I see that choice is happening and, similarly, values are being created - innocently.

If I discover that someone has a different value (which upsets me and has me saying "I would never do that" as you mentioned in the podcast), must I necessarily be doing the same thing to someone in my life (I think this is what I heard)?  I can, of course, see that I can be unreasonable, selfish, unfeeling - but not in the exact same circumstances, so the hurt does not fall away to just know this!

I can find a certain amount of peace in knowing that I cannot know or explain the conditioning that resulted in their action / response, and neither can they.  They are innocent - no separate self. But there remains the expectation of the same value being expressed again in future and so, as I see it, the relationship must shift.  Or is there something I can pursue here, something I've missed, so the hurt / blame could fall away instead?