Why Avoiding Your Feelings is Sometimes the Best Choice For Alienated Parents

In episode 135 of The Beyond The High Road Podcast, Shelby Milford discusses the concept of intentional avoidance and its benefits for maintaining emotional balance and peace in the chaos of parental alienation. She shares her personal experiences and challenges with avoidance, unhealthy coping mechanisms, and societal beliefs about emotions. Shelby delves into the Dual Process Model of Bereavement developed by Strobe and Schut, which proposes a dynamic approach to grief management through oscillation between loss-oriented and restoration-oriented tasks. This model encourages a balanced, individualized, and compassionate approach to processing grief and rebuilding life. Shelby emphasizes the importance of taking breaks from intense emotions and intentionally shifting focus to practical life activities and new goals, thus promoting resilience and adaptation for alienated parents.

00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview

01:00 Personal History with Avoidance

01:51 Conflicting Beliefs About Emotions

03:22 Coping Mechanisms and Their Impact on Alienation

08:33 Introduction to the Dual Process Model

18:14 Loss-Oriented Tasks in Grief for Alienated Parents

23:16 Restoration-Oriented Tasks in Grief

25:10 Balancing Loss and Restoration As Alienated Parents

29:01 Conclusion and Final Thoughts