For the last forty-five years, the thought of ending my life has passed through my mind at least twice a week.

It started when I was seven, attempted aged seventeen, and after that hanging myself is constantly in my thoughts.

I’ve worked with a psychologist psychotherapist, and tantric teachers, I’ve explored somatic experiences, and brain therapy through shifting mindset, I’ve been doing Ashtanga yoga for ten years five days a week, been doing vipassana meditation for twenty years. I have wonderful friends, and lovely large family members around the world, I’ve had great intimate relationships, I have a business that surrounds me with female clients all day, I listen to you all the time, and yet here I am with the same thoughts of hanging myself. I’m currently on a mission to figure out the thought patterns, the emotions and anything else that arises.

I’m not crying out for help or trying to attract attention. 

I’m still here breathing in love towards myself and constantly surrounding myself with positive people. I’m not searching on that level, just being at the present moment when the feeling arises to hang myself.

Can you suggest something that may guide me a little further into the unknown I love listening to your podcast and all the questions others have asked.