We're Not F***ing Historians

It's the last school day before Christmas, so Hazel and Shane crack open the board games and go wild.

They share their memories of Christmas at home and Shane reveals he is the anti-Santa. Plus, they reflect on one very Irish custom and a few of the Emerald Isle's festive connections: it turns out Santa is buried in County Kilkenny!

Get a load of our brand new shiny inbox: [email protected]! Email us with stories you’d like us to cover, your favourite trivia, or even corrections to past episodes. Uh oh.

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We explore one of the great mysteries of Irish history, which saw the cream of Irish Catholic society VANISH in a matter of hours. 

In 1607, the heat was on Ireland’s Catholic leaders, with rumours that the British were ready to dispose of them for their treachery. So, what did they do? Stay and fight for their followers? Not exactly. 

Shane tells Hazel about a story full of conspiracy, backstabbing and… porn?

Get a load of our brand new shiny inbox: [email protected]! Email us with stories you’d like us to cover, your favourite trivia, or even corrections to past episodes. Uh oh.

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

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Guinness might not actually be Irish. And we don't want to alarm anyone, but the Irish don't even drink most of it.

Today, Hazel shares the story of Arthur Guinness and busts a few myths about the malty beverage. Plus, we discover Shane's love for Hen Party cocktails and there's an alarming revelation about Hazel's family history.

Find us on social media @thehazelhayes and @shanetodd or @shanetoddcomedy! Drop us an email into our shiny new inbox: [email protected]!

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Anne Bonny isn’t your typical 18th century Cork girl. Born out of wedlock, she pursued a life of sex, arson – a lot of arson – and ruthless pillaging that briefly made her one of the most infamous pirates in the Caribbean, all while she was dressed as a man.

Today, Shane reveals her origin story. Things are about to get VERY sexy.

Find us on social media @thehazelhayes and @shanetodd or @shanetoddcomedy!

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

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Rewind 852 years and you’ll find no English in Ireland, not even a single Wetherspoons. But then along came a deposed Irish king called Dermot who wanted his land back and it all went pear-shaped.

Hazel tells Shane how English rule in Ireland all began – from Strongbow and badass Aoife, to the King of Gossip – and we wonder what would have happened to the Emerald Isle if things had played out differently.

Find us on social media @thehazelhayes and @shanetodd or @shanetoddcomedy. Or just visit your local boozer and you’ll find us doing research for our History of Guinness episode.

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

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Today, Shane whisks Hazel away to his second favourite island in the world.

They discuss their treasured holiday spots across the Emerald Isle before diving into the storied past of Northern Ireland’s finest hidden gem: Rathlin Island. 

Featuring Robert the Bruce, the ghost of Richard Branson and an incredibly unsatisfactory puffin tour, there’s fun for all the family on Rathlin. Some monks do get slaughtered though, obviously.

Find us on social media @thehazelhayes and @shanetodd or @shanetoddcomedy. Or offer us a chippy and we’ll come running.

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

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Hazel takes Shane on our first trip across the pond! We’re learning about one of Northern Ireland’s most… impactful exports.

This is the story of Mary Mallon: cook, part-time nightclub bouncer, and the infamous patient zero of New York’s typhoid epidemic. When in the Big Apple, eh?

Plus, Shane brings out some startling revelations about his own hygiene. 

Find us on social media @thehazelhayes and @shanetodd or @shanetoddcomedy. Just ask the Salmon of Knowledge if you're unsure.

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

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Shane teaches Hazel all about the legendary Irish giant Finn McCool and the key role he played in "building" The Giant’s Causeway, due to his rivalry with the Scottish giant, Benandonner. Not to be confused with a certain Argentinian footballer, unbeknownst to a certain someone.

We’re releasing new shows every Tuesday! Keep your eyes peeled, your ears pinned back, and your Guinesses chilled and subscribe now so that you never miss an episode.

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

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This week, Hazel is behind the lectern to tell Shane all about Grace O’Malley, the woman from the west coast of Ireland who became a fearsome ruler of the high seas in the 1500s and a dab hand at divorce settlements. 

We’re releasing new shows every Tuesday! Keep your eyes peeled, your ears pinned back, and your Guinesses chilled and subscribe now so that you never miss an episode.

***Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!***

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Welcome back to We’re Not F***ing Historians, your alternative guide to Irish history! This week, Brian Boru and his stag do roll into town.

Brian was one of Ireland’s most successful and unifying monarchs. But it didn’t end well. Shane and Hazel talk about Brian's pub crawl of death, Bono's performance at his coronation, and how he saved Ireland from Carlsberg.

We’ll be releasing new shows every Tuesday! Keep your eyes peeled, your ears pinned back, and your Guinesses chilled and subscribe now so that you never miss an episode.

**Please take the time to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your pods. It means a great deal to the show and will make it easier for other potential listeners to find us. Thanks!**

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.