It's human nature to want to defend yourself against false accusations, fight for equality and justice, and right the wrongs you see. It's also human nature to think to yourself "If I can just show them that I'm not the bad guy" and believe that'll somehow fix everything.

But you don’t have to prove yourself to the ex (or anyone else, for that matter) for your role to be valid and your contributions as a stepparent to matter.

The ex’s emotional reaction to your presence in your stepkid’s life is not your responsibility to manage. You have every right to take up space in your own life, and in this family you’re trying to build together with your partner. Don’t let a volatile ex’s tantrums convince you otherwise.

That said, if your partner’s ex is high conflict, their dysfunction and drama can have a major impact on your family’s ability to blend, as well as your ability to connect with your stepkids. If you need help navigating this, please go check out my workshop on stepparenting in high conflict. It’s included with your subscription if you’re part of our paid Substack community, but if you want to sign up for a free trial to just check us out, that workshop along with all our other in-depth resources are all accessible during that week or month or however long your free trial runs. We’d love to have you. xo

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