You Keep Me Sane

Episode Overview

As mothers of teenagers, we’ve been thinking deeply about how consent, self-worth, and emotional literacy shape the choices our kids make. We remember our own adolescence - when being desirable felt like currency and boundaries were hard to define. It was easy to confuse attention with value, and even harder to say no when something didn’t feel right.

This week, we unpack all of that in a powerful conversation with Lucy Baxter - a film lecturer, filmmaker, and mother using virtual reality to help young people explore consent and emotional awareness in a whole new way.

Her work immerses teens in VR scenarios where they don’t just watch - they feel what it’s like to be in moments where consent is murky, pressure is building, and self-worth is on the line. It’s not about shame, it’s about giving them tools to navigate these situations with clarity and confidence.

Key Discussion Points

• What virtual reality can teach us about empathy, consent, and emotional safety
• How self-worth influences decisions in intimate situations
• Why appearance and desirability are still shaping boundaries
• Why boys need a voice in consent conversations too
• The realities of porn culture, peer pressure, and online influence
• What’s still missing in sex and relationship education

Listener Takeaways

• Consent often lives in the grey - emotional literacy helps teens navigate it
• When young people understand their worth, boundaries get easier
• Emotional education isn’t optional, it’s essential for safer choices

About Lucy Baxter: 

Lucy is a film practice lecturer at Queen’s University Belfast and founder of Sensalience, a startup creating VR narratives for empathy training in the health and social care, justice and education sectors. After a long and award winning career in film and TV, Lucy moved into Academia and her PhD research is around the application of VR drama narratives about emotional abuse and relationship and sex education.

And for more information on Lucy and her work:

https://pure.qub.ac.uk/en/persons/lucy-baxter

www.sensalience.com

BetterHelp Paid Partnership - Get 10% off your first month

If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our paid partner BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/youkeepmesane for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy.

BetterHelp makes it easy to find a therapist who suits your needs. Their online platform connects you with credentialed therapists, and if your first match isn’t the right fit, you can switch.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview
In this deeply personal Sanity Check, Aileen opens up about the long, layered experience of grief - particularly after losing both her parents. Together, we reflect on why grief makes people uncomfortable, how loss reshapes us, and why healing has no timeline. This one’s for anyone carrying the weight of grief, old or new.

In this episode:

• Why losing a parent hits differently no matter your age
• The grief that comes from change: countries, relationships, roles
• How to support someone grieving when there’s nothing to fix

Listener Takeaways:

• Grief doesn’t have an expiry date
• You’re not broken if you’re still sad. You're human.
• Sometimes the most powerful thing we can do is just sit with someone in their pain

Join the Conversation
Feeling this one? Don’t go it alone. DM or email us and share your thoughts. 
And if someone you know is grieving, send this episode their way. Like, subscribe, and share. We’re here to listen.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview

In this raw and deeply reflective episode, Aileen and Julie explore a rising trend: why so many women in their 40s and 50s are re-evaluating long-term relationships. This isn’t about drama or scandal, it’s about identity, unmet emotional needs, and the quiet inner voice that often grows louder in midlife.

They unpack how perimenopause, shifting priorities, and decades of invisible labour can create a turning point. But this isn’t an episode about leaving, it’s about getting honest. For some, that leads to deeper connection. For others, it brings clarity that change is needed.

Wherever you land, this conversation offers compassion, perspective, and permission to ask the harder questions, without shame, guilt, or judgment.

Key Discussion Points

• The quiet and calm nature of many midlife divorces
• Why perimenopause can crack open emotional truths and expose relationship imbalances
• Cultural shifts that empower women to leave what no longer fits
• The emotional labour gap and how resentment builds
• Speaking your truth vs. staying silent: how communication can shift everything or nothing
• The role of shame and grief, even when you’re the one who leaves
• Why the next generation of men may be better equipped for emotional partnership

Listener Takeaways

• Your identity may shift - your relationship must evolve with it
• You’re not alone in wanting more, even after decades of “getting through”
• Leaving isn’t always about failure, it can be about growth
• Speaking your truth is powerful, whether it leads to healing or clarity
• It’s okay to ask: “Is this still the life I want?”

Join the Conversation

Are you navigating big shifts in your relationship? Send us a DM or email, we'd love to hear from you.
Share this episode with someone who needs to hear they’re not alone.
And if you loved this conversation, subscribe, rate, and leave us a review—it helps us reach more people like you.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview:
You know that weird flat feeling after something great? A big event, a reunion, a dream trip… and then suddenly you’re back to real life, feeling unexpectedly low? This week’s Sanity Check dives into exactly that. After the excitement of the Podcast Show and finally being in the same room again, we open up about the emotional crash that followed.

In this short but powerful episode, we explore the psychology behind post-event letdown, why it happens, and how to move through it without shame or self-judgment.

