Two different dating strategies:

1. Short term fling.

Don’t bother putting much imaginative effort into your dates.

2. Long term girlfriend.

1st date - Drinks at a Latin lounge or Salsa class.

2nd Date - Hilarious but disturbing show at indie club.

3rd Date - Chill drinks at my place and heavy makeout.

4th Date - GoKart racing at an indoor track.

5th Date - Sex.

6th Date - Hike in the woods.

Rule #1, Don’t be needy.

Rule #2, Don’t be insecure.

Proposition: I challenge my male readers -- particularly my beta readers -- who have girlfriends to an asshole experiment. When your G.F. makes you genuinely angry I want you to yell at her “SHUT THE FUCK UP”. Credibility will be added if you do it in public. This will be tough for you to do, but my presence will be with you, like the unholy spirit. Visualize your balls physically growing larger when she says something that pisses you off.

WARNING!

This is the hydrogen bomb of hand maneuvers. Use sparingly, and only use on women who are above your league. If you drop this ego-blasting, pussy-busting, heart-palpitating bomb on a girl who already cherishes you and looks up to you in wide-eyed awe, you risk having her burst into tears. Have you ever tried to maintain an alpha frame with a girl who is wracked in heaving sobs?

Meaningless acts of romance are far more meaningful to girls than meaningful acts of romance.

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A girl’s urge to pressure you to marry is inversely correlated to her depth of love for you.

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Marriage counselors could save more marriages simply by uttering these two words: tease her.

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Love like an idealist, think like a cynic.

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If she assumes the doggie position unprompted, you’re doing it right.

If she gives you mouth love without you having to ask for it, you’re doing it more right than you can fathom.

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Occasional Displays of Testosterone - O.D.T.s – are more effective, require less effort, and are more fun than “talking it out”

On the matter of a woman saying “I love you”:

1. NEVER be the first to say “I love you” in a relationship.

2. You don’t have to be cocky all the time.

3. Sincere game is long haul game.

Be aware of the possibility that your woman will use "I love you" like a weapon of war.

Frequently pat her ass.

Compliment her beauty sparingly.

Draw a picture of her in crayon.

Play “butt spatula” in the kitchen.

Tell her mom she’s a M.I.L.F.

Curse her in a foreign tongue.

Compare her to a chihuahua.

Call her Paris Hilton.

Leave handcuffs in full view.

Drip hot wax on her nipples.

Buy a handgun and let her caress the barrel.

Reenact rayp scenes from movies.

Be impervious to her taunts.

Act cagey.

Hide your money.

Buy her gifts when they’re not expected.

Don’t buy her gifts when they are.

Avoid P.D.A. one day and finger her in public the next.

Bang her within a stone’s throw of:

a church.

a Dunkin Donuts.

a public restroom.

a school playground.

an outdoor wedding.

a caged zoo animal.

Scare her till she pees herself.

Hide sexy post-it notes in her panties.

Get used to saying the words “Enough”, “Shut up”, and “Turn over.”

Look fantastic in a suit.

Look fantastic in casual wear.

Look fantastic in anything.

Sound good.

Smell good.

Kiss good.

Strut around with supreme confidence.

Be uncannily successful at your job.

Blow people away anytime you say anything.

Take six-hour lunches.

Disappear for weeks at a time.

Lie to everyone about everything.

And drink and smoke constantly.

Basically, be Don Draper.

Subtle dominance moves that you should incorporate into your relationships with women, thus ensuring years of freely available sex, affection, and loyalty:

1. Don’t trail your woman in the grocery store.

2. Don’t ponder your decisions out loud.

3. Never discuss money matters with your woman.

4. Don’t “keep an eye” on your woman.

5. Learn the power of No.

6. Don’t be a “sensitive guy”. No one likes that guy.

7. When seating yourself at a restaurant, always put her in the chair that affords maximum protection from the thru-way used by patrons and waiters.

8. On dates, let her pay for shit once in a while.

9. Always control the remote, TV, computer, stereo, and circular saw. Let her rest her head on your lap when you watch movies together.

10. If you often find yourself walking ahead of her when you two are outside at farmers’ markets or the like, resist the urge to constantly look over your shoulder to see where she is.

11. The dog is yours, not hers, even when it’s hers.

12. Abuse her cat when she’s not looking.

13. Master the art of controlled physical dominance. If she’s in your way, grab her around the waist and gently push her aside.

14. You ever notice how the assholes and douchebags with the hot chicks always act like they’re unaware of their girls’ presence in public?

15. Stop laughing at her unfunny jokes.

16. If her sister is ugly, tell your girl that you see some resemblance. If her sister is hot, ask her if she was adopted.

17. I’ve experimented with many techniques for coaxing girls I date to stay on the slim and narrow.

18. If someone asks what your girl does for a living, let her answer.

19. The morning after at her place, when you get up, either have a plan of action for the day, or leave. Don’t putter around.

20. Try to avoid at all costs the dreaded words “I dunno”.

21. Don’t be a herb.