On this episode, sporting a curved brim Yankee ballcap with the tag still on it, Thomas Marshall, and showing off his gold tooth in the mirror while he uses his cordless water flosser, Jerry Albert, are shut down by the government, Microsoft, YouTube, and the U.N. for talking about a certain someone's something that cannot be discussed. Tom tops himself off on ketamine and starts sniffing bloody onesies in the evidence locker to see if he can use his psychic powers to solve cold cases, and cis white male Jerry accuses the creators of The Batman of being somehow both woke progressives and anti-Semites simultaneously.

On this episode, office manager of the Hoffman, Abrams & Chocula law firm, Tom, and child porn conversion data analyst, Jerry, cross the southern border dressed in bird costumes with $43B in horse semen and a license plate that reads PRTY GIRL. Tom ends up in the emergency room after getting his penis stuck in the game board during an innocent game of Operation, and Jerry turns the university student housing into a university student home in an effort to traffic humans for sex.

On this episode, host of the white people World Star equivalent, America's Funniest Home Videos, Tom, and producer of its sister program, Kids Say the Darndest Things, Jerry, get their booger-pickers on the Infinity Gauntlet and vow to reduce Earth's population from 8B to 1B without doing a flagrant racism. Tom pours himself a delicious floor cleaner and Coke cocktail (what Mike would call the Manitoba Sunrise), and Jerry puts those who would reboot his childhood favorites on notice.

On this episode, master sensei in the art of Orange-Tang-Drink, Tom, and leader of an online-predator-catching non-profit organization with an embarrassing name, Jerry, cash in on their witchcraft 401k accounts after giving up the lifestyle entirely. Tom dies in a tragic cancer accident, and Jerry tells the story of how his life was unaffected by the presence of a ghost in his childhood home.

On this episode, scummy 1970s dolphin porn producer, Tom, and crippled defender of the integrity of extreme water aerobics in the deep end, Jerry, sign up for a very real wizard organization through an application completed on their phone, a 50 euro fee paid through PayPal, and a Real World/Road Rules-style video interview about their interest in magic and the occult (sent to a Gmail account). Tom is asked to leave the rape-inarium so the maintenance crew can clean up, and Jerry goes to the U.S. Virgin Islands, but comes back a man.  

You Had Me at Bigfoot: Well, now you know, cuz you know.

On this episode, LAPD cop who came out to the coast to have a few laughs, Tom, and the 30-year veteran NYPD police lieutenant with a bad f*&$ing headache, Jerry, quietly change the milestones for alien child development so their pursuit for humanity in the dark universe will be significantly stunted. Tom is dishonorably discharged from the military for failing to honor their don't ask, don't tell cancer policy, and Jerry serenades his wife-to-be by holding a boombox playing rape noises over his head in her parents' front yard.

On this episode, smelly hotel room corpse with infected post-mortem wounds, Tom, and the persistent room service attendant about to make a terrible discovery, Jerry, consider the possibility that our modern civilization is merely a glob of jizz flying through the glory holes of time and space. Tom tries out the new fad diet of eating a box of Chinese takeout and a tub of ginger ice cream while sitting on the toilet, and Jerry launches his comprehensively panned dot-com, Teeth4Cash.

On this episode, sombrero-sized yarmulke-wearing Jewish Mexican, Tom, and yarmulke-sized sombrero-wearing Mexican Jew, Jerry, clap chalk board erasers together instead of doing the math required to answer the Drake Equation and resolve the Fermi Paradox. Tom sets boobs, butt, toes, belly, soul and pulse to 0 on his ideal girl character creation screen so he can have a cadaver with super nice hair, and Jerry tries to find a way to gracefully leave a two hour discussion about the DMV with his dead great grandfather's ghost.

On this episode, gaffer on the set of Bernie Sanders and the City of a Thousand Planets, Tom, and foley artist for Bernie Sanders and the Legend of the Ten Rings, Jerry, dust off their badges and head to the Siberian mountains in search of clues regarding the mysterious 1993 deaths of hikers on "Friday." Tom regrets eating so much popcorn before rushing volatile chemicals in fragile containers down the mountain, and Jerry mails 146,000,000 letters in an attempt to sell his 2000 Honda Accord on Klauslist.

On this episode, terrible knife marksman, Tom, and flaming fat girl in a leathery pig costume, Jerry, dive into the Betaverse, Christmas tree dicks first, to vandalize the digital Planned Parenthood clinics lining the streets of augmented and virtual reality. Tom updates his Plenty of Fish profile by adding trickery, attacking people, and warning people to his hobbies, and Jerry simps for a big-tittied goth girl by killing half of the universe when doubling the resources would have made more sense (and he totally got laid).