I seem to have got myself to a point where I am asking myself, simply...what is the purpose of life?  Why bother?  If all I am is awareness, what is the point? Why put up with the hassle of everyday existence?  I'm alive now, doing what I do, then at some point, I won't be! It's inevitable.  People come, people go. 

In amongst all the emotions of the Queen's dying, I was prompted to look up an old friend on the internet.  We were VERY close between my marriages, so about 21 years ago.  We didn't stay in contact but I sometimes wondered what she was up to, how she was getting on etc. I'd had no contact since she called me out of the blue about 17 years ago to let me know her mum had died.  So my google search led me to find out that my friend had actually died in 2012.  In my mind, she had been alive until two weeks ago, but in reality, had been gone for more than 10 years. It really hit me for six.  I was shocked, sad, and even felt a bit guilty (no reason I should feel guilty, but we were like soul-mates for a while). She was 53 or 54 years old...way too young. I've since learned that she went into a spiral of depression after her mum's death and died of alcohol-related illness.  Two weeks later I'm still trying to understand. When I knew her she was full of life. Vibrant.The life and soul of the party. Now she isn't anything but a memory.

So I'm questioning what it's all about.  What, really, is the point of my being here? Even if I get to the point of enlightenment, so what?

Any thoughts?

p.s. I'm not feeling depressed. Definitely not suicidal. Just at a loss as to the 'why' of it all.