around what she calls the “Shame/Vulnerability Vortex”. Her mission is to help empaths and sensitive people become empowered because the world needs them.

Connect with Stacey:

• ⁠Facebook⁠
• ⁠Website⁠
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• “⁠Heart Wide Open⁠” Book

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website

Ever snapped at someone you love or shut down completely, only to wonder later, “Why did I react like that?”

In this episode, Kyira unpacks what it really means to be triggered, why these intense reactions happen, and how you can learn to recognize and respond to them with more compassion.

Using insights from Internal Family Systems (IFS), Kyira guides you through five common signs you’re triggered and offers practical steps to help you pause, reconnect with your body, and soothe the protective parts of you that are working so hard to keep you safe—even when you don’t feel in danger.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• What a “trigger” actually is and why it feels so overwhelming
• How your protective parts shape your reactions
• 5 common signs you’re in a triggered state
• Simple strategies to ground yourself in the moment
• How to start healing shame and building self-trust through radical acceptance

Reflection prompts:

✨ What situations or interactions tend to trigger you?

✨ Which parts of you jump in to protect you—and what are they afraid of?

✨ What might change if you responded to those parts with curiosity and compassion?

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start practicing daily shifts that build self-trust and connection.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore different program options and find the support that’s right for you.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

In this episode, I respond to a question from Mark, who writes:

“Hi Kyira, my name’s Mark, and I’m in my early 40s. For as long as I can remember, I’ve been obsessed with how people see me — whether they respect me, whether I’m coming across as competent or put together. On the outside, I think most people would describe me as confident, but inside I’m constantly worrying that I’m not enough or that I’m going to be exposed somehow.

I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations, and it’s exhausting. I want to stop caring so much about what other people think, but honestly, I don’t even know who I am without that. And as a man, there’s this pressure to act like nothing bothers me, so I just bury it all and pretend I’m fine. How do I start caring less about how I’m perceived and more about how I see myself?”

We explore how shame, anxiety, and toxic masculinity can keep us stuck in performance mode — always scanning for approval and never feeling truly at peace. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why the need for validation is human, not a personal flaw
• How cultural expectations around masculinity fuel disconnection and hidden anxiety
• What it looks like to start reconnecting with your own perspective and self-trust
• Simple daily practices for shifting from external approval to internal clarity

If you’ve ever felt like you’re performing confidence while silently worrying you’re not enough — this one is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” to start building daily practices that shift you out of shame and back into self-trust.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore programs and support that align with your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ and leave a review to share your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 You don’t have to keep performing to be worthy. The real freedom comes from knowing who you are when you stop trying to impress everyone else.

#AskMeAnything #PeoplePleasing #ToxicMasculinity #SelfTrust #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

________

In this episode, Jessica Parente joins us to discuss the topic of codependency and its connection to shame. Codependency is a psychological condition that intertwines a person's self-worth and identity with the needs and behaviors of others. The conversation explores the roots of codependency, its effects on our lives, and how breaking free from these patterns can help us reclaim our sense of self and reduce the burden of shame. The guests share personal experiences and insights, highlighting the importance of understanding and healing codependency. In this conversation, Kyira and Jess discuss the challenges of setting boundaries and the role of shame in maintaining them. They also explore the impact of codependency and narcissism in relationships, particularly with parents. Jess shares her personal journey of healing from codependency and offers resources for those who want to start their own healing journey. The conversation emphasizes the importance of reconnecting with the body, trusting gut feelings, and allowing oneself to feel without apology. It concludes with the reminder that healing is a personal journey and that it's okay to be wherever you are.

Takeaways

• What is co-dependency?
• Where does it come from
• Breaking free from codependent patterns can help individuals reclaim their sense of self and reduce the burden of shame.
• Healing codependency requires addressing the underlying wounds and trauma
• The intersection between co-dependency and narcissism

• Healing from codependency is a deconstruction of one's entire way of being
• Everyone's healing journey is unique, and it's important to meet yourself where you are and seek support when needed.

Keywords

codependency, shame, psychological condition, self-worth, identity, roots, effects, breaking free, healing, boundaries, codependency, narcissism, healing journey, bodywork

More About Jessica:

Jessica Parente is an ANCC-certified Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner, an ICF Accredited Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach, a Level IV Brainspotting Provider & a Best-Selling Author. Her chapter, “Lather, Rinse, Repeat… Until You Don’t” outlines her struggles with Codependency & is featured in Narcissistic Abuse Specialist Caroline Strawson’s most recent book, “The Unseen Wounds of Women.” As the founder of It Ends With You LLC, she is passionate about helping others identify their own subconscious and Codependent patterns so that they can heal, shift and step into a life that is authentic, intentional and true to themselves. As a Recovered Codependent & a Survivor of Grief, Trauma, Generational Trauma & Narcissistic Abuse, Jess pulls from her own journey to normalize client experiences and to instill hope these challenges are NOT a life sentence. 

