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Setting and Achieving the Right Goals for 2020

It is a fabulous new year. That means you have opportunities that are lying ahead of you. Some you might be aware of and some that you don’t even have a clue are coming your way.

I wanted to start this new year and decade off on the right foot, and that’s setting goals, but you have to set them right. You need to set them properly; otherwise, you won’t achieve them.

How many goals have you set every year, and next year you set the same goal, and the year after that, you set the same goal, and it’s not because it’s you love this goal, and you want to keep doing it. It’s because you are not achieving it. This is the year to accomplish your goal.

I’ve got an exercise I want you to do today and it’s wonderful because you put your mind in a different place so you can be excited about the new year coming.

I’ve talked about this before, and I’m just going to talk about it again because it’s always a good reminder, and that’s what I call the “Best Year Ever Exercise.” I learned this exercise from Dean Graziosi, but I have tweaked it a bit with some of the things that I do. You want 2020 to be the best year, the year of clear vision, rewards, blessings, abundance, and dreams coming true. That’s what I’m looking for, and this is one of the ways I do it.

What goals should you set?

The Challenge

One of the challenges a lot of people struggle with is setting a goal. What is it that they want? What is it they want to achieve or accomplish? It starts in the realm of, “I want to be healthier. I want to be this and that.” The problem is they set the goal because everyone tells them they should and that’s how to improve, etc. True they want to be healthier but is this the right goal to set?

They don’t understand what it is they’re trying to achieve. This exercise, the Best Year Ever, is really simple and I want to share the 5 steps to doing it. However, before we get to the steps, get some paper. You’re going to need a sheet of paper, several sheets if you are a big dreamer. On this sheet of paper, write,

2020 was the best year ever because …

allow your brain to fill it out. Whatever it may be. Don’t limit yourself. If you say it was the best year ever because you went on vacation, then great, put that down. You don’t want to allow finances, health, friends or family to hinder your vision. If you say you did something or you got a raise or whatever it may be, do NOT limit yourself. Write it down and keep allowing your brain to dump on this sheet of paper.

Setting the right goals for 2020 by writing your story that will make it the best year ever!

Steps for Setting the Right Goals

Step 1 – write your story. Pretend like it’s January 1st, 2021 and 2020 just ended and write 2020 was the Best Year Ever because and fill it out with everything that happened to make it the Best Year Ever.

Step 2 – Reread it. Reread what you wrote. You will have written down things that made it the best year ever, for example, let’s say it was the best year because we went on a vacation to Disneyland, and I connected with my wife, whatever it may be, you decide what made it the best year ever. 

Your Health is Determined by More Than Your Physical Body

This week has been a rough one my health has not been the best. I’ve been sick all week and my eyes burn, blah; however, this has opened up a tremendous opportunity for reflection. I just finished reading a chapter from a book and it’s talking about how our bodies want to heal and don’t get sick.

Yes, as I’m reading this and not feeling well, my first thought is,

“This is a lie.”

In the book it continues, “for our bodies to be well, we must be well mentally, spiritually, emotionally and physically.”

I started to do some deep introflection and ask myself, “What do I need to do to be better in each of these areas and the first thing that popped into my head was forgiveness. I thought, “I don’t need to forgive anyone.”

No sooner did I have this thought than the next impression came in. You need to ask for forgiveness from others and instantly I had several names pop into my head.

I will be composing either a letter, email or phone call depending on the person and the offense but I’m going to take care of this.

I realized we cannot be our healthiest if we don’t forgive and humble ourselves to admit we may need to ask for forgiveness too. Although, I’m not happy I’m sick. I am happy that I have received this new inspiration to improve.

Forgive someone today and ask for forgiveness too. You will be healthier and happier as you do.

My Challenging Day and My Thought Process

I’m sharing my journey of struggle. For two years, I have been doing videos to help those who watch them. These videos are sharing things that I have been using in my life, as well as those I coach. Each video focuses on some knowledge or insight to improve your life.

