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While cattle were loading into IMAX theaters all over the country to catch THE ODYSSEY, intellectuals and patriots alike found themselves seated for a different kind of hero's journey. YOUNG WASHINGTON is the story of American mythology, and its founder George Washington, when he was but a twink and the empire he was about to preside over was but a twinkle in King George's eye. Production company Angel Studios -- the A24 of conservative propaganda -- pumped this one out as a July 4 special, and the film features Gollum actor and frequent Angel Studios collaborator Andy Serkis. Serkis recently helmed an animated version of ANIMAL FARM, with a star-studded cast, produced by Angel Studios. YOUNG WASHINGTON is not without its celebrities; Kelsey Grammer cameos, and Mary-Louise Parker (WEEDS) phones in a terrible performance as Washington's mother, Mary. The film chooses to depict a section of Washington's life entirely from when he was a subject under British rule -- a choice that proves to be one of the film's biggest weaknesses. We go to the movies on July 4 to ponder the majesty of America, not hear a bunch of guys with confusingly disparate accents say "God Save the King" over and over again. Not one action taken in the film is pro-America, so who cares? Military history buffs may appreciate the attention to detail that comes with faithfully depicting more obscure pre-Revolutionary War events, but YOUNG WASHINGTON would have fared better as a meme movie with less accuracy. We want the cherry tree. We want the wooden teeth. We want to cross the Delaware. We got none of that. Angel Studios needs to think hard about what it means to produce actually good propaganda and put it into action, quick -- or else they choose to alienate their most annoying and least loyal fans (us).

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