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Connect with Suzie The Dating Diva at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

Divorce sucks! It TOTALLY sucks! I can say that from personal experience. You feel like a totally failure in life. You question “forever”. Your trust of others goes down the toilet. Regardless of why you divorce, even if it’s amicable, it’s never easy. It scars you for life BUT it’s not a death sentence.

•It seems that divorce has become even more common after the pandemic forced couples to live and work under the same roof. Whatever was left of some relationships was decimated. 

•This has propelled people back into the volatile dating world, one, most likely, much different than that one they left several years back. 

•Many people do, however, go on to find their happily ever after. I did and so have many. Nothing is impossible. It calls for some personal work first, though.
1. Take care of YOU – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually … this means BEING the ideal partner to find the ideal partner. Do the work necessary BEFORE starting to seriously look for love.
2. Stay Social - there are so many activities and events around that there is no excuse not to get out … the best way to get out of your rut is to be around other people and doing things that make you most happy.
3. Keep Intimacy in Check - Your need to feel wanted and loved may cloud your judgment, I made lots of mistakes early on in my separation and divorce because of this, and I thought I was unlucky in love but I was making a lot of bad choices.
4. Don’t Define Yourself by Your Divorce – Divorce happened to you but not who you are and you are more than what happened to you. When speaking with others, don’t put what happened to you front and centre. You are not one dimensional. Don’t be a victim, nor a survivor, be a warrior.

•Divorce isn’t a death sentence so: Be patient. Have hope. Be grateful. Be happy. LIVE LIFE!

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I am a warrior, never a victim

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Connect with Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

§ Social Media now plays a significant   role in your dating life and can have both positive and negative   effects.

§ You need to navigate the dating   waters with Social Media very carefully because you can’t believe everything   you see or hear online. Anyone can write and be anything they want when they’re   hiding behind a screen.

§ Some people like to use it to   reach out to people rather than use dating apps, particularly those who are   in distant places. These encounters are scary because many of them lead to   catfishing and fraud situations.

§ When someone catfishes online   they gain someone’s trust and admiration before usually asking for money.   These people approach lonely people, telling them what they want to hear,   making them feel loved, wanted and special and then once they’ve gained their   trust give a sob story and ask for money. So be very wary of these encounters   and IGNORE!

§ It’s also a best practice to   add people on social media that you’re newly dating because their activity   online might leave you wondering and many times insecure and paranoid. So unless   you know where you stand with them don’t add them or creep them.

§ Your digital footprint tells   people a lot about you, perhaps things you didn’t want people to know, so be   careful about what you post online (it could even cost you a great job   opportunity).

§ Social media should be used to   enhance interactions rather than initiate them. You can never replace face to   face interactions with online ones.

§ Avoid comparing yourselves to   others online because remember people show you what they want to show you usually   with a filter so it might not even be real.

§ Just be you. Protect your   privacy. Ignore the noise online.

§ POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will   avoid social media as a dating tool

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Connect with Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

§ What’s YOUR digital footprint? Do you even know? How much can someone find out about you just by searching online?

§ It’s really hard to keep anything secret with the popularity Social Media and Google - the snooping possibilities are endless.

§ Face it, we’re nosy by nature. We’re curious. When the information is out there, especially if it’s in the public domain, is it fair game? Well… it depends.

§ I’ve definitely done it. Not most times, but sometimes I’ve researched dates before meeting them, more just to confirm what they told me about themselves. Once I even found that one guy I was talking to was married. Needles to say, I cancelled our date.

§ However, my advice is to not be nosy or paranoid. Leave something to the imagination. Creeping isn’t the answer.

§ You need to learn to date smart and use your instincts and intuition. You know when something feels off. Use social media and google as a tool if something doesn’t seem right.

§ In the end, it has more to do with the intention behind your “search”. If you’re just doing a little research for non-stalking purposes then I believe that it’s OK, but it’s never OK to stalk someone online, nor is it OK to snoop for the sake of snooping.

§ Creeping your date online IS NOT a best practice because you never get the whole picture.

§ So … Cyberstalking? No. Creeping? No. Researching? Maybe.

POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will not be a creeper

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www.SingleDatingDiva.com

§ They say to have an attitude of gratitude and it really isn’t bad advice.

§ However, we don’t always feel so grateful, particularly when it comes to our love lives.

§ It’s really difficult to be grateful for our experiences, especially when things don’t go so well with someone you’re dating.

§ What I get my clients to do is to keep a daily gratitude journal.

§ By remembering how lucky we are and how much we really do have to be grateful for, we can quickly realize that it’s not about the bad experiences in our lives, it’s about the lessons learned and how it shapes our future.

§ In fact, researchers have found that writing down at least 5 things you’re grateful for each day actually helps you be happier about your life because it shifts your focus away from your pity party.

§ It brings love your way because the more grateful you are for what you have the more the universe sends you to be grateful for – including love. In addition to helping you being happy and satisfied as a single, it also helps you see the good in others rather than being critical.

§ How to keep a gratitude journal:
- Make it a daily habit (set out 5 minutes the same time each day)
- Write it down in detail (what you’re grateful for and why, how did it make you feel?)
- Write down a lesson learned and why you’re grateful for it

§ Lastly, put your gratitude out there because gratitude is contagious! The more you put it out there the more you get it back. Demonstrating to someone that they are appreciated helps you form more lasting bonds with them and makes both of you feel valued and cherished.

POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will be grateful for every experience

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Does Unconditional Love Exist?

(Ask Your Dating Expert Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com)

§ Each and every person seeks relationship with those who will love us completely, with all our flaws, all our bad moods and especially when we’re not so lovable. Someone who will selflessly love us … essentially we’re looking for unconditional love, but, is that even realistic?