It’s now been several hours, and I’m back to writing my article, hoping 4:30 comes quick, so I can stop and take my daughter to practice.

I’m noticing that I’m looking for busy work because it feels better to be busy than not, but I’m not accomplishing my goals. I think about not achieving my goals, which are: • Earn $5,000 a month easily and effortlessly • Speak to 24 groups • Sell my confidence course

I just looked at my vision board, which tells me I don’t know all of my goals, so now I’m questioning if these are my goals or not?

The last goal I have listed is: building Utah Family Therapy by helping 120 new clients every six months.

I’m frustrated because they’re not happening. I just got the news that a softball team accepted my daughter, but because the two coaches did not talk, they offered it to another girl, which makes me not want to do anything but watch a movie.

I’ve got my goals, so why am I struggling to work on them? Why do I want to do everything else but work on my goals? Why do I feel like I’m starting over again? What else should I be doing? How come I feel blah and don’t want to even think about work or helping people?

I have a couple of thoughts; one thought is a spiritual thought, the adversary does not want me to continue to help people and especially women. My second thought is I’m just lazy, and I am allowing fear to control me.

If fear is controlling me, why am I not wanting to do the things I know help me to get rid of fear? Is it fear?

You can see my emotional and mental state is all over the place right now, but I thought you would like to see, my process as I work through this.

Personify Your Emotions; Start Healing

You need nurturing just like the garden.

I’m standing in front of my garden, and I wanted to showcase it. I feel a garden is peaceful, warming, therapeutic, and I love it. You can see it’s producing well. This garden is just like life. When you take care of it, things go well.

I have a question for you. Do you struggle with anger, frustration or any number of other emotions?

Pound Out the Emotions?

I’ve been doing a lot of study with this recently, and I’m pulling back from one of the methods of dealing with high emotions that I’ve subscribed to for a while, for example managing anger. Before I was telling you to use a hammer or something and pound on it; there may still be times when this approach is appropriate.

Here’s the stump that my children and I have been using to chop on.

One of the things that I’m realizing is when I’m angry, and then I start pounding on something, it’s almost like I’m reinforcing that anger that I’m strengthening that anger. It subsides for a bit because I get exhausted because of all of the pounding. However, I started recognizing it reinforces the anger almost cements in some ways. And as I’ve been studying this more and more, I came across this concept and this idea that you don’t fight it, you don’t join it, you acknowledge it, and you recognize it. You separate it as a part of who you are. So when I’m angry, I need to ask myself, why am I angry?

Accept IT, Don’t Ignore IT, Give IT Validation

Accept the fact that I’m angry, frustrated or whatever the emotion is, accept it. Don’t try to ignore it or fight it. Don’t try to say, oh, I shouldn’t have this emotion you already do. So don’t try to ignore it. But then as, how is this serving me? Is this anger helping me? In what way is it helping me?

Is it giving me a sense of validation? Is it helping me to cope with something that I do not want to cope with, but start to feel it and get to know it? It’s almost like it’s a person and you are now trying to connect with it, to understand it, to understand why it’s in your life, to know why it is going on at this point. Is it really about a broken lamp? What is it really about? And then love it. Yeah, love it. Let it know how much you love it. And care for it and support it that it’s, it’s there, it’s part of you, and you’re glad that you have an emotion and you feel free enough to express that emotion and to feel that emotion and thank it.

Watch the Emotions Release

And as I’ve been doing this, what I have noticed is the anger, or the frustration of the feeling starts to release and let go. Starts to say, you know, it’s okay. I’m not angry anymore. I know it kind of sounds weird when you’re separating the emotion, and you give it a person. You see, you personify it, and you make it its entity. It sounds kind of Kooky, so weird, but it’s incredible. It’s simply amazing.

