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Connect with Suzie at www.DivaOfLove.com

We all have something we feel very strongly, even passionate, about.

•Passion gives us a purpose and makes us feel that we have a purpose.

•If you do not know, think about what you get excited about, what fulfils you and makes you excited, happy. Do not be afraid of it but embrace it.

•Take that excitement and learn everything you can about whatever it is you’re passionate about and keep learning about it. You can also seek out others who have the same expertise and interests. Take some risks.

•Make something real out of what you are passionate about and integrate it into everything you do. 

•How this makes passion work for you:
* it makes you more excited for every day, gives you something to look forward to, a reason to get out of bed
* it makes you more confident about who you are because you’re being true to you and your purpose
* it makes you more attractive to others – friends, love interests, work interests, clients – because your energy vibes in a special way to the world
* it makes you look to the future with a more positive light

•POST IT NOTE: I will say yes to passion

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You ARE where you need to be. 

•At this point in time you're learning the lessons you need for tomorrow.

•You might not be where you WANT to be but you really are where you NEED to be. 

•When you accept today and show gratitude for it, you can begin living life forward. 

•A better tomorrow awaits you, but for now, appreciate the moment.

•POST IT NOTE: I am where I need to be

www.DivaOfLove.com

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Not Owed Anything (Managing Expectations)
Connect with Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

The one thing that can stand in between where you are and where you want to be in your dating life is your dating expectations. 

•Dating can be one of two things, dating can suck or dating can be a fun way of self-exploration. It’s really up to you.

•It’s easy to get caught up in focusing on the outcome (where’s this going?) that we don’t enjoy the process.

•Each and every single person looking for love has a list of what they are looking for. Some people just want to enjoy someone’s company, some just want sex, some want a companion, while others are looking for a life partner, or marriage. That comes with expectations of what that looks like.

•However, managing your dating expectations means going with the flow and not projecting your goals on others.

•It also means letting go of your pride and ego when meeting someone and replacing it with looking at your mutual compatibility. Does the relationship work for both of you? Are you what they want? Are they what you want? If it’s not mutually beneficial it’s not a healthy relationship.

•Be clear with those you date about your intentions and expectations as well. It’s better to not proceed with someone if you’re not on the same page.

•Also important is putting that list of wants and don’t wants aside when managing your dating expectations. You can’t always get what you want. Focus mainly on common values and ethics, also attraction. Otherwise, it’s just the fancy wrapping paper.

•Something that worked with me was looking at a new prospect like a puzzle piece, I would ask myself if they really truly fit into my life’s puzzle or if I would have to force it. Regardless of how hot they are or how successful or how they make me feel, I need to make sure they are the right person for me.

•Remember that everything always falls into place where it’s supposed to so don’t force it because you really want it to work. You can’t MAKE someone fall in love with you, nor can you manipulate the situation to work in your favor.

•Again, trust the process, it’s the process that will allow you to see what you need to see. Managing your expectations and seeing things as they are will also allow you to clearly see red flags earlier on. 

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will trust the process

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How to NOT Lose Yourself When Dating?

(Ask Your Dating Expert Suzie @ www.SingleDatingDiva.com)

It’s easy to get so caught up in our single and dating life that we lose ourselves, some even adapt or change to accommodate others. 

•The key words to keep in mind are: independence and codependence 

•While compromise is sometimes necessary, dating and falling in love, building connections with others doesn’t mean that you have to give up who you are or your independence.

•Having a healthy relationship with yourself FIRST is essential. Someone you’re dating or even in a relationship with doesn’t replace who you are. Don’t give up your identity or define yourself by your relationship status.

•It’s important that you love yourself first. Sounds cliché I know but if you don’t then your boundaries and expectations and tolerance are weak.

•Know who you are and be proud of it. This means knowing what your need, what you want, what your expectations are, your values, your passions, what you have to offer a partner and your red and green flags. When you know this your radar will be more accurate. 

•Make sure to always maintain your social connections with health friends and family relationships. When that is strong, you not only have a safety net but it will make sure your cup is full so you won’t take whatever you can get. You will seek out and attract more quality.

