You’ve known wowsers. They’re always trying to be the “second smartest person in the room,” and they correct you even though you’re correct to begin with.

They are official “killjoys.” They are critical of others’ pleasures and accomplishments. Lacking expertise doesn’t inhibit their critiques and corrections. They never converse; they lecture as perpetual professors. They’re distraught if they think someone else is having a better time than they are (and most people are).

Wowsers are dismissive according to their own biased criteria. “You smoke cigars, so you don’t make good life choices, so your opinion on the climate is flawed.” For them, everything they do is the best, no matter what: The trip was the most thrilling, the play was the most sensational, the restaurant was seven stars, and the restroom was the cleanest.

They announce awards and honorifics no matter how transparently unimportant they are. “I’ve been named as most likely to write my first book within four years in my zip code.”

Knowing next to nothing, they are cynical and cite memes and fragments of others’ expertise: “Well, consider the ‘establishment clause,’” “They might invoke the 27th Amendment….” These are the people who scream, “Get in the hole!” after every golf shot and call into the tournament if they spot a violation on TV.

They call people over to the bar to have drinks and then disappear before the bill arrives. You know who I’m talking about.