You Had Me at Bigfoot

On this episode, newly black Umbrella scientist who somehow facilitates the release of a deadly virus (we still don't know how, though), Tom, and his twin daughter of color, Jerry, establish an account on a human sex trafficking website to fund their efforts to stop human sex trafficking. Tom is dared and subsequently double dared to break the Guinness world record for the number of hard boiled eggs inside of his anus, and Jerry successfully ducks and dodges AIDS-contaminated blood while picking up his Long John Silvers order.

On this episode, champion activist of the #FreeJakeTimbers movement, Tom, and lead creep-catcher on the newest predator confrontation YouTube channel #YHMAGWTTCOFOC (in the Commonwealth), Jerry, begin pre-production of the Back to the Future prequel trilogy's final movie, Revenge of the Biff. Tom receives a text from Hunter Biden encouraging him to get tested for HIV the morning after they shared a crack pipe and prostitute, and Jerry confronts a crying Kevin Smith over his failure to deliver a decent movie since Tusk.

On this episode, murderer who never made it to the cover of a Wheaties box, Tom, and the first person to send a digital drawing of Garfield's penis over the internet, Jerry, are put on the panel to decide who dies when the Earth's population hits 500,000,001, and they recommend Billie Joe Armstrong (who is now on the run from INTERPOL with no safe haven having given up his citizenship to no one's disappointment). Tom is arrested for busting a phat ass freestyle in the Wendy's drive thru, and Jerry is federally indicted for allegedly producing and possessing extremely wicked, shockingly evil and vile crocodile pornography.

On this episode, national park pop-up tent abortion doctor, Tom, and iPhone-retrieving lesbian cop, Jerry, once again hit 700 subs only to drop back down to the high 600s after a joke about what you tell a raccoon with two black eyes. Tom uses his new high-powered telescope to discover an African American hole in a nearby galaxy, and Jerry is chased out of Yellowstone by an African American bear.

On this episode, pog-playing angry girlfriend, mad_hatter182, and stinky rape bus-survivor, ballz_to_the_wall69, create the least watched predator catching channel by using only the worst and most hated strategies from more successful channels. Tom solicits sex with Robux and a $19 Fortnite card, and Jerry assumes his new hitman identity, Submachine Gun the Murderer, and demands that "everyone chill," "chill out," and "cool off."

On this episode, two-tour in Iraq veteran assistant manager of Dunkin Donuts, Tom, and Lageanx0👍🏽 Build-A-Bear Workshop animal stuffer, Jerry, put on a show at the Canadian border before a slew of federal agents from both countries (to be released via FOIA request in transcript format at a later date). Tom lobbies his state representative to draft legislation that bans mixer kids for those under 21 and outlaws black husbands, and Jerry heads to the west coast town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania with his all-female pro-wrestling acapella-group.

On this episode, wig-wearing slow cop who was only days from retiring, Tom, and the first player to ever score 10 points, 10 assists and 10 rebounds in a single game of wheelchair basketball (the cripple double), Jerry, cheer on their favorite high school basketball player, Jake Timbers, of the Little Eastern Ottoman Beaver Slayers. Tom protests and riots over the loss of his pick in the primary election of the County Commissioner, and Jerry wonders why there are no retirement ceremonies for black or mentally handicapped Jedi.

On this episode, hundredaire philanthropist, Tom, and micro-yacht owner, Jerry, are joined by the only man who remembers both of the theme songs for Full House and Family Matters, Dave Outlandish. Tom converts all his yacht rocks to pop rocks at a rate of 1:0.1 (which is pretty good given the current economic crisis), while Jerry and Dave make direct eye contact during an extended ball-thigh slapping sesh.

On this episode, psycho female blowin' up the phone line, Tom, and sexy, sexy pretty little thing, Jerry, bring their grandfathers back to life in order to explain birthing persons only to get their asses beat by the ghoulish patriarchs. Tom patents the first bi-level, see-through toilet funnel which confuses and frightens potential homebuyers, and Jerry learns the hard way that Fetusberry Crunch's pronouns are just a series of violent assaults.

On this episode, upper middle class in the Midwest but below the poverty line anywhere else, Tom Hoffman, and the scrotum skin graft plastic surgeon to the stars, Jerry Leibermann, hop onto the #metoo trend (five years too late) as they overexaggerate how deeply they were penetrated by wolf-whistling construction workers in the mid 1990s. Tom catches COVID for the third time, he dies, his corpse just explodes for no reason, his soul is condemned to hell for all of eternity but is thankful he was double jabbed and double boosted (it could have been much worse if he wasn't), and Jerry creates a new category on his egirl Twitch channel: ASMR Basement Noises.