One working mother's tips on where to cut corners. Learn to live with chaos is advice Australian journalist, Wendy Tuohy wishes she had believed! The Melbourne mother-of-three and editor of Fairfax's Daily Life has recently written a piece on what she has learned during her 14 years as a working mum, juggling job demands, home-life and children's after school activities.

It's time for parents to step back, choose how they spend their - and their children's - time, and stare down competitive parent-shaming, an Australian journalist says.

Wendy Tuohy Melbourne mother-of-three and editor of Fairfax's Daily Life has recently written a piece on what she has learned during her 14 years as a working mum, juggling job demands, home-life and children's after school activities.

Tuohy's column Learn to live with chaos is based on her experiences as a mother who tried to do it all.

"You just live with a drum beat at the front of your mind, 'what have I got to do next'; 'what have I forgotten'; 'oh bloody hell, I'm late for this'; 'where's that form'; 'oh! the doctor'; 'oh! the dentist'.

"I just assumed I had to do it all. I didn't want to, I wanted less responsibility but didn't know how to delegate in the end."

She says her quality of life and resilience were severely tested.

"You can end up living your days feeling like there's three sabre-toothed tigers right behind you and you feel their hot breath."

The boom in so-called enrichment activities for children has only made a stressful job worse, she says.

"It's okay to miss some of the school stuff. The commitments for one kid now, even in kinder, are much, much more than they were in our day.

"I barely remember my parents going to the school and I was quite happy with that."

Pick your attendance battles

"I was mother shamed by another mother for not attending the unveiling of the school's new building. The idea was the school was happy with this. We'd all helped pay for it - so we'd done our bit really - but they wanted all the parents walked around during work hours by their kid and shown the expensive building.

"I don't think that's a formative experience for my child and she walked around with her friend's mum. Someone noticed I wasn't there and said 'oh, I see your daughter's face when you miss these things'.

Such comments can "leave a mark on your soul, even when they shouldn't," she says.

Feeding the troops…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details