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happy thanksgiving everyone. fill up on turkey and cakes and figs and sweet breads. slide up to the table and dig into this gristle with me. really get in there. dig your canines in. let your salivia pour over it. we are in this together. together we can really put a dent into this. pull on the chain, bring the gristle hook closer to you. im so sorry to hear about your sister, that must be hard. take another bite, we are making progress. i love watching you work, youre a natural. i hope you are enjoying this. we have to make a plan to see each other more than just holidays and funerals. it will keep us young. we used to just hang out, remember that? just hanging out. yeah, yeah, pull on this meat hook, yeah. here, ill wipe the sweat from your brow, dont worry about it. remember melissa? no? well she was such a big part of my life and my story and now she is dead, stepped on an IED in rural Arkansas. who would have thought. the world is crazy. im just glad we have family. thank you for being here. happy thanksgiving everyone

just a sad story of a genius who is tormented by an evil government hellbent on just making his freaking life bad

wow what can we even say here. We are joined by the inventor of the TLC Tugger for this weeks Western Promises. We talk about the systematic mutilation of our nations men that is circumcision and also we get into toothbrush engineering. folks, you cannot miss this episode. I dont know how to tell you, if you dont listen to this you will actually die and you wont go to heaven. sorry pal, thems tha rulles.

if you want to listen to more, why dont you just go ahead and sub to our patreon for bonus episodes each week

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also join us in regrowing our stolen foreskin at:

https://tlctugger.com/

In this podcast Paris and G will teach you how to please a woman. We will talk about internet stuff that Paris missed while he was getting his gender studies degree at Bard. We will talk about small trucks. We will teach you how to tap into the noosphere to receive untold wisdom. All you have to do, is click play.

long ginus. im a positive that is how they say it in the show. someone please find me a clip of them saying it

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access to the best discord of all time? patreon.com/westernpromises

me, two 10s on each arm walking into the 5 nights at freddys movie. mask firmly resting under my nose. i order 1 small popcorn and every box of junior mints they have from the back of the line without removing my bowler hat. my novelty spurs tearing up little fibers of carpet as i drag my feet towards the coke freestlye machine. "the soda in these always tastes bad" i say, coldly, not looking at anyone in particular. I fill my cup with strawberry coke zero and rootbeer without unlocking arms from either of my female companions. I take one sip and then drop the cup in front of the employee using the manual vacuum cleaner. "missed a spot pal" i say without looking at his pathetic face. I shush my women. "dont you dare laugh at him. Dont you EVER laugh at him!" i yell in her face, not sure which one chuckled.

bonus episode every week dears

how funny would that be? and then there could be follow up movies where she is a black israelite.

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we just did a love line episode where we answer buring sex and nasty questions about your disgusting failed relationships. sub to hear.

Also email us with your questions/comments and we will read it on the show

Email Time

sending love to everyone who truly feels in this f'd up world. we are going through it as a species and i just wish we could stop hurting each other. ugh. UGH.

bonus episodes, discord access, and just helping:

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seo time: master chief, chipotle, poly, adultery, kissing, sex gifs, fortnite, hamas, israel, world cultures, ps5, forza, fifa, lebron james, hong kong, ukraine, russia, biden, homies, los angeles, instagram, virgin, incel, grilling, jerky, perky, baulders gate 3, species, bad tits, to write love on her arms

dont you find it funny how this always happens? you will be minding your own business, drinking a soft kombucha on the beach listening to banana pancakes and thinking "wow how could anything be better" when suddenly you are overcome with an impending sense of doom and deep embarassment. you feel it in your chest at first but then it starts to sink down into the pit of your stomach like a rotten baseball. did you really earn this life? have you done anything of value, ever? no, probably not. get back to work you worthless loser.

also subscribe to our patreon for bonus episodes and excluuuuuuuuusive features like one where you can listen to my therapy sessions for real.

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damn dog look at my lawyer, im going to pizza jail

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