The next time that you get angry, the next time you get frustrated the next time you feel a high emotion separate it. Give it its own identity up. O there you are anger. We’ve had this talk before, I felt you before. What’s going on? Why, why are you present? Are you doing something for me? And try, try this out. See if it works for you. Like it’s been working for others. You are amazing. Believe it has an amazing day.

Troubled Teen or Broken System?

Good morning. My name is Tony Rhoton, and I have a question I want to ask you. Do you have a broken family system?

I have been helping so many people for many years, and one of the things that I’ve realized is so many people don’t recognize or identify what they want. Even myself, when I started this journey, it began with a desire to help youth.

What’s interesting is as I was going down this journey to help teens and young adults, and I’m still in this adventure because it’s not over. It’s a commitment. It’s a longterm adventure. I had all my marketing materials targeting teens, there were edgier, more cutting edge, abstract and a lot more playful. Then I received some inspiration to help the women, specifically mothers.

This is how it came about, the inspiration was,

“if you want to help the youth, you have to help their mothers feel worthy and validated themselves. If a mom is struggling with depression, anxiety, suicide, etc., they cannot help their child.”

Help the Mothers

A well mother is powerful!

The inspiration I received was to help the mothers become well. If the mother is well she can help her child.

I immediately changed my website, everything I had to target women precisely. As I’ve been going down this path, abused and neglected men have started to come into my life asking for help. Whether you’re a man or a woman, the principles are the same.

This is what I’m realizing, “no matter what we do, life is a journey; however, it’s a family journey and you’ll be guided as you desire to be your best.”

Now, it may not be like a traditional family like a mother, father, and a child, It could be a grandparent and a child, or it could be friends and associations that form your family. Your family system needs to be well for you to be well. If your system is sick, even if you start feeling better, a lot of times you begin to feel sick again. What we have to do is get ourselves in a position that we are so well that you are not affected by your system anymore. You have taken the time to build up your emotional, mental and spiritual barriers. You’re not going to allow negative influences to make you sick anymore.

Children Repeating Negative Behaviors

I have seen so many children go to residential treatment. Residential treatment costs you $30,000 on average, some are more and some are less. Parents and loved ones spend $30,000 a month to help a child get well. Unfortunately, within six months they will most likely relapse. The relapse will be so severe that several of them end up back in the hospital or regretfully, don’t make it out.

Several of these young boys and girls feel worthless. They feel like, my family, just spent a lot of money on me and here I am again, I’m useless. The cycle of going to a rehab facility repeats.

Step back a moment and look at other things, this repeated negative behavior is telling you that there’s something wrong. Something is not working within the system. They have a broken family system, not the person, the system.

Don’t Beat Yourself Up!

Don’t beat yourself up. Every system is broken in some way or another. There is not a perfect system that is also part of the journey but realize that if our child is repeating the same behaviors over and over and over again,

Support and love your children, despite what they have done. The love you give them now will empower them in their future.

A Balanced Life is Oblong, Not a Perfect Circle

I love starting my day in the garden. Today, I learned a valuable principle about balance and living a balanced life from my peach tree. I had a volunteer peach tree start growing in my garden, and as I was looking at it yesterday, I noticed it was out of control, lots of limbs growing everywhere, etc. and now it’s losing its leaves. How? I’ve been taking care of it, and it’s growing beautifully.

I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be doing. I’m doing everything to cause this tree to thrive and bloom. I reached out to a fellow gardener, and he said these words, which sparked this principle, “It’s too much. There’s too much growth there.”

Building Infrastructure to Handle Growth

Building an infrastructure to handle growth is critical.

Sometimes we start pursuing our dreams, goals, and we focus solely on that dream and nothing else. Just like my peach tree is starting to shed its leaves because it has not built the infrastructure it needs. Wow, what a valuable lesson. We always hear pursue your dreams, go forth, nurture and achieve your dream. What I didn’t realize is even growth requires balance.

