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I Love Me, I Love Me Not: A Self-Love Letter to Myself [Be a Rockstar]

· Being kind to ourselves is not always easy. We can be our harshest critics. That’s why it’s important to carve out some time for some self-love. Write about the things you like or love about yourself, things you are proud of, what you’re grateful to yourself for and what you feel makes you special.

· Use this as a self-care exercise. Be comfortable and practice some breathing exercises to start and then reflect on what you would really like to write to yourself. Write it down (write not type), even if it’s a few lines. Put it somewhere you can find it when you need it most. Repeat the exercise every once in a while.

· Writing a love letter to yourself will fill your own cup and empower you in the best way. You will be confident in who you are and what you have to offer the world.

POST IT NOTE: I will express my self-love

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Experience vs Wisdom [Be a Rockstar]

· Wisdom is defined as “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment”. Wisdom is gained through experience, but only if you learn from it. You have to be able to see the value in what has happened, regardless if it is in line with your goals or your personal beliefs. I have spoken a lot about being grateful for ALL the things that happen to us because they have made us who we are and have the potential to bring us to an empowered place. That is wisdom.

· What can make us wise? According to experts, “identifying and expressing your values, being honest to yourself and others, focusing on process rather than outcome, learning from mistakes, and believing you have a contribution to make can help you become a wiser person.” It doesn’t necessarily come with age, but it does come with the maturity to take control of our narrative and, by default, taking control of our power.

· You really have to be able to take what is going on with your life and really examine it to extract the wisdom you can gain from it. This is sometimes easier than others but it is nonetheless an important part of growth and empowerment. Sitting back and being a victim of circumstance just doesn’t cut it, not if you want to live an empowered life.

POST IT NOTE: I will appreciate all my experiences

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Our default reactions [Be a Rockstar]

· We all have default behaviors and reactions, especially in challenging situations, it’s automatic and we do it without thinking. It’s something that has worked for you in the past that’s an impulsive defence mechanism like assuming the worst, jumping to conclusions, anger, focusing on the negative.

· In order to change our default takes a lot of self-control and intention. We need to stop and think rather than being reactive. Being thoughtful, identifying your triggers and controlling your impulses is a good place to start. Your default reaction is like a Band-Aid but we need to get to the root of why it’s there and solve it, feeling our feelings.

· Make a list of past challenging situations listing your default reactions to them. Reflect on how a different reaction would work better for you. Make a commitment to yourself to not react impulsively. Think of it as those moments when you think of what to respond or say to someone after.

POST IT NOTE: I will be more self-aware

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Do we wear our past? [Be a Rockstar]

· When we have experienced pain or trauma, or even a challenging situation, we can hold on to it longer than we need to because it’s what we know, we are comfortable there even if it causes unhappiness and suffering. We continuously give it power and feed it until we wear it, it becomes part of who we are.

· When our past defines us, it allows us to be that person which brings with it sympathy, compassion, even protection. It serves us which is why we keep it around. Instead of growing, this stunts your growth.

· Just like we choose to hold on, we can likewise choose to let go and move forward. It doesn’t negate your experience but gives it meaning. Then you can take back your power and change your narrative. This takes time but eventually you’ll be able to treat yourself to a new wardrobe instead of wearing your past all the time – and who doesn’t want a new wardrobe?

POST IT NOTE: I am more than my past

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Severing unhealthy attachments [Be a Rockstar]

· Many times we can’t let go of our strong attachment – whether it’s in love, lust, friendship or even to things - because there is something tethering us to that experience but more often than not it is all YOU. You’re the one holding on, and you need to ask yourself why you’re still attached. False Hope? Loneliness? Fear?

· Some people or things will always have a special place in our hearts but that doesn’t mean they deserve a special place in our lives. It doesn’t mean we have to give up our power to them and let them take up room in our cup when we should be filling our cup and lives with things that empower us.

· Anyone or anything that completely consumes us, our thoughts, our bodies, our whole being is extremely unhealthy. Focusing on self-care, self-love and self-worth will help you do this more effectively. This will encourage your growth and openness to what else life has to offer.