Connect:

• ⁠Website⁠

• ⁠Facebook⁠ 
• Instagram: @generational.jess; @jessmolikewhoa (personal)
• Book

Resources:

• ⁠Co-Dependent No More; Melody Beetie⁠ 
• Find a support group through ⁠CODA⁠
• Check out the ⁠Co-Dependency No More⁠ and the ⁠Co-Dependent Millenial⁠

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.

• Book a ⁠free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode. 
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Chapters

00:00 — Understanding Codependency

17:59 — Codependency and Narcissism

25:59 — Navigating Boundaries and Shame

37:03 — The Deconstruction of Codependency

46:31 — Meeting Yourself Where You Are

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“Hi Kyira, I’m about six months into sobriety, and while I’m proud of myself, I’m also really struggling. I’ve lost a lot of friends because they don’t understand my decision, and some family members have made shaming comments like ‘You’re no fun anymore’ or ‘You think you’re better than everyone.’ It feels like I’m grieving an entire part of my life and community, and I’m so lonely sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it. How can I cope with this grief and the judgment from others while trying to stay committed to my recovery?”

We explore the hidden grief that comes with sobriety — the loss of friendships, familiar rituals, and even the identity you held in those spaces. Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• Why loneliness and grief are a normal part of recovery
• How other people’s judgment often reflects their own discomfort
• What it means to honor the losses without shaming yourself for missing them
• Practical ways to protect your sobriety while building new sources of connection

If you’re navigating sobriety and feel torn between pride in your progress and the pain of losing relationships, this one is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, “⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠” and start making those daily shifts to break the shame cycle that keeps you stuck in old patterns.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to explore program options and find the support that fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

💬 You don’t have to trade your health for acceptance. You deserve relationships that honor your healing.

#AskMeAnything #SobrietyGrief #RecoveryJourney #ShameResilience #HealingAndConnection #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

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In this episode of the Untethering Shame podcast, Kyira and Sabrina Trobek delve into the intricate relationship between core beliefs, shame, and anxiety. They explore how core beliefs shape our self-perception and influence our behaviors, often leading to feelings of inadequacy. Sabrina explains the development of these beliefs, emphasizing the impact of childhood experiences and cultural norms. The conversation highlights the significance of setting boundaries, taking responsibility for our emotions, and navigating relationships that reinforce our core beliefs. Sabrina shares her four pillars of change and emphasizes the need for self-compassion and gradual growth in the journey towards emotional resilience.

We covered:

• Core beliefs can either empower or undermine our self-worth.
• Shame and anxiety are deeply interconnected with core beliefs.
• Changing core beliefs is a long-term process that requires effort.
• Cultural influences play a significant role in shaping our self-perception.
• Recognizing and challenging negative thoughts is crucial for growth.
• Anxiety often stems from a lack of belief in our own capabilities.
• We can build resilience by addressing our fears and worries.
• Understanding the origins of our beliefs can help in their transformation.
• It's important to create a supportive environment for ourselves and others.
• Self-acceptance is a key component in overcoming feelings of inadequacy. Anxiety is often rooted in our beliefs about our ability to handle situations.
• Avoiding triggers can reinforce anxiety rather than alleviate it.
• Creating a strategy to manage anxiety can boost confidence.
• Understanding the origins of our core beliefs is crucial for change.
• Awareness is the first step in changing behavior and beliefs.
• Self-worth is tied to our ability to set healthy boundaries.
• Taking responsibility for our feelings empowers us to make changes.
• Relationships can reinforce negative core beliefs, requiring careful navigation.
• It's important to differentiate between our emotions and our reactions.
• Gradual change is more sustainable than drastic shifts.

More about Sabrina:

I am a registered counsellor and is the author of Not Good Enough: Understanding your Core Belief and Anxiety. I am also a clinical supervisor and public speaker with a masters in counseling psychology. Prior to becoming a counsellor, I was a teacher, vice principal and school counselor for over 20 years. I have extensive training in resolving past trauma and the impact trauma has on a person including anxiety and core belief.

Connect with Sabrina:

• ⁠Website⁠
• ⁠Facebook⁠
• ⁠Instagram⁠
• ⁠LinkedIn⁠
• ⁠Not Good Enough: Understanding your Core Belief and Anxiety⁠

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

Chapters:

• 00:00 - Understanding Core Beliefs and Shame
• 06:02 - The Development of Core Beliefs
• 11:48 - Cultural Influences on Self-Worth
• 18:00 - Challenging Anxiety and Core Beliefs
• 23:51 - Connecting Anxiety to Core Beliefs
• 25:57 - Understanding Anxiety and Core Beliefs
• 27:29 - The Importance of Awareness in Therapy
• 29:24 - The Four Pillars of Change
• 30:48 - Navigating Boundaries and Self-Worth
• 34:33 - Taking Responsibility and Avoiding Blame
• 39:44 - Relationships and Core Beliefs
• 46:57 - Resources for Further Growth

What if letting go of a goal wasn’t a sign of weakness—but of growth? In this solo episode, Kyira challenges the shame narratives around quitting, shifting focus, and unfinished business. Whether you’ve outgrown a dream, changed your mind, or realized a goal was never truly yours, this conversation invites you to meet yourself with radical acceptance and release the pressure to prove your worth through completion.