•Finally, stop accommodating others at the expense of your needs, desires, happiness, mental health and values. Know who you are and believe that you, as you are, will be a great partner to someone.

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I love ME!

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Unrequited Love (Obsessive Love)
Connect with Suzie The Dating Diva at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

§ Show of hands, who always wants what they can’t have? The more we can’t have it, the more we want it!

§ The allure of unrequited love is magnetic. There is nothing worse than wanting someone so badly and knowing you can’t have them. Nothing worse than finding the one you know you should be with but, as fate would have it, it’s not meant to be. Romeo and Juliet anyone?

§ Countless readers have written me about these very situations. I’ve also been in their shoes and it sucks. But are we just succumbing to our romantic notions rather than sticking to reality? Perhaps.

§ It takes over your life. Problem is that you can’t give yourself completely to anyone else, nor can you just disconnect from your obsession completely. It’s like you’re dancing with the devil – it’s a slippery slope you can’t escape from.

§ I know how frustrating and painful it is to meet who you think is “the one”, even your soulmate and you just can’t have them. It’s like almost being able to reach something on the top shelf but you just can’t get to it, even when you think you’re making progress, you’re not.

§ Romeo and Juliet ended up dead because their obsessions consumed them. That’s not romantic. It’s ego driven and lacks a mature understanding of what love really is.

§ We have this strange notion that love should be this crazy insane “us against the world” kind of thing when in reality it’s all about having our needs met and of course, stability.

§ We get into love affairs that are fed by our imaginations and logic goes out the window. What fuels the fire is the whole notion “forbidden love” or wanting what you can’t have.

§ Psychologists have spoken about wanting what we can’t have. Three reasons: the first is that when something is forbidden you instinctively give it more importance, secondly you want it more because you think it’s valuable, and thirdly is that we don’t like to be told we can’t have or can’t do something. Sound familiar?

§ What you need to do is look at the people in your life and their role, contribution and purpose. Be honest about it.

§ Unrequited love isn’t romantic … being with someone who lifts you up, makes you feel loved, wanted, secure and safe is.

§ Some people you’ll always love, but that doesn’t mean they need to have a place in your life. Be confident enough to let go. Your mental health is more important than your ego.

§ Romeo and Juliet was NOT a healthy romantic love story. Don’t seek it out.

POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will seek healthy romance

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Connect with Suzie @ www.SingleDatingDiva.com

§ A “soul mate” is a   person that we connect with on a deeper level – physically, mentally,   emotionally, and psychologically. You just get each other, it’s like you’ve   known each other forever. It just clicks. It’s electric.

§ Do I believe it? Sure I do,   but I don’t think soulmates are necessarily romantic. You can have several   soulmates over the course of your life. I also believe that sometimes, even   if you have this deep connection, it doesn’t necessarily mean you are   destined to be in someone’s life forever.

§ I’ve been there. I have met   those who I had an undeniable connection with. Even one person I connected   with so intensely it was scary and awesome at the same time. When we first   met, not in a romantic situation, it was like an explosion went off and we   always had that but it wasn’t meant to be for other reasons. It’s a crazy   feeling and I do miss it sometimes but appreciate that I had the experience.

§ Most people have this romantic   notion that there is one soul mate for everyone … but that’s a sad thought! This   belief causes us to doubt ourselves and the relationships we have with others.   Is there just one person out there for us? NOPE!

§ Think of it this way, each   person that comes into our lives at a certain time is for a certain reason.   Some for a short time and some for a longer time … however, time spent does   not equate validity.

§ A soul mate connection doesn’t   have to be perfect, it just has to be perfect for you. It also doesn’t have   to be romantic. Enjoy it, be open to it, even if isn’t forever.

§ POST IT NOTE / MANTRA:  I Will Connect In A REAL Way With Others

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Happily Never After (Why is it never me)

Connect with Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com 

It’s so easy to be discouraged when you’re single and dating. It’s hard. Let’s not sugar coat it … dating can definitely SUCK and suck the life out of you.

•Dating can definitely seem like an endless gruelling journey. It goes on and on, the roads are usually bumpy and so many obstacles along the way trip you up and hurt you. 

•It almost seems like your “happily ever after” is actually your “happily never after”.