POST IT NOTE: I will let go of people and things that are bad for me

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Living your past on repeat [Be a Rockstar]

· When traumatic events happen, we often relive those moments over and over again in our mind. It often consumes us and we get into a hole that we can’t climb out of. Hate, shame, fear or any other emotion you are feeling takes over your power and control.

· Letting go of your negative experience is severing the attachment that other people, places or things have on you; taking that major step to move forward without looking back. I am here to tell you, from personal experience, that it is so worth making the effort to get to the other side of hurt where there is happiness and LIFE. Making this decision to let go and move through the trauma doesn’t negate it or discount its effect on your life but what it does do is help you break free from your trauma.

· To begin your path to healing, you need to acknowledge what it is that is holding you back from moving forward and write down a plan of action of how you will work to let it go. This might mean getting help from others such as therapists or those close to you.

POST IT NOTE: My past does not define me

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Why you aren’t achieving your goals [Be a Rockstar]

· We often make the mistake of creating goals that are too big and get unmotivated when we don’t reach them. Instead, make your big goal an umbrella or overarching on and set smaller goals underneath like rungs of a ladder.

· You set the wrong types of goals. All your goals should be specific (simple), measurable (meaningful), achievable (attainable), relevant (realistic) and time bound (timely). These S.M.A.R.T. goals will more often than not be successful because you’ve set yourself up for success by taking all things into consideration.

· You don’t plan. Planning your path and preparing yourself in advance for obstacles helps you jump those hurdles more effectively rather than tripping over them. Also, consider the personal sacrifices that will be necessary and if you are willing to endure them.

POST IT NOTE: I will set myself up for success!

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Giving Yourself Permission to Say NO! [Be a Rockstar]

· One of the pillars of self-care is the ability to only accept people and things in your life that will empower you and not devalue you. Being able to say “NO” to others is empowering and an act of self-care. You should be able to say “NO” without feeling guilty, selfish, shamed or unaccomplished in any way.

· It’s not personal, it’s an act of self-preservation. It’s about your needs versus theirs. If they don’t align then you shouldn’t feel obligated in any way to say “yes”. If you do, you feel defeated, drained and disempowered, not to mention resentful towards others.

· When you say no, be direct and don’t apologize or even give excuses. If it doesn’t come naturally to you then you need to start small and then move your way up. You can even start by writing the word NO on a paper that you place on your work computer or somewhere you can clearly see it as a reminder. It won’t happen overnight, but eventually you will start taking your power back and feel so much better and happier.

POST IT NOTE: I will give myself permission to say NO

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Everyone Makes Mistakes [Be a Rockstar]

· We ALL make mistakes, it’s a normal part of life. But, when we make a mistake, we are often filled with so much shame and regret. We give the mistakes our power and it consumed us. We get lost in them.

· We all do what we think is the best thing for us at each moment in time, and sometimes (many times) we miss the mark but in the end each experience that we’ve had has made us who we are and we should be proud of any growth we’ve experienced as we continue on our life’s path – looking back only to learn but not to dwell in the past.

· We need to be kind to ourselves, even in those cringe moments. That is one of the keys to empowerment. You and only you can define who you are. When we feel shame it’s mostly because of what we perceive others think of us, stop giving them that power. Own your mistakes and use them as leverage for your life.

POST IT NOTE: I will learn from my mistakes and try not to repeat them

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Speaking to Yourself   Kindly [Be a Rockstar]

· Kindness should be at the center of all our thoughts   and actions. We should be models of kindness. When we choose kindness   towards others we will also choose it towards ourselves. In the same way,   when you are filled with kindness towards yourself, you project it outwards   to others.

· Being kind to yourself means not giving yourself a hard   time when you don’t meet your own expectations. It is taking back your power   and eliminating any negative self-talk as well as downplaying your   accomplishments.

· Learn to be kind to yourself first and foremost by   forgiving yourself, celebrating your wins, taking care of your mental and   physical health, get the help you need for any challenges in your life,   self-care to fill your cup and also surrounding yourself with good people who   encourage your empowerment rather than take it from you.

POST IT NOTE: I will speak   kindly to myself

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