I have another tree that I planted. I’m taking care of it, doing what I’m supposed to nurturing it and it’s thriving. Even though there have been some pests that have started chewing on the leaves a little bit, it’s thriving. By pruning it, cutting off the branches that it doesn’t need, I’m allowing it to build its infrastructure. The roots and trunk are growing and strengthening able to handle future growth.

I thought I had pruned the peach tree in the front well enough, but I didn’t. It couldn’t handle the growth; it did not have the infrastructure to support all the new growth. All of this growth happened this year. It was amazing how much growth has come on just this year.

Valuable Principle for Balanced Life

Pursue your dreams, go after your goals and do what you can, but do it with balance.

If you don’t, it’s going to throw other things out of whack just like that peach tree and start losing your leaves.

Your leaves could be your family, friends, your own sanity. Are you getting thrown out of balance because you are not taking care of yourself, nurturing and nourishing yourself? Self-care is critical to implement in your life. Sometimes you pursue your dreams, and goals to the point where we start to neglect, not intentionally, your children, friends, and family.

You may disguise as I’m doing it for your children so you can have this or that. You have to have balance, and it’s through balance that you will find the greatest joy and happiness that your life can offer. Lacking balance creates frustration, anger, resentment, and your life is not what you want it to be. It’s not balanced, and in my opinion, balance is more like an elliptical, it doesn’t spin perfectly because life is not perfect.

You Don’t Want Perfect Balance

Growth occurs as you’re a little off balance, but too far off balance, self destruction.

Every time you think that things are starting to spin perfectly I guarantee you, something’s going to throw you off balance. You want to be a little off balance so that you can continue to grow. You push yourself to be better than you currently are. When you are in coasting, everything is perfect mode,

Are You Making the Right Decision?

This question about making decisions is a paralyzing question, because you might be afraid of making the wrong decision. If you follow the process I’ve outlined below, you may start making decisions easier and without all of the frustration.

My name is Tony Rhoton, and I’m here to help you increase your confidence so you can feel capable and whole. I want to help you be able to accomplish your dreams. I decided that I’m going to take something from one of the young ladies that I’ve been working with and dissect some of the challenges facing women today so these articles, will be more helpful to you.

The first struggle I want to discuss with you is indecision. For a lot of women and men, this is a Biggie, and maybe this is one of your battles? When you have to make choices in life, sometimes it’s tough and almost overwhelming. What should you do? Should you take this job? Should you go to this place? Should you go to school? There are a lot of decisions to be made, which feels endless. As these things start to show up that you need to make decisions on, unfortunately, your happy day starts slipping away.

How do you make a decision without getting overwhelmed, paralyzed, or feeling stuck?

The paralysis happens when you overanalyze and refuse to make a decision. You may be wondering what to do, you need to do?

Slammed with Making Decisions

For all intents and purposes of this article, let’s just say your landlord just told you-you have to move. All of a sudden, you feel this burdening weight, even though you don’t see it, you feel it. You are angry, frustrated, sad, scared, and a slew of other emotions. All of the small choices that you were making have become an after-thought, and you feel like an enormous weight is sitting on top of you and pushing you further into the ground. Thoughts of, “I can’t handle this. Why is this happening? I’m done with this.”

The additional logical thoughts start flowing, do I try to find an apartment, a home, a condo? Do I share a house with someone or move in with family? All of these, thoughts start weighing on you.

Making decisions can feel like a weight is sitting on top of you and your sinking.

No matter how you look at it, none of these choices is the wrong choice. But when you have these thoughts, it feels like a huge weight. However, you start to question everything, and wonder am I making the right decision? Should I do this or that?

The weight of it all changes your attitude, and everything about you. You start to sink, feeling pushed down further and further into a hole.

What do you do?

Continuing with the theme of moving.

Here’s a process that I’ve found that works for me and hope it will work for you.

Step 1 – Research your choices.

Step 2 – Write each possible option down on paper.