What We Talk About:

• The emotional comedown after something joyful or long-anticipated
• Post-event letdown: what it is and why it’s so common
• Why our brains crash after being on a high
• The temptation to label the low as a problem and why it’s not
• How to sit with the lull without spiralling
• The beauty of allowing the landing, without needing to fix it

Listener Takeaways:

• Feeling flat after something exciting isn’t a flaw, it’s a normal recalibration
• Joy is often followed by quiet, and that quiet can feel like sadness
• Don’t rush to fix or explain your feelings just ride the wave
• Let yourself land, gently, with compassion

Join the Conversation:
Ever felt unexpectedly low after something wonderful? You’re not broken, you’re human. Drop us a message on socials or leave a voicemail, let’s talk about it. You can tune into this and every Sanity Check wherever you get your podcasts.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview

In this episode, we unpack the kind of connection that changes us - the raw, real, healing kind. After spending time together at the Podcast Show in London, we reflect on what it felt like to be seen, heard, and held by strangers.

What started as a marketing moment turned into a powerful reminder of why we started You Keep Me Sane in the first place.

This episode is a love letter to those deep moments of “me too,” to the strangers who became kindred spirits, and to anyone feeling a little disconnected from themselves or the world around them.

Key Discussion Points

• The surprising depth of conversations that happened at the Podcast Show (tears, vulnerability, and sofa chats included)
• Why true connection is a biological and emotional lifeline, not a luxury
• The loneliness epidemic, and how even when surrounded by people we can feel unseen
• Why vulnerability is scary but essential if we want to be truly seen
• The healing power of being held in presence, not performance
• What a Harvard study revealed about relationships and long-term health
• How real connection fuels self-worth and reminds us we’re already enough

Listener Takeaways

• Real connection doesn’t need polish, it needs presence.
• You don’t have to fix someone to hold space for them.
• We are wired to connect and, when we do, our nervous systems calm, our walls drop, and we begin to heal.
• If you’re feeling lonely, the first step back is often small: one question, one check-in, one brave “me too.”

Join the Conversation

If this episode speaks to you, we’d love you to share it with someone who might need a reminder that they matter too.

And tell us—when was the last time you felt really seen?

We’re always listening.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview

Ever opened up to someone only to be met with silence or worse, a thumbs up emoji? In this Sanity Check, we dive into the disappointment of emotional disconnection, especially when it comes from people we’re close to. We unpack the hard truth: not everyone has the emotional capacity to meet you where you're at - and it’s not about you.

This conversation is a compassionate reminder that your vulnerability is not too much, and choosing to protect your peace doesn’t make you cold. It makes you strong.

Key Discussion Points

• Aileen’s story of opening up and getting… nothing back
• Why some people simply don’t have the emotional tools to meet you
• How growth can make you feel isolated from those who aren’t evolving
• Letting go of expectations without letting go of love
• Reframing disappointment by focusing on boundaries and self-honour
• Why protecting your peace is an act of self-respect, not rejection

Listener Takeaways

• It's not always personal. People meet you as deeply as they’ve met themselves
• You can't force connection, but you can choose your response
• Letting go of the fantasy that others will change creates emotional freedom

Join the Conversation

Who in your life struggles to meet you emotionally? How do you handle that disappointment? DM us or leave a voice message—we’re always here to listen.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview

Is it time to stop chasing “having it all” and start redefining what really matters? In this episode, we unpack the growing cultural shift away from hustle culture and into what many are calling the soft life  - a slower, more intentional way of living. We talk honestly about the tension between ambition and rest, how societal expectations have shaped women’s nervous systems, and why the soft life isn’t about giving up, it’s about tuning in.

From motherhood and single parenting to invisible labour, work stress, wellness fatigue and everything in between. This conversation is about coming back to what fills you up, not what drains you.

Key Discussion Points

• What the soft life really means and why it’s not lazy or indulgent
• The myth of “having it all” and the hidden costs of chasing it
• How our nervous systems have been wired for busyness and how to start unwinding that
• Why wellness culture can sometimes add to the burnout, not relieve it
• The emotional toll of invisible labour, especially for midlife women
• Redefining success and creating space for what truly matters
• How small, daily choices (like a walk, a conversation, a breath) can be radical acts of reclaiming peace
• Giving yourself permission to let go of expectations, overcommitments and pressure to prove
• The soft life as a rebellion: choosing presence over productivity

Listener Takeaways

• You don’t need to quit your job or move to the beach. The soft life starts with one choice at a time
• Rest isn’t selfish, it’s essentiaL,  especially when your nervous system is always “on”
• You’re not lazy for needing to slow down. You’re wise for listening to what your body and soul actually need
• If “having it all” is leaving you scattered and depleted, maybe it’s time to redefine what all means to you

Join the Conversation

We’d love to hear from you. What does rest look like in your life right now? Message us on Instagram or leave a voicemail.

And don’t forget to like and subscribe and share this episode with someone you think needs to hear it!

BetterHelp Paid Partnership - Get 10% off your first month

If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our paid partner BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/youkeepmesane for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy.

BetterHelp makes it easy to find a therapist who suits your needs. Their online platform connects you with credentialed therapists, and if your first match isn’t the right fit, you can switch.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview:

In this candid Sanity Check, Aileen and Julie dive into the kind of exhaustion that sleep alone can’t fix. It’s not just the 3am perimenopause wake-ups, the Prosecco regrets, or the never-ending to-do list - it’s the deeper, invisible load that keeps us wired 24/7.

