💬 Send us a text! (Yes really!)

I know that we stepparents, as outsiders, can see all kinds of parenting gaps in the lives of our stepkids. And we can also see all the special gifts our stepkids have... special gifts that are getting lost or destroyed in those parenting gaps.⠀⠀

Because we view ourselves as responsible adults, we think it's our job to step in and help make things better. After all, we want our stepkids to grow into the best possible versions of themselves, right? So we volunteer to help take over parenting duties our partner has missed or forgotten or doesn't think are important. Little things, like enforcing table manners or bedtimes.

We think this shouldn't be a big deal. We think we're helping.

Except for one tiny little thing: it IS a big deal to our stepkids. They don't understand our efforts come from a place of love — they think we're just being critical. And what started out as our very best intentions can end up backfiring.

But maybe it’s not our job to “fix” our stepkids in the first place. Figuring out our role as stepparents is a process, and what ends up working best might look very verrrry different than we expected.

If you’re a stepparent who’s wrestling with parenting vs not parenting your stepkid, go read the Disengaging Essay. It’s no exaggeration to say that essay literally changed my life, including changing how I viewed my role as a stepparent. I’ll link it right in the show notes.

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