EPISODE

010

TITLE

Healing Takes Place When We Are In Connection With Others

GUEST

Justine Froelker, LPC, author, speaker, Dare to Lead Facilitator

EPISODE OVERVIEW

Courageously living Brene Brown’s work as a Certified Dare To Lead Facilitator, Justine talks about vulnerability, shame and how we can find healing in connection. Justine shares about being a grieving mother and miscarriage, and how she chooses to see the gifts in everything.  She talks about the 6 ways we avoid feelings (based on Brene Brown’s work), and not taking things personally (based on The Four Agreements).  We talk about how this impacts the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and Dr. Elaine Aron’s work. Justine has raised Monarch Butterflies since they are near extinction, and she talks about the awe of watching the transformation. Justine has written 4 books; she has done 2 Ted Talks, and is also certified to teach Brene Brown’s The Daring Way (in addition to Dare to Lead).

BIO

Full of grit and grace,Justine Froelker uses her fiery passion, the occasional curse word, and her witty humor to share her vulnerability and truth to light up the world. Justine is an advocate for speaking about shame and learning to thrive when life doesn't turn out how you hoped, dreamed, or even planned that it would. Justine is a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Certified Dare to Lead™ Facilitator (based on the research of Dr. Brené Brown) with over 19 years of mental health experience, speaker, and author. She is the author of her best-selling books,Ever Upward and The Mother of Second Chances and recently gave two TEDx talks. Justine currently lives in Saint Louis with her husband, Chad, and their three dogs. She enjoys her childfull life by spending time with friends and family, practicing creative self-care, laughing (many times at herself) and building butterfly gardens on her acre of land, which has made her an accidental butterfly farmer.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Shame (as defined by Brene Brown—A deeply painful feeling of being unworthy of love and belonging
• Shame—that feeling of “not enoughness”
• The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

1. Be Impeccable with your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the Word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your Word in the direction of truth and love.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.
4. Always Do Your Best Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

 

• We are in angst when we don’t get curious
• Six ways we hurl
  1. Chandeliering—we stuff and stuff and stuff our feelings until we explode (rage, cry, freak out) at the smallest things
  2. Bouncing Hurt—anger, blame and avoiding
  3. Stockpiler—we stuff and stuff and stuff—the body keeps score, so they get sick, insomnia, depression, anxiety, stomach pain
  4. Numbers—offload the pain by taking anything (perfectionism, sleeping, sex, alcohol, eating, Netflix, food, work)
  5. Umbridge—someone who’s not integrated—our light and dark side. Will say I love you and then will say I hate you
  6. High Centered—You’ve lived this life a little. You’ve experienced vulnerability, you’re stuck.

QUOTES

• None of us have a life that turned out as we had hoped, dreamed or planned
• We all have trauma, losses and tragedies; I call this grief
• We all have shame stories that center from—I’m not enough; I’m not deserving; I’m unworthy
• Those traumas, losses and tragedies also tell us we’re not enough
• Most of us didn’t grow up in homes where we were encouraged to get curious about our emotions
• None of us like to talk about shame, but the less we talk about it, the more we have it, or the more it runs our lives
• If you’re not learning how vulnerability functions in your life, it’s going to rule your life
• Healing will never ever take place in disconnection
• If we are not showing up and living our lives in an authentic and vulnerable way, there is no connection
• We all yearn to be seen and known and loved
• What is one thing you can do differently today to be happier and healthier?
• I am a forever grieving mother, and I choose to see the gifts in everything
• You are not too much; you’re not too dramatic. You’re just right, and it is that part of you that will help so many people.

LINKS

www.instagram.com/justinefroelker

www.youtube.com/justinefroelker

www.facebook.com/justine.froelker

 

The 4 Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz-- http://www.toltecspirit.com/

Rachel Hollis Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies about Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be 

Justine Froelker

1. Ever Upward: Overcoming the Lifelong Losses of Infertility to Define Your Own Happy Ending
2. Taking Flight: An Ever Upward(tm) Coloring Journal
3. The Mother of Second Chances: The Struggle Bus of Rewriting My Story of Infertility and Loss
4. The Complicated Gray: A Big Story of Resilient Redemption

 

Ted Talks Justine Froelker

The Permission of the “And” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UjzHTjHEqg

The Donut Effect: Owning our Stories https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLTl3l6YE6o

 

Brene Brown The Gifts of Imperfection, Rising Strong,

 

Ted Talks Brene Brown

The Power of Vulnerability https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability?language=en

Listening to Shame https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame/transcript?language=en

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MUSIC—Gravel Dance by Andy Robinson www.andyrobinson.com