In this episode, Kyira dives into:

• Why we stay in misaligned goals out of fear, not fulfillment

• The role of shame in performance, productivity, and “seeing things through”

• How to tell if a goal no longer fits—and what to do about it

• Why walking away can be the most self-honoring decision

• Using radical acceptance to reclaim your voice and realign with your values

Reflection prompts:

• Am I staying in this because I want to—or because I’m afraid to leave?

• What version of me set this goal—and do they still define who I am?

• What would walking away without shame look like?

💬 Ask Me Anything: Have a question you’ve been sitting with?
Submit your question anonymously or with your name — whatever feels right for you.
👉 Learn More

👉 Submit your question

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a free 25-minute discovery call to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on Spotify or Apple Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• YouTube
• Website

In this episode, I respond to a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“I recently joined a new group of friends, and while they’re kind and welcoming, I still constantly feel like I’m on the outside looking in. I second-guess what I say, overanalyze their reactions, and wonder if they really want me there. How do I stop feeling like I don’t belong?”

We explore the deep-rooted shame and self-protection strategies that can keep us stuck in outsider energy — even when we’re technically “included.” Inside this episode, we’ll talk about:

• The difference between being welcomed and feeling like you belong
• How our past experiences shape our fear of rejection
• What self-belonging looks like and why it must come first
• Practical tools for navigating new relationships with more trust and less self-doubt

If you’ve ever felt like the outsider in a group, even one that’s kind and accepting — this one is for you.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website

💬 You don’t have to shrink to fit in. Belonging begins when you stop abandoning yourself.

#AskMeAnything #Belonging #NewFriendships #ShameAndConnection #SelfTrust #ShameResilience #AdversityRising

Summer Re-Release Series
We’re taking a pause to rest and reflect—and sharing some of your favorite episodes in the meantime. These powerful conversations are worth revisiting, whether it’s your first time listening or a timely return. New episodes resume September 7th.

Episode Overview:

I am so grateful Simon Rinne joined me for such an important conversation on men's mental health, sharing his story and opening up a much larger conversation that needs to be had.

We covered:

• The development of Simon’s OCD and how this impacted his life 
• The impact of toxic masculinity on Simon’s development of self
• The value of imperfection and the art of wabi sabi
• The overlap between perfectionism and OCD and how it connects back to shame
• The moving target we get stuck chasing
• What is exposure response therapy (ERP) and how can it support OCD recovery
• The release alcohol provided that led Simon to develop an alcohol addiction

More About Simon:

Simon is a social worker and Founder of Mindful Men, a therapy practice that is dedicated to supporting men with mental illness and disability. Simon’s passion for mental health comes from living with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Depression, Anxiety, Burnout for over 30 years. During this time, he struggled in silence; believing that boys and men can’t cry, all whilst using alcohol as a way to feel “normal”. Simon shares his story to inspire others to believe that they can turn their pain into purpose, and move from surviving to thriving.

Connect with Simon:

- Website

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• Book a ⁠free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple Podcasts⁠ and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website⁠

In this episode, I’m answering a question from an anonymous listener who writes:

“I struggle when things don’t go as planned — even little things. I get overwhelmed, anxious, and sometimes feel like the whole day is ruined. I know logically that I can’t control everything, but I still get really upset when plans shift. How can I manage this better without spiraling?”

Together, we explore why changes in plans can feel so distressing — even when they seem small — and how past experiences, nervous system responses, and internalized pressure for control all play a role. We also dig into:

• The shame spiral that follows perceived "overreactions"
• What it means to build distress tolerance
• How to reframe disruptions without gaslighting yourself
• Tools for grounding and regulation when plans fall apart

This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt undone by a simple change of plans — and is ready to meet that reaction with compassion and strategy, not shame.

📝 Want to submit a question for a future episode?

Nothing is off-limits (well, almost nothing).

⁠Submit⁠ anonymously or with your name — whatever feels safest for you.

👉 https://forms.gle/1uYJ87Y2Vag6KYCeA

🧠 If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who might need it. Let’s break the silence — together.

Ready to take the next step?

• Download the FREE handout, "⁠5 Things Shame Resilient People Do Every Day⁠" and start making those daily shifts to break that shame cycle that's keeping you stuck in that negative headspace.
• ⁠Book a free 25-minute discovery call⁠ to discuss different program options and find the support best fits your needs.

Stay Connected:

• Subscribe to the podcast on ⁠Spotify⁠ or ⁠Apple⁠ Podcasts and be sure to leave a review to let us know your thoughts on this episode.
• ⁠YouTube⁠
• ⁠Website

💬 You don’t have to love the chaos — but you can learn to meet it with more compassion.

#AskMeAnything #DistressTolerance #PlansChanged #AnxietyAndControl #RadicalAcceptance #ShameResilience #AdversityRising