They unpack the toll of being constantly “on,” from anticipating everyone’s needs to never truly switching off, even when the kids are older. Whether it’s playing the role of juggler, chef, therapist, or clown, the emotional and nervous system load of motherhood and midlife deserves to be named and deeply acknowledged.

Key Discussion Points:

• The difference between tiredness and “bone tired” exhaustion
• Why full nights of sleep don’t always help and what else might be going on
• The constant state of alert that mothers live in, even when no one’s calling their name
• How single parenting, invisible labour, and midlife sensitivity amplify fatigue
• Why real rest is more than just sitting down - it’s letting your body fully exhale

Listener Takeaways:

• If you're feeling wiped out despite “doing nothing,” you're not alone or lazy
• The mental and emotional toll of being permanently on alert is real
• It’s okay to say you’re tired. You deserve rest that actually restores you
• Being deeply fatigued doesn’t mean you love your kids any less
• Rest isn’t indulgent, it’s a necessity for your nervous system

Join the Conversation:

Does this kind of tiredness sound familiar? Have you been carrying a load that no one sees?
Send us a DM or an email at [email protected], we’d love to hear how this resonates for you.
And if someone in your life needs to hear this, please pass it on.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview:

In this episode, Aileen and Julie reflect on why some people seem naturally happier, while others (like themselves!) are built with layers, reflection, and emotional intensity. Through personal stories, laughter, and a dose of science, they explore how understanding emotional wiring can shift the way we experience happiness and relate to ourselves.

They also revisit a metaphor that’s stuck with them for years: are you an onion or a potato? It began as a throwaway comment by Julie's husband, but it’s grown into a powerful framework for understanding the different ways people process life, emotion, and joy.

Key Discussion Points:

• Julie’s sister’s blunt but brilliant advice: “Calm the F down”
• Why some people feel content with less, while others crave depth
• The “onion vs. potato” metaphor: emotional complexity vs. grounded simplicity
• The science behind Happiness Set Point Theory and what we can (and can’t) change
• How upbringing, personality, and life experience shape our emotional landscape
• Why it’s powerful to honour your wiring rather than trying to “fix” it
• The importance of deep connection, especially when others process differently

Listener Takeaways:

• Get curious about your emotional blueprint, do you lean toward simplicity or reflection?
• Understand that overthinkers and seekers aren’t broken… they’re just layered
• Release the idea that happiness is something to earn
• Recognise the strengths in both “onion” and “potato” types
• Embrace the idea that calm, grounded joy is just as meaningful as complex growth

Join the Conversation:

Are you more of an onion or a potato, or somewhere in between? Aileen and Julie would love to hear what resonates.

Send them a DM, leave a voicemail, or join their WhatsApp group (link in bio).

New here? Subscribe to You Keep Me Sane for honest, layered, and heartfelt conversations every week.

BetterHelp Paid Partnership - Get 10% off your first month

If you’re struggling, consider therapy with our paid partner BetterHelp. Visit https://betterhelp.com/youkeepmesane for a 10% discount on your first month of therapy.

BetterHelp makes it easy to find a therapist who suits your needs. Their online platform connects you with credentialed therapists, and if your first match isn’t the right fit, you can switch.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.

Episode Overview

This listener-inspired Sanity Check explores the discomfort so many of us feel when it comes to saying no or speaking honestly. Aileen and Julie unpack the messy middle between people-pleasing and genuine empathy, and explore the deeper fears—like judgment, rejection, or letting someone down—that keep us stuck in yes-mode even when we're at capacity.

Whether you're someone who always says yes out of habit, fear, or heart, this episode offers research-backed insights and gentle reminders that you're not alone—and that boundaries are not a betrayal of kindness.

Key Discussion Points

• Why we feel guilt or anxiety about saying no—even when it’s justified
• The tug of war between wanting to help and protecting our own peace
• People-pleasing vs. empathy—how to know what’s really driving you
• Social rejection, shame, and conditioning: What the research says
• The power of pausing and checking in with your actual capacity
• How guilt can sometimes be a sign of growth
• Speaking honestly with kindness and clarity

Listener Takeaways

• Saying no doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest
• Notice when discomfort is old programming, not a present-day truth
• Ask yourself: Am I afraid of being judged? Or am I truly concerned for the other person?
• Treat yourself like you’d treat a friend: with understanding and compassion
• Growth can feel like guilt—especially when you're not used to honouring your own needs

Join the Conversation

Have you struggled with saying no or speaking up? What helps you navigate the guilt? Drop us a message or leave us a DM—we’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. Let’s make boundary-setting feel a little less lonely.

Links:

• Download Enough - Our Self Worth Reset.
• Follow YKMS Podcast on IG @youkeepmesane.pod  
• Follow YKMS on FB https://www.facebook.com/YouKeepMeSanePod
• Email us at  [email protected]

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer: 

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.