Step 3 – Study each scenario and start dissecting it by asking questions like: What…• would it be like if you move into the apartment? • kind of a person would I be in an apartment, condo, home, etc…? • people, will I be hanging around, would this be good for me? • would my area be like?

Dissecting, it will open your mind and connect your feelings. Do this same questioning with each choice; answering all of the questions like who, what, when,

Understanding Depression & How to Get Out of It!

I just got back from an incredible conference over the weekend with my mentor, Kirk Duncan. He’s phenomenal. And one of the things that came up multiple times with the people I met is depression. I didn’t realize how prevalent it is.

What’s interesting, as I’ve been reading and learning more about depression and studying, it’s always preceded by anxiety.

The events that may be going on in your life create an unknown overwhelming feeling of anxiety. You just don’t know what to do or how to handle it, and therefore because you don’t know, it leads to depression and shut down. You say to yourself and the world, “I’m done.”

The thought of getting out of bed is almost more than you can handle. Pursuing any of your passions or dreams is non-existent because you’ve shut down.

What happened?

The safety cave of a bedroom when you’re depressed, makes it difficult to do things.

When anxiety comes up or situations that feel overwhelming, you have to keep going and don’t give up; however, most people, so you’re not alone, struggle with anxiety. You may have had an event that’s happened in your past or something that’s happened just recently like a divorce, abuse, a child struggling. There are all kinds of things that can create anxiety.

To combat the anxiety, you must gather information, and so you start looking for that information by going to friends, family, as well as other people. And then as you gain that information, that calms your anxiety.

However, if you’re like most people you’ll get all of this information, and it may overwhelm you and cause shut down. Break it into pieces, it doesn’t matter where you start, just start processing it in little bits and pieces.

Nonetheless, when you don’t have this information, you will shut down and go into a state or cave of depression.

W.O.T.A.M.

Don’t worry about what others think, worry about … you!

You don’t deal with the problem, which could be because you’re trying to protect your children, friends, family or you feel like you would be attacking if you tried confronting the issue and you’re scared.

There are also times where you don’t know where to turn to for help, or you’re afraid of what others may think, (W.O.T.A.M.), what others think about me.

An event that is common for depression is divorce and abuse, your spouse is really liked by the community, he’s got a personality that everybody loves. They assume he’s a spectacular guy but he is the problem. He’s created lies and shared them. He’s telling other people,

“I don’t understand why she left me? I do this, and that, I’m trying everything.”

When in reality, he’s a total creep doing things that are unheard of behind locked doors, out of the sight of others. They don’t see the creep, and because of you being the loving and nurturing type of person, you shut down. You don’t know what to do, and you’re worried about what others are thinking about you.

Sitting back and doing nothing, you allow them to listen to the lies instead of you standing up for yourself. You go into a cave, a dark cave and pretend like, everything is okay putting on a fake smile.

Struggling with depression we create a false sens...

Who Moved My Cheese – Embracing Challenges to Bring Joy

Good morning, for a lot of you right now, it might be kind of a frustrating morning because now your whole schedule is chaotic. And how did it go chaotic? Your children are home for the summer and now comes new challenges.

Ahhhhhh!

A great book to embrace change.

There’s a book I absolutely love. It’s called, “Who Moved My Cheese.” This book is amazing because it fits so perfectly right now. The whole concept is illustrating how we have these mazes that we have to get through to discover what’s going to work best for you. Some of the paths we go down, we hit dead ends, and we have to keep traveling and trying to discover the routine or trail that’s going to work best.

If you’re a mouse and you figured out how to get to your cheese, you go the same route every time and you get used to this same routine.

Getting Used to Challenges

For the last nine months, you’ve gotten used to your regular routine, thoughts and patterns of what’s going to happen next.

For example, you’ve gotten used to when you wake up, you do these specific things. You get set in these routines that help you to start the day and perform the best way you can. Well, then all this sudden you go to pick up your cheese or go to do your routine you can’t. It’s gone! Somebody moved.

School’s out and routine no longer works