Hop in our decommissioned World War II tank that has been outfitted to look like the Liberty Bell. The You Look Nice Today Tour of Philadelphia Hotspots starts in 5 minutes!

For just a few dollars we’ll take you on an all-day tour of The City with a Nickname. Some highlights:

• Discuss fonts n’ ligatures with Merlin Mann at the Benjamin Franklin Museum’s authentic replica printing press.

After the tour, go with friends old and new to any local Curves™ franchise. Present a copy of this website for 15% off any CurveBurger or Curvey Fries.

Seriously. Thanks PHL, you were the hottest one-night stand. Our favorite September 17, 2009 ever.

Love,

Youse Look Nice Today

While under the influence of y, we reveal that:

If y = “tequila,” solve for x.

Also: Belch alert. Home invasion defense strategies, Breakin’ In to find new friends, the tyranny of drinking glass etiquette, deep in Larry David territory, tip strategies, Adam’s got another ninja sword, Scott’s got a flask, Merlin’s got a cognitive bias.

You’re gonna love it—the guitar does this “Wheeee!” thing while the drums go all “Chukka chukka booda booda.” OK, here it comes. Shhhh!

No wait, that’s not it. Almost there, just after this last chorus. Seriously, I think you’re going to love the song once you’ve heard this part. What’s that, little guy? No, Daddy’s playing his new favorite song for Mommy, so if you could go over there and wait for us. Quietly. Thanks!

Huh? Sure, I don’t care what we have for dinner. But wait, you’re gonna miss the—

…

JESUS. You just made me talk over the good part. GODDAMMIT.

No, it’s OK, whatever. I’m not going to rewind. Really, it’s NO BIG DEAL. It’s not a big, no…it’s really not a problem. It’s cool. I’ll play it for you later.

Pizza sounds fine.

Also covered: the business of High School scared-straight-for-Jesus groups, and our entry into that lucrative space: “The Drain Circlers.” We’re available for all auditorium-based school events.

Seattle LIVE!: April 23, 2009

We teamed up with our pals Jordan, Jesse, Go! and took the Monsters of Podcasting on the road. Our Pacific Northwest Megatour kicked off in Seattle on Thursday and finally ended in Portland, on Sunday. In between: laughs, tears, exhaustion, roadies, groupies, monkeys…typical superstar stuff.

In this episode, we give a little bit back to our listeners. These are tough times. Money is tight. Luckily, we’re here to help. With Adam and Merlin’s antique appraisal expertise, you’ll be digging treasures out of your crawlspace in no time.

Check out more photos from the Northwest Megatour here.

INT. DINGY POLICE CAPTAIN’S OFFICE IN THE 80’s - NIGHT

The chair behind the captain’s desk is empty. Two men sit, smoking, in folding chairs facing the desk. CABINTIRE (Adam Lisagor) relaxes in one chair; FLEECE (Emmanuel Lewis) fidgets in the other.

FLEECE

CABINTIRE

(Cabintire hands Fleece a pair of frilly panties.)

FLEECE

The door swings open, then slams shut. CAPT RIFFLES (Dennis Franz) stands looking down at the two detectives, shaking his head, chuckling.

RIFFLES

CABINTIRE

RIFFLES

(Riffles holds up a bloodied yoga mat.)

CABINTIRE

RIFFLES

FLEECE

CABINTIRE

(Cabintire hands Riffles a pair of lace panties.)

FLEECE

CABINTIRE

(The phone rings.)

RIFFLES

FLEECE

CABINTIRE

RIFFLES

CABINTIRE

ONE MORE THING: In the episode Adam briefly mentions Birdhouse, his new iPhone app. Although YLNT officially endorses BirdBath Pro Lite™ as our Twitter app of choice, we must admit that we greatly prefer Birdhouse. Learn more, watch the video, and buy the thing already:

http://birdhouseapp.com/

If you love him you will buy it. Do you hate him? Is that why you’re still reading this? Wow, I’ll let him know. I’ll let him know you made your point, loud and clear, pal. But don’t be surprised if, late tonight, you get a call from Detective Cabintire, wondering where his whiskey money is. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Making college affordable, restful, and culturally relevant; the cupping comforts of secondary scholarship; Adam becomes a costumed mascot and buys a new koch; how many greeting cards does it take to change (or not change) Los Altos?; Playing Marco Polo with immigrant labor; sweet corn, fresh from the tank; Leopold Bloom, Herman Blume, and the subtler hermeneutics of dysentery; abrupt Chinese c*nsorship; Merlin gets talk-blocked by a blogless Belizean zookeeper; Kraftwerk speak through a vocoder about “Das Futur”; the suspicious motions of Ad Hoc Tai Chi; still no cream for senioritis; and Scott offers East Arcadia State’s surviving TAs an urgent drum solo.

Photo Credit: The Lion sleeps tonight by law_keven (cc by-sa)

Merlin: Boy Scout

Listen as we conduct our exclusive pro gift-giving super-session TED Talk master class webinar. Over $600 in essential GiftWisdom™ is yours for FREE. Topics include, but are not limited to:

As a special bonus, Adam reveals his secret “Thought That Counts” method: learn how to give gifts without actually giving them!

But wait, you say, I’ve already completed my Christmas shopping. Heck, I’ve even given out all the presents already! Whatever, busybody. Luckily, these Power Tip Essentials are just as relevant for anniversaries, birthdays, and any other holiday where gifts are expected.

Also Included, Absolutely Free:

1930’s wandering troubadour Trinket Pills (? - 1939) scored a brief hit on the Wichita charts with his plaintive Ballad of Joey Nickelpuss:

We’re bringing back ‘ole Young Joey Nickelpuss. A generation of children need a hero for these lean times.

Also: New directions in car horn technology, why does Adam’s car smell so good?, “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”: A Synopsis, secular bands, paper swords, ad hoc ninjascapades, what’s on your wall.