§ However, expecting “unconditional love”, is, well, unrealistic because it’s expecting a lot from others.

§ Love goes both ways. We need respect, understanding and nurturing.

§ Instead of always expecting unconditional love, we can contribute to the growth of a relationship by communicating and working together.

§ Realistic, mature, love is love that is mutually beneficial and built on solid ground of respect, nurturing and understanding.

§ Love SHOULD be conditional on those three things. No one should have put up with any negative behavior, abuse or neglect from a partner.

§ Instead of looking for the perfect partner you should work of BEING the perfect partner. The rest will fall into place where and when it’s right.

POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will have realistic expectations of love

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With Suzie The Dating Diva!  www.SingleDatingDiva.com

§ A good date, essentially makes you want more. A bad date, you want to run for the hills. Is it really that simple? Sometimes (when you’re lucky!)

§ Sometimes, you’re on the fence and it’s not a hard pass, perhaps a hard maybe? How do you know what to do?

§ On the most part, some examples of what you need to look out for:
Good Date
- attraction, makes you smile/laugh, good conversation, eye contact, common interests, you feel special, it feel right, you want to kiss them
- doing something fun, an activity date rather than just coffee, drinks or dinner is a bonus and brings out more positive vibes
Bad Date
- boring, bad hygiene, creepy/weird vibe, bad/forced conversation, awkward, you/they not engaged (looks at other, at their phone), talks about baggage/overshares, they are aggressive/don’t respect consent, you are repulsed, they don’t look like their online dating profile picture

§ In the end all you need to worry about is if you’re attracted AND if you’re interested in seeing them again. That’s it. That’s all.

§ If there’s some interest and it’s not a hard pass, then give it a couple dates before you make a decision about them. Just don’t waste their time while you wait for something “better”.

§ Each date is one step closer to your person. Each date is a learning lesson, an experience and opportunity for growth. Enjoy the process.

POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will appreciate each date

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Connect with Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

If you’re interested in someone, you should totally make a move. Don’t let an opportunity pass you by even if your pride might take a hit.

•Scary? Yes. Worth it? Definitely! 

•You need to know how to gauge someone’s potential interest by “feeling” the situation. Body language is everything.

•Also, confidence is key! Know who you are and what you have to offer. This way, if you are rejected it won’t bother you.

•Look good, smell good and feel good. No one wants to date the stinky guy/girl.

•Once you approach someone, here are some things to keep in mind:
- maintain eye contact (it shows you’re focused on them)
- be an engaged conversationalist (listen actively, ask questions, look interested in them and what they’re saying)
- be interesting (be well read and knowledgeable about current affairs, trends)
- make good suggestions for a date based on their interests or your conversation (be prepared with ideas!)
- don’t be creepy or pushy (no means no, not maybe)

•In the end you miss every opportunity you don’t take. It never hurts to try, even if you strike out. Get up, dust yourself off and try again. Practice makes perfect and you’ll get better.

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will show interest in others

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Hero Dating (No Works in Progress). Connect with Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

Fancy yourself a hero? How about a fairy godmother/father? A construction worker? Maybe a therapist? Or maybe you have a big heart.

•You make excuses for them … all they need is a little love, a little help getting on their feet … all they need is YOU!! You are certain that can save them from themselves.  You LOVE that they need you (talk about an ego boost).  You want to turn that work in progress into your own miracle. You want to turn that bad boy/girl into the prince/princess charming.

•What does a work in progress look like? Perhaps they’re unemployed, broke, heavy baggage, always the victim, the whole world is out to get them, are they a “Cinderella”, are they a hot mess, are they a disaster, are they always in some sort of trouble? You get the picture.

•Dating work in progress is essentially shovelling BS on the daily. Is that the life you want? Besides, when and if they get their shit together they’ll probably dump your ass. 

•What should you do? You should date someone WHOLE. Don’t look for your other or better half! Be whole and look for someone who’s also whole! Someone whole has their shit together and life in order. 

•They won’t cause you drama. They will like you and show you they like you. They will always keep their word. They will enhance your life and treat you well. The relationship will be equal and solid. 

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I am no one’s hero

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Connect with Suzie at www.SingleDatingDiva.com

Anyone who dates online knows well that there are a lot of questionable types on there, some great catches, but most are somewhere in the middle. Ask yourself where you fit. Honestly.

•The online dating weeds are usually the loudest and most charming, they tell you what you want to hear, how you want to hear it and they definitely “choke out” quality profiles just like your garden weeds. 

•These weeds usually end up being the time wasters, without a doubt.

•You can be a good weeder, you just need to be better equipped. Here’s how:
- have a good dating profile that isn’t negative (doesn’t display baggage), demonstrate that you’re serious without saying it
- don’t take the app/site’s suggested profiles seriously because it’s usually the ones who will respond fastest and get you hooked (it’s a trick!)
- be specific when you search, especially for the qualities/values that are important to you
- look at their picture to see if it’s recent and decent
- read their tag line / profile if it’s positive and interesting (“will fill this out later” or “here we go again” is not acceptable)
- first contact messages should be fulsome and interesting (not just “hey” or “you’re hot”) as well as conversational
-  listen to your gut and pay attention to any red flags

•Ultimately, you should be taking it offline as soon as possible and meeting in person, if it feels right and it feels good, go for it and see what happens, otherwise don’t waste your time

•Use these weeding skills to get what you want, remember quality and not quantity is important!

•POST IT NOTE / MANTRA: I will be an effective online dating weeder

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