•Before you throw in the towel and give up, you need to really stop and look at your dating journey. Start by stopping. Stop dating. Stop overthinking and just look at things as they are.

•I get my clients to write down their dating experiences and classify them as “good, bad and ugly”, then we look at the common issues, usually that helps us pinpoint where we need to do the most work. 

•It’s not about being rejected or having bad luck, it’s about the choices we make, what we tolerate and what (and who) we give our power to.

•How to go from “happily never after” to “happily ever after” takes some work:
- Get an attitude adjustment: No pity parties! Enjoy your life as it is.
- Be your best self: Look and feel your best! It will boost your confidence and help you put your best foot forward.
- Look for love in all the RIGHT places: if online dating doesn’t feel right, don’t do it or take a break, attend events or join a meetup group.
- Tune up your social skills: make sure to work on your verbal and nonverbal skills in order to be able to come across positively to people you meet. Practice with friends and whenever you go out, cashiers, etc.
- Manage expectations: remember that going into anything with expectations will mostly likely ruin it before it even begins. Enjoy the process of dating without worrying about the outcome because people will rarely live up to your expectations.

•Just because you haven’t found love doesn’t mean that you won’t find love. Remember that. Be patient. Be grateful. But most of all be happy.

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I WILL find my happily ever after

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Is My Failed Relationship a Waste of Time?
Connect with Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

No one that has been in a failed relationship, serious or not, can say they haven’t felt like it was a waste of time. BEEN THERE DONE THAT! I felt like I wasted some of the prime years of my life with all my bad choices. But was it really a waste? Is any experience a waste of time? 

•After a relationship has ended, we typically think back with lots of sadness and regret. We play the blame game. We blame ourselves for the bad choices, we blame others for using and abusing us or even leading us on.

•After my divorce I regretted my choice in partner. Each time I had a negative dating experience I blamed myself or blamed the universe for my bad luck.

•I know that I used to sit there thinking, if a certain something had happened differently or I acted a certain way or did something or said something then things would have turned much differently. 

•We play the blame game, throw a pity party, overthink, overanalyze and it does nothing more than make us miserable and negatively impact our mental health. Now THAT is a waste of time.

•While mourning a failed relationship is an important part of healing, we oftentimes waste countless hours wallowing in self-pity and “what ifs” when we could be doing something more healthy like slowly letting it go. 

•Every encounter we have with someone, dating or otherwise, is an opportunity to learn and grow. 

•Every lesson learned is a new paving stone towards your happily ever after. Believe it! 

•Life is a journey and you can’t let your failed relationships define you, you have to use them to EMPOWER you. Be the badass warrior that you are!

•Be grateful for every experience – good AND bad. It’s the only way to come out on top.

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will live life forward and not backward

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Connect with Suzie The Dating Diva at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

The single and dating pity party is a wild one! Lots of alcohol, trashy food, screaming, crying, anger, bitterness, resentment, blaming and shaming … what a wild ride! 

•Make sure to bring pictures and items of significance. You might want to bring your phone so you can send irrational and emotional texts. This dating pity party promises to extinguish whatever positive hopeful light you still have lit inside of you BUT it’s your party and you can cry if you want to, right? Well…

•There’s no doubt we all have had our own pity party fueled by our craptastic dating life. I know I have. 

•While these are completely normal and healthy, they should be temporary. Cry it out, mourn what it lost and move on.

•No one – absolutely NO ONE – deserves your mental distress. No one deserves that much power over you or your emotions. NO ONE. Stop giving your power to others. YOU and ONLY you should wield that much power over you.

•It doesn’t matter how much you love them or how great they made you feel or if you thought they were your soul mate. What matters is YOU.

•Get over the tragic love mentality … love isn’t tragic nor is it dramatic. It’s important that you see things for what they really are, not what you wish them to be or see them as “the one that got away”. 

•There is no doubt that the dating pity party is all about ego and pride - yours. Nothing hurts your pride like being rejected. 

•It’s a choice - you can choose to feel sorry for yourself and keep looking back OR you can choose to move forward and look ahead to your bright future.  

•What will you choose? Light or darkness? Power or weakness? It’s up to you.

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will NOT feel sorry for myself

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